At The Edge Of The Ocean
by eastern.meridian
Summary: AU MerDer, They were broken up. Again. Over a nurse. Seemingly, for good. Meredith packed her bags and left Seattle taking something partly Derek's with her. Now, after more than two years, her career makes her come back... COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

"What?" asked weakly a young woman with dirty blond hair. She couldn't believe in what she was hearing. It just couldn't be happening.

"I said that I'd chosen Seattle Grace Hospital," replied an older man sitting behind a desk covered with stacks of papers.

"You can't be serious! I…-I can't go to Seattle!" stammered the woman. "You know I can't go back to Seattle!"

"Of course you can. You can and you will," replied the man with a tone of authority in his voice.

"I refuse; I have no intention of going to Seattle. I don't understand, from all the hospital in the country you had to choose Seattle Grace?" the woman raised her voice and was almost shouting. Panic shot through her, the panic as she hadn't experienced for a long time. "Is this you trying again to heal the wounds of my messy life? You know, you don't need to play my father, you really don't, because the fact is that you're not my fa-"

"Enough," he cut her. The last sentence clearly stung him. "I've chosen Seattle Grace because it's one of the best teaching hospitals in the country. Besides, its chief of surgery is one of my oldest friends. Richard Webber invited me to Seattle Grace ages ago. This year is a wonderful opportunity to keep my word."

"Yeah, sure. How convenient," reiterated the woman sarcastically crossing her arms on her chest.

"I said enough of this! This is your final step in this program, the break in your career. You will be professional about this. Are you a surgeon or not, Dr. Grey? If you are, you will go to Seattle without a word of complaint. Are we clear?" asked the man forcefully.

"Yes, we're absolutely clear, Dr. Warren!" was her angry retort.

The woman stared throughout the window at the tall building across the street, but her eyes were unseeing. _Seattle…_ A strange feeling of reminiscence struck her in that moment. Seattle… How many times did she stop in the corridor of Seattle Grace, either to recover from an unsuccessful surgery or to clear her mind from personal problems, and look through the immense wall of glass. And all she was seeing were the breathtaking gigantic mountains covered in snow. The only thing she could see here were skyscrapers.

"Meredith? Meredith?" the tone of the man's voice was now soothing and tender. He stood up from his desk to stop beside the woman. He hesitated before uttering the next words. "Maybe I am trying to play your father a bit, you know. Before you say anything, you know you have unfinished business there. Just listen to me-," he stopped her attempts to interrupt. "You know that as well as I do. You're about to start a new chapter in your life, you're at the crossroads now. The decisions you're going to take now will have influence on your whole life. And Bessie's."

Meredith nodded silently.

"And speaking as your boss, you need to be able to work in all conditions. Being a surgeon, you cannot allow your emotions-"

"I know that by heart," said Meredith. "If I must, I will go to Seattle. I will do what I have to to finish the program and then I'll be free to go wherever I wish and do whatever I wish."

Dr. Warren sighed and smiled leniently. He loved that stubborn streak about her. In moments like this he and his wife felt like the parents of a misbehaving daughter. And speaking of which-

"Stacy asked me to make sure you come to dinner tonight. No excuses."

It was Meredith's time to smile. "Yeah, she probably thought I could use some moral support. And I think I could."

Meredith left Warren's office a few minutes later with all kinds of thoughts swirling in her head. She took her mobile phone and picked a contact from the list.

"Cristina? Hi, I have big news."


	2. Chapter 2: About Time

A.N. Hello everyone, I want to say big 'thank you' to all who read the first chapter and even bigger to those who reviewed. I am thrilled to know you actually liked the beginning of the story.

Secondly, I need to make some explanations concerning the plot.

I am aware that residency years are not the same as calendar years but I don't know how this works exactly. So, I'm going stick to the normal time flow.

Meredith left sometime in the course of the 3rd year of her residency.

If you have any questions or I was unclear about something, just write! Oh, and to those who were concerned about the pairing, I can assure you it's 100% MerDer.

Here goes the 2nd chapter. Hope you'll enjoy it. Read & review, please. Cheers!

****************************************************************************

Cristina Yang was standing behind the counter and filling in the chart of her newly admitted patient. She sighed with irritation. _Another boring appie case_. She hadn't assisted to a cardio procedure for a week now and she missed it. However, to be honest, cardio these days looked nowhere near as appealing as usual. It seemed that the head of cardiothoracic, Dr. Erica Hahn was constantly on the warpath, on the warpath against Cristina. Still, a bypass surgery or a valve replacement would be an awaited break.

Cristina raised her eyes from the chart and gazed at the everyday hustle-bustle of the Seattle Grace surgical floor. Surely, it was as busy as ever but for Cristina it seemed to loose its luster. She didn't know why she couldn't revive that sparkle she carried inside; the sparkle of enthusiasm that burned her alive every time she stepped into an OR. Since Burke left, work had been the centre of her life. And now she was terrified she might loose even that. She desperately needed to break the routine. A mischievous smirk appeared on her lips as she recalled the phone conversation she had with Meredith a few days ago. At this very moment Derek Shepherd hurried in front of the counter engrossed in conversation with the Chief. _Yeah, that will certainly_ _break the routine…_

"You seem happy today," said Izzie, appearing beside Cristina as out of thin air.

"I'm just exercising my face muscles," retorted Cristina.

Soon they were joined by George and Alex and the foursome headed to the hospital canteen for lunch.

"So, what's this thing with the IEPS?" asked George with curiosity. "The whole hospital seems to be talking of nothing else today."

"Seriously, dude," said Alex, expression of pity on his face.

"It stands for Independent Educational Project for Surgeons, Bambi" Cristina provided the answer.

"Huh?" was George's only reaction.

Izzie rolled her eyes.

"It's like a super-selective super-intensive program for surgeons in training, George. The cream of the cream."

"No wonder he hadn't heard of it," chuckled Alex.

"Shut up, Evil Spawn," snapped back George. "So, why are they coming to Seattle Grace?"

"IEPS are surgical residents, but they don't spend their residency in one particular hospital. Every few months they change the place, either in the U.S. or abroad," answered Cristina.

"It's weird."

"It's genius, in two or tree years time they gain lots of experience, watch all kinds of procedures all over the world, observe different surgical styles. They're involved in research!"

"Wow, you seem really hooked on it. Why aren't you one of the IEPSs? Why did you choose Seattle Grace?"

"She didn't get admitted," teased Alex.

Cristina just scowled.

"They don't take people straight from med school. You have to complete at least two years of surgical residency first. And later, there was this thing with Burke..."

She remembered that moment, some two and a half years ago, when Meredith called her and announced that she had got in the program. For the briefest of moments, she resolved to follow her friend's steps. But when she put the phone away and scurried to pack her bags she realized she couldn't do it. Deep down, she was no longer the same Cristina Yang, the career-driven, ambitious Cristina Yang. She couldn't break free like Meredith did. The strings attaching her to Seattle tied too tightly around her now. She still had this feeling sometimes like Burke would come out around the corner in his lab coat with a chart in his hands. And she always thought that Meredith was the emotional one. Meredith had different reasons to quit, though.

"Hello, earth to Cristina," she saw Izzie's hand waving before her face.

"Are you O.K.? You're little off today," asked Izzie anxiously.

"I'm fine."

"About these IEPS people," George brought back the topic. "Does this mean we'll have to share our ORs with them, give them our most interesting cases for a few months?"

"No, they're only coming for two days, the so-called 'break shift'. It's like a final exam at the end of their residency. For 48 hours, they practically run the surgical floor. Those who make it will be the most sought after surgeons."

*

That afternoon, Cristina left the hospital earlier than usual and hurried to the apartment she was renting with Callie Torres. She wanted to tidy it up a little before the arrival of her guests. Fortunately, Callie seemed to have moved temporarily to her mysterious boyfriend. It meant that they will have time to talk all things through without unwanted party.

A few hours later, Cristina heard the doorbell rang and practically ran to open the door. And there was her person with two fat suitcases holding a little sleeping burden with one arm and tipping the cabman with the other.

"Seriously, what took you so long? I thought you wouldn't make it," grumbled Cristina with a mock reproach.

"Seriously, I used to think I'd never make it here again. But I did," said Meredith and smiled widely.

"Good," whispered Cristina with a matching smile. "About time."


	3. Chapter 3: Judgment Day

It was nearly midnight and Cristina's apartment was covered in darkness. Heavy raindrops were battling against the windowpanes.

"Now, I'm absolutely sure I'm in Seattle," whispered Meredith."Nowhere rains like here, and I have seen a bit of the world lately."

She and Cristina were half lying on the couch in the living room, each holding a mug of tea. For the past few hours, they had been getting updates on each other, but the things they discussed concerned mainly their professional life, the ups and downs of their careers, the good surgeries and the bad ones. Now, the time came for a more serious conversation.

"Bessie has grown up so much," remarked Cristina. "It's unbelievable."

"Yeah, the last time you saw her was when she was two-months old. And children grow up so fast. Sometimes, I think that too fast," sighed Meredith.

"Mer, how did you manage to do that? I've been wondering since you two arrived. Seriously, how did you do that? You left, you got your place in the program, you worked your ass off to stay in it, you gave birth to a child and you managed to keep the balance. I mean, look at Bessie, she doesn't look-" Cristina stopped abruptly.

"Doesn't look what? Damaged? Dark and twisty?" chuckled Meredith. "Neglected? God, I really hope she doesn't."

"Mer, seriously!"

"She's my balance, I guess," she replied softly. "It's amazing how such a tiny little person can change your whole life. It was amazing how she changed my life, just by appearing in it. All I have done since I knew I was pregnant I did for her. And I wanted her to be proud of me someday. I didn't want her to be a daughter of the slutty intern."

Cristina burst out laughing.

"Shhh, you're gonna wake her up," Meredith continued. "And how I did manage to take care of Bessie and learn to be a surgeon? I don't know exactly, I was kinda living from day to day. But I did have a clear-cut set of things not to do. For this, I'm really grateful to my mother."

Cristina stifled the laughter escaping from her lips. "I'm glad that the dark and twisty Meredith is still there."

"And you?" asked Mer.

"Me what?"

"How have you been? And I'm not asking the surgeon Cristina, I'm asking the person Cristina."

"Have you seen someone since-"

"Why do I have the feeling that this conversation's going in the Burke direction? We haven't discussed McDreamy, so we're not going to discuss Burke."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"I think we should call it a night before we get stuck in the awkward silence full of unspoken heartache."

"Yeah," sighed Cristina. "You have your judgment day tomorrow, right? And I have my fun day."

**********************************************************************************

Next morning, Meredith tiptoed to Cristina's bed where Bessie was sleeping peacefully. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over her daughter. _She's so beautiful, my little angel. _She was tiny. She took that after her mother. It might also be due to the fact that Bessie had decided to arrive to this world a few weeks earlier than it was expected. Meredith reached out her hand to stroke Bessie's head through the cascade of dark blond locks. These same from her father, "the perfect "McHair", as Meredith liked to say.

"Sweetie, wake up," she whispered.

Bessie yawned and opened her eyes groggily. They were large and blue, another trace of her father's.

"Honey, mummy has to go to work now. Auntie Cristina and me are going to work," she said as she pushed a stray lock of hair from Bessie's face. "You're going to stay with Jessie, ok? She's a very nice girl. She's going to give you breakfast and play with you while I'm gone. And I'll be back for lunch to check up on you, ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok," said Meredith and brought a rain of kisses on her daughter's cheeks, nose, eyelids, wherever she could reach, while Bessie giggled loudly.

"Now, my angel's going to get back to sleep," Mer whispered tenderly and tucked the blanket around the little girl. "Have a good day sweetie."

She forced herself to leave the room and gave some last-minute instructions to the babysitter. She hated leaving her daughter with people she knew little about, but sometimes it was inevitable.

She left arm in arm with Cristina. To get to the hospital from the apartment, they just have to cross the street, but to Meredith, it dragged into eternity. She felt as if her legs were made of lead. It was the moment she had been dreading, the moment to enter the hospital, take the elevator and get to the surgical floor. And she had her reasons to dread this moment. One them was of course Derek Shepherd whose memory stubbornly refused to leave her heart and mind alone. The other was Lexie Grey, her half sister who, as Cristina explained her, joined the ranks of Seattle Grace "dumb interns" the next after she left. And then there were the staff, the doctors, the surgeons, the nurses and everyone else for whom she would be a good piece of healthy gossip. Speaking of which-

At the entrance to the hospital, they ran into the first familiar face. _George's syph nurse_, groaned inwardly Meredith.

"Good morning, Dr. Yang… Dr. Grey?" she asked with astonishment as she recognized Meredith and gave her a long stare.

"You seem to be enjoying this," said Meredith slightly irritated as she noticed Cristina's smirking. "You're my person; you should show me some support here."

"I'd enjoy myself even more if you went to Shepherd and told him all of your secrets. What he heard would give him a heart attack, and then _**I**_ would have a cardio case and save the life of your daughter's father. That'd be me showing support for you."

"Shut up!" hissed Meredith looking around nervously. "The walls have ears! I gotta go now; we have a meeting with Warren in the lobby before the start of the shift." She turned to go.

"Meredith?" Cristina called after her. "Good luck! I'll see you around."

"See you," she sighed, took a deep breath and made her way through a corridor which was mercifully empty.

**********************************************************************************

_A.N. Let me know what you think__ so far. Next chapter: the long awaited MerDer encounter!_


	4. Chapter 4: Just My Luck

Dr. Warren's pep talk was short. He just reminded the rules of the shift and wished them good luck. While he was talking, Meredith looked discreetly around her, over her colleagues, no, her family. When she joined the IEPS team, she expected overly ambitious know-it-alls with inflated egos. Well, you don't always get what you expect. Sometimes, you get better. It didn't mean that they were a perfect, sickly sweet seventh-heavenlike family. There were conflicts and harsh words; and no sentiments when it came to actual work. The primary purpose of the program was to train them to be the best and the most skilled surgeons after all. But they stuck together, they stuck together.

And that day was the last time they would be working together as a team. Apart from Meredith, there were seven other surgeons to cross the finish line during the next 48 hours. And they made a pact among them. The first one of them to get their hands on the scalpel was to perform a ritual dance to ascertain the good luck for them. The ritual dance was the tradition born during a wild party, one of the very few that Meredith took part in. Since then, in every new city and every new hospital they visited, the first person to step into the OR had to dance so as not to bring bad karma. Meredith smiled at the memories going through her head but suddenly she frowned. She didn't exactly saw herself dancing in the Seattle Grace OR…

"Go and don't disappoint me, don't disappoint yourselves!" Warren's booming voice woke her up from her reverie.

Everyone hurried to the locker room to change into the scrubs. Navy clothes were waiting for them on the benches. Meredith picked up her set and smoothed a crease on the material. Today, they had the status of attending.

"Thank God, they're not red," a red-haired girl, Ana, breathed in relief.

"Huh? I liked the ones in Tokyo better," Ingrid wrinkled her nose.

"Oh, right. The green ones that looked like vomit, I remember, they were cute," teased her Ned.

"I really like this colour," Ana stood her ground unfolding her scrubs. "They are… intense."

_Intense…_Meredith certainly used to think they were intense, especially while ripping them off of Derek in the on-call room… She shook herself. She couldn't let herself have these steamy thoughts about Derek, or any thoughts about him for that matter; not when he might be in the same building! She quickly changed into her scrubs and scurried after the others to the pit.

"Mer, what d'you think?" asked Ana. The locker banter was clearly still going on.

"I… think they're sexy," she said eloquently.

"Sexy?" asked Ned with a sneer. "There's no accounting for taste. Anyway, the last to the pit is the looser!"

Meredith gave a hearty laugh and shook her head. They were like kids. Nonetheless, she ran with the others past the opening doors of the elevator.

**********************************************************************************

"… a bunch of kids to my OR," Mark Sloan was complaining to Derek Shepherd as they were getting out of the lift.

Derek stopped abruptly and raised a hand to silence his friend's tirade. He had got off the elevator just in time to catch the last tones of Meredith's laughter before she disappeared over a corner.

"What?" asked Mark.

Derek remained silent. He could swear it was _her_ even if he hadn't heard her voice for more than two years. But he was probably imagining things; Meredith couldn't possibly be here. She was… somewhere. He often wondered what had been happening with her after she left. What's more, he often asked Yang what had been happening with her. He was sure they were in contact all this time. But Cristina was adamant to stay mute on the subject and just looked at him with contempt or perhaps pity. He couldn't really decide.

Although, he secretly admitted she had every right to look at him like that. He had been a damn fool assuming he could have a lasting relationship with a woman other than Meredith. He realized his mistake shortly after her departure and he'd been paying for it painfully ever since. His relationship with Rose finished as quickly as it started. Afterwards, he had dated occasionally but no other woman could equal Meredith. They didn't have that wild streak about them; or that ineffectual fists; he even missed her snoring.

"Derek, you alright?" Mark was eyeing him with concern.

"Yeah, I just- It's nothing," said Derek. "You were saying?"

"I was saying that I'd rather let Hunt stitch up my face than allow some pseudo-surgeons mess with my OR," drawled Mark with annoyance.

"You can do just that, in a form of protest," joked Derek. "See whether the Chief cares."

"The man is completely insane with the idea."

"He just wants to catch some fresh talents."

"I wouldn't like to be the one who breaks to the Chief that the IEPS won't be exactly killing each other to get a place at Seattle Grace; not after the last year's rankings."

"We were ranked higher this year," reasoned Derek. "But I guess you're right. I heard the chief of Boston Providence is visiting us today. He hopes his new head of neuro straight out of the pan."

"Man, you're gotta be kiddin' me! I have enough of this."

"And you're going to hear some more," said Derek as he noticed Webber coming with Dr. Warren in their direction.

"Gentlemen," greeted them the Chief. "Meet our guest from the IEPS, Dr. James Warren. Dr. Warren this is Dr. Mark Sloan, head of plastics; and Dr. Derek Shepherd, head of neuro at Seattle Grace."

"I heard of you of course," stated Dr. Warren. "But you don't look too pleased with the presence of my team at Seattle Grace," he added lightly.

"No offence, Dr. Warren," said Mark, completely ignoring the warning looks he was given by the Chief, "but these are our Ors in the hands of your kids."

"They are very competent hands, I assure you. I-" but Dr. Warren never finished his statement as they were met by an energetic woman.

"Gentlemen," said Dr. Warren, "this is Dr. Stacy Warren, my wife and my right hand. Any updates on the situation, honey?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact," her eyes twinkling. "That's why I was looking for you."

"Are we going to witness the first procedure? Who's performing?"

Stacy shot him a meaningful smile.

"It's a neuro case," she simply replied.

"A neuro case," Warren acknowledged with excitement. "An excellent opportunity to show you how capable are hands of my kids."

"Les us see," said Mark and patted Derek's shoulder. "Our expert will be watching."

**********************************************************************************

In the meantime, the IEPS residents were getting bored. The pit was as busy as ever, but the cases minor. Most of the patients suffered from superficial cuts requiring simple stitching up; a task that they delegated to their interns.

"God, the place is terrible. There's nothing going on in this hole!" whined Ingrid.

"Hey, watch it!" warned Meredith ferociously. "It's my hometown."

"Well, I'm not surprised you dumped it!"

Luckily, the further discussion was cut short by the appearance of paramedics rushing a patient into the ER. Ned and Ingrid were the first to reach them.

"A four-year-old girl with head trauma, unconscious, no other apparent injuries, lost some blood but not much, vomited!" informed one of the paramedics.

Hearing the given description, Meredith made her way to the gurney.

"Out of the way! It's a neuro case!"

"Fowler!" Meredith beckoned her intern and inspected skillfully the girl's head. "Fowler, take her for CT. I'm afraid, there's more to it than just the concussion, let's go!"

"What d'you see, Dr. Fowler?" asked Meredith investigating the scans, her forehead creased.

"Aneurysm in the anterior cerebral artery."

Meredith nodded. "A bad one. We have to operate immediately. There's a great risk of subarachnoid hemorrhage. Prep her, you'll be assisting," she ordered.

Meredith hurried out of the CT room. Ned was waiting for her propped against the doorframe.

"You're the dancer, Mer," he shot with a smirk. "We'll be watching."

_Just my luck_, thought Meredith.

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A.N. Hi, I'm awfully sorry, I know I promised the MerDer reunion in this chapter, but during typing the text I realized it was disproportionately long in comparison with other chapters. So, I had to split it, just for the sake of balance  Rest assured you get what you want in the chapter 5 which I'm posting tomorrow, barring any complications. 

Please, review, and don't be too angry with me!

P.S. Tell me if there's something silly from the medical point of view. I get all details from Wikipedia as I'm totally ignorant when it comes to surgery.

P.S.2 "Boston Providence" is a product of my imagination. I'm not from States so I have no idea what hospitals are in Boston. I just thought that "Boston _Providence_" matched nicely "Seattle _Grace_" and "_Mercy_ West"  Cheers!


	5. Chapter 5: Dance Your Way In

A.N. So, here it is! I really hope you'll like it; your reviews so far have been very encouraging. Enjoy!

P.S. When I was imagining the dance scene, I was listening to the song by Butterfly Boucher – "I Can't Make Me Love You". If you'd like to check it out, the links are on my profile page.

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Several minutes later, Meredith was standing at the sink in the scrub room, washing her hands energetically. She was getting nervous. No! She was actually freaking out!

_Calm down, Meredith_, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. _Calm down. It's a typical, textbook case. You've operated on similar cases._

_But she's just four-year-old, barely older than Bessie, _said another vice in her head inadvertently.

_Calm down!_ she urged herself. _This little girl's life is in your hands; keep emotions out of it!_

She raised her eyes to the ceiling. Judging by the loud thuds, the gallery above her seemed to be filling in with people. In her mind's eye, she saw her fellow IEPSs, then her old friends from Seattle Grace and probably other curious members of hospital staff. Was _**he**_ among them?

Against her will, the possibility of him watching her perform sent thrills through her body. Fate was mocking her, laughing straight into her face. She was about to enter the same OR in which she assisted to her very first procedure. And there was no point in pretending, the moment when she took the place at Derek's side when he was operating on that annoying teenage beauty queen proved decisive to her future as a surgeon.

During her time at Seattle Grace choosing a specialty was a great dilemma. Having left the Rain City, her mind cleared miraculously. It was so obvious and natural, really, to go for neuro. As she travelled from city to city with two suitcases and Bessie in her arms, she felt that no ghost from her past, either of her mother or of her past relationships, could reach her. She left them all in her closet in Seattle. She was free to make her choices without being judged or frowned upon.

After crossing the threshold to the OR, she would be in the spotlight again.

_That's right, in the spotlight_, she said to herself confidently. She was going to be the main star in this show and she was gonna rock. _Well, literally!_

The door opened and Meredith entered the OR, immediately sensing dozens of gazes on her back.

**********************************************************************************

To say that the gallery was full would be an understatement. It was bursting at the seems.

Mark, Derek, the Chief Webber and both Warren doctors were sitting on the lowest bench, directly overlooking the OR.

For Dr. James Warren it was a wait full of anticipation. Over the years, he had stayed faithful to the rule not to pick favourites among his residents. However, with Meredith Grey, he couldn't help it. Although he was careful never to show any signs of favouritism towards her, he and Stacy regarded her practically as a daughter they never had. Meredith had grown on them, she was truly unique, and the fact that she was pregnant additionally brought the three of them (well, four, to be precise) closer together. Initially, she was wary, determined to keep the distance. But she needed somebody stable to trust, and as the time passed she put down her defences.

James relied his full confidence in Meredith. She was talented, enthusiastic and undeniably possessed a drive for neuro. After two and a half years of training, she became an unquestionable professional. She was their girl though; he had a right to be nervous for her.

The rest of spectators were attracted to the gallery mainly out of curiosity. The rumour was slowly spreading that the prodigal daughter of Seattle Grace was back.

Cristina Yang was having the time of her life. She had seen all that coming- the whispering, the juicy gossip and the curious stares. _Yeah, thanks to Meredith, life was going to spice up again._ She chanced a look at her friends Alex, George and Izzie chatting excitedly beside her, and then at Shepherd. _Little drama this way comes…_

Derek took a sharp intake of breath as he registered the silhouette of the woman in the room beneath him. For the second time that day, he asked himself if he wasn't hallucinating. The woman had her back to the gallery and her hair was hidden under a plain scrub cap, but her petite figure seemed all too familiar with her bare neck, her slim waist and her curves. Only he had always seen her in light blue scrubs, not navy…

Derek rubbed his eyes. His condition was evidently getting worse. He shouldn't be allowed to hold a scalpel if he kept daydreaming about his long-gone ex-girlfriend.

"You owe us, babe," bellowed a blond guy from the opposite corner of the gallery where the IEPSs were huddled together.

"Yeah, don't be a bitch, brain girl!" sounded a feminine voice.

Did that mean he wasn't mental after all?

"Told ya, a bunch of kids," muttered Mark with an air of superiority.

Derek didn't respond; all his senses were directed at the would-be-Meredith who had just started to do something very weird indeed…

**********************************************************************************

Meredith had barely left the scrub room when she heard the muffled cries of Ned and Ingrid from the gallery

_Ok_,_ let's set the ball rolling!_ she exhaled, taking sensuous steps to the rhythm of a song playing in her mind.

The scrub nurses preparing the OR for the procedure froze in astonishment, so as the audience in the gallery. They gaped with their eyes wide as Meredith raised her arms locking her wrists in the air. She bent her knees and curved her back, throwing her head behind. Her hips swayed audaciously as she span around. She half-closed her eyes flirtatiously but carefully avoided meeting any face. Then, still swinging her body, she crossed her hands close to her chest and buried her face in her shoulders feigning shyness. Her little dance culminated in her stopping straight, bending one of her legs seductively, her chest inflated proudly and her arms behind her.

Her fellow IEPSs whooped with elation, applauding wildly her performance.

"Naughty as ever, Mer," she heard Ned's jubilant jest.

She gave them a tiny bow with her head but her eyes swept involuntarily over the gallery. She caught sight of many familiar faces and among them… Derek's gawking at her, wearing an inscrutable expression.

Thank God for the mask, or everyone would be made aware of the furious blush that graced her cheeks.

The rest of the gallery stayed temporarily stunned with her actions and only when she turned away to busy herself with final preparations for the procedure did the whispering, buzzing, giggling and even wolf-whistling begin.

_**********************************************************************************_

"I'm starting to change my mind about them," declared Mark, visibly impressed.

Derek was speechless. He was fighting a silent war with himself not to run into the OR and rip the mask off the woman in question.

"Please, forgive my kids," said Dr. Warren apologetically. "It's sort of their… tradition."

Dr. Webber looked at him and nodded, his eyebrows raised so high they faced a risk of disappearing.

"Wow, the IEPS curriculum is really comprehensive," chortled Izzie.

"It was kinda hot," commented Alex.

George nodded in a daze.

"Don't get your hopes up, Frat Boy," jeered Cristina. "She's out of your league."

Cristina glanced at Meredith who was giving instructions to a scrub nurse. _The bomb's going to explode real soon…_

**********************************************************************************

The operation was about to begin. The patient had just been moved to the OR, her little head shaved.

"We managed to find her parents," Fowler informed Meredith. "They're already at the hospital; I've filled them in."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "What's her name?" she asked softly. She always wanted to know the name of a person on whom she was operating.

"Dora."

Meredith acknowledged the information and ordered "Nurse, gloves, please."

_That's it, that'__s the moment, _thought Meredith moving forward to the operating table. She felt Derek's presence with every fibre of her being. But she danced; she danced and nothing was to break her composure. The charm worked.

She halted at the head of the table and said "Good morning, I'm Dr. Meredith Grey and I'm pleased to work with you today. Let's save Dora's life, shall we?"

"Blade fifteen, please," she commanded and reached out a hand for the scalpel, ignoring the agitated murmur going through the gallery.

**********************************************************************************

"What has she just said?" Izzie asked feverishly. She was fidgeting in her seat to get a better look at Meredith.

"She's just said that she's Dr. Meredith Grey and she's pleased-"started George in a daze.

"I know what she's said. It was a rhetorical question," barked Izzie irritably.

Cristina smirked; the emotions were running high. All around her, doctors, nurses even were gossiping like mad, craning their necks.

Derek was not capable of formulating any coherent thought. He was completely and utterly dumbstruck. He hadn't blinked once, as he observed Meredith's, _his _Meredith's every move hungrily. He was amazed with her presence at Seattle Grace. But he couldn't ignore the dexterity, precision and speed she was exhibiting. Her hands were working swiftly and purposefully, there wasn't a moment of hesitation.

"McDreamy, I'd watch out for your post if I were you. I'm sure the Chief's willing to make her his head of neuro," Cristina's provocative remark sounded behind him.

"And I bet you wouldn't mind that," Mark whispered suggestively to his ear.

"_McDreamy?_" mouthed James wordlessly to his wife, his eyebrows raised meaningfully.

"_Looks like it!_" she mouthed back and shot a curious glance at Derek.

James squinted at him from the corner of his eyes. _Neurosurgeon, of course. I should've known. And that hair…_

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At the same time, Meredith was halfway through the procedure. At some point she spotted his intern's unease.

"Dr. Fowler, is there something wrong?" she demanded.

"No, it's just- I mean, the arteries are so small. Her age makes the procedure more complicated, doesn't it?"

"To some extent; but it also makes the chances for successful recovery more promising. It's up to you _how_ complicated and successful it'll be." answered Mer.

Some half an hour later, she had successfully removed the aneurism but come across a complication not detected by the CT.

Fowler frowned with concern.

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A.N.2. A little cliffie here  I really, really hope you've enjoyed it. Post reviews and let me know, please. The chapter 6 will appear in the course of the next few days, sometime over Christmas.

In the meantime, let me wish you Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Holidays!


	6. Chapter 6: Emotional Encounters

A.N. Hello! Big thanks to everyone who R&R so far! I finally typed the chapter 6, which is almost entirely MerDer-centred. Hope I didn't go over the top! As usual, tell me what you think.

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Fowler frowned with concern.

"Dr. Grey, should it… Should it look like that?"

"No, it shouldn't," sighed Meredith but continued to work with unwavering focus. "It's the hydrocephalus syndrome, the excessive accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid. How do we proceed with the treatment, Dr. Fowler?"

"The treatment involves placing a tube into cerebral ventricles to drain the excess fluid into other body cavities."

"Like?"

"Er, I think peritoneal cavity, the right atrium and pleural cavity."

"And?" demanded Meredith.

"And… " Fowler raked his memory in vain.

"The gallbladder, Fowler," Meredith's tone was sharp now. "You're specializing in neuro, are you not? The next time I ask you a question, you'd better know the answer. Now, watch carefully, we're going to apply a ventriculo-paritoneal shunt directing the fluid into the peritoneal cavity, where it can be reabsorbed."

Meredith carried on with the procedure. It was essential not to exert any more pressure on the brain tissue than the excess of fluid already did. Further compression would result in irreversible brain damage.

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For Derek Shepherd, the last two hours were more exciting than a rollercoaster ride. Adrenaline was rushing through his veins as he scrutinized her body inch after inch. At one point, she scolded her intern. _Bossy_, chuckled Derek. It always turned him on…

In his opinion, the operation finished too soon. She was too damn good. Although, she came across a problem she hadn't expected, nothing could throw her off her balance. He was crestfallen when Meredith inspected her sutures for the last time, thanked everyone for their work and hastily leaved the OR. Derek was driven by a sole objective – to catch up with Meredith immediately. He leapt to his feet; apparently, so as everybody else in the gallery.

Behind his back, the Chief Webber was congratulating Dr. Warren.

"Oh, I think congratulations should go to both of us. Meredith spent here almost three years of her internship," answered James.

Richard sighed, "I've often asked myself where she had gone. I've been worried; she just took her papers and hasn't given a sign of life ever since. I'm relieved after what I saw today; and proud she's accomplished so much."

"You'd be glad for her to stay longer at Grace, wouldn't you?" Seeing Webber's concern for Meredith, James started to spin an intricate plan.

"You mean hiring her?" Richard stated the obvious. "I'd be happy to have her; she'd constitute a wonderful addition to my staff. Neuro is one of the fastest developing branches, and with the current shortage of neurosurgeons in the country… She's a competent surgeon, a competent teacher. But let's face it; others have more to offer her than Seattle Grace. A little bird told me she'd be Boston's head of neuro before long."

"I wouldn't be so sure," James dropped his voice a little so that only Richard could hear him. "She doesn't have such ambitions. She's more into research. I know she's got a clinical trial planned out."

Richard regarded him with interest.

Meanwhile, Derek finally managed to get outside through the gridlocked exit but Meredith was nowhere in sight. _Where could she be? Where d'you think a doctor could go after an operation? To talk with the patient's family, dumbass!_

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Indeed, after leaving the OR, Meredith washed her hands and searched for Dora's parents to inform them about the course of the procedure.

"I think we can call it successful; the prognosis certainly seems promising. We just have to wait for Dora to wake up to see if there's any undesirable consequences." She'd just finished talking when she noticed that Derek was moving into her direction, the corners of his lips raised in a subtle smile.

In the plane to Seattle, she played in her mind the possible courses of action towards Derek. She could be a frigid ice queen, cold-shouldering him on every occasion; or she could show him contempt and animosity he had deserved. _No, it's childish! _Pretending to have forgotten he existed?_ Very implausible; stuck my tongue in his mouth too many times… _She finally decided on being friendly and detached.Hypothetically, it seemed to be the best solution. However, the practical application was going to prove harder… _No, did I just think "__**harder"**__?_ _What is wrong with me today, why does everything have to have an innuendo?_

_Keep breathing, stay calm! God, I forgot how… __**dreamy**__ he is… No, no, no! Just remember – poise, composure._ Her heart was beating faster and faster with his every step.

"Dr. Grey!" she was saved by Ana's intern. "Dr. Grey, Dr. Patterson needs your consult!" Meredith cast the last fleeting glance at Derek and hurried after the intern.

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"We need to be very careful with that broken bone; according to the scans it's already damaged the femoral nerve. He's certainly in for rehabilitation. One wrong move may cost his leg altogether," Meredith and Ana discussed the patient's condition outside his room.

"I'll keep you posted when we can scrub in. I can't get to the bone before the swelling's gone, at least partially" said Ana.

"Well, well, well, look who honoured our modest surgical floor with her presence!" Dr. Bailey's unmistakable voice filled the corridor.

"I smell traitor," added Izzie.

Meredith had anticipated a somewhat cold welcome from that direction but it stung her all the same.

"Old enemies?" whispered Ana.

"Old friends," she answered with a small smile. "I'll see you around."

Ana was all bewilderment, "See you."

Meredith turned around and saw three persons from her past, walking out of the patient's room next door.

"Dr. Bailey, Izzie, George, long time no see," she started affably.

"It's Dr. Stevens," Izzie shot back coldly. "And don't let us keep you. I'm sure you're on your way to the OR to have some kick-ass surgery to impress us - a bunch of lowly residents!"

"Izzie, please, don't take it personally," pleaded Meredith. "I'm really happy to see you; I've missed you guys a lot."

Izzie just snorted disbelievingly. George, on the other hand, was torn between siding with Izzie and giving Meredith a warm welcome. He offered, "Have a lunch with us? Like we used to?"

"I- I can't," Meredith heart clenched. She couldn't give a different answer, her daughter needed her.

"Didn't I tell you? She can't sit at one table with us, losers. She's gotta hang out with her super cool friends!"

"No! It's not that- I- I'd really like to, but I just- I have to go" she stammered out. Telling them anything more dangerous; Bailey was already eyeing her suspiciously over her chart.

Meredith made her way back to the pit by taking a little detour so as not to meet any more people she knew. What she told Izzie was the complete truth – she was happy to see them and she had really missed them; but she couldn't let others grill her and demand explanations. She might slip about Bessie, and it was her absolute priority to protect her. Instead, for the rest of the day, Meredith concentrated on doing what she was best at when it came to relationships – avoiding and escaping.

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Derek Shepherd was woken up from the uneasy slumber by a screech of the door handle. He groaned; the last day spent on tenterhooks and the virtually restless night on the couch in his office left him physically and mentally exhausted.

"You look like crap," he heard Mark's comment.

"Thanks," was his sarcastic response.

"I've been worrying about you; what's wrong?"

Derek stared fixedly at the floor. He was being pathetic, pining for his ex-girlfriend.

"Ok, let's cut short the confession part. I know you're so hot and bothered because _she_'s at Seattle Grace; I have a pair of eyes, and I know you. Now, tell Dr. Sloan what's wrong. Your charm doesn't work on her anymore?"

Derek sighed heavily, "I just want to talk to her; I haven't seen her for almost three years. And now she's here, but she's as unreachable as ever. I've seen her several times but couldn't get close to her even for a second. I feel like a stalker."

Mark roared with laughter, "Yeah, I guess if you're going keep on hovering around hospital like that, they're gonna dispatch you to psycho. Get a grip, what you need is a decent dose of caffeine."

However, they never made it to the cafeteria. Derek stopped dead in his tracks as he caught sight of the OR board. He read "Grey, Patterson: compound femur fracture, OR 3". _In half an hour…_

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The workload of the last day was slowly getting to Meredith. Working long shifts was nothing new to her, of course, but she always had had Bessie near her. She either left her sunshine in hospital daycare or with Stacy. That allowed her to stop for a visit several times a day to give her a hug or read a story. It was something both of them needed.

Taking Bessie to Seattle Grace was out of the question and as a result, she hadn't seen her daughter since the lunchtime the day before. She called last night after getting out of another surgery but Bessie was already asleep.

Meredith glanced at her watch absentmindedly as she rose from the gurney in the basement she had occupied for the last three hours of an attempted rest. _Damn it! _She had a surgery in fifteen minutes.

She ran to splash some cold water onto her face, grabbed a strong coffee and dashed to the OR.

She was relieved not to meet Derek along the way. _Honestly, he's been everywhere. _She saw him so many times yesterday, but, luckily, the day was hectic and she _really_ didn't have time to stop by and greet him.

The briefest of encounters brought about a pang in her heart, but it also made a wave of heat washing over her. It was a sweet torture.

_Five minutes left, just in time!_ Meredith threw the empty cup to the bin and entered the scrub room at full speed only to freeze instantly just behind the door.

"Dr. Shepherd!" she spluttered. Derek was standing beside Ana, both washing their hands.

"Dr. Grey," he nodded and despite the mask, she could tell he was smiling. Apparently, it was a freaking Clark-Kent-like superpower of his. Superman could see through solid objects, McDreamy could make her weak at her knees, just by flashing a smile through his surgical mask.

"What are you doing here?"

"The procedure's about to start and you weren't coming. Thought we would have to start without you, Dr. Grey."

"Yeah, right; were you trying to steal my surgery, Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked playfully before she could stop herself. _No!!! How wrong! Have I just flirted with him??? _

Ana was looking at her behind Derek's back, clearly intrigued with their verbal exchange.

"My evil plot has been thwarted, I guess," Derek played along.

"It has, now get out of my scrub room." _Get out before I start to drool!_

"Ouch, bossy," McDreamy feigned a hurt tone, took off the mask from his grinning face, gave her _the look_ and went out. The ass, he was enjoying himself! Hell, she was too…

"Old… friend?" asked Ana innocently, her lips curved in a smile.

"Shut up," huffed Meredith.

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Several hours earlier Meredith was pacing up and down, in front of the OR board. The procedure she carried on with Ana went without complications, for the patient at least. Derek had left the scrub room but watched her again from the gallery. His presence was more and more unnerving. After she did her job, she hastily left not to give him a chance to catch up with her.

She was back to Seattle for a few days only. After this shift, she was going to leave and lay fundaments for her life somewhere else, probably on the eastern coast. It would feel wrong, however, to leave without telling Derek _anything_… Nor could she imagine leaving Seattle after telling Derek _something_… Damn James, it was all his fault that her life got messy yet again!

The possibility of revealing what she had been hiding for so long seemed surreal. She hadn't planned it. No one was ready for it. But that reasoning didn't block the remorse that began to trouble her. She always pushed aside feeling particularly guilty about keeping her secret from Derek. After all, he was the one who had dumped her, the insensitive jackass that had got tired of waiting for her and chose that stupid nurse.

However, she felt bad for Bessie. Unwillingly but most consciously, she was condemning her for a childhood without her father. Several weeks ago, Meredith experienced the most trying moment of her motherhood, and it was more painful that the twelve-hour labour she went through. Bessie was almost two-years old, but she was a bright kid. One evening, she asked Meredith where was her daddy and when he was going to come to her. Meredith explained patiently that he was a great doctor, saving people far, far away. She put her daughter to bed with a warm smile on her face and went to the living room where she sat all night crying careful not to make any noise.

Right now, Meredith was walking up and down the corridor, nervously twirling her fingers. According to the board, Derek was performing an operation at that very moment.

_Don't you dare going near that OR! Nothing good will come out of this._

_I'll just have a glance, just a glance. I'm leaving; I have right for a quickie- NO! I mean a quick look!_

_Oh, sod it! _She turned to go towards the ORs. She couldn't resist the temptation.

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A.N.2 I decided to change the story rating due to the more mature language and more steamy content that is going to appear in foreseeable future. I hope you're Ok with that. Again, let me know! Cheers!


	7. Chapter 7: Fateful Elevator

Meredith slipped stealthily into the deserted gallery. In the last hours of the IEPS shift, all eyes were on Ned operating on the open heart. Whereas, Derek was performing a plain textbook procedure – the removal of a tumor from the parietal lobe.

During her training in the program, she witnessed countless neurosurgical procedures, observed many pairs of hands holding a scalpel. She had gained a perspective from which she could now fully appreciate Derek's mastery. It wasn't just about the skillful hands; that was a necessary condition for a surgeon. Being the best meant something more. The best not only knew what they were doing, they felt. The best surgeons anticipated events milliseconds before they happened. Derek possessed this kind of intuition, born out of a bit of talent and thousands of hours spent in the OR. His every move gave out the experience that one day Meredith hoped to acquire.

Derek reached his hand for a scalpel. He grabbed the handle with delicacy but at the same time, decision. Just the way he used to touch her. Meredith's eyes roamed over his muscled arms to his broad shoulders. Time couldn't obliterate the attraction she held for this man. It was like an addiction. You could avoid it, persuade yourself it was bad for you, lock it in the back of your mind and attempt to live without it, but it always raged out to the surface at some point.

"Close up for me," said Derek stepping back from the table. "Nice work everyone."

Meredith was brought back to reality from her Derek-trance by Dr. Bailey's voice.

"Glad to learn that something hasn't changed," said Bailey with satisfaction sticking her head through the door. Her eyes travelled to Derek and back to Meredith who blushed against herself at having been caught red-handed.

"The Chief wants to see you, or, specifically, an army of chiefs."

Intrigued, Meredith followed Bailey out of the gallery to meet the Chief Webber, Dr. Warren and a tall lanky man she hadn't yet met personally. Of course, she knew perfectly well who he was – Dr. Jerry Hoffman, the chief of surgery at Boston Providence.

"It's a real pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Grey," he reached out a hand, thin smile on his lips.

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Derek stepped back from the operating table and started to take off his gloves and mask. A sudden motion in the gallery caught his attention. He saw its sole occupant leaving her seat and walking out and felt a rush of excitement. She came to see him! He hastened to the door, leaving behind him the knowing looks of the nurses.

However, what he saw behind the door almost brought his blood circulation to a halt. A few yards away, Meredith, surrounded by Webber, Warren and Bailey, was shaking hands with Dr. Jerry Hoffman from Boston Providence. Her facial features expressed pure elation. Unnoticed by anyone, Derek retreated to his office, crestfallen.

He should be happy for her; the doors to her career were now wide open. She was going to be the chief of neurosurgery at one of the best hospitals in the country, before reaching thirty, straight out of the shortened residency. He was proud, of course; he always knew she had it in her. Only, he'd prefer not to be separated from her by the whole country. _At least, now, I'll know where she is._ He fell heavily on the coach. He didn't know how long he sat there, just staring into space, before he finally decided he could mope more comfortably in his trailer, changed into the casual clothes and trudged to the elevator.

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The break shift had now officially ended. The 8 of them looked proudly at each other as Dr. Warren announced they all made it.

"Tomorrow evening, 6 o'clock, presence obligatory," reminded James about their farewell party.

After saying a few quick goodbyes, Meredith discreetly withdrew.

"Say hello to Bess," asked Ned. He knew she dreamed of nothing else than taking Bessie into her arms.

She stepped into the empty elevator; the door started to close.

"Hold the door!" she saw a hand pushing it back. Seconds later she was staring into Derek's bright blue eyes.

_Fate…_

He stepped in letting the door close at last; the lift started to move down.

"Hey," said Derek, slightly out of breath.

"Hey," she said quietly.

Their eyes locked in silent conversation that their lips were afraid to initiate. Derek smiled and shook his head, as though not entirely believing himself he was seeing her.

"Meredith," he whispered, and it was like a tender caress.

"I- " he opened his mouth but apparently speech failed him. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, leaving his perfect hair in a mess.

"I still can't believe you're here," he said.

"I don't… believe either," she murmured.

"The moment I saw you in the OR yesterday was the most shocking in my life," said Derek.

"Oh, I had some surprises, too," she bit back with hostility. Derek's comment made her blood boil. "I thought you'd be married with children. What was her name? Rose? I remember she was more than ready to tie the knot!"

"You need more than good intentions to get married," Derek enthusiasm got somehow deflated by Meredith harshness.

"Interesting," she was inadvertently taking on the role of a hurt and abandoned ex-girlfriend and that didn't suit her. But she didn't like feeling vulnerable either; and he was making her feel like that all over again, feel like a deer hunted down by dogs. She knew that state of mind even to well, she experienced it every time their relationship got more serious or when Derek wanted to talk about their future back when they were still together.

"Meredith," he sighed pleadingly. "I'm not saying I'm surprised with you being a good surgeon. It's just… You left, just like that; you didn't even say goodbye. Why?"

All Meredith could do was staring at him. She wouldn't tell him anything.

The elevator was reaching the ground floor. That's it. They were going to part like that; better to leave some things unsaid, thought Meredith, half-relieved, half-tortured.

However, before the lift reached its destination, Derek seemed they didn't have much time and it was now or never. He pushed the hold button without hesitation.

"Derek, what are you doing?" asked Meredith with panic in her voice. "I'm- I'm kinda- I'm in a hurry-"

"Please, Mer, hear me out," his voice was barely audible. "I haven't seen you for years. You're going to leave soon, forever. I just… want you to know…" he paused but forced himself to continue. "I want you to know I've always regretted letting you walk out of my life. I screwed up everything back then. I know I screwed up everything."

His eyes were glistening slightly as he said, "I gave up on you. You told me not to give up on you, and I did. I was too foolish to realize that you were scared but you were trying to open up to me. I want you to know that I've regretted my mistake ever since. If it hadn't been for me, we could've been together and happy. We could be…" he stopped, his tired eyes boring into hers.

Meredith was lost for words. She had wanted to hear all this so much. Only, two and a half years ago, when she discovered she was pregnant. Instead, she saw Derek and Rose walking hand in hand to the hospital elevator, _this_ _very elevator_, _in fact_. In the ensuing five minutes, she went through all staged of hell – despair, anger, fury, vindictiveness, jealousy and determination.

Maybe it was due to the emotional turmoil or unstable hormone levels, but she took her papers, packed her bags and boarded a plane. She decided she didn't want to have anything to do with Derek Shepherd, as for the baby, he didn't deserve to know about him or her. What for? So that he would abandon them one day? Crush them like her father did? The tiny being growing inside her body didn't need that jackass of a man for a father. And now… It was too late, too late for the truth and too late for them.

At Meredith's lingering silence, Derek seemed to lose the hope for her opening up and dropped his personal tone.

"By the way, congratulations," he tried to sound casual, clearing his throat to cover a sniff. "I'm really proud of you. It's quite an achievement to become a head of department at your age."

Meredith remained silent. _That_ wasn't exactly accurate but she felt in no shape to correct his mistake.

They were interrupted by somebody's shout.

"Who's holding the damn elevator? Let it go!"

Derek reluctantly pushed the button and the door opened.

"At last," snarled Cristina. She spotted the two of them and smiled, "I guess I should have known… I was just going up to look for you."

"And I was just leaving," said resolutely Meredith, her eyes not meeting Cristina's… Derek's monologue was still ringing in her ears.

The awkward moment was interrupted by the appearance of a young woman in intern scrubs. She had dark hair and a pleasant face.

"Dr. Yang!" she exclaimed. "Good that you're here, I thought you went home ages ago. I just got Mr. Jenkins's lab results and I wanted to make sure-" she stopped in halfway through her sentence as she noticed Meredith in the elevator. Her face lit with enthusiasm.

"Dr. Meredith Grey!" she squealed. "Dr. Grey, I'm so, so happy we've finally met. I've been trying to talk to you but we've always missed."

_Thank God_, thought Cristina. _Well, and thank me._

"I watched your procedure. It was awesome, I mean, really amazing!"

"Sorry," said Meredith. "But who are you?" She was tired, she was an emotional wreck, she was missing her daughter, she just wanted to het out of that elevator and away from Derek still standing at her side.

"I- I'm-" the girl become nervous and started to stutter.

"She's one of my stupid interns," butted in Cristina shooting daggers at the girl. "Show me the labs… The results are stable. Nevertheless, you have to monitor the situation carefully. You're on call right? Then go!"

The girl seemed unwilling to depart but left with a last look at Meredith.

Derek opened his mouth but apparently thought better of it as Cristina scowled at him.

_Weird, what is going on? __Is there something between her and Derek? Cristina's so going to give me profuse explanations._

"So," Cristina looked smug. "Are you ready to go? Or would you rather stay locked up in the elevator for a while?"

"I'm ready, absolutely," said Meredith hastily. She turned her head and looked straight into Derek's eyes.

"Goodbye, Derek,"

He nodded; the word "goodbye" got stuck in his throat.

He watched her retreating form as he sat on a chair near the exit door. _So, that's it. _She was leaving again. This time he saw it coming; it wasn't any less painful, though. His briefcase slipped out of his grasp to the floor and bent to pick it up when he heard two agitated voices passing by.

"Shut up!" exclaimed a feminine voice.

"I'm telling you!" said another. "I was just scrubbing out from the craniotomy with Shepherd and I heard everything!"

_Ah, nurses…_

"She must be crazy! To reject an offer like that!"

"That Boston doctor certainly went crazy, crazy with rage! He was absolutely furious. To fly across the continent for nothing!"

The conversation was turning very interesting for Derek.

"I still can't believe it."

"Believe me; Bailey, the Chief and the program doctor were there too. They didn't look too surprised though. Maybe except Bailey. She hasn't had such a shocked look since her intern cut the LVAD wire."

"I don't understand what it was all about," the second nurse had trouble comprehending the whole situation.

"It's obvious," the first one dropped her voice confidentially and stated knowledgeably, "If you don't know what it is all about, it's always about one of the two things: money or sex. Well, sometimes it's both, but that's beside the point. She didn't accept a thousands-of-dollars post; we can rule out the money. And that leaves us with-"

"With sex!" giggled the other woman.

Derek was getting restless. _What does this mean? Did she… did she actually refuse the job offer in Boston?_

"But who? How? When? You think she picked up some cute doctor in the big world?"

"Not necessarily," the nurse paused ambiguously but couldn't keep her thoughts to herself. "I think it's McDreamy all over again."

"What? Impossible! She's just come back to Seattle!"

"Whatever you say; but have you seen McDreamy lately? He's looked like he was on drugs."

"But what about her?"

"She must still have the hots for him; she came to watch him operate!"

"God, he must be amazing in bed if she's chucking her career for him- " The gossip nurses finally disappeared behind the door.

Derek was even afraid to think, let alone hope…

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A.N. So, that was the lucky (I hope) seven and the MerDer confrontation, not what some of you expected, though, I think. I still hope you enjoyed it.

R&R and big thanks for the reviews, you're amazing! Cheers!


	8. Chapter 8: Flying Off The Handle

When Derek was trying to digest the news he had heard, Meredith and Cristina were walking to the apartment across the street.

"So," started Cristina. "What are you going to do with the house?'"

"Huh, the what?"

"The house, are you going to move into your old house?"

"What?" She still hadn't recovered from her encounter with Derek and as such had great difficulty following Cristina's trail of thought.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "I'm just curious. It'll be no problem to upkeep a house with your salary. On the other hand, it's a bit big for you and Bess."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Meredith lost her patience. "Why would I move into my old house? I don't live in Seattle; I'm leaving in a few days."

"No, you're not," countered Cristina. "I've heard nurses talking that you ditched Boston and Webber didn't waste time to make you an offer."

"So? How did you figure out I'm staying in Seattle?" Meredith was livid.

"You didn't sign the contract?" Cristina was puzzled. "According to the nurses Webber kept you in his office nearly an hour."

"He did. He made an offer. He put a lot of effort in his arguments. But I didn't say "yes"."

"You didn't," repeated Cristina. "But I thought you wanted to stay. What about McDreamy?"

"What about him?" barked Meredith.

"You looked all cosy in that elevator."

"You think I don't have any dignity at all, Cristina? That I'm going to jump him as soon as he gives me the smile? The new Meredith isn't that stupid. And for your information, I didn't reject the offer from Hoffman because I wanted to work here. I knew all along that he was going to call me sooner or later; Warren told me several weeks ago. He has his contacts, he knew.

"I didn't accept headship in Boston because it would mean spending more time at hospital, a whole lot more; and less time with Bessie. I don't want to be my mother, is that so hard to understand? When I was making my decision, I didn't think about anyone about Bessie, and certainly not about Derek! If Hoffman had offered me a post of a regular surgeon, I would have agreed. Unfortunately, he's so pissed off that I dared to tell him "no" that it's not going to happen!" at this point Meredith's voice became hoarse.

"Let's hurry. I want to get to Bessie; I haven't seen her for ages." She quickened her pace without another look at her friend.

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It was late morning. Meredith was lying beside her sleeping daughter; she couldn't get enough of looking at her beautiful angel. She felt calmer, but her mind was still working at full speed.

Meredith heard silent footsteps; Cristina walked inside the room and stepped beside the bed.

"Meredith," she whispered. "I'm- I'm sorry, I guess. I'm sorry for being such an egoistic ass."

"Egoistic?" Mer whispered back. Cristina's apologies were unexpected. To tell the truth, it was Meredith herself who felt bad for her outburst. She rose from the bed and both women trotted to the kitchen.

"I don't see how egoistic you were," said Meredith. "_I_'m sorry I yelled at you. I was freaking out but that's no justification." She crossed her arms at her chest.

"Don't apologize, Mer," replied Cristina. "I deserved that. And yes, I was egoistic. In fact, I wanted you to stay here; I do want you to stay. I feel… less alone with you and Bess here."

"Cristina?" such spontaneity and sincerity were uncharacteristic for Cristina Yang.

"No, please, let me finish. I… I play tough, but sometimes it gets me. Sometimes, I feel… empty. And you two feel like family; it feels good."

Meredith walked over to Cristina and rested her head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," repeated Cristina. "I shouldn't have assumed you'd jump… at the occasion, I mean," she finished lamely.

"Why not?" asked Meredith, amused. "It would totally be in my style. And you were right; he's- He's still my… McDreamy. But that's not enough."

She walked over to the sink and poured herself a glass of water just do something with her hands.

"Look, I… I haven't planned any of this, any. I wouldn't even be here if Warren hadn't decided on that. I wouldn't have come. The idea of returning to Seattle has never crossed my mind."

"So, you're leaving, for good."

"I… don't know anymore," sighed Meredith with resignation. "I simply don't know. There are things I tried not to think about over the years. Well, it was easy. I was constantly occupied, and when I wasn't I took care of Bessie. And that was all."

She took a deep breath. "Coming here got me thinking about all those things; it made them real. And now, they just won't go away." Tears started to sting in the corners of her eyes.

"I'm… I'm such a bitch," she brought a hand to her face. The salty drops ran down her cheeks on their own accord. "I'm hurting my own daughter…" her voice broke down completely.

Cristina hurried to her and hugged her just like Meredith did for her when Burke left.

"Don't be ridiculous; you're a wonderful mother, Meredith."

"No, no, no!" she shook her head vehemently. "I'm making her grow up without a father. She's gonna end up dark and twisty, getting drunk with tequila every night, sleeping with random men, getting pregnant-"

"Enough, enough!" said Cristina blocking Meredith's verbal diarrhea. "Are _you_ drunk? Or is this McDreamy's fault again? I'm gonna kick his ass, it's high time. What did he tell you in that damn elevator?"

"It's not because of Derek. Well, it is because of Derek. Bessie's my whole life, and she's Derek's daughter, so…" she hiccupped, "so, everything in my life's because of Derek!"

"You're rambling," said Cristina splashing cold water on Meredith's face.

"I'm not! It's just that now, Bessie's small; and I can take care of her. But I'm afraid, I'm so afraid that one day it won't be enough. Hell, how could I ever think I was able to raise a child on my own?"

"Meredith! Meredith, hear me out. When you told me you were pregnant, I thought "God and all his saints help this baby". I admit; I did. But now I see you two and I couldn't imagine a better mother. Bessie's lucky to have you."

Meredith's breathing eased out.

"Look, you don't have to make any decisions right now. You don't have to fly to Boston; you don't have to work at Seattle Grace either. Take your time."

"Mummy?" a little scared voice sounded through the kitchen. Bessie was standing in the doorstep, barefoot in her blue pajamas, her big eyes staring with anxiousness. "Mummy, what's wrong?"

Meredith quickly rubbed the traces of tears off of her face and hurried to scoop her daughter in her arms.

"Did we wake you up? Nothing's wrong, sweetheart, everything's ok."

"Why you're crying?" asked Bess, unconvinced.

"Auntie Cristina told me a very funny joke," lied Meredith. "I laughed so hard that I cried.

"And now Elizabeth Grey, why did you march out of bed without your slipper on, huh? The floor is cold and now your feet are freezing! Since you're wide awake, we will get you dressed, my kady, and prepare yourself for a lot of tickling!"

Bessie squeaked and giggled delightedly."If you ask nicely, Auntie Cristina might make you breakfast."

"Pleaaase, Auntie Cristina!"

"No problem, girl," she felt she couldn't deny her goddaughter anything while she blinked at her with those great bluish eyes. _At least here McDreamy did a good job. Not that he did that on purpose, though, and that explains everything._

Cristina watched the mother and daughter leave the kitchen, both laughing wildly. One look at Bessie did miracles for Meredith's spirits. _That fool_, she didn't realize how exceptional mother she was.

**********************************************************************************

Around midday, Cristina was getting ready to go to hospital for her shift.

"Thanks again, Cristina," said Meredith, not taking her eyes off of Bessie who was watching television in the living room. "Thanks for taking care of her when I was on the shift and again tonight, when I'll go to the party."

"Don't mention it," dismissed her Cristina. "It was easy. I didn't have to listen to her talking about men problems or to hold her hair while she was throwing up after drinking gallons of alcohol. She just eats, sleeps and laughs. It was fun."

Meredith punched her arm. "Don't you mention Bessie, men and alcohol in one sentence."

"Protective, huh?"

"There's something I want to ask you," Meredith changed the subject. She had meant to pose that particular question since the incident in the elevator but she kept pushing it fir later; for fear that she might not like the answer. "So, who was that girl, yesterday?"

"What girl?" Cristina was evidently clueless.

"That girl, brown hair, nice smile. You said she was your intern."

"Ah, her. She _is_ my intern," Cristina said casually.

"And beside that? I saw the looks between you and Derek. Is- Is she another slutty intern he's sleeping with?"

"What?" choked Cristina. "Have you lost your mind? You're jealous!"

"I'm not!" said Meredith fiercely. "I just… want to know. It was weird."

"Meredith," she sighed. There was no point in hiding it any longer. "There's nothing of that sort between her and Shepherd. It's that… She's Lexie."

"Lexie? Oh, as in Lexie Grey?"

"That would be the one."

"That sucks. She seems nice; it will make so much harder to hate her."

"Where is the real Meredith Grey and what did you do with her?"

**********************************************************************************

At the same time, Miranda Bailey was on her way to check up on her transplant patient. She was already late as her son chose that very morning to throw a little tantrum not to let her go to hospital. She groaned as she heard someone's voice calling her. She slowed down her pace to let Derek Shepherd catch up with. One look at his face was enough to notice that he had a rough night; and probably not because of the reason that the whole hospital thought.

"Doctor Bailey," he started.

"Doctor Shepherd, do you need anything?"

"Actually, I just want, I mean-"

"Stop right here. Let me guess, it's about Meredith Grey," she decided not to beat around the bush.

"Yes," confessed Derek. "I've heard rumours that she refused to become the chief of neurosurgery at Boston Providence."

Bailey just continued to gaze at him, impassive.

"And… Since I've also heard that you were present I wanted to ask you if the rumours are true."

Miranda sighed, "She did refuse. I don't know what was she thinking about or if she was thinking at all but she refused. Anything else?" she eyed him.

"Yes," Derek plodded through the conversation. "Another rumour has it that the Chief asked her to stay."

Bailey nodded.

"And- And what did she say?" he was waiting in tension.

"She said-" Bailey broke off. _What she said was no, as in a big blatant no. _Bailey raised her head to look at Derek and tell him just that but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was like telling a critically ill patient's family that no chance of recovery was possible. In such situations, all that was left was praying for a miracle.

_Well, that could happen_, thought Bailey. If she knew anything about Meredith Grey, it was that the girl was unpredictable. Miranda decided she could let Derek shepherd hope a bit more. After all, the Chief left the back door open for Grey, told her to think everything through before giving a decisive answer.

"She said she would think about it."

_I've gone soft_, Miranda shook her head. I've gone soft. _I can't believe I couldn't pluck up the courage to tell Derek Shepherd his ex-girlfriend didn't want anything to do with Seattle Grace._

**********************************************************************************

Later that evening, Meredith went to answer the door to Cristina's apartment. She put hands on her hips when she saw James and Stacy standing in the staircase. They popped in to take her to the farewell party.

"Can we come in?" asked Stacy. "Or do you prefer to murder us right here?"

Meredith face softened, "Come in, but I am angry with you."

"In the kitchen with Cristina, she's going to look after her while I'm at the party."

"Have you made up your mind?" asked James.

"What about?" Meredith was stubborn. James simply looked at her.

"About Seattle Grace? It's unbelievable how you set everything up. It feels like an arranged marriage!" she made a disgusted face.

"I confess I pulled some strings," said James. "But not to manipulate you! We're just thinking about what's best for you and our granddaughter."

"The best doesn't have to mean Seattle!"

"You didn't accept to work with us-"

"Bessie needs a home, I can't drag her all over the world with me. She's growing up, she needs friends!"

"And we wholeheartedly agree with you," explained Stacy patiently. "But we don't want you to be a single mother in a city full of strangers. If Seattle isn't your home now, it certainly was. You have friends here, people you can't count on-"

"Like Dr. Webber, I'm almost jealous!" cut in James.

"Not to mention Bessie's father," added Stacy. "He seems a good man-"

"You know?" groaned Meredith.

"Well, it was easy to put two and two together. Everyone calls him McDreamy, and the McHair is unmistakable." Stacy smiled.

"Another reason why I shouldn't return here."

"I think you're arguing just for the sake of the fight; you've already made your decision, haven't you?" James gave her a piercing look.

"And I think we're wasting our time here. Let's go." Meredith's tone was categorical.

Deep down, though, she knew James was partly right. All day, she had been weighing pros and cons of staying at Seattle in her head. Even at the farewell party her mind was wandering away from the joyful faces of their friends

She returned late into the night to find Cristina poring over a book.

"I've made the decision," she told her.

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A.N. Hello, as usual thank you for the reviews, I'm waiting for more after this chapter.

The chapter 8 serves mainly the purpose of giving some necessary explanations for Mer's decisions and showing how one confused a woman she's at the moment.

Now, I have bad news. My posts are going to appear regularly bet less frequently. My exams at university are approaching and I have lots of work to do; which really is a shame, as I've become addicted to writing fanfic. I have another AU MerDer story planned out (completely different plot though) and I don't have time to jot it down. Now that I've complained a bit, I feel better. :) I'm waiting for your reviews. Cheers!


	9. Chapter 9: Announcements

Cristina Yang was involuntarily opening and closing her jaw like a fish pulled out of water. There weren't many things that could leave her stunned. However, Meredith Grey possessed the strange ability to make her speechless .

In the course of their friendship, she had managed to stupefy Cristina on several occasions; for example, when she confessed sleeping with her attending or when she announced she was pregnant, but that night's revelations topped all previous ones.

"Er, I- I'm sorry," stumbled Cristina. "I don't think I caught it. I must have stopped paying attention at some point. I remember you saying you're staying in Seattle…"

"That's right," smiled Meredith happily. Making the decision was the hardest step; now, she felt incredibly relieved, even enthusiastic. "I've already called the Chief."

"You're staying because you want to give Bessie a home here; with both parents, right?"

Meredith nodded energetically.

"And then I must have misheard or imagined the next part of our dialogue; because I thought you said "Cristina you've got to help me with this, no one can know about Bessie."

"You didn't; imagine it, I mean."

"You're confusing me; are you going to tell Shepherd or not?"

" I am," said resolutely Meredith, "just not right away."

"Meredith," groaned Cristina. She didn't like what her friend was getting at. _Please, please, please, Meredith, don't do the thing I think you're about to do…_

"I've thought it over . I've been thinking about it all day. I want Bessie to meet Derek, but I can't let that happen now."

"Meredith," started again Cristina.

"Just let me finish," begged Meredith. "How do you imagine I tell him now? Hold on, I can see it: "Hi, Derek. How you're doing? By the way, you have a two-year-old daughter I haven't told you about." I'm sure it would work out just wonderful, Cristina!" Meredith's enthusiasm was clearly fading at the lack of her friend's support.

"I guess you're right," Cristina sighed with resignation. It really wasn't the best moment to tell Derek. But then again, would there ever be a good one for such news?

"We haven't seen each other for so long, I need some time to… um… get close to him."

Cristina raised her eyebrows.

"It's not what you think!" protested Meredith haughtily. "I need to see if I can trust him enough to let him into Bessie's life. I know you think you know what I feel for him," she started rambling slightly, "and you're partly right; but I'm not interested in rekindling anything romantic with him! What I'm interested in is my daughter's good."

Cristina decided not to pursue that particular topic. If Meredith believed in what she was saying, she wouldn't try to talk her out of it. Instead she asked, "So, you want to keep Bessie out of everyone's prying sight?"

"It's necessary," replied Mer, frowning, "before I figure everything out."

"How do you want to keep quiet the fact that you have a kid?"

"It won't be that difficult," assured Meredith. "I've really thought it over."

"Haven't I heard you ranting that the shift was so terrible because you couldn't take Bessie to Seattle Grace, and you can't stand the separation. Are you going to leave her at home for whole days while you're at work?"

"Of course not!" I've told you, Bessie is my priority; she's not going to suffer! And don't worry; I saw that problem coming and I have a way out of it."

"Ok, suppose you do," said Cristina only to present another of her reservations, "but what about the demise of your social life, not getting dead drunk every second night?"

"Thanks," smiled Meredith wryly. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a serious world-class neurosurgeon," she added with a feigned superiority.

"Yeah, yeah. Seriously, you've already acquired the occupational disease of neurosurgeons: big ego and constant bragging," her friend rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Cristina," all traces of humour were now gone from Mer's voice. "Are you going to help me? You're my person and Bessie's godmother."

"I know," sighed Cristina. "This is gonna be fun." _Just like I expected, goodbye to boredom at Seattle Grace Hospital. _"So,if you really want to keep this secret, we'd better find you a new place."

"Huh?"

"Torres has told me she's going to be back for the weekend. Apparently, the things with the boyfriend turned sour."

"Who's the guy?"

"No idea, she's very secretive about the whole thing."

"That might mean it's someone from the hospital," Meredith waggled her eyebrows. "Hey, does Callie always warn you when she's going to be back?" she joked. "Or did she have a particular reason this time, like did she think you might be busy with some boyfriend?"

"What?" shot Cristina. "What have you heard?" _Oh, God, is there already any gossip… ?_

"Er, nothing," replied Meredith, confused. "I was just joking- Wait a minute, there is a boyfriend? Spill!" she ordered with excitement.

"There's nothing to spill! My life is dull, nothing to tell," said Cristina but averted Meredith's gaze.

"I kno-"

"We were discussing your housing conditions," Cristina interrupted the question. "You've wanted my help, haven't you?"

Meredith decided to drop the subject for the time being, she would corner Cristina later.

"I'm going to move back to my old house. I'm not particularly happy about that and it might be risky, but I don't have time to look for anything else right now."

**********************************************************************************

At the same time, Derek was sitting in front of his trailer trying to relieve the tension in his body. He spent all day on the lookout for any news about Meredith and her decisions. Not that it did any good, the hospital was buzzing with gossip but nobody knew anything for sure.

Since Meredith's return, she had been constantly on his mind. Whatever he was doing, he always saw her eyes, her hair, her smile… it was exhausting, it prevented him from sleeping properly, but he didn't complain. After all, he got what he had been wishing for for the past few years. He met her and it brought him back to life instead of just existing.

However, until an hour ago, he had been hanging in sort of a limbo of doubts and insecurity. He had been so sure she'd fly to Boston. Who wouldn't, at her place? Well, she wouldn't apparently. Nevertheless, it had seemed unlikely that she'd stay in Seattle; her reactions the previous night indicated that being there caused her discomfort. Although, she was responsive to him earlier that day, she bantered with him. For a moment, he felt like in good old times, which he effectively, and foolishly, put an end to.

Luckily for Derek, an hour ago, when he finished an operation, the Chief was waiting for him outside the OR.

"_Shep."_

"_Chief," he nodded._

"_Your department's extending," said Webber. Derek's heart skipped a beat; he quickly straightened himself and looked at his boss. It was evident that Webber was excited but there was also concern lurking in his eyes._

"_Meredith's just called; she's coming back."_

_Derek couldn't suppress a smile. _She's coming back…

"_Shep, I don't want-" Webber didn't know how to put his thoughts into words. It was hell of an awkward situation."I don't want to interfere into your private lives, but… listen to me," he added authoritatively. "I don't want you to mess with her again."_

"_Chief-"_

"_I have no idea why she left," he continues as though uninterrupted. "But I've always suspected it was because of something that happened between you two. And I won't let her get hurt and run away again. Which might happen if you try to revive this affair." He cleared his throat and started again with much more professional tone. "She'll be here tomorrow to sign the contract." He turned to leave but was held back by Derek's voice._

"_Meredith, she wasn't an affair."_

"_Then don't treat her as such," were Webber's last words. _

Did she really leave Seattle because of him, because he started dating Rose? Did she hate him or did she…? There were so many unanswered questions to which Derek felt he must know the answer. Webber's voice boomed in his head again – "_I won't let her get hurt". _He didn't want her to get hurt either. Only, he couldn't stay away from her…

**********************************************************************************

While Meredith was working her way through the contract sitting comfortably in the Chief's office the news were making a tour around the hospital. For the time being, she was blissfully unaware of the sensation she had caused. Engrossed in reading the documents, she couldn't know that the nurses passing by were giving her surreptitious glances through the glass wall or that people all over the hospital who bet on her return were receiving their rewards.

She also didn't have a clue that the surgical floor's lobby had become the headquarters for her curious friends and colleagues who knew perfectly well she'd be passing that place on her way from the Chief's office. The latest addition to the party was Derek Shepherd who had just scrubbed out of a surgery and intended to update his patient's post-op chart.

He frowned slightly as he sized up the little group gathered around the counter, pretending to look innocent. Bailey was going through some charts, her former interns supposedly having a small talk, Lexie Grey was fidgeting excitedly trying to stay out of Cristina's view and even Mark and Callie Torres were standing nearby.

"What's going on?"

"Your own department's getting a new surgeon and you don't know?" asked bemused Cristina. "Your days at this hospital are counted."

Derek didn't even bother to find a witty response to Yang's jibe. _So, Meredith's here; she's really staying. _

"Meredith came to sign the contract?" he tried to keep the overwhelming exhilaration out of his voice.

"So, _you_ knew?" asked Izzie suggestively.

_What's wrong with Stevens, is everyone at war with me?_

"Shhhhh, they're coming," whispered George dramatically and surely, Derek spotted Meredith and the Chief getting close to the lobby. Webber said something while she nodded vigorously smiling slightly.

**********************************************************************************

"Looks like you've got a welcoming committee," said Webber pointing with his head at the crowded lobby.

"Why am I not surprised?" grinned Meredith.

When they reached everyone, the Chief cleared his throat and said "Since there are so many of you here, I'd like to announce that Dr. Grey has just joined our neuro department."

"Welcome back, Grey," said Alex good-naturedly earning a scowl from Izzie.

Meredith was relieved, it was going smoother than she expected. Izzie was disgruntled but Bailey didn't look like she wanted to murder her anymore, George and Alex seemed friendly and Derek… Derek was the embodiment of dreaminess…

Her good luck ran dry, however, by Izzie's comment who was clearly determined to make her uncomfortable.

"Yes, welcome back, Mer," Meredith sensed the falsely sweet tone. "We need to catch up on so many things. For example, we are all curious, why did you choose neurosurgery as your specialty?"

Meredith flinched, it was like relieving the moment Izzie discovered her romance with Derek.

"I guess I hadn't screwed that much in neuro," she shot without much thought but bit her lip almost instantly. _Damn it!_ She didn't use _that_ verb, did she?

There was a moment of a very pregnant silence in which Meredith prayed for the ground to open ad swallow her whole. Meredith chanced a look at her surroundings. Cristina was on the verge of bursting in laughter but was loyally holding it back. George was blinking rapidly staring at the floor, the same as Chief who was wearing an annoyed expression on his face. As for Derek, _that ass_, he was staring straight into her eyes, his own alight with hilarity. Alex and Mark couldn't repress their laughter any longer.

"You could have me fooled," said Izzie sweetly, gloating with satisfaction. Meredith just gave her a filthy look. _What the hell is wrong with her?_

The Chief cleared his throat again with exasperation, "I've got to go back to work. You'll get all the details from De-" he stopped irritably mid-sentence, "from Dr. Shepherd. Don't you have a job to do, people?"

Everyone started to bustle, fleeing the scene, apart from Derek, who reached her.

Meredith scowled at him, "You think it's funny?"

"Er, yeah, kinda," he said, still visibly amused. She just shook her head disbelievingly.

"Listen," he changed the subject. "I have a free moment, or two. We could discuss the details concerning your job, your responsibilities… let's say… while having lunch?"

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A.N. So, this is the chapter 9 and it's a bit shorter than the last ones I think. I'm sorry again for the long intervals between updates but I'm snowed under with work. I can't promise when I'm going to post again but I can assure you I'm not going to give up on this story, I love my baby too much :)

Happy New Year to everyone!

P.S. As usual, begging for reviews!


	10. Chapter 10: Forwards and Backwards

"We could discuss the details concerning your job, your responsibilities… let's say… while having lunch?" Derek flashed his notorious smile, cocking his head to one side.

"I-" Meredith looked into his eyes and felt unable to deny him anything in that second. _It would be a good first step. Why not…? __**That's**__ why… _Her gaze travelled over Derek's shoulder to two nurses that were standing behind the counter. As soon as Meredith's eyes settled on them, they turned their heads pretending to be looking for something.

So, that's how it was going to be? All over again? No, she wasn't going to allow it. She was a responsible person, a responsible _mother! Bess won't ever have to blush because of me, I will not be remembered as a slutty intern!_

"I'm sorry, but… we… we shouldn't be seen together in public-"

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"I mean; we will be seen together in public… obviously…. Because we're going to work together-"

_Damn it!_ She was rambling again…

"Meredith," started Derek, the corners of his lips twitching slightly.

"Derek," she interrupted bossily. "I know I'm the topic number one of the hospital gossip right now. And… I don't want to fuel it additionally by showing off with you in the cafeteria, basically, in front of everyone!"

"We can eat outside-"

"You reckon _leaving hospital together_ would look any better?"

"It's just talking Meredith," sighed Derek.

"For you, maybe," Meredith was unyielding. "But not for me; it's not just talking. I've built a reputation over the last years; I'm not going to ruin it and get back to the point of being a slutty… whatever-"

Derek looked hurt; maybe she was too harsh…

"Maybe," her voice was placatory. "Maybe, we could have something to eat at your office?"

**********************************************************************************

"Stop looking so surly, you'll get wrinkles," said Alex throwing himself on a gurney in the basement. "Still mad at Meredith?"

"Not at Meredith," replied Izzie from the wheelchair she was occupying. "At George; he's just asked if Meredith's going to be our attending."

"Hmmm, you're right. I already see myself scrubbing in on some kick-ass surgery."

"She has to treat us just like other residents," reminded George.

Alex shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't think she'll have any problem with treating us just like other people. She has been doing just that for years," said Izzie tetchily.

"Why are you getting so hot under the collar?" inquired Cristina climbing on the gurney next to George's.

"She's just jealous, Yang," smirked Alex. "She's green with envy. Grey's been having a meteoric rise in her career and we've been rotting here."

"It's not jealousy!" shrieked Izzie. "I'm surprised how you guys are so eager to receive her with arms wide open." She shot up from the wheelchair kicking it against the wall. "She's back here in all the glory as if nothing had happened, as- George, as if your- as if he hadn't-" Izzie brought a hand to her forehead pushing the fringe away. She tried to ease her breathing.

"Izzie?" started George tentatively. He was really worried about Izzie. She wasn't herself those last few days.

"Not a word," whispered Izzie and hurried out of the basement. "Not a word!"

"She's lost it," commented Alex , unaffected.

However, Cristina was sure she finally understood why Meredith's return so clearly bothered Izzie.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith took a chair in front of the Derek's desk. She was starting to regret trading the cafeteria for his office. She hadn't taken into consideration that they would be very much alone…

Derek came into the office and placed a tray in front of Meredith

"Chicken and fries for you, salad for me." He sat behind the desk, face to face with Meredith, smiling at her.

"Thanks," she gave him a small smile of her own and pointed at his bowl. "Still a health nut, huh?"

"Some things don't change," he grinned, only to look at her rather nostalgically, "other do."

"So, I'm curious myself," Derek broke the silence, playfulness returning to his features. "Why did you go into neuro; since we both know that your previous answer's not exactly accurate?"

Meredith huffed and with greeted teeth, "It is accurate; ok, partly accurate. Have never punctured a brain with my nail, have I? But if you're so curious, it was a natural choice. Remember my very first patient here? Katie Bryce, teenage girl with aneurysm?"

Derek nodded.

"I felt such a high then…" she relieved the feeling in her memory.

"I remember," said Derek softly.

"And no other specialty could give me that excitement."

"Meredith, why did you le-"

"Enough of the sentimental stuff," Meredith sensed that their conversation was sailing into dangerous waters. "Back to my job, the Chief really explained all the major things but I'd like to talk about my clinical trial. Since you're the head of my department, I am supposed to show you the project." She took out a neat pile of documents out of her bag and handed it to Derek.

"Yes, I heard from the Chief; he was very enthusiastic about it." Contrary to Derek, who had hoped to linger more on personal issues rather than professional. He sighed and began studying the papers. "What's your objective?"

"Treating inoperable tumors," said Meredith passionately. The trial was her baby, a fruit of diligent research and many hours in the laboratory. "In advance stadium or inconveniently localized."

"Through what procedure?" asked Derek, his professional curiosity rising.

"It has never been tested on humans. Basically, it involves injecting viral particles into the tumor. The virus's supposed to attack the malignant cells but not the normal tissue."

"Risky… But it certainly looks interesting…"

"Yeah, when d'you think I will be able to set it to work ?"

"I need to go through the rest of the documents and get the approval of the board-"

"The Chief said he'd take care of this," said hastily Meredith twirling her fingers out of a habit.

Derek chuckled, "You're impatient. Well, then, I don't think it will take too take long. As soon as the board give their nod, I'll make it public, so the patients can volunteer."

Derek gave her a long tender look shaking his head ever so lightly.

"What?" Meredith felt her body heat growing under his careful scrutiny.

"You amaze me," he spoke softly. "What have you been doing since you left?"

"I… It's a long story," she leapt of her chair. "It's a long story and I don't have much time. I need to see off Stacy and James, you know, the Warrens. They have their flight this afternoon. And I… I've gotta go, thanks for the lunch!" She picked up her bag hurriedly and turned towards the door.

"We could have dinner together, to catch up on things."

"I'm sorry, I really can't." Dinner? It was much too early for dinners… At this stage, they should have friendly non-committal conversations, not dinners! " I'm moving house tonight; lots of cleaning and unpacking."

"Do you need any help?" Derek was unrelenting.

"No, thank you. Cristina's already helping me."

Those were three not so subtle "no's" and Derek looked disappointed.

Meredith didn't know why she was so adamant. Maybe it was because her wounds were half-closed and she was scared of ripping them open. Maybe it was her lack of trust in him, or the fear of being vulnerable and broken-hearted again, maybe it was all about Bessie's happiness, or maybe it was a bit of everything.

"Meredith," his voice stopped her before she could press the door handle. "Why did you decide to stay?"

Her heart was beating so fast as though she had been running. Would she be able to tell him an outward lie?

"I was positive you'd choose Boston. I-" he hesitated. "What I said in the elevator, the other night, I really meant it-" At those words, Meredith's blood boiled. What an arrogant ass! She wasn't a rag to sweep the floor with, dumped away and picked up when he wished.

She rounded on him angrily, "Just who do you think you are? You think that when you say jump I ask how high? Surprise, surprise; nothing you said to me had any influence whatsoever on my decision! I chose to stay for my own personal reasons that are so not your business!"

She wasted no time to leave and almost crashed into Mark Sloan who was heading towards Derek's office.

"Dr. Grey," he said enthusiastically with exaggerated importance. "I haven't got the occasion to express my congratulations."

Meredith didn't even stop; she wasn't mad at Mark but she wanted to get out to fresh air as soon as possible.

"Hey, no welcome hug?" he shouted after her. "A regular 'hello' would be nice!"

"She's been here barely for an hour and you've already had a lovers' quarrel?" he said stepping into Derek' office and closing the door behind him. "You're lucky it's lunchtime, you'd make a scene."

"_We_ weren't quarrelling, _she_ was." Derek started pacing up and down.

"What did you do to set her off? Whoa, you're quick!" exclaimed Mark noticing the leftovers of their lunch. "You dragged her to your den to share intimate moments over a meal?"

"It wasn't my idea," snapped Derek. "_She_ didn't want to be seen with me in the cafeteria-"

"So that she could have you all for herself? How could you blow it, man?" Mark scolded his friend who only rolled his eyes.

"Negotiating with a terrorist would be easier than five minutes' worth of conversation with her! One time, she's acting like a queen of flirt; the next, all I know is that she would stab me to death with a blunt scalpel!"

"Meaning she's in two minds about you, she's hesitating."

"I think it goes deeper than that," disagreed Derek with resignation. "She doesn't trust me; therefore, she doesn't want the things between us go beyond professional."

"Well, one thing, we know for sure," assured Mark with a confidence of an expert.

"What is that?"

"Trust me, you wouldn't like her to be all docile and polite. She yells at you – I say it's good. She wants to stub you with a blunt scalpel – also good. This way, you know she _cares_."

**********************************************************************************

At that precise moment, all Meredith cared to do was to get out of the hospital before she killed somebody on her way.

_Big-headed egocentric arrogant asshole!_She only regretted she didn't shove these epithets up his face.

She spotted Cristina talking to a tall guy in attending scrubs and directed herself towards them.

"Cristina, I'm going back to your apartment now. I'll pick up all my things and we'll meet at my place at about five, ok?" she blurted out.

"Ok… Meredith, is everything fine?" Cristina noticed her friend's flushed cheeks and abrupt manner.

"Yeah… Yes," assured Meredith. "Why shouldn't it be? I'm just in a hurry; have to be at the airport in two hours." She gave a reassuring smile to Cristina and the unknown man, acknowledging his presence for the first time. He had red hair and a pale rugged face.

Cristina was still eyeing Mer disbelievingly but felt obliged to make the presentation.

"Mer, it's Major Owen Hunt. Our, huh, recently appointed head of trauma. Dr. Hunt, Dr. Grey-"

"Cristina's best friend," finished for her Owen. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too," answered back Meredith, looking quickly between him and Cristina as a certain suspicions crossed her mind.

_She definitely seems a bit less Cristina-like…__ something's going on here…_

"So, I'll see you later, Cristina. Dr. Hunt," with that she left Owen and Cristina to themselves.

"So, that was you person, Dr. Mc-"

"Out of the way!" sounded a voice and a harassed looking group of doctors and nurses pushing a gurney streamed passed them, stifling Owen's words.

"What did you just say?" Cristina was horrorstruck.

"Dr-"

"I heard! Ok, I heard! Just don't you ever repeat that! Where did you get that from?"

"The nickname? One of the interns, I guess," chuckled Owen

"Meredith will be furious. I can't believe she got nicknamed! It was our thing!"

"Which dumbass intern said that?" Cristina turned sharply to Hunt.

"Don't remember," he replied innocently.

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A.N. Hi! I have three occasions to celebrate:

We've just hit the round tenth chapter of the story! Forgive me for Meredith's current emotional unbalance, there are a lot of conflicting feelings in her at the moment and we all know she's not a exactly a decisive person. Next chapters will be devoted to healing.

The number of reviews went well over 100! Thanks a lot for your support, you guys rock!

And the last piece of news is that I have posted an all new story, which may not be the best idea as this one is not even close to the last full stop. Anyway, the new story is called "A force to be reckoned with" and it's a AU MERDER fic, only completely AU, not like "At the Edge…" which is only partly alternative.

As usual, read, enjoy and review, and I invite all that are interested and those who are not as well to read my new fic, cheers!


	11. Chapter 11: Close Encounters

A.N. LauraDrazen – you !almost! guessed what was going to happen in this chapter! :) I hope the story isn't getting very predictable! Read, enjoy & review!

**Important note:** Cutting Denny's LVAD wire happened while Meredith was away.

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The afternoon sun was slowly heading to set, making the autumn air slightly chilly. Bessie was happily running among the heaps of colourful fallen leaves, watched carefully by her mother. Meredith was beating the dust of the carpets in front of her house; no, it was _their_ house.

Meredith had been a bit apprehensive before entering the house. It brought so many memories – the cohabitation with her friends, the wild party, lying under the Christmas tree, passionate nights with Derek…

But she was just fine. Apparently, Bessie brought fresh air to the old walls; and the little girl loved her new home. It was so spacious in comparison to all the apartments and hotel rooms they had stayed at that she christened it "castle".

"Mummy, look! Kitty!" exclaimed Bessie and stuck her tiny index finger at the black cat squeezing its body under the fence.

"Don't come near it, sweetie," warned Meredith, pausing her activities. "It might be ill and it might scratch you."

"And I have ambulation of limp!" Bessie was elated.

Meredith laughed cheerfully at her daughter's mispronunciation, "Amputation of a limb!"

"Wow, have you already sentenced my goddaughter to medicine?" joked Cristina, coming out of the house, carrying three glasses of juice. "She shows more enthusiasm for surgery than my interns."

"Bessie, come back here! Don't get so close to the street!" Meredith shouted after her daughter, who ran in the direction of the sidewalk, following the black cat.

"So, what's with the trauma guy?" she shot unexpectedly, sipping her drink.

"Nothing!" replied quickly Cristina, sitting heavily on the swing. "We should better talk about _your_ strained relationships; with McDreamy, for example, or Izzie."

Meredith's good humour fell. "We've already talked about me; all that we do is talking about me, me and only _me_. Everyone is talking about _me_. I deserve a break, don't you think? We might psychoanalyze _you_ for a change. You have your dark and twisty moments, too, may I remind you?"

Bessie came running at Meredith and wrapped herself around her leg.

"I caught you, caught you, caught you!" she chanted. Mer's bad mood vanished instantly; she reached for Bess and murmured tenderly in her ear, "And I caught _you_!"

"You're hot from all the running, sit beside Auntie Cris for a while to cool off, ok?" She placed her disgruntled daughter on the swing.

"Don't sing!" she said discontentedly.

"Huh? I wasn't going to!" defended herself Cristina.

Meredith laughed, "No, _doesn't swing_! The swing, it isn't working."

"Oh," she gazed at Bessie's golden locks. "She's… adorable."

"Don't try to butter me up," said Meredith. "You still have to tell me about Dr. Hunt."

"I wasn't trying to butter _you _up," bit back Cristina. "I was flattering McDreamy."

She breathed out and said, "About Hunt, the thing is that I don't know much myself. I mean… we ki-" She reflected herself in time and covered Bessie's ears. "We kissed-"

"What?" shrieked Mer. "You're dating somebody and you didn't tell me?!"

"I'm not dating him," she put her hands in Bessie's head again. "We just kissed, well , twice… and then one day I came back from work, and he was sitting on the door of my building. And we sat together, for hours, not doing much talking. And that's… pretty everything."

"Do you _want_ to date him?"

"I don't know. I mean… I spent so much time being secretly heartbroken after Burke left and… What was it that I had with him?

"Besides, Hunt could certainly join the club of the dark and twisty. He's just as messed up as me."

"It's good to have something in common at the beginning," remarked Meredith lightly.

She felt raindrops on her face and surveyed the sky.

"Where have these clouds come from? Seriously! Can you take Bessie inside? I'll get the carpets. Looks like we're having a very rainy night ahead."

She picked up the cleaned carpets and disappeared into the house seconds after Bess and Cristina.

**********************************************************************************

_It would just be a little detour __on the route to the trailer…_

_No! It's official now that you're a pathetic looser without any sense of dignity, just to be thinking about it!_

Two Derek Shepherds were waging a battle of wills inside his car on the hospital parking lot.

_Scre__w it!_ He started the engine and followed the still familiar way to Meredith's house. He just wanted to see that she was home, wanted to see the lights in her house.

Before he reached his destination the sky turned leaden. It was going to rain. He took a narrow street as the first droplets crashed against his windscreen.

Only two houses left, one… And there he was passing by her house. He caught the glimpse of Cristina Yang walking inside, carrying something in her arms. Meredith hastily collected a carpet from the rack and followed suit.

He drove away but the image of Meredith was engraved in his mind. Her blond her flying everywhere in the wind, her lean silhouette…

He wanted her, longed for her so much. He promised to himself that he was not going to screw up the second chance he got from life. She could yell at him as much as she wanted to, he just needed her back.

**********************************************************************************

"Toss the salad in the bowl, sweetie," Meredith leaned to kiss Bessie's head. "Not all around the kitchen."

"With scalpel!" She raised her little hand gripping a large wooden spoon.

"A spoon, love, spoon."

Cristina's mouth went agape, "Seriously, she's hooked on it. You didn't joke with her first word, did you?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and smiled. The three of them were making dinner.

"It's your turn to confess, you know. What set you off this morning?"

Meredith tired to get the right words. That morning's anger evaporated and she felt a tad ashamed at her childish outburst.

"I… I kinda… yelled at Derek," she grimaced.

"You yelled at Derek," repeated calmly Cristina.

"I just… got mad."

"You got mad-"

"Can you stop repeating everything I say?" Meredith's voice turned high-pitched.

"I'm just trying to warp my mind around it. You wanted to improve your relations with him, what has happened with that resolution? Was it something he said that made you angry?"

"Yes… and no. He was being himself, I guess. McDreamy and all that. And being around him while he's behaving like that is so dam-, I mean so hard." _Just perfect_, she almost swore in front of her daughter.

"What I'm trying to say is that my whole life changed, I'm not the same person I was. And for him, it's the same."

"I don't think so, Mer, not really," replied silently Cristina. "I'm not a fan of his, you know that. But if you think that his absence didn't affect him at all, you're wrong. I kept an eye on him for you and I know well enough those dramatic looks and- Not important, my point is that you have to look past your anger if you want Bess and him ever to work."

"When did you get so smart?"

"When you weren't looking," smiled Cristina.

Meredith sighed, "I have to fix it, I'll apologise to him. I'll apologise and we'll go back to being friendly and professional."

"Yeah, right," muttered Cristina under her nose.

"What?"

"Er, I said that you're absolutely right."

"Right. Cristina, what is going on with Izzie?"inquired Meredith. "Alex is fine with me, George is fine with me, only Izzie is piss- is somehow unhappy."

Cristina took her moment and said, "It's because you didn't lie with her on the bathroom floor."

Meredith turned abruptly to face her friend, "I'm sorry?"

"Remember when I told you about that cardio patient Izzie had a crush on?"

Meredith nodded, "He died, didn't he?"

"Yes, and it was more than a crush, actually. It was like head-over-heels, sweep-me-of-my-feet great romantic love." Cristina's words were harsh but she wasn't ironic. "He proposed to her, soon before he died."

"Oh my God! Why didn't you tell me?"

"You had your own problems at the time, your own life to deal with," Cristina shrugged her shoulders.

"What's with the bathroom floor?"

"It's a long and complicated story which we can short by saying that Izzie spent the whole night after Denny died lying on the bathroom floor in a pink prom dress."

"What?"

"Whatever, it all comes down to the fact that Izzie is… much like you, at the moment."

Meredith simply looked at her with puzzled eyes.

"You said that you're life is changed and Derek stayed the same. That's exactly what Izzie feels. Her life changed, her fiancé died, she was almost kicked out of the program and you're life seems close to perfection."

Meredith sighed, "I have to fix it with her, too. Is there something else that I should know before I go to work?"

_Like hell, there is. You've got__ McNicknamed, babe. _"Not really," replied Cristina instead. She decided it would be better if someone else took the impact of Meredith's wrath rather than her and Bessie.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was twirling her hands nervously as she made her way to the hospital, the following morning. She just left Bessie in the nursery. She was lucky she found it, it was close to the hospital, which meant she could see Bessie whenever she had a free moment.

Right now, she kept rehearsing her little speech she intended to give to Derek. As she was nearing the entrance, she saw Derek getting out of his car on the parking lot. She halted to wait for him.

_Fate__, again. _At least, this time karma wasn't a bitch; in fact, the timing couldn't be better. She watched as Derek made his way towards the entrance and noticed her, evidently surprised that she didn't make a move to escape from him.

"Derek," she greeted him with a small smile.

"Meredith," his tone was inquiring.

"I… wanted to talk to you, please, "she said softly.

"Do you… do you want to go somewhere more private?" he gazed around them. It was already past the morning rush hour. "You said you didn't want us to be seen together," he added hastily not to scare her away. He resolved to regain her trust step by step.

"It's fine," assured Meredith. "We're just… I mean, we're just talking." She laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry if I pressured you in any way, yesterday-"

"Shut up!" silenced him Meredith. Why the hell he had to apologise at the exact moment when she wanted to apologise to _him_? "_I_ want to apologise!"

Derek chuckled and made a few steps forward, "You want to apologise by telling me to shut up?"

"Listen, Derek," _Please don't ramble, please don't ramble, please don't ramble!_ "I know I acted ridiculously yesterday, it was… just a… a stressful day. I shouldn't have yelled at you and… spilled all my anger at you."

"We… we have, you know, a… a history but we're working together now and it really… it really shouldn't get in the way of us… working together."

Derek opened his mouth to say something but was interjected by Meredith.

"I know we can't be just colleagues because… because of _that_ history. But I don't want us to be… awkward with each other… or angry with each other. And what I'm trying to suggest… is that we… huh… we… should be…

He was dangerously close, so close she could feel his scent, his manly Derek scent… She was looking directly at his stubble, remembering very vividly how it grazed the skin on the crook of her neck so many nights, and mornings, ok, afternoons as well, and, fine, evenings…

_Whatever, don'__t think about him that way! He knocked you up and left for a nurse, a nurse! Remember?_

_No, no! Don't get angry at him, you can't do that! He didn't know he had knocked you up. Anyway, remember about Bessie, Bessie is the most important here!__ Don't look at him, look at the ceiling!_

_Oh, God, the hair! _Meredith had to fight the sudden urge to rake his dark mane with her hands. Another steamy memory popped in her head, the memory of her lying on the cool sheets underneath Derek's warm body; her fingers in his curls pressing his head to her chest…

"Meredith?" Derek interrupted her in the midstream of her wanderings, he was grinning gently. "You said you wanted us to be-"

"Huh, right! I… I want us to be… friends. Friends! We could be friends." Meredith glanced nervously at him but to her astonishment he was all smiles.

"Ok."

"Ok?" _Just like that? Ok?_

"Ok." He reached a hand and said with a knowing smile, "Hello, friend."

As his fingers clasped hers she felt as though her hand was the only living part of her body. She looked deep into his eyes.

Of course, she could be friends with him. She could be just friends with him, she could, _right?_

**********************************************************************************

P.S. Many of you ask in your reviews when Meredith is going to tell Derek about Bess. Well, I can't exactly tell you, can I? But I'll just say that I intend to keep poor McDreamy in the dark for a little while; there is a bit of romance and fluff and drama that I want to throw in before the big moment. So, stay tuned! And review! :)


	12. Chapter 12: First Day Part I

A.N. Hi everyone, chapter 12 is finally here! I'm awfully sorry for the lack of updates but I share my writing time with another story and besides that my studies are really time-consuming at the moment. The good news is that my holidays are coming so I hope to post more often. R&R!

I hope you remember the last two chapters, or you might be a bit confused.

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Meredith's fingers were working furiously to undo a knot on Bessie's shoe-laces. The harder she was tugging at the rope, the more tangled it was becoming.

"Mummy, 'urry!" urged her Bessie, too impatient to stay in one place.

It was lunchtime and Meredith took the opportunity to sneak out of hospital and take her daughter for a short walk. She really needed that break as she felt like a nervous wreck. She tried to remain calm and reason with herself. She hadn't experienced such an emotional rollercoaster since… well, since she was in Seattle last time.

"Stupid sneaky McBastard," she muttered under her breath.

**********************************************************************************

**SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER**

Derek reached his hand and said with a knowing smile, "Hello, friend."

As they stood shaking their hands, their eyes interlocked, Meredith felt drawn to him. However, in the back of her mind, she knew she couldn't let herself do what her body clearly craved for.

"So…" she started. She awkwardly slid her hand out his grasp, tracing her fingertips the lines in his palm. The loss of skin contact left her slightly bereft.

"So," murmured Derek, his glazed eyes never leaving her features. He was as moved with their touch as she was. He had dreamed of feeling her for so long that the simplest of handshakes made his senses go haywire.

"So, I guess we should.. huh…" stuttered Mer, trying to make some sense of her incoherent thoughts, "we should, actually, go to work."

"We should." They made the way towards the elevators together, shoulder to shoulder. "We've found you an office."

Meredith looked at Derek with interest.

"The Chief was very choosy," he continued.

"Oh?"

To tell the truth, Webber was annoyed with Derek's proposition.

"_What did I tell you, __Derek?"_

"_Really, Richard, you told me to find her a place to work and I did just that."_

"_We might look for something else, __**somewhere**__ else," said Richard halfheartedly._

"_This is the neuro department," reminded Derek determinately, his arms crossed on his chest._

"I told the chief that I didn't need anything fancy. But he's so stubborn," sighed Meredith.

"He wants the best for you. And he doesn't want you to have regrets you might have choosing Seattle over Boston."

"I never chose Seattle over Boston," argued Meredith. "I knew all along I was never going for the Chief thing at Providence."

"You did?" Derek was taken aback by her statement.

"Er, yeah." _When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?,_ she thought frantically as she accidentally brushed the subject she was desperate to avoid.

"Let's hurry," she said instead. "It's my first day, I don't want to be late."

Derek knew her too much not to notice an abrupt change in her manner, a telltale sign that she was keeping something from him. He decided not to press her; one wrong word and he could undermine their fragile understanding.

As they entered the neuro department several minutes later, Derek pointed at the door leading to a small room and announced with a smile, "Voila," he opened the door with a grand gesture. "Dr. Grey, welcome to your office."

Meredith took a quick glance inside but spun around almost immediately, raising her eyebrows in consternation.

"It's… It's right opposite _your_ office…"

"It's the best we could come up with. Besides, I need to keep an eye on you," he explained flashing his McDreamy smile.

"Keep… an eye… on me?" Meredith repeated slowly.

"Oh, yes," confirmed Derek. "You've been a fully-fledged surgeon only for a few days. I need to be _close_," he said with a low and soft voice, inching towards her. "Make sure you're… _comfortable_…"

Mer cleared her throat and backed a little, meeting the wall behind her.

"I think… I'll be just fine…" her stare fixed on his lips…

Meredith didn't have an idea what could happen at that very moment if someone's loud footsteps hadn't broken the moment.

"Good morning, Dr. Stevens," Derek sighed with resignation. Izzie was hurrying along the corridor with a pile of lab results in her hands.

"Good morning," her greeting was full of the familiar coldness and resentment. "Please, continue when you left off. Don't let me interrupt you."

"Izzie!" called Meredith after her.

"what's going on between the two of you?" asked Derek with concern.

"It's… complicated," Meredith shook her head.

"This can't keep going on. You have to put your foot down, you're her attending now," reminded Derek authoritatively.

"I know, I'll take care of this," assured Meredith. "Listen, I need to get changed. See you around, Dr. Shepherd." She quickly stepped into her tiny office, shut the door into his face and pulled down the blinds of the room's sole window donning on the corridor.

Once hidden from Derek's view she leaned her back heavily on the wall, trying to cool off. The friendship resolution was already crumbling, minutes after their agreement. It seemed like she couldn't stop herself from flirting with him. _Deep down, you're the same slutty intern_, she reprimanded herself. And Derek's attitude wasn't helping. He was smiling, leaning, giving her long looks and… he got her an office door to door with his. If she pulled up the blinds, she would have a perfect outlook over his office. _In which he's probably undressing… Just focus on work, Meredith. Be professional and friendly, but not __**too**__ friendly…_

She quickly put on her navy-blue scrubs and directed her steps to the lobby. Fortunately, Derek was nowhere in sight.

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"Jackson, prep Ms. Lewis for surgery. Green, you're taking care of the other patient; and page Dr. Grey," Derek ordered the interns, investigating the scans of two head-trauma patients.

"Page Dr. Grey?" Mark Sloan entered the CT room , halted beside his best friend and shook his head pityingly. "It's bad Derek. Now, you need her to second you medical opinions?"

"Don't be daft," Derek rolled his eyes at Mark. "I have two patients needing immediate attention, I can't be in two ORs at the same time."

"That's a relief because luring her to the CT room would look a bit desperate. Good to know that you didn't hit the romantic bottom."

Derek's body stiffened guiltily at Mark's last comment. He would be a laughing stock if he told Mark about his… well, desperate ride near Meredith's house the day before…

"So, how's the situation on the front? You two still fighting?"

"We… declared kind of a truce."

"A truce?" Mark was all astonishment; only the day before Meredith Grey was after Derek's blood.

"We're… friends now," Derek was perfectly aware how lame it sounded.

"Friends?"

"Yeah, _she _suggested that."

"She-"

"Can you stop repeating every word that I say? It's annoying," snapped Derek irritably.

"Sorry, I'm just surprised. You're evolving faster than a malignant tumor."

Derek looked at him in disbelief, "Thanks for comparing my relationship to a disease." He asked anxiously, "Does it mean good, the friends thing?"

Mark eyed him skeptically and chuckled, "Friends with benefits, maybe."

Derek smiled but shook his head, "She keeps pulling back because she doesn't trust me. I'm going to move slow, baby steps."

"Dr. Sloan, I need you for a consult. We have a patient with severe facial burns," Alex's voice sounded from the door.

"Good luck," whispered Mark patting him on the shoulder and leaving the room, seconds only before Meredith hurried in.

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"What are we going to do?" asked George silently, walking out of a patient's room behind Meredith.

Their patient, a middle-aged woman with brain tumor, insisted to put off her surgery until the arrival of her fiancé.

"Right now, we're going to wait."

"But you heard what her sister said, she'd never seen him. What if he doesn't exist? We might be wasting time."

"I know it can be the impact of the tumor but we can give her 24 hours. Given the advance stadium of the illness, her chance of recovery is… scarce. I want to grant her wish. You're going to monitor her condition. If anything changes, we'll operate immediately."

George nodded and said, "It's really good to have you back. Seattle Grace wasn't the same place without you."

Meredith smiled warmly, "Thanks. Aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be?"

"I wasn't here for you, for any of you. You had rough moments; cristina told me."

"It's not your fault," George shrugged his shoulders. "And don't worry about Izzie, she'll come around."

"Talking about me?" asked Izzie passing them by. "You must be the only two; the rest of the hospital is talking about you, Meredith."

"Izzie," called Meredith. "We need to talk, we keep bumping into each other-"

"Yeah, how annoying is that?" Izzie grimaced her face and walked away.

"Izzie!" shouted George. "I'm sorry, I'll talk to her-"

"Don't worry, George," protested Mer. "I have to do it myself-"

She was cut off by the sound her pager. "I need to go, keep me posted on Ms. Hernandez's condition."

She dashed into the CT room to find Derek inside, "You called?"

He pointed at the two sets of scans, "We have a male and female in their twenties, head trauma form motorcycle accident. Didn't wear helmets. What can you see?"

"Excuse me?" Meredith huffed, examining the images. "I'm not your intern!"

Derek chuckled, "Sorry, just the force of habit."

She scowled at him, "I'm taking the woman."

"No, I'm taking the woman. Her condition's much more serious-"

"I can see that," argued Meredith. "And I'm capable-"

"I don't doubt you are. But I'm still the head of department," he replied, playfulness never fading from his features. "Dr. Green's prepping your patient, he's a second year intern."

"Fine, _Dr. Shepherd_," she squinted at him.

"My patient's mother told me they're engaged," said softly Derek. "Let's make sure they make it to the grand day."

Meredith nodded and made her way to leave.

"Dr. Grey," Derek called after her mischievously. "Are you going to dance again?"

Meredith tried with great effort to keep her face straight, "No, Dr. Shepherd, I AM NOT," she emphasized each word.

"That's a pity," he shook his head mournfully.

"I don't dance in the OR… usually… It's a long story."

"Care to tell me when we're not busy with saving lives?"

"Maybe," Meredith hesitated and added, cocking her eyebrow, "if you behave."

Meredith didn't have any intention of repeating the IEPS tradition in Seattle. She performed her own private ritual at the beginning of a surgery. It was nothing spectacular; quite the contrary, it was discreet, almost imperceptible. She didn't utter any magic formulas or stretch her muscles. All she did was a simple hand movement, a habit she acquired during her first solo surgery.

When she was allowed to perform first procedure all by herself, she was six-months pregnant. Her unborn daughter chose the precise moment when Meredith was stepping up towards the operating table to start kicking her little legs inside her mum's womb. She probably sensed the excitement Meredith felt at the prospect of solo surgery.

Meredith put a hand on her swollen belly in attempt to calm her baby. Ever since, she had been repeating the small gesture every time she performed a surgery. Even though she was no longer pregnant and her abdomen was flat, it still filled her with contentment and confidence. This time was no exception.

**********************************************************************************

Two hours later, Meredith was scrubbing out, full of optimism. The procedure went without complications and Meredith felt a strange sort of elation. She and Derek were working together, they were operating on two people in love. Their future and their happiness were at their hands. She only hoped they handled their patients' fate better than their won.

According to the nurse Mer asked for information, Derek hadn't yet finished. It was understandable; the fiancées injuries were more extensive, she had intra-_cranial hemorrhage_

She slipped into the gallery to see the progress of Derek's operation and decided to wait until he finished. Judging by the monitors, it shouldn't take long. She perched on the highest bench, unnoticed by a group of interns conversing animatedly.

"So, I have this patient," said a blond girl. "A young woman who can't stop blushing. She's so funny. She turns all red whenever McDreamy is around."

The groups burst into silent giggles. Meredith smiled. Apparently, their McNickname tradition was still thriving. It looked like she and her friends took a place in the medical history, even if it was only a Seattle Grace Hospital medical history.

"You'd better tell that girl to watch it," advised a girl with dark braids. "Shepherd's a private property. All rights reserved by McFoxy!"

"So true, she shouldn't enrage a woman that's so good with a scalpel!"

The comment was met by another gale of laughter but to Meredith it was like a bucket of cold water.

_McFoxy? Who the hell is McFoxy?_

"Having fun?" hissed Meredith coldly, careful not to cause disruption in the OR below.

The interns turned around, eliciting gasps of terror.

"We… we…" the blond girl stammered, her eyes wide with shock.

"We what? You've suddenly lost the ability of human speech? You were very eloquent a few seconds ago, as I can remember."

"We were watching the procedure," another intern tried to save the day.

"Shut up! You didn't come here to learn, you came here to gossip. Otherwise, you would respect the fact that down there a group of doctors is trying to save someone's life. Take the crap you were talking about somewhere else, you're banned from the OR for today."

The interns were rooted to the spot as if preparing to be executed.

"What are you still doing here? Get out of my sight!"

The girls scurried away, bumping into each other as they tried to get away from their attending's fury as quickly as possible.

Meredith was seething. Not so much with the fact that she caught a bunch of interns fooling around. They were just accidental casualties of her rage as she learnt from their banter that Derek was apparently seeing some "McFoxy". Meredith snorted to herself, _sounds like some slutty bitch_.

If looks could kill, Derek Shepherd would be dead at that very moment, instead of handing his scalpel to a nurse. Meredith eyes travelled along with the knife to the nurse, _the_ nurse. She would recognize everywhere those big innocent eyes, she visualized them too many times while playing darts.

_Well, well, well… How cosy…_

"Good work, everyone," Derek's voice announced the end of the procedure. The patient survived; it was all she needed to know for now.

She left the gallery not to meet Derek. If she did now, she would pour all her anger at him and she really didn't want to do that. Unfortunately, she stumbled upon her half-sister who fell victim to Meredith's foul mood.

She groaned inwardly at the sight of Lexie's enthusiastic face.

"Hi," she started awkwardly. "I'm…"

"Dr. Grey, are you assigned to work with me?" Meredith asked bluntly.

Lexie was slightly surprised at the fact that Meredith knew her name, "No-"

"Were you sent to tell me something important?"

Lexie shook her head once again, "No-"

"Then why are you wasting my time?" Meredith didn't even attempt to sound less aggressive. Cristina was right, the interns were really stupid and lazy.

Meredith's harshness knocked Lexie for six, her eyes began to water.

"Go and make yourself useful! Tell Dr. Shepherd that my patient's stable and so far there have been no complications." She departed without another word leaving hurt Lexie behind her.

She really needed to calm down Thank God it's almost lunchtime.

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**PRESENT**

"Stupid sneaky McBastard," muttered Meredith under her breath. "Stupid McJackass and his slutty McLadies. Slutty McFoxy and slutty nurse."

"Sutty, sutty," repeated after her Bessie.

Meredith gasped in panic and covered her mouth. It wasn't the first time she verbalized her not-so-elegant inner ramblings in front of her daughter.

"Don't you repeat that ever again, sweetie!" She finally managed to untangle the knotted shoelace.

"What sutty?" asked Bessie.

Meredith groaned, "It means that mummy's crazy. Look, you're all set, we can have our walk."

Bessie broke free of Meredith's hands emitting a real belly laugh and trotted along the alleyway, her mum at her heels.

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The park proved a refuge not only for Meredith Grey. For Miranda Bailey, meeting her son there was a regular practice. She had recently finished her residency and trying to fit Tuck in her schedule was a desperate quest.

"Tell mummy how's your day, hmm?" she asked as her son ran a miniature car on the park bench. She heard a loud laughter and cast a fleeting glance at the source of the sound. Her mind registered disinterestedly a small girl followed by a young blond-haired woman only to turn her attention at Tuck. However, a sudden thought struck her and her head snapped back to two running figures. It was too late to see the woman and the girl again, though; they had already disappeared behind a bush.

For a second, she could swear the woman was Meredith Grey but almost immediately, she laughed at the irrationality of the concept. After all, she didn't clearly see her face and how many women had blond hair like that? And what would be Meredith Grey doing in a park with a few-year old child? She dismissed her silly thoughts from her head and focused on her son.

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**A.N. ****Important note:** If any of you have doubts after reading this chapter, I assure you Derek has nothing to do with Rose! They broke up in peace years ago and she's still a scrub nurse at Seattle Grace but that's all.

Gosh, I believe it's my longest chapter ever!

BTW, how did you like the last Grey's episode? I think it was amazing, the ending left me speechless! Waiting two weeks for the crossover seems like a torture.


	13. Chapter 13: First Day Part II

A.N. Promised to update soonish and here it is! R&R! Thanks a lot for the reviews I've got so far, they make my day! :)

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If the forty-five minutes spent with Bessie In the park didn't disperse all the dark thoughts from Meredith's head, they certainly dissipated her anger. Meredith thought that Bessie was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was her balance, her grounding and that little something that made her more humane. In other words, without Bessie, Meredith would be a lonely bitter hag.

Her way back to the hospital was full of remorse for her irrational outburst on Lexie. Her crushed face kept haunting her. None of Meredith's misfortunes was her fault, neither her twisted love life nor her dysfunctional childhood.

And Derek… Did she have any right to reproach him his relationships? After all, they were just… She didn't know herself what they were. All she knew was that he didn't belong to her and was free to act as he pleased.

Meredith went to her office to leave her things and grab her lab coat.

"Meredith?" Derek was currently in his office and given the close neighborhood of their work stations he couldn't not notice her return. "Where have you been?"

"I…" she turned to face him, "went for lunch."

Derek looked concerned as he took in her hollow face, "You went out?"

"Yeah, did something happen? Didn't Dr. Grey pass you my message?"

"Dr. Grey?" he sighed as though he had understood something. "Yes, she informed me of Mr. Robinson's condition."

_God, he thinks I'm upset because of Lexie and my daddy issues._

"Meredith, d'you want to talk about it? Your conversation with Lexie didn't go very well, did it?"

"No, please, I don't want to think about it right now."

"Mer-"

"Who's McFoxy?" she shot unexpectedly. The need to know the truth proved stronger than her uncertainties and her pride.

"Who?" Derek furrowed his brows.

Meredith was perplexed. He seemed genuinely surprised with her query. Either he was really clueless on what she was talking about or he did some good acting.

"Never mind. I must check up on my patient. Another patient. She has a tumor and she's refusing to have an operation because she's waiting for her fiancé who might be imaginary."

Meredith readjusted her lab coat and scurried away. Derek stared after her with unease. They were making so much headway that morning and now she distanced herself again.

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"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked her friends coming into a patient's room. Cristina was poring over a book, while Alex, George and Izzie were eating their lunch.

"Having our well-earned lunch break," replied Cristina.

"In a patient's room?" she looked over a sleeping form of an elderly man.

"It's quiet here," explained George.

"Yeah, we've sorta moved into the really old guy's room," supplied Alex and added seeing Mer's indignant expression. "Relax, Mer. He's in coma. Has been for years."

"That doesn't mean he's an element of décor! He's a patient," huffed Meredith.

"Wow, you've really gotten into the role of attending," commented Izzie sarcastically.

"Wasn't it you who ranted not to call the really old guy the really old guy?" asked Cristina, not tearing her eyes from the textbook.

"I'm not hungry anymore," Izzie shrugged her shoulders and left the room, not giving Meredith a chance to speak.

Cristina finally looked up at Meredith, "You look terrible. What's wrong?"

Mer gave her a meaningful not-now look, "Nothing. I'm just having a crappy day," she sat heavily on the chair Izzie had just vacated. "Have you been monitoring Ms. Rodriguez?"

"Yes, she's stable."

"And the boyfriend?"

"Hasn't showed up," answered George reluctantly. "Are we still waiting?"

Meredith sighed, "Yes. She still has got hope. I really don't want to kill it for her."

She was already waiting in limbo when it came to her patient. Hanging in the unknown in her personal life would be unbearable. It would take just one question. Her friends knew the hospital gossip for sure.

"Who's Dr. McFoxy?" she fixed her gaze on the floor waiting for the answer as though for a jury's verdict.

George nearly suffocated as he choked on his food.

"You've got to be kidding!" Alex burst out laughing.

Meredith looked up just in time to catch Cristina sending him a death glare.

Alex cleared his throat and muttered, "I forgot I need to get lab results for Bailey or she's gonna kill me."

George followed suit, "It's time I check up on Ms. Rodriguez."

"Cristina?" Mer turned to her best friend. "Would you care to explain?"

"Of course. Well, you see… The lunch break is over!" Cristina grabbed her book and scarpered off.

Meredith sat with her mouth open, lost for words. Where they _afraid_ to give away the identity of the mysterious Dr. McFoxy?

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"Are you suicidal, Karev?" Cristina snapped at Alex joining him and George in the ER. "Fine by me, just don't take us with you!"

"Drop it, Yang," Alex snarled back. "I didn't know she didn't know- Whatever."

"Someone should tell her," said George looking between Alex and Cristina.

"I agree," replied lightly Cristina. "Good luck, George. You're on your way to give her the update on your patient, right?"

"I am not going to tell her," said George through gritted teeth. "I want to scrub in on craniotomy."

"Oh my God," complained Izzie, bolting past them to the supply closet. "I'm being punished for bitching around!"

She snatched bandages from the shelf and ran back to her patients, two teenage girls yelling at each other like mad.

The girls' shouting match echoed across the room.

"It's all your fault!"

"Shut up!"

"I'm so telling mum and dad everything!"

"Girls, we need you to calm down," said Dr. Hunt, filling in a chart. "And we need your names."

"Don't tell them anything!" shouted the slightly older girl.

"She's Holly Andrews and I'm Katie," fired her sister immediately.

"You suck up!" screamed Holly.

Izzie leaned over her and inspected her face; it was pallid and there were red rings around her bloodshot eyes.

"There's a possibility of skull fracture," diagnosed Izzie.

"Take her for CT," ordered Owen. "And page someone from neuro."

"Where is she going?" shouted Katie.

"Just to run a few tests," answered George with a calming voice.

"Good! Get her out of here! Take her away! I hope you'll die!"

Izzie took the older sister to the CT room. It turned out that Shepherd was busy which meant she had to work with Meredith. Izzie sighed as she realized how stupid her behaviour towards Mer must look like. It might be acceptable for teenage girls but for her it was just pathetic.

It was true that letting her steam out brought some short-term release. However, it was unfair towards her friend. And despite all her harsh words, Izzie still saw Meredith as her friend. It also meant she hadn't yet come to terms with Denny's passing.

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"Meredith!"

She heard Derek's voice behind her and groaned painfully. _He's everywhere!_

"Do you have a minute?" he caught up with her. "My patient has just woken up. I'm sure she would like to hear about the condition of her fiancé and since you operated on-"

"That's fine, lead the way," she cut short Derek's verbal diarrhea.

"You're bossy again," smiled Derek.

"And you love that," the flirty answer rolled of her tongue before she could stop herself.

_Damn it, girl! You go all putty in his hands! Remember that__ he has his slutty McFoxy somewhere around!_

"Hello, Ms. Lewis," Derek softly greeted his patient. "I'm Dr. Derek Shepherd. I performed your surgery. How are you feeling?"

"I… sore, I guess… It feels like my head weighs a ton."

"That is to be expected for a while. You've had a complicated brain surgery. I'm surprised you've woken up so early."

The young woman paled considerably and asked, "What about… what about Luke? We were together on the bike and then I… I don't really remember!"

"Don't worry, Ms. Lewis. Mr. Robinson is just fine." Derek pointed at Meredith who stayed near the door, "This is Dr. Grey, she operated on you fiancé. She'll give you the details."

"Just tell me truth! Where is he?" pleaded Ms. Lewis.

Meredith came closer and explained with a reassuring voice, "Ms. Lewis, as Dr. Shepherd already said, I expect Mr. Robinson to make a full recovery. He suffered a slight intracranial hemorrhage but his operation went without any complications and to tell the truth, he has woken up much earlier than you."

Ms. Lewis visibly relaxed, "Thank God!" She brought a hand to wipe the tears that escaped from her eyes.

"We can arrange so that you two could stay in the same room," proposed Derek.

"What? No! Please, no! I don't want to see him!"

Derek and Meredith looked at each other astonished by their patients reaction.

"I'm sorry," said Derek. "Isn't Mr. Robinson your fiancé? We were given such information by your parents."

"He is," replied the woman through tears. "Or… Not anymore. I can't be engaged to him anymore. You can tell him that."

"Ms. Lewis, you need to lie back," started Meredith. "You're clearly in the posttraumatic shock-"

"No, we're just not meant to be together."

"If this is about the accident-"

"It's not about the _accident_, it's about the _accidents._ So far, we've kept laughing at everything that happened to us. We've kept saying that we're the pair of the most unlucky people in the world. But this… this is just too much."

"Ms. Lewis, don't make any rush decisions. What you need is a long nap. It always helps," encouraged Derek.

"You don't get it," sobbed the woman. "Me and Luke, we're not meant to be together… I can't ignore the signs any longer. You know how we met? We got stuck in an elevator for ten hours, ten hours! We thought it was romantic at the time. Then, on our first date, there was a massive fire in the restaurant. I can also tell you about going on holidays to Hawaii and getting two weeks of rain and wind, having our newly furnished apartment flooded and… and thousand other tiny things!" she tried to catch her breath. "But that, it really tops everything! We could die, oh my God, we could die!" she broke down in uncontrollable sobs. "Oh God, I regret ever meeting him, I regret every damn second!"

Derek ushered Meredith out of the room and ordered a nurse to give his patient sedatives.

Meredith watched through a window the woman becoming still and falling into the drug induced slumber.

"Wow," Meredith shook her head, her arms crossed on her chest. "They have quite a record."

"Quite a history, huh?" Derek shot her a piercing look. "It's sad… for two people with such a long and rich history to part…"

Meredith carefully avoided his eyes, "It… it is sad. But… maybe, sometimes, it's for the better…"

"Do you think it could be for the better if two people who love each other separate?"

Meredith's voice became hoarse, her throat suddenly blocked with emotion, "

"Meredith, do you…" he hesitated. "Do you regret-"

Derek didn't have a chance to finish his question as his pager went off.

"Damn it, 911."

Seconds later, Meredith's pager started to buzz as well. "I need to go to the CT room. Fate," she tried to smile as they parted.

**********************************************************************************

"Izzie," Meredith was surprised to see the person who paged her. "What have we got?"

"A 16-year-old girl, might have a basilar skull fracture. I've just brought her for CT."

They stood together waiting for results and Meredith, encouraged by lack of Izzie's snide remarks, decided to break the silence.

"Izzie," she took a deep breath. "I am really truly sorry I couldn't be for you and for others when you needed me. I know you-"

"Meredith," interrupted Izzie. "It's me-"

Izzie was interrupted halfway through her sentence as well, this time by the alarm.

"She's crashing!" yelled Meredith, pushed the red button on the wall and ran to the girl, Izzie at her heels.

The teenager lay unconscious, blood was trickling from her nostrils and her ears. Meredith took out a little flashlight to look closer, "There's brain matter in her blood. Let the OR know we're coming right away!"

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_You can't save all patients._ Meredith had heard that phrase so many times form the lips of various doctors. She was aware of the reality of that statement but she couldn't help feeling helpless, especially if that patient was a young girl with all her life before her.

Holly Andrews was the first patient she lost while being a fully qualified surgeon. And it hurt like hell. She managed to "fix" the hole in her brain that allowed the tissue to run through her nose, but the blood supply to her brain was cut off and couldn't be restored. Holly went brain-dead.

Meredith pulled herself together and went to the room where Holly's younger sister and parents were waiting, all tear strained. Izzie had already passed them the news.

Meredith gave them the details of the surgery, trying like hell not to think what she could do if Bessie ever got hurt.

"No! No! She can't die, she can't die!" Katie Andrews was crying her eyes out as she turned towards her sister who still breathed supported by machines. "She can't die when the last thing I told her was that I wanted her to die! Holly, I love you, I love you!"

"She loved you, too," said Izzie to the young girl but was looking directly at Meredith. "She loved you, she loves you. No matter what you said, no matter what happened between you too."

"I'm so sorry, Holly! I'm so sorry!" Katie continued to hold Holly's hand as her parents encircled her in their arms.

"Let's give them a moment alone," mouthed Meredith to Izzie and both of them went outside.

"Meredith, I'm sorry, so sorry," Izzie started to apologise. "I know I was a bitch and I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel guilty for anything because I don't blame you for anything." She gave Meredith a warm hug, "Welcome back to Seattle, Mer," she said smiling. "You have been missed."

They laughed together glad to smoothen out their misunderstandings. They were taken over by Lexie who shot past them giving Meredith a surreptitious scared look.

"Meredith," said Izzie seriously. "Don't wait until Lexie's brain-dead to tell her you're sorry."

"How do you-"

"Mer," Izzie wore a pitying expression on her face. "The whole hospital's talking about the intern scare."

Meredith grimaced and replied emotionlessly, "I don't know her."

"Which means you can't hate her," prodded Izzie.

"I guess I don't…"

Izzie beamed and started to go to the locker room but remembered something, "And Mer, I'm really sorry about the nickname."

"Huh?" Meredith was taken aback. _What nickname?_

"You know, it wasn't our job. The interns took over the tradition," Izzie's face displayed compassion. "But I think I might have accidentally encouraged them." She cautiously took a few steps away from Meredith.

"Although, I think you still got off lightly. There were several versions circulating, you know, like McSmexy or McLusty. So, I'll see you later. We should get for a drink for old times' sake," she retreated hastily seeing Meredith's thunderstruck expression.

Meredith finally felt the comprehension slowly dawning on her…

_All rights reserved by McFoxy! A woman__ that's so good with a scalpel!_

"_Who's Dr. McFoxy?"_

"_You've got to be kidding!"_

_I'm really sorry about the nickname…_

_OH MY GOD! I've become a slutty-bitchy Dr. McFoxy… this can't be happening, right?_

She plopped on the chair in the lobby and stared in the space before not really seeing anything, except… red.

_They want nicknames? I'll give them nicknames__! The New Nazi, that will be my nickname_, she thought with evil satisfaction.

Deep in her thoughts, she didn't notice the empty lobby filling up with people. She didn't notice Mark and Derek arriving with the chart of the patient they had just operated on together.

"Did you and Meredith fall out again? She looks weird," whispered Mark, frowning his forehead.

"What?" Derek followed his gaze. "No! Not as far as I'm aware of."

Another person Meredith didn't notice was George who came to give her the latest update on Ms. Rodriguez.

"Meredith! Meredith!" called her George, waving a hand in front of her face which seemed to bring her back from her trance.

"Meredith, you're okay? I've got the update on our patient. The situation hasn't changed, on both ends. Are we…"

"Dr. O'Malley!" she yelled making George wince.

Mark discreetly elbowed Derek, "This will be interesting."

"What did I tell about operating when her condition's not going worse?" she asked shrilly, standing up, her back straight.

"Huh, that we're going to wait-"

"That's right, so what's your conclusion?"

"That we're going to wait?"

"Correct, Dr. O'Malley!"

"But, the shift's endin-"

"Wrong, Dr. O'Malley," spat Meredith. "My shift's ending, yours is just beginning. You're going to monitor her all night and don't you dare fall asleep!"

George was in shock, "Meredith, what has happened to you? Since when have you been so…hard-ass?"

"Since I became Dr. McFoxy, George!"

"What?" Derek couldn't resist letting out his astonishment.

"You haven't heard?" asked Mark. "Meredith has just joined our cliquey club of sexy McDoctors."

_Just great_, groaned Meredith and turned her head to see Mark and Derek smirking at her.

"You know?" said George looking everywhere but not at her.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for telling me, by the way."

"I swear we didn't made it up, Mer," George tried desperately to explain themselves.

"Then who did?"

George was stomping with his feet looking uneasy, "Some intern."

"Which intern?" Meredith was relentless. "I might forgive you if you tell me," she smiled widely, fluttering her eyelids.

"Okay, just.. just don't kill him," sighed George.

_What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger_, thought Meredith devilishly.

"It's Spaulding, he's Cristina's intern."

"Spaulding," said Mark. "He's rising in my eyes. I thought his destiny was to bring me coffee every morning."

"His destiny is to suffer," bit back Mer irritably. "Thank you George. Now get back to Ms. Rodriguez."

George clearly wanted to say something in protest but thought better of it.

Meredith started marching off in the direction of her office. Her first day has ended or crashed, rather spectacularly, and she really needed Bessie-therapy not to go nuts.

"So, how does it feel to join the ranks of the hot and talented?" started Mark as she was passing by them.

"Shut up, McSteamy!"

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Meredith was just closing the door to her office, ready to go, when Derek appeared right behind her.

_Of course, friendly neighborhood…_

She wasn't mad at him anymore. Come to think of it, she found the whole situation rather amusing. She was suspecting him of a romance with someone that turned out to be her…

"You're finished for today?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she nodded awkwardly and saw the relief on his face that she wasn't rounding on him.

"So, Dr. McFo-"

"Don't! Don't say anything about the nickname," she warned him, not succeeding at suppressing her smile.

He chuckled, "Okay, you're going to Joe's with the guys?"

"Actually, no. Not today," she shook her head. "I've got to, huh," she wanted to be spared giving detailed explanations.

"You've got to go," he finished for her silently.

"Yeah," she made to leave but stopped abruptly and faced him again. She had to tell him; she hated that sad look on his face when they talked outside their patient's room.

"Derek," she said determinately. "I… don't regret…" How could she ever regret? He made her feel _loved_ for a certain period of time, he made her feel _love_ and he gave her the most precious thing in the world – her perfect daughter, little Elizabeth Grey.

Meredith saw him swallow quickly as his blue eyes filled with tenderness.

She repeated, "I don't regret, I've never regretted…"

She confessed him a lot, but she kept to herself even more. _This has to enough for now. I'm so sorry, Derek, I can't tell you more at the moment. I can't tell you everything, yet. Not yet. But I will, I will tell you when I'm ready… and when I'm no longer a coward…_

"I'll see you tomorrow," said Meredith and hurried away.

She didn't know that with her words, she gave something precious to Derek as well, she gave him hope.

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A.N. So, how did you like this chapter? Let me now, pretty please, because I really really enjoyed writing it.

BTW, the chapters just keep getting longer, don't they?

And I guess it's finally the time for DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from Grey's Anatomy, unfortunately.

Cheers!

P.S. I re-watched "Made of Honor" yesterday and I just realized that the role of the fiancé is played by none other than Kevin McKidd aka Owen Hunt. So funny! He looks so different! :)


	14. Chapter 14: Life Is Good

A.N. Hi there, this chapter's a bit shorter as I decided to break one long into two. Third update in one week. You're happy with me, aren't you? Thanks for all your reviews and I'm begging for more! :) Enjoy!

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The following morning, Derek woke up with an optimistic feeling that life was good. Finally, him and Meredith were on the right track; they worked together, they communicated, they bonded and even flirted. Derek was determined to see the world through rose-tinted glasses and chose to ignore the uneasy musings in his head. Because, deep down, he was worried he wouldn't manage to keep up with the Meredith that came back to Seattle after almost three years away.

That petite woman seemed lately to possess two personalities. One minute, she was the sweet undecided rambling girl he had known; the other, a confident and driven professional.

Right now, Derek could admire the latter of her dispositions. He leaned against the counter of the lobby, watching reverently as she was coming closer… and, oh, man, did she deserve her nickname… Derek felt his pulse quickening at the sight of her hips swaying gently and the look on her face, cunning and… foxy.

"Good morning," she greeted everyone in the lobby, her eyes lingering a little longer on Derek. He and Mark were taking the charts of their patients while a group of interns was waiting for their resident's instructions.

"It is a good morning," replied Derek softly.

Mark ordered one of the interns, "Spaulding, bring me coffee. Strong and black, as usual."

Spaulding's face fell; he was fed up with being Sloan's bitch.

"Oh, no, Dr. Sloan," interrupted Meredith. "Dr. Spaulding's on my service today."

Derek saw the intern's excitement rising; he was probably delighted at the prospect of working all day under Dr. McFoxy… lucky bastard.

"You're supposed to teach your interns, Dr. Sloan. Telling them to bring you strong coffee is shabby teaching. I'll show you how it should be done.

"Dr. Spaulding," she said with an angelical smirk. "Bring me a cup of triple grande, non-fat, extra hot, stirred milk como lafietta with whip cream and extra caramel, filled 70% of the way. I want it in the next five minutes."

Spaulding was rooted to the spot with the expression of utmost shock.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Meredith's voice turned harsh. "What are you still doing here?"

The intern finally departed amongst the outbursts of hysterical laughter.

_My bossy McFoxy…_ Derek stared at her with wonder. How he dreamed to pin her against the counter and kiss the living daylights out of her, to make her smirking lips swollen…

"Cool down, my friend," whispered Mark to his ear, snickering, "or you'll need to have a cold shower."

Derek looked quickly down his body but punched Mark, seeing his friend making fun of him.

Mark roared with laughter, "Busted!"

"Who's busted?" asked Meredith curiously.

"No one," was Derek hasty reply.

Mark was relentless, "You certainly will be when she sees your gift. She'll flatten you out."

Derek laughed; he was all for Meredith flattening him over the coach in his office, or the desk, or against the wall, wherever, really… As for his gift, it was really lucky he found what he was looking for overnight. And he was willing to risk being beaten to a pulp with Mer's tiny ineffectual fists.

"Morning, everyone," came Bailey's greetings. "Grey, not yet regretting ditching the big world for Seattle?"

Meredith laughed joyfully, "Not at all, Dr. Bailey."

Miranda looked sharply at her former intern. She had a sense of déjà vu as her mind went back to a woman with a child she saw in the park the previous day.

"Dr. Bailey, DR. Bailey," Cristina Yang's insistent calling drilled through her skull. "I hoped you would let me scrub in with you on the appendectomy."

"That's fine," Bailey continued to scrutinize Meredith as though she had roentgen in her eyes.

"Fine?" Cristina was surprised that Bailey conceded without much persuasion on her part.

George O'Malley came to the lobby with Cristina to look for Meredith. At last, he had some other news on Ms. Rodriguez than "no change".

"Mer- Er, Dr. Grey," he remembered her stormy mood. "Ms. Rodriguez consented to the operation."

Meredith turned immediately to face him, "She did?"

"Has her-"

"Yes, he has," finished for her George.

"I knew it!" Mer's face lightened up; she felt bright and shiny that day.

"Book an OR, George," she ordered. "You're scrubbing in; you can take one of your interns."

"Dr. Grey," Spaulding put a cup of coffee on the counter next to her.

Meredith carefully inspected the contents of the paper container. Derek felt almost sorry for the intern seeing Mer frowning in attempt to cover up her devilish grin.

"I said five minutes, Spaulding," she pointed at the huge clock on the wall. "You're two minutes late, meaning my extra hot coffee is only hot." She took one sip and grimaced shaking her head. "No, no, no. What happened to stirred milk and caramel, Spaulding? You're slow and you can't execute simple instructions."

She sighed, "I'm afraid I can't entrust you with the care of my patients. You'll be doing something less sophisticated, something that your abilities can encompass. There are some rectal exams to be done, fly."

This time, Spaulding didn't need to be told twice.

"Ouch," exclaimed Mark, clearly amused. "I appreciate your teaching methods, Dr. Grey."

Bailey raised her eyebrows and said to Cristina, "Yang, I think you've got competition to the title of the New Nazi."

Meredith couldn't possibly be happier. She grabbed her charts and made her way to the office through the group of interns, clearing frantically from her route. She passed a glance at Lexie and said, "Dr. Grey, I'd like a word, now."

Lexie followed her mutely with a terrified look on her face. Meredith opened her office and took off her coat but Lexie stayed warily outside.

"Come in," encouraged Meredith. "And close the door."

She took a deep breath and looked straight into her half-sister's eyes.

"Lexie, I can call you that, can't I?"

The brunette nodded slowly, not knowing where this conversation was heading.

"Lexie, I'm… truly sorry… about yesterday. I was mean to you. I know that because I'm not usually a mean person."

Lexie's astonishment was soon replaced with an insecure smile. Perhaps, her sister didn't hate her, after all?

"The thing is that I don't know you. And at this point, I don't know if I want to know you. You understand?"

Lexie nodded quickly, she would get Meredith to know her, she would.

"I'm… I'm sorry if you felt I was imposing on you," stuttered Lexie. "I've always wanted to meet you. And I want you to meet Molly-"

"Molly?" Meredith's mind was blank.

"That's my… um, _our _younger sister. She's married, you know, and she's pregnant." She smiled widely. "She's coming over for a checkup this week. You could meet her."

"I… I…" the information about the other sister was too much for a while. "I don't think it's such a good idea…"

"Oh," Lexie became anxious again. "Oh."

"Look, let's just keep our relationship on this level, on professional level. I'm sorry once again that I yelled at you and I promise that if I ever raise my voice at you it will be for professional reasons, not personal. But I hope I won't have to do that." She gave her a small smile.

After Lexie left, Meredith sat behind her desk. She was proud of herself. Bessie, she thought, you should be proud of your mama.

She snatched her handbag and pulled a wide framed photo. She really wanted to put a picture of her daughter in her workplace but she knew she couldn't. It really bugged her as she had hundreds of photos at home. Her friends from the program took tons of them while she was pregnant and afterwards she became a little obsessed with commemorating every moment of her daughter's life.

Instead of taking an image of her adorable little girl, she chose a group picture taken sometime during her first months in the program. She was surrounded by her new friends and Warren held an arm around her shoulders. Even of no one would tell, looking at the group of doctors, Meredith saw only Bessie. At the time, Mer was about four-months pregnant and had not yet popped. Her baby bump was securely hidden under her white lab coat. But Meredith knew she was there and it was enough.

_Beep beep beep__._

Meredith scooped up her pager to see that Ms Rodriguez was ready for the procedure.

**********************************************************************************

Four hours later, Meredith was sitting in the exact spot, clutching tightly the photograph and reliving ober and over again the conversation with Mr. Fuller, her patient's long awaited fiancé.

"_Mr. Fuller," Meredith reluctantly__ approached the man pacing nervously the corridor._

"_Dr. Grey," he ran up to her. "How did-" His face __turned ashen at the sight of Meredith's grave expression, he understood, "Oh my God."_

"_I'm sorry," said silently Meredith. "We did everything we could but the tumor was too spread."_

_The man nodded slowly, "We knew that. We knew it was her best and only chance, our chance… I want to thank you, Dr. Grey," he said unexpectedly._

_She looked at him curiously._

"_I want to thank you that you let Hilda wait for me. We had time to say goodbye."_

Meredith knew that Ms. Rodriguez's death touched her more than it should have. To tell the truth, she expected such an outcome. But then, the fiancé turned out to be real and she let herself hope. She tightened her grasp on the frame.

There was a soft knocking on the door. Through the window, she saw that it was Derek and she beckoned him with her head,

"Hey."

"Hey," she tried to smile at him.

"You look a little off. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She wouldn't tell Derek she was feeling down because of the patient she lost. It was pathetic; she broke the golden rule of not attaching herself to patients.

"What's this?" Derek pointed at the frame in her hands.

"A photo of… of my family."

Derek came closer and sat at the edge of her desk. "Can I see it?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You miss them?" he asked, inspecting the picture; his eyes immediately resting on Meredith's form.

"Yeah," she admitted. "I guess I do. I spent almost three years with some of them, the good and the bad times, mostly good, though."

"You seem really close with Warrens."

"They kinda adopted me," she chuckled.

"I'm glad you weren't alone."

"I weren't," she contemplated the true meaning of these words. She hadn't been alone since she left Seattle.

"So," said Derek, trying to cheer her up. "You owe me a story."

"What?"

"You said you'd tell me about the dance if I behaved. I behaved," he huffed.

Meredith eyed him, narrowing her eyelids but finally cracked.

"Fine. We were in Brazil; it was our first day… night in Brazil. We went there for a plastics program and it happened that it was carnival. You've ever seen the pictures of the carnival in Rio? It's amazing! Thousands of people dancing in the streets, dancers in those colorful costumes," her eyes glinted at the memory. "It's indescribable. And we went out to celebrate the new year, we danced all night long; and since then, in every new place, first one of us to perform a surgery danced before the procedure, for luck."

Derek grinned, "You're a really good dancer. Although, now I'd like to see you do that in a skimpy dancing costume."

"Shut up," she wore a matching grin.

"Anyway," sighed Derek. "I'm really happy you've come home after all the fascinating adventures, of which I would like to hear sometime. And… I have a welcome present. He dived his hand into the pocket of his lab coat and pulled out a little paper bag.

Meredith opened her smiling mouth, speechless. "Whoa, what's this?"

"A gift," Derek's smile was so prominent he was afraid his face would hurt or worst… he might burst out laughing and spoil the prank.

Meredith took the bag but Derek prevented her from peeping inside. "Don't open, wait until I go out."

She frowned in incomprehension. As soon as the door closed behind him, she opened the package impatiently and…

_That stinky arrogant bastard! You think you're so smart, so amusing!_

"You've got to be kidding me!" She let out her frustration verbally. Holding the gift in her hand, she yanked the door open.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!" she yelled furiously, intending to storm into his office and kick his McDreamy ass. Unfortunately, she ran straight into Chief Webber.

"Oh, I'm…" Meredith stuttered, blushing awkwardly. "I'm so sorry, Chief. Are you okay?" she asked concernedly.

"I'm fine!" replied Chief with annoyance, massaging his nose.

Meredith looked over his shoulder to see Derek grinning at her from his office.

_Ass! You're going to pay!_

"Are you all right, Meredith?" asked Richard. "Do you have any problems? You look agitated."

"I'm… fine," she assured him, sending a death glare at Derek.

Webber followed her gaze and turned to look behind him. Seeing this, Derek busied himself with browsing files in his briefcase.

"Do you have any problems with Derek?" Webber lowered his voice and shot her a piercing look.

"What? No!"

"Then why did you just call him by his second name?"

"I… I need to write his name on… a document, a document… I need to fill in," rambled Mer, "and I needed to check his… his second name…"

Richard sighed heavily. He knew she was lying. The two of them… were the two of them. He knew both of them too much but there was probably nothing he could do about it.

"And what's that?" Richard pointed at a piece of clothing dangling inertly from Meredith's hand.

"That's… that's… nothing… uhm… important," she stammered and hid Derek's gift behind her back.

The door of Derek's office opened and he stepped out energetically.

"Morning, Chief," he said joyously. "Dr. Grey. Would love to stay and chat but I have to check up on my patient."

He flashed her the last triumphant McDreamy smile and departed.

_You're so going to pay…_

**********************************************************************************

Fortunately for Derek, he got stuck with his patient in the OR performing a complicated surgery and Meredith couldn't get her hands on him until it was time for lunch. Not aware that she was under watchful eye of Miranda Bailey, she buttoned her jacket and hurried out of the hospital door to meet Bessie in the nursery.

That day Miranda wasn't going to meet her son in the park. She was finishing early so she had all afternoon to enjoy with Tuck. Instead of going out, she let herself be intrigued with Meredith's behavior. There was really nothing rational and logic in Miranda's suspicions but she had a talent for picking small, apparently insignificant details and putting them together into a coherent picture.

_Why was Meredith Grey going out of the hospital? Was __that her in the park yesterday?_

**********************************************************************************

P.S. Have you seen the latest crossover promo? I hope the Derek/Addison kiss is just Meredith's bad dream or something…

P.S.2 Any guesses on the gift? :)


	15. Chapter 15: Real or Imagined

A.N. Hi, thanks **a lot **for all the feedback, it really helps me to see what I should improve in my story! I'll try harder to make Cristina more like her usual self. As for Markie, he'll have a little part to play :) somewhere in later chapters.

Now, the gift, it was really… innocent, I swear! :) One of you guessed correctly, kudos! As for some naughtiness, it's definitely on its way…

Anyway, on with the story! R&R!

**********************************************************************************

On her way back to the hospital, Meredith pondered how to most efficiently cut Derek's oxygen supply. She hadn't seen him until the lunch break when she went out to see Bessie.

The disadvantage of her recently started routine was that she didn't have much time for actual lunch. Once in the hospital, she paused in front of the vending machine to buy a sandwich.

"Hey," Cristina came over.

"Dr. Yang," replied drily Meredith.

"You're still pissed," stated Cris inserting coins into the machine.

"Oh, no, why should I be?" fired Mer. "I just ran the whole day around the hospital wondering who McFoxy was."

Cristina snorted.

"I thought she was some Derek's sweetheart!"

"And you were right!"

"Watch it! Now I know how it is that Spaulding's so witty. Like resident like intern!"

"Have you just compared me to an intern?" her friend's face screwed in disgust.

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Hunt, "Dr. Yang, you mind checking on some of my post-ops? The E.R. is swamped with traumas."

Cristina nodded and Owen continued, "Also, would you like to go on a date with me?"

"I'm sorry?" Cristina was baffled.

"A date," repeated Owen. "You said not to play hot and cold with you, so, um, I'll pick you up around 8 o'clock?" he said at the top speed. "Oh, and make sure that Mr. Kenner in room 2272 gets that enema. He's been holding on to it for days."

"That was…" Meredith searched for an appropriate word once Owen disappeared from sight, "weird…"

Cristina was still wearing the look of utmost bewilderment.

"I think I can let you off the hook," said Mer compassionately.

"I… I… You think… I should go?"

Mer carefully watched her friend, "Yeah, you deserve a little fun, I guess. Besides, he's… sweet," finished Meredith, grinning.

"That's just sickening. Trust me; no one's sweeter than your McDreamy."

"Speaking of the devil, have you seen Derek?" asked Mer.

"Yeah, I believe he's had some problems with his patients. Why? _You're_ dating _him_ again?"

Mer rolled her eyes, "Nope. I just need to kill him." She looked around to ascertain no one was watching and inconspicuously pulled the Derek's gift from her bag. It was a surgical cap covered with several smiling foxes holding upwards their fluffy tails.

Cristina was laughing her head off, "Nice pattern, where did you get that?"

"Shut up," silenced her Meredith. "McJackass brought it for me."

"Wow, when I thought he was boring, he rises."

"I wish I could throw it away but I don't have the heart to do it. Besides, Bess saw it in my bag and she was elated."

"Like father-"

"Don't finish that sentence," hissed Mer.

There was a beeping sound.

"That's… my patient," frowned Mer, checking her pager. "I don't understand. There were no complications, he was stable," she said thinking about Mr. Robinson, the trauma case from a motorbike accident. "I'll see you later."

Cristina grinned appreciatively at the thought of the McFoxy cap. It looked like Shepherd was using his brain for once, trying to get into Mer's heart before her pants. Only that he was already there, in her heart and her head, he had been for a long time. Meredith and Derek were so into each other. Everyone saw that; the only people who didn't were… Meredith and Derek.

Cristina wasn't always supportive of their relationship; it sent Meredith on the verge of tears to many times. However, it was undeniable that they had something; something powerful, unique, and undying… And they had a child together; that linked them forever.

Sometimes, Cristina envied her best friend. She felt like an empty shell; her relation with Burke seemed to have been a pathetic joke. Unlike Meredith who still loved her McDreamy to bits, she was sure Preston wouldn't mean anything if he turned up at Seattle Grace. Maybe his ghost was being replaced by the so solid and rugged form of Owen Hunt. Cristina was willing to give it a try.

**********************************************************************************

Still in her jacket, Meredith hurried to the ward and soon found herself in the middle of a curious scene. Mr. Robinson, her patient who went through a brain surgery only the previous day, was pacing outside his fiancée's room, screaming at the top of his lungs. Derek and two nurses were dancing around him, trying to calm him down.

"Jenny! Please, talk to me! Honey, you've got to listen to me! We're in love; we can't just throw away all this time together!"

"Mr. Robinson, please, calm down," Derek tugged gently at his arm. "Sir, can you just sit on the wheelchair?" His voice was drowned with Mr. Robinson's shouts.

He was getting desperate, "You're acting irrational, Jenny! You're being silly! That talking about signs and fate, it's all bullshit! You hear me?"

Meredith decided it was high time to act. "Mr. Robinson, what are you doing out of bed? You're supposed to be recovering from a brain surgery!"

"Dr. Grey," he turned to her with tears in his eyes. "Dr. Grey, I need to talk to Jenny! I need to make her understand and that pretty boy," he pushed Derek's hand away, "won't let me!"

"And I don't let you either," said softly Meredith. "Because Jenny is in no shape for such a conversation. Her condition was much more serious than yours and she's still weak."

"Strong enough to break up with me!"

"Do you care about your fiancé? I think you do," Mer's tranquil voice finally started to have effect on her patient. "Here, sit down on the wheelchair, Mr. Robinson. The nurse will take you to your room. I'll be with you shortly."

The stubborn man finally let himself be seated on the wheelchair. "Will you talk to her, Dr. Grey?" he pleaded, "talk some sense into her?"

"I'll see what I can do," she patted his shoulder.

Derek was standing with his hands on his hips shaking his head, "Thanks, if you hadn't come, we would have had to sedate him."

"I've got paged," explained Mer. "They cause a lot of trouble, these two. I think the whole hospital knows about their love drama." _Sounding a lot like us. Thank God, I haven't ever gone into hysterics in front of everyone._

Derek smiled leniently as though reading her thoughts, "It's just a lovers' quarrel."

"Is he gone yet," Jenny's question was stifled by the closed door of her room. Derek and Meredith came inside.

"Yes, he's calmed down," reassured her Derek. "He's back in his room."

Ms. Lewis was sobbing silently, "I don't know what to do anymore. I love him but… I don't know if it's ever going to work…"

Meredith took the advantage of the moment to act on the promise she made to her patient.

"Jenny," she sat on her bed. "Most of the time, men are pathetic suckers."

Derek frowned his forehead and opened his mouth, ready to object but Meredith totally ignored him. "But, you know, it's really difficult to find this one looser that would actually care about you, be ready to force the door to see you and not run away if there are some bumps on the road."

Meredith's diatribe left the young woman bemused and speechless. Derek cleared his throat, "I… I think what Dr. Grey meant to say," he said slowly, his eyes boring intensely into Meredith's, "that it's a bit of a miracle for two people to be at the same place, at the same time, and deeply in love. And that you can't… simply throw it away… something that special."

Jenny appeared to be lost in thought.

Derek sighed, "We'll give you a moment alone. Try to rest your head."

"Don't think that your smooth talking will get your ass out of trouble," shot Mer as soon as they were out."

"And what do you want to do with my ass?"

"Seriously, you're digging yourself a deeper hole!"

"Meredith, Derek," they heard Chief Webber's voice coming closer.

_The man is officially my hero today_, thought Derek with relief.

"I heard there was some kind of commotion on this floor?" Richard demanded information. He was troubled with any irregularities in workings of the hospital these days.

"We've just had a lovers' quarrel," said Mer without much thinking.

_Shit! Why is this always happening to me?_

Richard stood with his arms crossed over his chest, looking between them severely. _Damn it!_ They were in the earshot of the nurses. Meredith could already hear the lively buzzing… She didn't even have to look at Derek to know that he was having the time of his life. Indeed, he was fighting hard not to burst out laughing seeing Meredith's face contorted in mortification.

"Our… _patients_ had a lovers' quarrel," Derek put an end to her torture. "But we've got it under control."

Meredith nodded quickly, to embarrassed to look anywhere else than the floor.

"Your _patients_," said Webber, his tone dangerously annoyed. "Then keep _your patients'_ tangled love life on leash," he strode away. _These two will be the death of me._ And he told Derek explicitly not to cross the line…

"Meredith," started Derek.

"If you want to stay alive, it is a good moment to shut up," warned him Mer and made to leave.

"Mer?" he tried again. He just realized she was wearing a jacket. "Have you been out for lunch again?"

"Um, yes," replied Mer. "I can't get used to the crappy hospital food here, again."

Derek frowned but didn't pursue the subject. After all, he did want to stay alive.

**********************************************************************************

"So, you should think over what you're going to ask him. Like… what was his coolest surgery," advised Izzie enthusiastically. Cristina's date with Owen became the topic number one.

"You're more excited about this date than I am," commented Cristina making Izzie roll her eyes.

"Yeah, Izzie, don't assume they will have any time to _talk_," joked suggestively Meredith.

They were bantering while scrubbing in on a craniotomy.

"Why don't you wear your new cap?" asked Cristina in attempt to steer the conversation on some other subject. The first date with Owen was making her more nervous that she'd ever admit and dissecting it certainly wasn't helping.

"What cap?" asked Izzie.

"Don't you-"

"McDreamy gave her a cap with foxes on it."

"Wow, you have a McFoxy cap? So sweet of Derek," she commented. "What's exactly with you guys? Are you… back together? I heard something about a lovers' quarrel…"

"No, we're not together!" huffed Meredith. "It's just one huge misunderstanding! And I won't wear that cap. I would be… so unprofessional!"

"It wouldn't," countered Izzie. "It would just show you've got sense of humor."

"She just doesn't want to dismantle her New-Nazi reputation," jibed Cristina. "Hate to break it to you, Mer, but you've never had it in you to be a Nazi and you've gone even softer after-" Meredith sent her a warning look.

"After those years away," added Cristina.

"Mer, Cristina's right; the Nazi isn't your style," said Izzie going inside the OR.

Meredith was perfectly aware of that. She wasn't rough, callous or scary-looking, and frankly, she didn't want to be. It was too dangerously close to transforming into her mother. To tell the truth, she was sorely tempted to put it on; she was carrying it in her lab coat all day. Only… she could be a respected surgeon while staying McFoxy, right? Derek and Mark managed to be, despite their nicknames.

"Seriously," said Cristina. "You should wear it. Listen to McDreamy and McSpawn."

"McSpawn?" Mer repeated weakly.

"Yeah, sorry, Mer," Cristina's voice didn't indicate she was at all sorry. "Genetics is a bitch. And you're both carriers of McGenes."

_Screw it!_Meredith took out her cap and joined her surgical team seconds after Cristina, ignoring the stifled chuckles coming from the OR and the gallery.

**********************************************************************************

That evening, Meredith came into Derek's office in hope of finally cornering him. She was lo longer angry but couldn't deny herself the perfect occasion to tease him. The office was empty but Derek's coat hanging on the rack and his briefcase thrown carelessly on the couch told her he was still somewhere on the hospital premises.

She was right; Derek came several minutes after her but didn't seem to be too frightened with her presence. If anything, the fact that she was waiting for him made his heart soar.

"Do you have your last wish?" asked Meredith, pretending to be angry and severe, achieving somewhat opposite reaction…

_Oh God, isn't she adorable…_

"Yeah, actually," he replied casually. "I would like you to have a look at this." He handed her a sheet of paper he brought with him.

"And what's that? Another _gift_?"

"No," contradicted Derek. "The news about your baby."

Meredith's heart almost stopped. _What? How could he possibly…? How does he…?_

"The board has just delivered their agreement on your clinical trial," he explained.

_Oh my God, oh my God!_ Meredith's felt the warm blood flowing once again through her numb limbs. He gave her a scare… She sniffed, trembling slightly.

"Meredith," Derek inquired concernedly. "Aren't you happy?"

"I am," she croaked, her eyes glistening. "It's just… such a relief…" She burst out laughing uncontrollably. The relief made her light-headed.

"It was only a formality," said Derek. "The Chief set the wheels in motion. Someone from the board was just to bring the consent form this evening. I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It is a surprise! It is-" she trailed off.

"Meredith?" he asked softly. Meredith didn't even notice him coming closer.

She smacked him across his chest, "So, you knew! You set this up!" she chuckled emotionally. "You knew you'd get away! You knew you'd be forgiven for these foxes!"

"Am I forgiven?" he whispered, leaning towards her, his face inches from hers. She felt his fingers subtly rubbing her arms through the thin material of her shirt. Their skins erupted in goose bumps at the simple contact.

"Am I forgiven?" he repeated, smile lightening up his features.

Meredith was hypnotized by his blue gaze. "You… are…" her voice went low and raspy. Derek's hot breath made her cheek tingling pleasantly.

Their eyelids fluttered to close as Derek angled his head for better access…

When their lips brushed, it was so gentle and weightless that Meredith no longer knew whether it was real or imagined…

**********************************************************************************

A.N. A little cliffie, heehee…

Next chapter: "Mind-reading" – coming soon.


	16. Chapter 16: Mind reading

A.N. I seriously hope you won't shoot me after this chapter :). I just couldn't resist. Thanks for all the reviews. Let me know what you think after this one. Cheers!

Warning: some mild steaminess at the beginning but just like I wrote, I couldn't resist!

**********************************************************************************Meredith's bedroom was covered in darkness and the only source of light was the pale moon hanging low in the sky. Despite the late hour, sleep was the last thing on the minds of two occupants of the bed which was screeching loudly under the weight of the two entangled bodies.

Meredith moaned deeply as Derek's hands snake around her thighs, caressing her flesh with increasing intensity. Her hips jerked on their own accord demanding closer contact with his middle.

Derek trailed hot kisses on her collarbone and her neck to whisper throatily into her ear, "You're… so… impatient…"

Yes, she was. The night was heavenly but she needed to feel complete again and there was only one way to achieve it. Her legs pressed tighter around Derek's waist.

"Derek…" she pleaded shakily.

His fingertips travelled back upwards to her chest continuing the pleasurable torture. He leaned into her ear again, biting it gently and asked, "Derek what?"

She could tell he was smiling.

"Derek what?" urged her his raspy voice. "Tell me, Meredith… tell me what you need…"

"I need ahhh-" her breath hitched. Her senses were sharpened and numbed at the same time. Her heart was thumping like mad. She could hear it beating wildly. Wait! Why was her heart… beeping?

Meredith opened her eyes and switched off her alarm, annoyed. Crap! She was in her bedroom, alone, sweating and aching in the pit of her stomach. She lied back heavily on her pillows waiting for her breathing to ease.

Since the moment in Derek's office, a few days ago, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Derek, dreaming about Derek, fantasizing about Derek… That kissed awoke the beast that had been dormant for almost three years.

_Their eyelids fluttered to close as Derek angled his head for better access…_

_When their lips brushed, it was so gentle and weightless that Meredith no longer knew whether it was real or imagined…_

_She didn't want it to be imagined, she wanted it to be real but it was too fast, much too fast… With the ultimate incredible streak of self-control, she backed away. Derek moved forward chasing her lips, unprepared for the sudden movement._

_They eyes opened and they froze._

"_I… I should go," Meredith cleared her throat. "It's… late… It's late… and I should go."_

_Derek nodded, disappointed, trying to collect himself._

_Crossing the doorway Meredith turned back and looked into his misty eyes. Walking out without another word would certainly erode their relationship. She had to show him she didn't shut him out._

"_Derek," she smiled at him warmly. "Thanks for the gift. It will be my lucky cap. I've worn it for surgery, you know. Went fine."_

_Profound relief washed over Derek. He had been afraid he rushed into things, that he scared her away. But she didn't push him away, she didn't… and she was telling him that._

She didn't push him away but the things between them changed in a way; for better or for worse – that remained to be seen. Whenever they were together, they warm, smiling and making sweet little gestures that sent shivers down their spines. Their fingers always found each other while passing charts, their arms always brushed while getting into the elevator… And the tension, the tension was palpable…

**********************************************************************************

Meredith had already got herself into the routine of life in Seattle. Just like every morning, she dropped Bessie at the nursery and trotted to Grace.

"What has got into you this morning?" she met Cristina at the entrance to the hospital.

"Nothing," dismissed her Meredith.

She groaned when she spotted who else was waiting for the elevator.

"Hi," Derek flashed her a charming smile.

"Hi," she didn't even look at him. After the night she had, she could just push him against the wall and…

"Meredith?" Derek noticed her cranky mood. "Did you sleep well?"

_Huh, wouldn't you like to know how well…_

"Yeah, fabulous." She pushed the button fervently, she needed to have this ride over and splash some cold water on her face if Derek wasn't to become a rape victim.

"You're impatient," chuckled Derek.

_Oh God!_ Meredith unbuttoned her jacket. It was getting hot in here…

The elevator door opened and the three of them stepped inside.

Why does he have to look so damn… McDreamy? If it wasn't for Cristina… Meredith looked at his lips; he was saying something, only what?

"… tell me what you need…" her thick mind registered Derek's words with horror.

_What? Was he a freaking mind reader?_

"What?" she tried to look innocent under Cristina's suspicious stare.

"I was asking you about your trial, Mer," Derek repeated slowly and clearly. "I asked you if you had any problems. If you do, just tell me what you need, and I'll help you."

"Oh, ok," Meredith twirled her fingers nervously. "It's … it's going fine!"

"What about that potential patient you said volunteered?"

"He's coming!" _Me to… _"He's… er… he's coming over, soon."

Meredith decided talking about her trial was a safer option than letting Derek sidetrack her dirty mind. She started to swamp him with information before he had a chance to open his mouth again.

"I have other patients in line. I was really surprised with the response. Actually, there are quite a lot of volunteers. And they keep calling-"

"I knew it would be like that," interrupted Derek, eyeing her curiously. "Those people have nothing left to lose. They grasp at every possible chance-"

"See you later, Derek!" she cut him off getting out of the lift and striding to her office.

"What?" she asked as Cristina tugged along.

"It's me who should be asking that."

Meredith started to pace in circles at her small office, while Cristina sat on her desk watching her, "Is this about the almost kiss again? I thought you've got over that."

"No. it's not about that, not really…" muttered Meredith. "I just had a rough night."

"Something's wrong with Bess?"

"What? No, absolutely not!" squeaked Mer. She sighed and lowered her voice confidentially, "It's just… been… really long since…"

"Since what?" frowned Cristina. "Oh, oh!"

"Yeah," she whined. "Oh my God! What am I thinking about! I'm a mother!"

Cristina sniggered, "The last time I was assigned to gynie, women didn't lose their vaginas after birth."

"How would I know?" said Mer exasperatedly.

"You haven't?" asked Cristina.

Meredith shook her head. "Ididn't want to be some trashy woman who sleeps arounf dumping her daughter to someone else. After Bessie was born I just couldn't… I mean, Bessie had been in my body, she had grown up in my body. How could I let some accidental guy touch my body after that? I just couldn't have meaningless sex…"

"And only Derek could make it meaningful, couldn't he?" said Cristina softly.

"Yeah," admitted Mer reluctantly. "You can laugh at my mushiness."

"I won't. I haven't been with anyone since… Burke. I understand."

"Oh, what about Owen?" asked Meredith.

Cristina and Owen went out on a date several days ago but her friend kept mum about it.

"If you're getting at that so-called date I think the word fiasco would sum it up just fine," she grumbled.

"I'm sorry. What happened?"

"I told you we were both really messed up people. And… he showed up drunk at my doorstep… and now we're avoiding each other."

"Then we're starting the recyclable virgins club," chortled Mer.

"The horny recyclable virgins club," corrected Cristina.

**********************************************************************************

Fortunately for Meredith, there was something that could horniness out of her mind, at least for a while – work.

"Hello," said Meredith coming into an exam room.

"Hi," said a young energetic woman reaching out her hand towards Meredith. "I'm Arizona Robbins, neonatal and peds. It's nice to meet you."

Meredith hadn't yet met this doctor with her blond her tied in a ponytail. She was hired during her absence at Seattle Grace.

"Meredith Grey, nice to meet you too. You need me for a consult?"

"Yes," Arizona said seriously. "We've got a difficult case."

Meredith carefully examined the scans which turned out to show a woman's uterus.

"About five-months pregnant… spina bifida!" she stated. It was a rare condition.

"Exactly," agreed Arizona. "The patient's Molly Thompson,22-years old, 23rd week of pregnancy. We picked up the baby's condition at the checkup toady."

Meredith frowned, "We need to operate immediately. We might still be able to prevent any damage to the baby's spinal cord."

"Ok," nodded Arizona and said hesitantly, "It's just… It's a pretty complicated surgery. I really don't want to give any offence but-"

"It's ok," assured her Meredith. "Don't worry. I've participated in this procedure. I wouldn't touch the scalpel if wasn't 100% sure I was up for it."

"Ok, are you coming to talk to Mrs. Thompson? I'm sure you'll explain the problem better than me."

"Sure, I'll be down shortly. I just need to get a closer look at the images and prepare the course o d the procedure."

She was actually half-excited, half-nervous. Spina bifida cases didn't happen everyday but playing with a tiny baby's life was a different matter.

Twenty minutes later, Meredith was on her way to her patient's room. Before she could get there she was stopped by Lexie.

"Dr. Grey… Meredith," her usually perky face was anxious.

"Not now, Lexie," said Meredith. "I'm in a hurry. I need to see my patient."

"Yes, the patient," Lexie hurried with explanations. "That's what I want to talk to you about. It's Molly!"

"I know her name, Molly Thompson, 22. Lexie, I don't have the time for this."

"No, it's Molly!" exclaimed Lexie. "Our… our sister Molly. Remember how I told you she was coming for a checkup? And well, she did, she did come and…" she covered her mouth with her hand, "and there's something wrong with the baby. Molly, she doesn't know about you, she doesn't know has other sister than me…"

Meredith was dumbstruck. Her… other half-sister's baby had spina bifida? No she couldn't think clearly. She only knew she couldn't walk into Molly Thompson's room, her sister's room…

She turned back on Lexie and hurried away.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith walked as fast as she could without running. She stopped at the nurses station, "Do you know if Dr. Shepherd's in the OR?" she asked frantically.

"He's just finished. Should be in his office," replied one of the nurses with a knowing look in her eye.

And sure thing, Derek, still in his surgical cap, was sitting in his swivel chair with his head thrown back, a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Derek!" Meredith stormed into his office. "Derek!"

He opened his eyes blinking rapidly and rubbing them gently. He looked tired.

"Meredith," he looked at her with a frown. "What's wrong?"

She handed him Molly's scans.

"I need you to take that case," she pointed at the images.

"What?" he took the envelope and pulled out the scans.

"I was called for a consult. But I can't operate. I can't!" Meredith spread out her hands helplessly.

"Spina bifida…"

"Yeah."

"You don't have any experience with that," assumed Derek.

"I do!" huffed Meredith. "I've assisted on this kind of procedure, actively!"

"Then what's the problem?" inquired Derek.

"The patient… It's Molly."

"Molly?" Derek was as clueless as she had been before.

"Molly Thompson, maiden name: Grey," she expressed herself more precisely.

"Your other sister?" Derek cottoned on.

"My other _half_-sister. You see now that I can't operate on her?"

"I am sorry, Meredith," said Derek. "I can't possibly perform this procedure. Just listen to me," he quieted her attempts to argue. "I've just spent 5 hours in the OR. I can't take the risk of going in for this one," ha raised the scans, "a procedure demanding extreme concentration and precision."

Meredith closed her mouth in resignation.

"I'm sure you're going to do your best," encouraged Derek. "I've seen you countless times in the OR over the past week. Molly will have the best care she could hope for."

"But she's my sister," she ran a hand through her hair. "What if come into her room, and there's… there's my father… and his wife… A loving family…"

Derek sighed. He closed the distance between them and cupped her face.

"Meredith," he rested his forehead on hers. "You're not alone in this. You have a family, too, a _loving_ family."

After a moment, he heard her breathing ease out.

"I shouldn't have got that emotional about it," she said silently. "She's… just another patient, right? I mean, it's not like she's my family… I don't know her. I haven't ever seen her. I've seen my father only once since I was five… Thanks, Derek."

She pulled away and hurried out. Derek stood still shaking his head. That wasn't the reaction he intended to induce. It was so like Meredith…

**********************************************************************************

A.N. So as to clears things, it's Meredith's first meeting with the new family of Thatcher but I decided to leave that scene when Meredith went to see her father at his house.


	17. Chapter 17: A Lie

Meredith strode confidently into Molly's room, a look of professional optimism on her face.

"Hello," she greeted everyone. Just as she suspected, her father's new loving family was all there. He was gripping tightly Molly's hand. A woman, presumably his wife, was on the other side of her bed. Lexie was present as well, extremely worried but trying to appear reassuring.

"This is the neurosurgical consult I told you about," Arizona explained to the Greys. "It's Dr.-"

"Meredith," she cut Arizona halfway through her sentence, remembering that Molly didn't know about her existence. "I'm Dr. Meredith."

She felt her father's gaze on her but she didn't grace him with one look.

"Dr… Meredith," said Arizona. "That's our patient Molly Thompson, her parents Thatcher and Susan and her sister, I'm sure you've met her, Lexie… Grey." Arizona seemed to catch on the connection between Meredith and the family of her patient. She hadn't worked at Seattle Grace for long but she heard stories thanks to hospital gossip and Meredith Grey was a legend.

"It's nice to meet you," said Meredith politely.

_That's bizarre_, thought Arizona before her pager went off. "I need to go for a second-"

"I'll be fine here," assured her Meredith. "I'll explain everything to Molly."

"Are you absolutely sure, Meredith?" Arizona's eyes bored into her forcefully.

"Absolutely, I've got it covered."

Dr. Robbins sighed and took off.

"Dr. Meredith, what's wrong with my baby?" Molly's voice was shaking. "Dr. Robbins didn't want to tell us without you. It's something serious, isn't it?"

Meredith observed her sister's face. She was much like Lexie. Only her hair was shorter and lighter.

"I won't lie to you, Molly," Meredith began seriously. "You and the baby are in a bit of a trouble."

Molly tightened her grip on her father's hand and started breathing deeply.

"Molly, I know it's not easy for you and that you're scared but you need to remain as calm as possible. You're going to be mom, you already are a mom and you have to be strong for the baby. Can you promise me that?"

Molly nodded slowly, determination painting on her face.

"The ultrasound today showed that your baby's spine is not fully formed, which means that the spinal cord is uncovered."

Lexie gave a little cry and said, "It's… It's spina bifida, isn't it? The split spine?"

"Yes, Dr. Grey," Meredith squinted at her, wordlessly telling her to be quiet.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dr. Gr- Dr. Meredith," she almost slipped.

"What does it mean exactly?" inquired Susan. She had a warm and pleasant voice, just like a mother should.

"It virtually means that the spinal cord and the nerves are exposed both to mechanical damage and the influence of acids."

"How… how… Can we treat it?" asked Molly.

"Yes, we can," replied Meredith peacefully. "The treatment involves surgery."

"But… I'm just halfway through my pregnancy. What if something happens during those 4 months?"

"We can't wait that long, we have to operate as soon as possible."

"Now?" exclaimed Molly, frightened. "But… but… my baby's still…"

"Is still in the uterus, yes."

"Is that even possible?" asked Susan. "What's the risk?"

"Intrauterine surgery has been practiced for years now with growing success. But it's true; the procedure still poses a considerable risk for the mother and for the baby."

"I'll be strong," said Molly. "I'll have this operation for my little girl and for Eric."

"It's her husband," explained Susan. "He's in the army, stationed in Iraq at the moment."

"I'll get one of the residents to prep you for surgery, Molly. Do you have any more questions for me?" asked Meredith.

Molly shook her head. It was Thatcher who asked the question, uttering his first words since Meredith's arrival.

"Dr… Meredith? Are you going to perform the surgery?" he asked quietly, visibly surprised.

"Yes, along with Dr. Robbins," she finally looked at him. He was shaken up, clearly concerned for his favorite daughter.

"Are... are… you an attending?" he pursued.

"Yes." _And if you stuck around, you would know that, too._

"She's… she's the best, dad!" said Lexie.

"Molly, I'll see you in the OR, promptly. Dr. Karev," Meredith addressed Alex who just appeared in the doorway.

"I'm assigned to Dr. Robbins. She sent me here," he explained.

"Are you familiar with Mrs. Thompson's case? Good. You'll prep her for surgery."

She walked out followed closely by Lexie.

"Dr. Grey," she called after Meredith.

"Yes?"

"Can I… Could I possibly… be with Molly in the OR?" she pleaded.

Thatcher and Susan had just joined them in the corridor.

"Are you asking me to let you scrub in?" clarified Meredith. "No, it's out of the question. We don't treat out own family members."

"But…" argued Lexie. "I thought… You're operating on Molly… I thought-"

"Dr. Grey," Meredith said coldly. "I assure you that the rule of not operating on family members is still in full force."

Meredith made her point crystal clear. Harshness was the only way to remain detached; and she had to be detached for her own and Molly's sake.

"You're wasting my time here." She turned and left for the scrub room without another word.

**********************************************************************************

Thatcher Grey was having a day he could only dream in one of his nightmares. His youngest daughter and his unborn child were in a grave danger and in need of surgery, while his oldest daughter, his lost daughter, he barely knew…

Seeing Meredith entering Molly's room was one of the most shocking moments of his life. He had been laboring under the delusion that she had left Seattle almost three years ago. That was what Lexie said when he asked her about Meredith at the beginning of her internship. Why hadn't Lexie told the truth?

And what was Meredith doing at Seattle Grace? Working, obviously… She was an attending? How was that even possible? Thatcher took in Meredith's figure while she was explaining the procedure. She was a beautiful woman; she had Ellis's hair but was more slender. And she was self-confident, so decisive. Throughout the entire time, she was steadily avoiding his gaze, not that he was blaming her…

All too soon, they had to leave Molly so she could be prepped for surgery. He and Susan heard Lexie ask Meredith to scrub in which the latter blatantly refused. She reminded harshly that they were not allowed to operate on family members. Well, she couldn't express plainer that she didn't regard him as her family.

"Mom, dad?" said Lexie. "Don't worry, Dr. Robbins and Dr…" she trailed off.

"Meredith," supplied Thatcher.

"Yeah, they're… they're both good doctors." She gave Susan a quick hug. "I need to find my resident. I'll be back with you as soon as I can."

Thatcher sat heavily on a plastic chair in the corridor, burying his face in his hands.

Susan stroked his back tenderly.

"Everything will be ok, everything will work out somehow."

Thatcher nodded doubtfully.

"With Molly and with Meredith, too," she added sincerely.

Thatcher's head snapped at her.

"How… How do you know?"

"Honey, I saw how you were looking at her. And her name was Meredith. So… I put two and two together."

"I… I didn't know… she was in Seattle."

"She's a magnificent woman," praised her Susan. "She and our girls are much alike."

"She's a lot…" Thatcher went on hesitantly. "She's a lot like Ellis."

"I think she's a lot like you."

"She's… She's a lot like Ellis. I left Meredith with her and she took a lot from her. She seems… so cold."

"I don't think so," disagreed Susan. "She was very nice to Molly."

"It's… it's a bedside manner. They teach doctors how to talk to patients. You saw how she snapped at Lexie? She hates us, she hates me."

"You're exaggerating," stated firmly his wife. "Lexie was out of line; I'm sure she'd admit it herself. As for hatred, I don't know what this girl feels, I don't know her."

Thatcher kept shaking his head.

"I think," started Susan delicately, "that you keep searching for arguments not to talk to her, not to even try to get closer to her." Susan looked at him lovingly, "And you know what, sweetie? I think you're a bit selfish. You're afraid of her and you keep finding excuses to stay away from her. You're not doing her justice making judgments about her not really knowing her."

Thatcher sighed, "You're right, as always. I'm sorry. It's just… really difficult. One of my daughter's sick and another's going to operate on her… and… I guess… I should stop running away."

"You should," nodded Susan.

**********************************************************************************

"Grey," said Miranda Bailey. "Are you ok?"

For the least few days, Miranda was taking care of a difficult case that drained her physically and mentally. The only distraction from her patient, an eight-year-old boy fading a little bit more every day, was solving the puzzle of Meredith Grey.

Miranda kept a close watch on her former intern. She had changed in a lot of ways. She seemed to be more focused on her work, mind you, she was an attending. She seemed more optimistic, more balanced, more mature… she also kept something form others. Miranda had a nagging feeling that she knew what the secret was but every time she considered it she chided herself. There were no proofs to back her suspicion, only a quick glimpse at woman with a child. But if her theory _was _correct… Miranda shook her head; if that was the case, all hell would break loose at this hospital, especially when Grey and Shepherd went back to their routine of smelling each other in elevators. He was his old cocky McDreamy self making Grey go weak in her knees.

But right now, Miranda was concerned with something else. The hospital news sure spread fast; the novelty of Meredith's sister had already reached her.

"Grey, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," replied Meredith. "I'm good."

"You sure are," said Miranda disbelievingly.

"I am…" Meredith dropped her voice. "Are you? You don't look that good yourself."

Miranda let out a deep sigh, "I have a dying child who needs a liver and intestines transplant." Her voice quivered, "He's been moved to the top of the waiting list but… we're losing the race."

"I'm sorry," said Meredith sympathetically.

"I don't know what is going on with me." It seemed like the dam was broken. Bailey was tough; she didn't complain, she didn't whine and didn't open up to other people. However right now, she was on the edge.

"I've always been focused, detached and I…"

"That's normal," assured Meredith with empathy. "I think when you have your own child, it gets more difficult. You keep picturing your own kid at the place of your patient, wondering what you would do if it was…" she broke off. "I'm sorry; I'm talking nonsense. I'm not good at comforting, you know."

Miranda regarded her with new eyes; she picked up another element of the puzzle.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith entered the OR making her ritual lucky gesture. Today, it acquired a special meaning. She was about to operate on an unborn child, still in her mother's womb. What was more; the baby was her niece, now matter how hard she denied it.

She walked up to Molly who was already on the operating table.

"Hi, Molly, how are you doing?"

"Scared to death but… I'm holding on." She still had the strong look on her face.

Meredith smiled, "Have you already picked a name?" Like always, Meredith wanted to know on whom she would be operating, even if it was a 5-months-old fetus.

"Laura," whispered Molly. "It was Eric's idea, my husband's.

"It's a cute name. We'll do everything for Laura." She squeezed Molly's arm reassuringly.

Meredith stepped away waiting for her turn. It was Arizona's task to open the uterus and expose the fetus for the main procedure. Meredith glanced at the gallery and saw Derek, smiling at her slightly. She felt warmth around her heart. He was with her; he came to watch over her. It felt so safe now!

When Arizona made a place for her, there wasn't a trace of doubt in her mind. She took hold of the surgical instruments and began her meticulous work, one steady move after another.

The surgery went well. It ran smoother than the one in which Meredith took part while in the program. Molly kept her promise and stayed strong for her little daughter.

"It was pleasure to work with you," said Arizona while they were scrubbing out. "I'm actually happy you were paged instead of Shepherd. I was a bit preoccupied at the beginning but your support turned out to be crucial for the success of this surgery."

"I… I did everything I could for the wellbeing of our patients."

"Not just any patients," said Arizona.

"Just any," sighed Meredith.

Arizona didn't have time to reply as her pager went off, "Oh no, the day's going to kill me! You'll inform the family? Thanks!" she ran out of the room not even waiting for Meredith's answer.

_Great, just great_, she thought.

**********************************************************************************

Even if it was the last thing Meredith wanted to do, she forced herself to stand before Thatcher, Susan and Lexie.

"How did it go?" asked her father frantically.

"Meredith… Dr…" he stammered not knowing how to address her.

"Dr. Grey will do," she replied. "The operation ran without complications. Molly and Laura are stable."

"Oh, really?" exclaimed Susan with tears in her eyes.

"Yes, I managed to cover the exposed fragment of the spinal cord."

"Does that mean Laura will be fine?"

"In all likelihood, yes," confirmed Meredith. "I can't guarantee there hadn't been any damage until now but I don't think so. For now, there's no need to worry."

"Oh, that's so good news!"

"Yes, it's… it's our first grandchild," said Thatcher emotionally.

That simple statement cut through Meredith's heart like the sharpest blade. _First grandchild… your first grandchild is an almost two-year-old beautiful girl with a mane of perfect locks and blue eyes, named Elizabeth…_

"We will never be able to thank enough, Meredith," said warmly Susan stepping forward to Meredith with the clear intention of giving her a thank-you-doctor hug. However, with her current state of mind, she didn't feel like sharing hugs with her stepmother. She backed a little and hastened with an excuse, "I… I'm glad everything's ok but I need… to go now. I have work… If you have any questions… make… make the nurse page me… or page Dr. Robbins. She's Molly's doctor; I'm not Molly's doctor."

She controlled her emotions all the way to her office. Once she closed the door behind her and pulled down the blinds, she slumped to the floor and let the tears fall down freely. She wasn't anguished with the fact that she kept Bessie's existence from Thatcher. She didn't owe him anything.

Only the simple phrase he uttered made her realize how deep in lie she lived. There was no word to describe it better – a lie.

She felt like the worst scum of the universe. She deprived Bessie of her father, a wonderful man who would love and take care of her. Derek wasn't Thatcher; he wasn't capable of ever abandoning his child. But he abandoned her, Meredith…

Meredith was also aware that she deprived her daughter of the love of her family. Surely, there was Thatcher. She knew he was a loving paternal figure for his two youngest girls – Molly and Lexie. And there was Derek's family, his big close-knit family, full of aunties and cousins Bessie could play with.

"Meredith?" she heard a knocking and Derek's voice sounded through the door. He was probably bothered by the shut blinds in the middle of the day, in the middle of her shift.

"I'm…" she cleared her throat trying her tear-strained voice to sound normal. "I'm busy, Derek; I'm working."

Apparently, he didn't buy the story, as he entered the office, his forehead creased in concern.

"Oh my God," he whispered at the sight of her, broken and sobbing on the floor. "Meredith!" Derek crossed the room in one stride and tried to gently make her look at him.

She resisted, "Derek, please, leave… leave me alone…"

He wrapped his arms tightly around her, ignoring her protests and her clenched fists that fruitlessly attempted to push him away and whispered, "No, I'm not walking away… Never."

"Meredith," he breathed into her hair. "If you tell me what's wrong, I might help you."

"I… I…" she stammered. "It's just that… he said…" Meredith desperately raked her brain what to say. _Maybe it is the right moment?_

"Is his presence affecting you so much?"

"Yes!" Meredith replied quickly. _Maybe it isn't…_

Derek had been sure the panic attack was connected to Meredith's father but… He knew Meredith inside out; he could read from her reaction like from open book. Her hastened reply, her eyes travelling all around the room, except him… Her father was just an excuse he offered himself and which she gladly adopted to cover up whatever she was hiding.

**********************************************************************************

A.N. So, as you see Meredith still struggles with the abandonment issues… I hope you don't mind this bit of Shondaland, the plot thickens very very much in the upcoming chapters. Thanks a lot for all the reviews and waiting for more!


	18. Chapter 18: Marks

A.N. Hi there! This is chapter 18 in which Mark becomes nosy.

**********************************************************************************

"You look like you were hit by a truck." Mark was sitting on a huge rock on the bank of the river and looking worriedly at his best friend, Derek Shepherd who didn't reply. "And you're very talkative today."

"I'm fishing," said curtly Derek staring fixedly at the point in the water where he cast the line. "Fish don't like talking."

"What I don't get," Mark completely disregarded Derek's reluctance to verbal exchange, "is that a few days ago you were waling on cloud nine and now you're and grumpy. If you were a woman I'd thought you were pregnant."

Once again his comments were met with strained silence.

"What did McFoxy do?"

Derek sighed, "Nothing. She did nothing. It's me… Something's seriously wrong with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think… I think I assumed too much," said Derek heavily. "I just assumed that she was back and we would eventually go back to the point we always did but… she… something's different about her."

"Of course she's different, she's an attending."

"It's not that. She's… she's keeping something from me. I think… there might be… someone… I don't know what I expected. I should have known she might … move on."

"You think she has someone, like someone someone?" inquired Mark frowning his forehead.

Derek nodded slowly with a sad look on his face.

"Impossible! I've seen you two going lovey-dovey all around the hospital," blurted out Mark.

Derek shrugged his shoulders, "We have a history, as she said. That's normal for us. But… that's all. We…" he trailed off.

"You haven't had sex and that's not normal for you," plodded Mark.

"The old Meredith… wouldn't say no. There have been several moments when we could just rip our clothes off... but she's always backing off."

"And you think there's someone that keeps her bed warm?"

"Thanks for putting that image in my head," snapped Derek angrily. "Yes, I think she has someone. We have chemistry, we've always had but she backs off because she wouldn't betray anyone, someone with whom she was in a relationship. I know there's something she's not telling me and it's not just my crazy obsession. Do you know she hasn't been to Joe's since she got back, not single time. And she goes out of hospital for lunch every day."

"You suspect she's having secret dates? You've asked her about it?"

"Yeah, she said she couldn't stand the crappy hospital food."

"Sounds like a lame excuse," agreed Mark. "But she might be doing thousands of other things."

"That's not all. Two days ago… she completely broke down. I found her crying on the floor. She said she was upset with her father being at hospital but…" he shook his head, "it's not true. Every time she looks at me, she looks… sorry… or guilty… I know, I just know she's not telling me something."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith became restless. Not telling Derek about Bessie weighed constantly on her conscience. She knew the timing could hardly be better, they were on speaking terms, they were… friends. Derek was supportive and attentive and promised to be there for her when she needed him.

Why couldn't she look straight into his eyes and tell him? Deep down, she was afraid; afraid with a fear that brought cold sweat and pressed her lungs. Meredith was scared of his anger, of him being hurt and disgusted with her. Despite all his McDreamy qualities, Derek was impulsive. Meredith couldn't imagine his reaction to the news that he had fathered a child but she suspected it wouldn't be calm and understanding.

She knew she had to do it and fast. Nonetheless, every time she was close to him, every time she considered coming out clean, she pushed it out of her mind. There never seemed to be a convenient moment. He was tired or she got paged, he had a difficult case, she was beginning the clinical trial… and so on and so on.

To cap it all, Meredith's pseudo-family was hanging around the hospital. Molly was recovering nicely; it was too early to discharge her, though. As a result, Meredith had to endure unexpected encounters with Thatcher, constantly awkward and inarticulate, and Susan, made of a completely different stuff than her husband. She tried to initiate a contact with her stepdaughter and she was insistent about it. As for Meredith, she found it hard to resist her so she employed the best technique she could – avoidance and flight.

Right now, she was avoiding and fleeing from the hospital lobby. She was on her way to Bessie's nursery when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Susan sitting on one of the chairs, probably waiting for Thatcher. Meredith pretended not to notice her and quickened her pace. She didn't even slow down outside, which turned out to be a mistake.

The winter was coming early along with the frosty pavements. One careless step and she fell flat on her back. She felt a blunt pain in her skull and saw nothing more than overcoming blackness.

**********************************************************************************

The first thought that crossed Meredith's mind when she started regaining consciousness was that she was in a zoo. She was unmistakably that turtle she and Bessie saw in the zoological garden. She was poked and prodded, and the people around her were shouting.

"Move aside, I need to have a look at that," Meredith recognized Derek's frantic voice.

"Could you let me work? I'm the trauma specialist here." Was that Owen Hunt?

"And I'm the neurosurgeon here, like the specialist of head trauma," argued Derek impatiently.

"I'm _the Chief_ here. I'm going to take care of her personally," interrupted Webber.

"Shut up, all of you!" chided them Bailey. "You call yourself doctors? Your patient could die in the meantime!"

"She's not going to die," blurted out Cristina. "She's just bumped her head."

"Is it something serious?" _Ughhh, Susan…_

Meredith groaned in head-splitting pain and blinked several times before she opened her eyes.

"She's awake," yelled Cristina. "How are you feeling?"

"Like my head just collided with concrete surface," muttered Meredith.

She looked around her. She was lying on a gurney in the ER surrounded by at least ten doctors, Susan and her father.

"There's swelling but no bleeding," said Owen.

"Are you feeling nauseous?" asked Derek concernedly.

"No," she breathed out.

"It's probably just a light concussion," stated Owen.

"We should run some tests, just to make sure," said Derek.

Meredith raised her hand to feel her head, inadvertently hitching up her scrub top and exposing her stomach.

"Is that a stretch mark?" asked Mark Sloan curiously.

Meredith hastily straightened her shirt. _Stupid plastic guy…_

"It's the appendectomy scar," she huffed but her heart rate was increasing.

Her body recovered almost effortlessly from the pregnancy. She was tiny and slender and no one could tell she had ever carried a child just by looking at her. However, there was a little testimony that she birthed her daughter. The skin on her appendectomy scar wasn't flexible enough and it evolved into a stretch mark, which Mark, as a plastic surgeon, recognized at once.

"I've hit my head," snapped Meredith. "Then why do I see a panel of surgeons ogling me? I don't need cardio, I don't need plastics!" They all started to scatter away.

"I'm staying," Derek stated firmly leaning over her.

"Than stay! I have to go!" she made to stand up but Derek pushed her back on the gurney.

"No, you don't!"

Meredith grabbed Cristina's wrist before she disappeared.

"Cristina, I was… going… to…" she tried to convey the message that she was on her way to Bessie.

Her friend nodded in understanding.

"Can you…?" pleaded Meredith. "I'll clear it with whatever attending you're working with today if you're late." She couldn't let her daughter on her own the whole day. Bess was accustomed to her coming every day.

Cristina rolled her eyes, "Ok, you don't need to persuade me. I'm with Sloan, nothing interesting-" She cut off under Derek's bewildered gaze. "I'll… just go."

Derek wasn't sure if he should be worried or happy. He understood less and less the situation. But one thing seemed certain – Meredith wouldn't send her best friend to a date with her boyfriend. And Cristina wouldn't be so enthusiastic about agreeing to meet Meredith's boyfriend. That was disturbing… Cristina Yang, indifferent about the possibility of missing a surgery…

"Hi, Meredith," Susan and Thatcher came closer to the gurney. "How are you?"

"Good, thanks."

"Mrs. Grey was the one who raised the alarm; she saw you fall down," explained Derek.

"Ok, thanks, I guess." _Awkward…_

"Your father and I wanted to invite you for lunch but if you're not good…?"

"Maybe, some other-"

"She'll be fine," said quickly Derek. "We just have to run a CT to make sure."

"Wonderful," smiled Susan. "We'll meet you in the cafeteria."

Meredith fell down on the gurney and winced in pain as she had forgotten about her bump. She sent Derek a filthy look, "Are you happy with yourself? Now I have to go through incredibly awkward and uncomfortable lunch with the man who's supposed to be my father and his wife."

Derek looked at her tenderly, "You'd have to do that at some point."

"No, I wouldn't," she pouted indignantly. "Stop hovering!"

He just nodded not to antagonize her further. "I'll take you for the CT and then you'll be able to have your incredibly awkward and uncomfortable lunch."

"Oh no! No, we'll be able to have the incredibly awkward and uncomfortable lunch. You said you'd never walk out on me," she reminded him.

The corners of his lips rose slightly upwards; she was leaning on him. And he would go to hell to have lunch with her if it meant no more of her mysterious outings.

**********************************************************************************

"You sure you shouldn't lie down? Was there something wrong with the exam?" Susan asked concernedly at the sight of Derek following Meredith to their table.

"Actually-" started Meredith. She saw her last chance of wriggling out of the lunch.

"Actually, the scans were all clear," said Derek smiling.

"So there's nothing wrong with her head, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I've never been completely sure of that," he joked only to feel Meredith's elbow on his ribs. "But there's nothing out of norm. She's just got a bump. Oh, and call me Derek." He reached out his hands towards her.

"Susan and Thatcher," she smiled widely, looking between Derek and Meredith, "Oh, are you…?"

"No," Meredith quickly shook her head. "Not really… not anymore, that is… we're kind of… we're actually friends…"

"Yeah," nodded Derek grinning at her rambling.

"Oh," Susan got a completely different answer that Meredith intended to give. She elbowed Thatcher to encourage him to join the conversation. He seemed frightened at the sole prospect of verbalizing his thoughts in front of his oldest daughter.

He cleared his throat, "So, huh. Meredith, I… I've heard… that you did… that you participated in a special program?"

Derek and Susan exchanged surreptitious grins. The father and daughter had more in common that they realized.

"Yeah, yes, I got a place in the Independent Educational Program for Surgeons," she explained. It was a safe subject; not Derek-orientated, not Bessie-orientated, just perfect. "I was away from Seattle for two and a half years, mostly abroad. I got back only a week ago."

"I'm so happy you did," confessed Susan warmly. "You saved my granddaughter's life."

"It's… my job," stammered Meredith. "It's what I do. Derek wouldn't do any worse. He was my teacher, actually."

"Oh, so you knew each other before you left Seattle."

"Very well," grinned Derek. "It's a long-term-" he stifled a yelp of pain as Meredith kicked him on the shin, "friendship. How's your daughter doing? It must be hard for her, she's in hospital and her husband's overseas."

_Thank you __brain man_, thought Meredith. _Now, they'll know I'm talking about them!_

"They miss each other terribly and with the baby on the way…" sighed Susan. "Molly's anxious to have him back home. Hopefully, he'll be back before Laura's birth. But they're holding strong."

"That's good," said Derek nostalgically. "Sometimes, you can feel closer to a person who's miles away than the one that's next to you."

Meredith sought desperately a way to escape. Cristina had just appeared in the cafeteria!

"It was nice talking to you," said Meredith, "but my resident, the resident that's assigned to me, is looking… for me, so… I must go." She leapt from her chair to meet her person and listen about her daughter's day.

"I'm sorry," sighed Derek to Susan and Thatcher. "She's trying… but it's difficult for her."

"You make a beautiful couple," remarked Susan innocently.

Derek's face lit up in a briefest of smiles, "Not… not anymore."

Susan cleared her throat and excused herself. "I'm going to see Lexie. She's mentioned she found an apartment. Lexie's moving out," she explained to Derek.

Susan kissed Thatcher and left the two men alone. Rambling and insecure as Thatcher was, he showed a protective side when it came to his daughters. It was a slight surprise when Thatcher cross-examined Molly's and Lexie's boyfriends when they stated to date. Meredith was his daughter as well and she was somehow involved with the dark-haired Dr. Shepherd.

"I… I am aware," Thatcher said hesitantly, "that I don't have any right to… pry into Meredith's life but… I'd just like to know… Is she happy?"

"I… I don't know," Derek shook his head. "We… were close but I… don't know that much about her now."

"Do you… huh care about her?" asked Thatcher quietly.

Derek didn't feel like sharing about his love life with a man that was practically a stranger to him but he was Meredith's father and for the first time in years he showed interest in his daughter.

"What if… I said I did?" answered Derek.

"Then I'd say you shouldn't… leave her. I… I saw how she looks at you, like she cares… I know that look; Ellis, her mother used to look like that at…" Thatcher's face fell.

Derek lowered his eyes on the floor; he knew what Thatcher left unsaid. Ellis used to look like that at Richard Webber. From what Meredith had told him, her mother virtually worshipped Richard; he was the love of her life. The smiled returned to Derek's face.

**********************************************************************************

"What's up?" asked Alex joining Izzie and George in the cafeteria.

"We're watching Meredith," said George sipping his juice.

Alex glanced at the table in the opposite corner of the room and saw Meredith squirming in her seat. "She looks like she's going to pee."

"She's eating lunch with her father and stepmother and McDreamy," stated Izzie in wonder.

"They're her family," George shrugged his shoulders.

"But how does Derek fit into the picture?" Izzie creased her forehead. "She's adamant that they're just friends they're always… mushy around each other."

"Maybe they're getting married," said George excitedly. Izzie and Alex looked at him raising their eyebrow. "It's not as unbelievable as it sounds. Or maybe they're already married but keep it a secret. That's why Meredith never hangs out after work and now… they're having lunch with the in-laws… parents…. huh, stepparents?

"Dude," Alex shook his head pityingly. "The fact that you got hitched in Vegas doesn't mean everybody else does. Besides, Shepherd doesn't know what's going on with Mer outside the hospital either. He's asked me if Meredith has been to Joe's."

"It's… weird," commented Izzie.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was bubbling with excitement. The day was disastrous but it was going to end well. She was on her way to greet her first trial patient at Seattle Grace Hospital.

"Hey," said Mark Sloan following her into the elevator.

"Hey."

"So," began Mark. "How has it been back in the Rain City?"

"Great," replied Mer enthusiastically. "Many things have changed but… great."

"Huh, anything interesting happened in your life while you were away?"

Meredith frowned at the tone of Mark's voice; she suddenly remembered his question about the stretch mark.

"No," she replied hastily. "That is… yes! Lots of things happened, lots."

"You know," he said slowly. "That mark on your stomach, it really looked like a stretch mark."

"And you really shouldn't think about my stomach," said Meredith neutrally. "For your information, it's an appendectomy scar."

"I'm a plastic surgeon," Mark stood his ground. Meredith Grey was surely acting suspiciously. "Stretch marks are a big part of my life."

"Sorry, Mark, but I'm not interested in hearing out your secret pains."

"I might be interested in taking a closer look at your appendectomy scar. I would smooth it out in no time, basic procedure."

"I'm happy with my body," assured him Meredith.

"What about your boyfriend?" he asked casually.

"I don't have a boyfriend," she snapped at him, unnerved by his grilling.

"Goodnight, Dr. Sloan," she huffed as the elevator stopped and she hopped out. Mark walked leisurely to his office feeling that she was keeping cards close to her chest but not necessarily a secret lover.

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A.N. Thanks a lot for the reviews, keep them coming! I have a question for you – what do you think about Mark and Lexie pairing? I might get them together in the story but I'm still hesitating.

P.S. I can't wait for the next week's eppie with dark and crazy Derek yelling at Addison. Wondering what the McFight is all about… I hope Der's not pissed about Mark/Lexie thing; it would be a bit pathetic. Anyway, cheers!


	19. Chapter 19: By Inches

A.N. Hello everyone, sorry for the less frequent updates but I've just started the new semester at my uni and I'm snowed under with work. I hope you'll enjor the chapter 19 in which… the secret starts to leak big time. Review, please! BTW, thanks for sharing your opinions as to Slexie!

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"What are you waiting for?" asked quietly Cristina sipping her coffee.

Meredith opened her mouth to speak but no sound escaped her lips. The two of them sere sitting on a bed, covered in semi-darkness. Meredith had dragged Cristina to an empty on-call room, desperate to have someone to freak out to about the Mark incident the previous day.

"I mean, seriously, what are you waiting for?" repeated Cristina "McDreamy's wrapped around your little finger. People get suspicious; they're talking, wondering why you turned into a teetotaller. I told you it was going to be like that. And now Sloan's on the verge of blowing it."

"I know," spoke Meredith louder than she intended. "I know."

"Trust me, you don't want him to learn form someone else. _You_ should tell him… or he'll go nuts."

"I know. It's just… "It's not easy." Meredith twirled her fingers nervously.

"Life's not easy, Meredith," whispered Cristina. "And no one said it was going to be."

"I'll… I'll do it. I can do it," Mer kept assuring herself more rather than Cristina.

"Good. The sooner you tell him, the sooner you're going to sign out from the recyclable virgins' club. Looks like I'm throwing my membership card away."

"You're having dirty sex with Owen Hunt?" asked Meredith curiously.

"It's not dirty and it's not sex. I don't know what it is," Cristina shrugged her shoulders but there was a slight smile on her lips. "It will probably lead to sex, though."

She got up from the bed, "Are you coming?"

"I'll take a short nap," said Meredith. "I've got to recharge my batteries before going to the nursery."

"Right, you have the first trial procedure this afternoon."

"Yeah."

"Good luck," wished Cristina. "And with… everything."

"Thanks," breathed out Meredith. "I'll need it… in both cases."

"You know where to find me if you… yeah," she gave her friend the last encouraging nod and left the on-call room.

Meredith leaned back on the bed, set her alarm clock and drifted off to an uneasy slumber. Yet, she woke up before the alarm went off, immediately sensing someone's presence. She opened her eyes to see Derek lying on the opposite bed, propping his head with one hand and staring at her.

"What are you, some weirdo who watches women sleep?" she repeated with a smile the question she had asked him all those years ago in her bedroom.

He chuckled with the specific Derekish laughter that made her warm around the heart.

"It's just that you… don't snore," he confessed sheepishly.

"I don't," admitted Meredith. Shortly after Bessie was born, she decided to have the minor procedure and fix the snoring problem. She kept her daughter awake and she couldn't pluck ear plugs in an infant's ears. Infant, her daughter… Meredith's pulse quickened. She couldn't hope for better circumstances.

"Derek," she rose from the bed and he did the same. The narrow room made the distance between them incredibly small. "I… I've got something to tell you…"

She looked into his eyes knowing it was the moment that would affect all their lives and the life of her daughter… _their_ daughter…

"Do you have someone?" fired Derek.

"What?" his question took her completely by surprise.

"Like a… boyfriend."

"What? No! I'm not in any relationship," she assured him frantically. This wasn't going according to her plan.

She went to the door and turned the key making sure they wouldn't be interrupted. She was determined to finally make a clean breast of it.

Apparently, Derek misread her intentions since as soon as she reclaimed her place, his lips descended quickly on hers and his arms encircled her waist. His tongue was easily granted permission to her mouth. Meredith couldn't resist the urge to touch him; she had been sitting on the hot coals far too long. She brought her hands to the dark mane of his hair and followed the trail of his spine stopping well below the waistline.

Derek moaned into her mouth and lowered them on the bed, pinning Meredith to the mattress. Their hands started roaming desperately over each other's bodies, their hips shifting in impatience. He lifted her upwards pulling her scrub top over her head, his lips falling into the parting between her breasts.

Undoubtedly, Meredith would lost her membership card faster than Cristina if it wasn't for the sound of the alarm that brought her back to reality.

"Turn it off… turn it off…" muttered Derek blindly groping for the source of the noise. To his dismay, Meredith unsteadily crawled out of bed breathing hard.

"Meredith."

She quickly picked up the abandoned garment of her clothing and pulled it on.

"Meredith," Derek stood up beside her and cupped her face.

"Look, we'll… we'll talk about it later," she said looking back into his eyes. "I… I've gotta go."

She broke away from him and headed to unlock the door.

"Meredith," he addressed her once more with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Your scrub top's inside out."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was holding Bessie tightly on her arm and pointing at branch of a nearby tree. "Look, sweetie, what's that? It has a beak and two wings and it likes flying."

"A birdie!" exclaimed the little girl.

"Good girl! It is a birdie, do you like the birdie?"

"It's nice birdie."

Meredith kissed Bessie's pinky cheek. She was her own private world. Just an hour ago she was a step from sharing this wonderful world with Derek but he chose the moment to sex her up… He spoiled her chance and she couldn't even blame him.

Meredith's attention was brought to a small family strolling down the alleyway. A few-year-old boy was laughing merrily trying to stomp his feet in the middle of every puddle of water on his way. His mom and dad were on his sides clutching his hands. Meredith felt envy on behalf of her daughter, she deserved both parents' love.

"Figuring why we're not like them?"

At this point, Meredith found Miranda Bailey's voice far more frightening than the most bloodcurdling scream from a horror movie.

Bailey carried on, "We're surgeons, we're emotionally defective, we screw up our relationships and we feel guilty towards our children for making them grow up in dysfunctional families."

Meredith turned slowly to face Bailey, her heart beating so fast as if to escape from her chest. Her former boss was looking at her gently, though, her own child tugging at her hand.

"Dr. Bailey," muttered Meredith. "What… are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are," replied Bailey. "Now, what's the beauty princess's name?"

"Oh," Meredith shifted her daughter so she could see Bailey. "Sweetie, it's Dr. Bailey. Dr. Bailey is a very nice lady. Say your name to Dr. Bailey."

Bessie smiled widely and waved her hand at Miranda. "Elizabeth."

"That's a very old and beautiful name," said Miranda squeezing lightly the girl's outstretched hand and appraising her features. "And this little gentleman is called Tucker. Tucker, say hello."

Meredith put Bessie down and she immediately ran up to Tucker, hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Ew!" Miranda's son yelped in disgust and hid himself behind his mother's legs.

"She wouldn't be your daughter if she didn't chase men," remarked Bailey humorously.

"She's just… cuddly!" said Meredith indignantly, making the other woman snicker.

"So," started Bailey as they slowly walked down the alley, "Derek doesn't know about her, I presume?"

Meredith looked at her with pure panic, "He's… and she's not…"

"Grey, who are you trying to fool? She's got McDreamy written all over her face.

Meredith stared at her shoes. "I… I wanted to tell him today," she confessed weakly.

"Let me guess, you got distracted."

"_He_ distracted me."

"The man's going to have a fit when he finds out."

"Don't I know it…" sighed Meredith. "Why does it have to be so damn difficult? I wasn't supposed to go back here. I didn't plan to go back here."

"But you did," pointed out Bailey. "And you stayed, and now you've got to do what's best for your kid."

Meredith nodded, "Dr. Bailey, you can't…" her eyes bored into Miranda's in silent request.

"It's not my problem to solve," Miranda calmed her down. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

**********************************************************************************

"I swear, you've got mood swings," said Mark approaching Derek in the cafeteria.

"I'm just having a good day," grinned Derek.

"Does your good day have anything to do with an on-call room and two neurosurgeons with sex hair?" asked Mark. "Nurse Debbie told me and everyone else in the hospital. You should take it easy, man."

"Look who's talking," Derek rolled his eyes. "Just to clarify, we didn't have sex hair; nurse Debbie's losing her touch. To get sex hair, you need to actually have sex. We're not at that level yet."

"What level are you at?" inquired Mark. "Holding hands? Exchanging shy smiles?"

"Talking," Derek cut him across. "She told me she wasn't in any relationship."

"Yeah, she told me that, too," agreed Mark. "Just be careful; you've got burnt with her… several times."

"Mark, what are you getting at?" Derek was losing his patience with Mark's half words.

"I'm just telling you," he paused, unsure if to continue. "Look, yesterday, when she fell down… I think… It just really looked like a stretch mark."

Derek stared at him speechlessly for a while and then burst out laughing.

"What are you suggesting, Mark?" Derek was laughing so hard he brought a hand to his stomach.

Mark frowned at him with concern, "I'm serious, Derek, it all fits."

"Please, Mark. Nothing fits. You took a glimpse of her abdomen and you say there's a stretch mark. She had appendectomy, Mark, appendectomy. Seriously, it's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life." Derek wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Fine," shrugged Mark. "Just don't run crying to Markie when she pulls you up short."

Derek shook his head in hilarity. "You know, Mark, it might be all in your head. Your subconscious may be giving you signals to settle down… get married, have a kid… hence the stretch marks."

"Shut up, Dr. Psychoanalyst."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith approached with exhilaration the operating table at which rested her first trial patient, forty-year-old Thomas with a malignant glioma impossible to remove surgically. She stepped upon the path of immortalizing her name in the medical history. Obviously, her elation reached beyond such earthly pleasures. She felt what she called herself the majesty of lifesaving. She was pushing boundaries, opening up a dead-end street.

Meredith registered with disappointment Derek's absence in the gallery. He had probably been called for a surgery. She took a deep breath and went ahead with the procedure she had been rehearsing so many times in her head. She cut the skin, drilled a hole in the skull and inserted a catheter.

"The main part of the procedure," she explained to her resident, "is injecting the virus into the tumor." She watched with fascination the liquid flowing inside the transparent tube into the brain. Everything was running smoothly until line indicating patient's life functions went flat.

"Complete heart block," alarmed her resident.

"Damn it!" Meredith looked closely at the monitors. "The injection went into the intra-arteria. Push one of atrophine!" she ordered.

"No change."

"Push another one! Come on, come on…"she muttered frantically. The line continued to indicate nothing than death. Meredith let out a deep sigh and lowered her hands.

"Patient number one – treatment failed. Time of death – 4:27."

"Do you want me to close up?" asked her resident.

"I'll do it myself," she replied. It was all she could do for Thomas.

********************************************************************************

Meredith was sitting lifelessly behind her desk, feeling oddly numb. The dull sound of her patient passing away was still droning in her ears. She saw the office door open and Derek stuck his head inside.

"Hi," he gave her a piercing look.

"Hi," Meredith managed to breath out.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your procedure, I had an urgent trauma case in the need of craniotomy," he explained closing the door behind him.

"That's fine," assured him Meredith expressionlessly. "You sure didn't miss much."

Derek angled his head and studied the stillness of her form.

"I… I heard about your patient. I'm sorry."

"It's not that surprising," she said, her voice becoming high-pitched. It was… only the first patient. Experimental procedures rarely work during the first try."

Derek continued to look at her unrelenting, seeing right through her assurances.

"Fine… I… I got my hopes up," she admitted heavily. "Which I know I shouldn't have done but… I did, anyway," she gave a nervous laugh.

He nodded reaching across the desk to meet her hand. "You'll make it right, you just can't give up."

"I won't," she said firmly, tightly intertwining her fingers with his. "My second patient is already here."

"Are you free this evening? We can… go somewhere… to Joe's…"

Meredith's body went rigid and her hand slipped from his palm as the reality along with the meanders of her twisted personal life hit her with the momentum of an avalanche.

"I… I can't," stammered Meredith. "I'm dreaming of taking a long hot bath and going to bed," the lie easily rolled off her tongue. She was exhausted, completely worn out and unable to brace herself to tell him the truth.

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A.N. I hope you're not fed up with the trial, it serves the higher purpose of bringing Mer and Der closer (literally and metaphorically) to each other. Just to tease you a little bit more, in the next chappie Derek will probably lay his eyes on his daughter for the very first time… Cheers!


	20. Chapter 20: What Are You Doing?

A.N. Hi, everyone and big thanks for your reviews! The round chapter 20 is here and I really hope you'll find it enjoyable. I kept the promise I made in my last update. I'm a bit afraid you might find it too mushy but… there you go. R and R, please! Oh, I finally did the justice to the title of the story.

P.S. Do you remember the MerDer patients dogged by the bad luck?

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"Time of death – 15.44."

Another patient, another failure. Meredith exited the operating room throwing her surgical gloves to the bin with annoyance; a mixture of anger, impatience and guilt boiling inside her. She snorted at the memory of her excitement before the first trial procedure. The majesty of saving lives… it was now sinking fast, pulled down by the weight of her patient's blood on her fingers. She could clearly feel it, even after discarding the protective layer of latex from her hands.

Meredith soaped her skin vigorously, praying for the physical activity to push every torturing thought from her brain. It seemed that recently, nothing in her life could go right; there was nothing that went the way she wanted. The control over her own existence was slipping through her fingers.

And the overwhelming guilt… it had become her second name. Guilt towards the families of her patients for taking away the precious time they could yet spend together. Guilt towards her daughter she was letting down so miserably. Guilt towards Derek… She never intended her life to turn into a massive melodrama in which she was both a tragic heroine and deceitful villain. There she was, though.

Meeting Bailey in the park the other day shook her more than she admitted to herself. For sure, Miranda was trustworthy but the way the events turned was all wrong. No one was supposed to know before Derek. He had a screaming right to be the first to learn the truth.

Meredith strode the corridors thinking what her daughter could be possibly doing at the time. Breaking the routine they recently established, she left Bessie at home with a babysitter. The flu epidemic was in the full swing and her little angel had probably managed to catch the virus in the nursery. She was unusually cranky in the morning. Meredith hoped that the vaccination that Bessie had had the previous month would take effect and make the illness less severe.

Meredith was so involved in her worries that she didn't notice Susan on her way and therefore didn't have time to turn tail.

"Meredith!" exclaimed Susan. "Just the person I was looking for!"

"Oh?" Meredith didn't even try to hide the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. She was devoid of energy to put an act.

"Molly's getting discharged!" explained Susan joyously. "We're taking her home this afternoon."

"That's great," replied Meredith politely. "Now, if you excuse me-" She wanted to step around her stepmother but the other woman gently put her hands on Meredith's forearms.

"Meredith," she pleaded. "I've been thinking about organizing a dinner to celebrate the fact that Molly's good _and_ to thank you for everything you did for her."

"Seriously, we've been over this," said Meredith impatiently. "I… Molly was just my patient. I did everything I could do to help my patient and no offence, Susan, but you're not-"

"I know! I know what you want to say," Susan cut her halfway through her sentence. "We're not your family. But we _could_ be. Meredith, you have friends, you have Derek but… Thatcher's your blood and my girls, too."

"Yeah, Thatcher's my father. Then why are you her and not him?" She snapped at her stepmother. "I-"

She was interrupted by the beeping of her pager.

"I've gotta go," She left Susan behind her without further explanation. Saved by the pager but… Meredith frowned her forehead taking a look at her at the small device. 911… in her office?

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"_I want mommy!"_

Derek's attempts at catching up with the department's paperwork were thwarted by insistent cries coming form the outside of his office. He heard a muffled feminine voice trying to soothe the anguished child.

Derek leaned back in his chair. The unexpected interruption broke the rhythm of his work, setting his mind back in the direction of Meredith. He was pretty sure it would soon turn into an obsession. He wanted her with every fiber of his being, his heart, mind, body and soul. The brief moments of closeness were the spells of sunshine among the indefiniteness of their relationship. Most of the time, she drifted just beyond his reach; like today, when he wanted to get to her after her unsuccessful surgery and she had vanished.

"Mommy!" the desperate tiny voices sounded again, much closer to his office, making Derek stand up and peek out of the door. The corridor was deserted but for two people. A young woman was doing everything in her power to pacify a little girl in her arms. The girl was sobbing and calling her mommy with a red, tearstained face.

"Ma'am," Derek addressed the young woman. "Can I help you?"

"Oh, thank God," she looked at him with relief, rocking tenderly the little girl and patting her back. "I'm looking for doctor-"

"Mommy! I want my mommy!" the girl yelled again, her breath hitching.

"I think you should go to the clinic," said Derek concernedly. "It's a surgical department. Go straight ahead-"

"No, no!" the woman cut him across. "I'm not looking for _a_ doctor. I'm looking for _the_ doctor, Bessie's mom. She's a surgeon here."

"Mom!" Bessie shouted angrily, her tiny fist dropping a furry bunny to the floor.

The woman made an awkward move to pick up the toy but Derek was quicker. He stepped closer to the little girl and handed her her fluffy friend.

"There you go," he said gently and looked at her curiously trying to guess which one of his colleagues could be her mother but his mind was blank. He smiled at her; she was beautiful with her big blue eyes and a wild mane of blond locks. It wasn't normal blond. Looking from a certain angle her hair was pure gold, from another, it darkened surprisingly, verging on light brown. She was close to his old daydreams of how his and Meredith's children would look like if life wasn't a bitch and they actually had kids.

"I want my mommy!" repeated stubbornly the blond angel.

Derek's heart simply melted as she fixed her blueish gaze on him.

"We're going to take you to your mommy," he assured her. "We're going to find your mommy. Your name is Bessie, right?"

"E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H," she spelled out her name proudly through the hiccoughs. She visibly felt more relaxed as she stuck out her hand towards Derek.

"Who's her mommy?" he asked the babysitter.

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Cristina was almost walking on air. Owen Hunt was bringing something new to her life every day. The stolen glances and light touches were making her feel butterflies in her stomach. _He_ was making her _tha_t girl.

What was even more surprising, Cristina didn't fell like backing off in the face of novelty. Quite the contrary, she was wiling to embrace it. She involuntarily compared her situation with Meredith's and… for the first time in ages she assumed she was in a better spot than her friend. Her budding relationship with Owen was free from any baggage while Meredith and McDreamy… They might never recover if she stalled any longer with telling Derek he had fathered a child.

Speaking of which… Cristina stopped dead in her tracks seeing her goddaughter with… no other than Derek. Under different circumstances, she would be relieved at their reunion. She was well aware, though, that Meredith kept Shepherd in the dark, against all word of advice.

Cristina quickened her pace and reached them just in time to hear Derek's question.

"Who's her mommy?"

"Doctor-" started the babysitter.

"Dr. Shepherd!" bellowed Cristina pretending to be pressed for time. "Dr. Shepherd, what are you doing?"

"Dr. Yang?" Derek looked at her questioningly.

"They've been calling you to the pit for ages!" breathed out Cristina.

"What?" McDreamy hastily pulled out his pager. "I haven't been paged."

"Then there's something wrong with your pager," insisted Cristina. "You've got to go. They need you!"

"But-" Derek threw a glance at the little girl.

"I'll take care of them. Go!"

Derek nodded and hurried to the ER while Cristina rounded on the babysitter. "What are you doing here, moron?" She took Bessie from her arms. "You were told not to bring her to the hospital. I seriously have no idea how you got those references of yours and why Meredith is paying you so much!"

"Bessie was restless, Dr. Yang," the girl explained herself. "I couldn't pacify her. I thought that only Dr. Grey could calm her down. And she didn't answer my calls!"

"She was in surgery," grumbled Cristina rubbing Bessie's back. "I'll take care of her. Get out of my sight."

She quickly carried her goddaughter to Meredith's office brooding that Shepherd would make her life hell for covering Meredith's back when the game was up.

**********************************************************************************

"Mommy!"

Meredith was greeted by the enthusiastic squeal of her daughter who shot out of her office with the speed and force of a miniature missile.

"Bessie?" Meredith kneeled down to hug her and looked at Cristina in wonder. "What is she doing here?"

"Your stupid babysitter brought her asking around you."

"What?" shrieked Meredith in fear.

"Calm down. I've saved your ass," muttered Cristina defensively crossing her arms. "Which I wouldn't have had to do if you'd listened to me for once!" Her head snapped at the movement in the far end of the corridor. "Oh, great. He's back!"

She wanted to press Meredith to come clean but reading the raw panic in her eyes, she scooped Bessie in her arms and carried her into the office. "Hurry up and shut the blinds!" she hissed.

The frantic motion didn't go unnoticed by Derek who raised his eyes to see Cristina and Meredith disappearing into her office. Nanoseconds later the blinds went down. He walked up with a deep frown forming on his face and lightly knocked on the door, determined to get some answers.

"Meredith, is everything ok?"

"Yes!" came her quick answer.

"I'd like a word with Dr. Yang. And with you, as well; about our patients. Can I come in?"

"It's not the best moment…"

Derek heard Cristina's stifled voice and soon after Meredith slipped out of her office, shielding the interior from his view. He eyed her questioningly.

"Hi," she said breathlessly.

"Are you sure everything's fine?"

"Absolutely!" she nodded vehemently.

"Then why did you lock yourself up with Cristina?"

"So, you saw Cristina?" she sounded anxious.

"Yes-"

"Anything else you saw?"

"Yes," his answer made Meredith's heart skip a beat. "I saw your acting really weird. _Both _of you, for that matter. You know that Yang sent me to the pit even though I wasn't needed?"

"Oh," Meredith sighed with relief and immense gratitude towards her person.

Derek cocked his head clearly awaiting a reasonable explanation.

_Think, Meredith, think!_

"You know Cristina," she shot out of the blue.

"Sorry?"

"You now Cristina," Meredith continued desperately. "She's tough, tough on the outside but… inside she's just like any other person, like you or me."

It was physically impossible for Derek's eyebrows to go higher on his forehead.

Meredith went on nonetheless, "Yeah, she's… kinda emotional…And she's…" she racked her brains, "she's trying to ride out the storm!"

"Ride _what_?"

Meredith almost laughed at Derek's cute confusion.

"She's going through a rough patch but, you know, she doesn't want anyone to see her…"

"Crying?" prompted Derek doubtfully.

"Don't tell anyone," whispered Meredith. "I don't want to-"

"Enough, enough talking about Cristina Yang," protested Derek. "Anyway, could you come with me to my office?"

"I… I'm in a bit of a hurry."

"Just for a second," he pleaded.

"Ok," she agreed following him inside. "You were saying something about our star-crossed patients?"

Derek chuckled, "I checked upon Ms. Lewis this morning and guess what I saw?"

"She caved in, didn't she?" asked Mer excitedly.

"I'd rather put it that she finally allowed herself to listen to her heart," said Derek.

"At least one of my patients gets lucky," sighed Meredith. "Crap, I didn't mean _that_, I meant getting better… or whatever…"

"I know what you meant," assured her Derek quietly. "Don't beat yourself up; you're doing everything you can for those people."

"Not enough, I guess," she sat gingerly on his couch. "Is… is my ego too big?"

"Your ego is just the right size," replied Derek. "You'll get it right."

"Only when? I feel like I'm killing innocent people for sport," sulked Meredith.

"They would have died without the surgery and you know it," Derek reminded her firmly. He then reached into the drawer of his desk to pull a bottle of champagne.

"I don't think alcohol will solve my problems," said Meredith sizing up the glass container.

Derek shook his head in amusement, "Meredith…"

She was hypnotized by the tenderness of his gaze.

"This bottle of champagne has your name on it. We'll open it… when you land on the moon, Dr. Grey."

"When I land on the moon?" she gave out a small laugh. Her whole body was tingling pleasantly from his attention. "When… when will I get there?"

"Soon," Derek said confidently. "And then we're going to celebrate… the weightlessness. That is, if…" he trailed off.

"If what?" she asked breathlessly.

"If you let me…" he gave the impression of his usual self-assured cockiness but Meredith saw right through it. She was startled to discover the magnitude of his insecurity.

"I'll take you with me, Dr. Shepherd," she promised solemnly. She promised him more than he could imagine in his wildest dreams.

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"Finally!" snapped Cristina when Meredith walked back into her office. "You know, I would so kill you right now if it didn't make my goddaughter an orphan."

"Thank you Cristina," said Meredith in a slight daze, crouching beside the chair on which Bessie was currently taking a nap. Her little angel wore herself out with all the crying.

Cristina rolled her eyes; Meredith Grey officially lost it.

"Mer, please tell me you haven't just made out with him again _without_ telling him.

"I haven't," said Meredith truthfully.

"And you haven't told him either?"

"No," Meredith stared at the floor. "But I will."

"I've heard that before," whispered Cristina icily. "And the perfect moment apparently hasn't come."

"Cristina, back me up on this, please," said Meredith quietly. "You know what I keep seeing every time I stand before him and open my mouth to say it all? I see the blue, the great blue." Her senses stopped to register her surroundings as she shared her reminiscence to Cristina. "You know, we went to France, I mean, with the program… We were stationed in a clinic in the north-west of France, Brittany, to be specific. We went sightseeing on the coast and… I'll never forget the view. The cliffs and the ocean deep below… it was breathtaking… and a bit frightening."

"What does it have to do with anything?" asked Cristina impatiently.

"When I look into his eyes, I feel like I was standing on the edge of that cliff again, about to dive headfirst. Which would be a suicide… because the heights are vertiginous and the rocks can shatter your skull into pieces. Don't… don't get me wrong, I want to dive but I need to follow a different way to the beach."

"And what the hell is the different way?"

"Weightlessness," replied simply Meredith.

"I'm sorry," Cristina addressed her friend with firmness, "but you're raving. If you want to go into metaphors, I'll serve you one. You're not on the cliff, Mer; you're already in the water. You're drowning and you're not trying to swim, again. I don't know if Derek will be able _or_ willing to fish you out of that harbor this time." She rose up from her chair and walked to the door. "I promised to support you and I will. Just remember this; you're in Seattle, Mer. You _chose_ to stay and you have to face the music. Give McSpawn a kiss from Auntie Cris when she wakes up."

Meredith propped her chin on her hands and studied her daughter's sleeping silhouette. "She doesn't get that…" she whispered. "Sometimes, I don't get myself." She lightly caressed Bessie's hand, careful not to stir her from her slumber. "But… never doubt that I want the best for you, angel…"

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A.N. Please, don't shoot! I'm aware you're all waiting for THE moment, me too. Having read the reviews, I considered speeding up the plot but finally decided to go with the pace I originally intended for the story. I know there might be hardly any logical justification for Mer's behavior BUT she's an avoider and she's scared beyond her wits. It's a little like Mark's putting off telling Derek about his relationship with Lexie, I think. (Although, I promise he won't beat Mer into a pulp :))Besides, remember she hasn't been in Seattle for that long, just a little over one week. Anyway, I can assure you than Derek **will **learn the truth very very soon now, sooner than you expect. Be patient a little longer.

Cheers,

Em


	21. Chapter 21: Taking The Plunge

A.N. Hi! I really want to thanks everyone for reading and leaving a review, I appreciate each and every one of them. Here's the next chapter, I hope you'll like it even if it's only kind of a necessary transition to later events.

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Meredith trudged her feet heavily down the corridor of the surgical unit. What an impressive start to career she had; she just killed off the twelfth participant of her trial. She probably had the highest mortality rate in the whole hospital. Who was she trying to kid, biting off more than she could chew? _I'm not half the surgeon my mother was_, she snorted grimly. No matter what she did, she would never stop being a failure. To cap it all, she became a serial killer, Seattle Grace brain butcher. That was going to end, though…

"Dr. Grey?"

She heard a familiar voice calling her name as she was passing through the ward.

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith walked through the open door to meet Mr. Robinson, one of her first patients, sitting beside the bed of his girlfriend, Ms. Lewis. Both of them were recovering nicely , which made them antsy to leave the hospital.

"Ms. Lewis, Mr. Robinson," Meredith forced herself to brush off her depressive mood. "How are you doing today?"

"Great, fabulous!" replied quickly her patient, clutching tightly the hand of Ms. Lewis who was grinning madly.

"Do you have a free minute, Dr. Grey?" she asked glancing sharing a nervous look with Mr. Robinson. "We've wanted to talk to you for a few days now but Dr. Shepherd said that you were really busy."

"Is something wrong?" Meredith wore a worried frown. "Mr. Robinson, you should have informed me during the rounds. I'm not that busy as to not hear out my patients." The last thing she needed on her plate were patients dying after fairly basic procedures.

"No, no! It's nothing medical," stopped her Mr. Robinson. "It's… personal, to be honest," he went on, slightly embarrassed. "We've wanted to tell you the news together… that is, me and Jenny."

Meredith looked between them letting out a sigh of relief, "You've given me a scare."

"Well," the corners of Jenny's lips twitched, "knowing us, you should be scared!" She gazed lovingly at her boyfriend. "Dr. Grey, we've decided to go with our plans. We're getting married, we're taking the plunge!"

Meredith was startled. Taking the plunge… making a dive… whatever you called it, it meant the same – moving past your fears and getting on with your life…

"Dr. Grey?" Mr. Robinson noticed the lack of reaction on her part.

"Uhm, congratulations!" she blurted out hastily.

"It's not everything," noted Ms. Lewis. "We… we'd like to ask you to be my maid of honor."

Meredith opened her mouth in astonishment, "_Me?_ "

Jenny nodded vigorously.

"But I… I'm a stranger," said Meredith. Deep down, though, the request made her feel… nice and warm.

"You're not a stranger!" disagreed the future bride. "You saved our lives. You and Dr. Shepherd saved our lives. Twice!"

Meredith smiled shaking her head slightly.

"We're aware that's your job," Mr. Robinson took the floor. "But it doesn't change the fact that we owe you so much. You saved our lives, there, in the operating room and later… mediating between us."

"We wouldn't imagine having other people as the maid and the best man," Jenny backed up his fiancé.

"You've asked Dr. Shepherd, too?" inquired Meredith. "Has he agreed?"

"Under one condition," Jenny smiled knowingly. "He said he'd agree if we persuaded you."

Meredith put her hands on her hips, "He said that, huh?"

"Please," pleaded Jenny. "Say yes!"

Meredith's face softened at the sight of Jenny's eager one, "Oh, okay… if it's that important to you… I'd be honored. Although, I should warn you I'm not exactly a relationship fairy."

"Dr. Shepherd seems to think otherwise," hinted Jenny. It wasn't difficult to realize that Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey weren't indifferent to each other. Jenny only assumed it fair to help them out the way they did for her and Luke. "He talks about you a lot."

"He does?" Meredith's cheek were tinged with pink.

"Yeah," Jenny's voice sank to a theatrical whisper. "Actually, he's like _really_ smitten, head over hills."

"Oh…" Meredith's face fell slightly. "I'm… I've got to go. I'll catch up with you later."

"You pushed your luck," commented Luke after her departure.

"I… don't get it," Jenny muttered distractedly. "I thought she'd be happy to know. She obviously carries a torch for him. I mean what woman doesn't like to hear that the man she's in love with loves her back?"

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Meredith paused a few meters away from Ms. Lewis's room. Was she just told by _a patient_ that Derek was in love with her? She heard a lot of that staff, mostly in the firm of jokes, form Cristina but Jenny's statement made her reevaluate her internal monologues on the nature of Derek's feelings for her, something she hadn't dwelled on since her flight for Seattle. She left the town with the conclusion that it was chemistry, attraction he found difficult to deny himself combined with the thrill of the chase. Nothing beyond the attraction, though.

He didn't hold much regret discarding her when he thought it was time to settle down. He jumped at the prospect of hooking up with that nurse, didn't he? Rose, the stupid slut… she made Meredith throw away all the flowers that were in the close proximity while everyone around her blamed pregnancy hormones.

Then again, Meredith left and let Derek the open door to pursue his family oriented dreams with the nurse. Only… he didn't. Neither with Rose nor with any other woman. Meredith returned to the Emerald City to discover Derek was still in the square one… eager to go McDreamy on her all over again.

Meredith shook her head. It wasn't the right time to ponder her love life. She pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of her lab coat. It was the previous day's memo from Institutional Review Board allowing her to perform one last operation until midnight, today. Was she unsuccessful, she'd be obliged to terminate the trial.

And that was it. She successfully… murdered the twelfth patient, teenage Jeremy.

All that was left to do now was to tell her thirteenth patient, Beth, a young girl that had been transported to Seattle Grace along with Jeremy, that her surgery was being cancelled.

When Meredith came into her room, she was struck with the mournful mood. Her eyes slipped from Beth's mother sobbing quietly on her husband's arm to her patient who was eerily calm despite the continuous trail of tears running down her cheeks.

"Beth?" Meredith asked anxiously, swiftly approaching her bed and taking out a flashlight pen from her breast pocket. "Are you in pain? The nurse hasn't paged me."

"I am in pain," whispered the girl. "But you can't do anything about it."

Meredith checked her vitals and reached for Beth's chart. Everything was as normal as her state allowed.

"When can I have the surgery, Dr. Grey?" asked Beth with a hollow voice.

Her mother broke from her husband's embrace and bent over her daughter. "You're not having this surgery, sweetie."

"Yes, I am," countered firmly Beth.

"I know you feel bad, honey," her mother searched for the right words. "It was unfair Jeremy had to die."

"You knew Jeremy?" asked Meredith quietly.

Beth's father sighed, "He was… her friend… more than that, actually, he was…" he looked uneasily at his daughter.

"The love of my life," whispered Beth, a faintest trace of smile on her lips. "He loved me, he really loved me…"

"Dr. Grey," sobbed Beth's mom. "They were… so attached to each other and now that Jeremy passed away, she wants to die with him. That's why she wants the surgery."

"I don't want to die," Beth shook her head. "Jeremy wouldn't want me to die."

"I don't want to lose you," whispered her mother tearfully.

"You won't," assured her Beth.

"You'll die with the surgery. I can't let that happen, we're taking you home."

"I'll die anyway, within months, weeks or days," the girl's eyes bored determinedly into Meredith's. "I _want_ the surgery."

Meredith observed the scene with a heavy heart. Beth was desperate to undergo the surgery. What she said to her mother was nothing but true. There didn't exist another course of treatment. Her death was only a matter of time.

Meredith weighed the arguments in her head. She could… _bend…_ the rules a little… She wasn't supposed to experiment on any more patients… _But_… her trial didn't officially end until midnight. Meredith had time… She could work on improving the viral cocktail until the deadline… She had been so close to achieving her goal with Jeremy.

Meredith swallowed hard and nodded in Beth's direction. "I'll schedule the procedure for tonight."

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"Two trial procedures on the same day?" asked Cristina standing behind Meredith who was filing the surgery's details on the board.

"Yep," she replied shortly.

For the last few days, her relations with Cristina were tense, to put it lightly.

"You… you want me to scrub in?"

Meredith pocketed the marker and turned to Cristina, grateful for the veiled peace offering.

"Thanks, but…" she would be more than glad to have her person at her side. Nevertheless, everything indicated the failure of the procedure and consequently, trouble for Meredith. "I have a resident assigned."

She didn't want to drag her best friend to the bottom, as well. She could be held responsible as well for deliberately disregarding the Board's wishes , due to the obvious truth they were friends. Cristina had already risked a lot for her.

"I'll see you later Cris." She smiled slightly and left Cristina alone.

_Oh, what did you do again, Meredith Grey?_ Cristina groaned inwardly, watching her retreating back.

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Derek was impatiently awaiting Meredith's operation from his seat in the gallery. He was there for the majority of the trial procedures. He wanted badly for her to succeed and for mostly egoistical reasons, as he realized guiltily one day.

Their relationship was on hiatus and Derek subconsciously regarded the end of the trial as the impulse they needed. Meredith's "I'll take you with me, Dr. Shepherd." the other day sounded like a declaration of commitment. Mark called him a desperate fool, a beggar, as well as a couple of other epithets but Derek couldn't care less. He had endured the agony of her disappearing from his life and he wouldn't be that stupid to make the same mistake again.

He watched avidly as Meredith entered the OR, her McFoxy cap bringing a smile to his lips. As usual, she passed a hand over her stomach. Derek found the gesture thought provoking and… hilarious. If he didn't know her, he would have assumed she was trying to prevent a wave of nausea hitting her every time at the sight of an OR.

A nurse helped her put on the gloves and Meredith proceeded further into the room. Then came the moment he was waiting for. She turned around and looked up on the gallery, her vision settling on his face. The corners of her eyes narrowed and he could tell she smiled. She broke their brief eye contact and took her rightful place at the head of the table, he body language indicating utmost concentration. She worked meticulously through every stage of the procedure, faithfully assisted by her resident.

"If you stared any harder, you'd set her on fire," Bailey's voice sounded unexpectedly in his ear. Apparently, he was so caught up in his own little world, he didn't notice Miranda sitting next to him. Meredith's presence ha that effect on him.

"Actually… it's my plan," answered Derek cockily.

"So… you two back in the wonderland?" Miranda asked casually, throwing him a piercing look.

"You're a sucker for gossip, huh?" chuckled Derek. "Or have you placed a bet?"

"Neither," she huffed. "I'm just… concerned."

"You worry about me? I'm truly touched," said Derek mockingly, bringing a hand to his heart.

"You wish!"

Miranda sighed surreptitiously. He was way too chirpy to know about his daughter. Bailey didn't want to interfere but if the situation lingered any longer, she would have to have a serious conversation with Grey.

Even though Miranda would never admit it overtly, she was fond of Derek Shepherd. With all his little faults and overly moussed hair, he was a good man who didn't deserve being cheated out of watching his little girl grow. He had already missed so much.

Blissfully unaware of being the subject of Miranda's qualms, Derek observed Meredith wrap up the procedure. It went relatively smooth. The patient crashed once but the team of doctors directed by Meredith managed to revive her. the patient made it through the surgery. Now, all they could do was… wait.

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The following night, Meredith kept tossing and turning in her bed, dozing off and waking up yo check her pager. Yet, the said pager remained mute, which was definitely a good sign.

When she arrived at Seattle Grace in the early morning, she practically threw herself on the freshly made scans of Beth's skull. She hung up two sets of images to compare, then made a few steps back and grabbed the calipers to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Miraculous and unbelievable as it seemed, the tumor on the post-op scan was… smaller; minimally, but still smaller. Meredith tried her best not to get her hopes up again. The improvement was undeniably huge. Nevertheless, Beth had yet to wake up.

The day was filled with anticipation and many detours near Beth's room. It was already late afternoon when Meredith stopped by the nurses' station to grab the chart that she experienced a sense of déjà vu. She glanced in the direction of Beth's room to see her parents sobbing quietly locked in a tight embrace. Expecting the worse, she went in and as the rest of the room came into the view, her heart soared. Beth's eyelids fluttered and opened precariously. Meredith stood closely by her side, her grin widening by the second.

She gulped and whispered, "Hi."

"Hi." Beth reciprocated her smile. She reached out her right hand which had previously been paralyzed due to the tumor in her brain.

"Not just for show anymore," she breathed out.

Meredith took her hand and squeezed it tightly.

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Sometime later, Meredith burst into Derek's office. As he was nowhere in sight, Meredith made it to his desk and yanked open one of the drawers. She huffed in frustration; the bottle of champagne was absent as well.

"Are you looking for me or the champagne?"

Meredith raised her eyes to meet Derek's amused expression. He was leaning against the doorframe, already in the street clothes.

"Both," replied Meredith playfully.

"Ah, then you found us," he said holding out his free hand for her.

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"Hey!" yelled Cristina. She opened her eyes disoriented as she felt the headphones of her iPod pulled out of her ears. Instead of her favourite song she heard Meredith's hushed and feverish tones.

"Cristina! Can you stay with Bessie this evening?"

"If you tell me what's going on with you," hissed Cristina. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she looked past Meredith's shoulder to see Shepherd pacing outside the residents' locker room, evidently waiting for her best friend.

"Mer…" began Cristina dangerously.

"Please… I… the weightlessness!" stammered out Meredith, bad at masking her euphoria. "The weightlessness, Cristina! _I'm telling him tonight!_"

Cristina assessed her determined face, "Go, Bessie will be perfectly fine with me."

"Thank you! The babysitter finishes at five. Tell the angel mommy loves her; I'll call later!"

Meredith stumbled out to join Derek. Cristina saw him affectionately place a hand on the small of her back and… hold a bottle of liquor in the other.

She shook her head skeptically. Derek Shepherd plus Meredith Grey plus alcohol… always equaled trouble.

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A.N. The next chapter's almost entirely MerDer-centric. Cheers!


	22. Chapter 22:Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

**A.N.** Hello! The update is finally here! Big thanks goes to everyone for reading and leaving wonderful reviews! I hope you'll find the chapter as enjoyable as I did writing it!

Note: the words of the song don't belong to me but to someone who wrote them and it is probably Katy Perry.

Warning: not to give much away, there's some slightly steamy content later in the chapter so just pass it over if you don't like that stuff. It's not overtly explicit and it's my first scene of that kind so… just be warned.

BTW, I want to apologize to the readers of my other stories for the long lack of updates. I've recently concentrated more on "At the Edge…". I'll try to post a new chapter next week, though.

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Meredith tried to get her breathing under control as Derek's car sped along the dim streets of Seattle. She didn't see his face but the little gestures of his told her he was equally jittery. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel and racked his hair absentmindedly several times. Even if they didn't talk much, the silence wasn't an awkward one. The time for words would just come later. For now, they enjoyed the simplicity of the moment, their proximity and the way Derek's hand brushed Meredith's thigh every time he reached to change gears.

She didn't need to pose any questions about their destination. She'd known viscerally where he was taking her since he started the engine. Meredith smiled when they slowed down to squeeze into the tail of vehicles queuing to cross the lake.

"I've missed the ferryboats," she whispered letting her head fall back against the headrest.

Derek chuckled ever so slightly, "Good because I still have this thing… for ferryboats."

The rest of the ride passed in a shady blur regularly punctuated by the orange light of streetlamps. Before she even noticed the car pulled up on the gravel driveway.

"I can't believe you've kept it all this time," Meredith breathed out dazedly getting off the car into the chilly air, her eyes roving around the site. There was the same silvery trailer, now a little worn out by weather and the passage of time.

"I've got used to it," Derek shrugged his shoulders. He was comfortable in the trailer and he didn't see the point of searching for an apartment or building a house alone.

"You want to live in a trailer for the rest of your life?"

He looked at her longingly and said, "I hope not."

They went inside and Meredith was momentarily stunned to see how little changed during her absence, as if she had walked out only this morning. It felt a little like a dream to be there again, on his land, in his trailer, the place that was so immensely Derek-like. The overwhelming feeling of familiarity made her whole body tingle pleasantly, and he wasn't even touching her… yet… Shivers ran down her spine making her fidget on the spot.

"Cold?" he asked closing the door behind them.

"Not really." She made to take her coat off.

"Let me help you." He moved behind her and his hands closed over hers on the lapels of her coat. She felt his breath on her neck, followed by his lips. He was making her brain fuzzy and she tried like hell to keep her head clear. The touching and the kissing and whatever that might follow was not the primary purpose she was there; her_… their_ daughter's future was.

"Derek," she murmured. "We… we need to talk."

"We do," he agreed quietly and straightened up slowly to hang their coats on the rack.

"I… I have so much to tell you," breathed out Meredith, twirling her fingers anxiously. "So much… I… I'm not even sure where to start!"

Derek faced her barely containing his own excitement and eagerness to take her into his arms. After all these years she was within the reach of his hand. "Why don't we start with dinner? We'll have the chance to talk peacefully over the meal."

"Oh, ok…" she followed him into the small kitchen. "You… you planned this?" she asked with disbelief.

"Yes," he admitted with a confident smile, taking out various products from the cupboard. "Do you want something to drink? Tea? Coffee? I'd offer something stronger but we have the champagne and better not to mix it-"

"I… water's fine, thanks," she stammered out. "How… how did you know we'd have the chance to open that bottle? The board nearly shut down my trial."

"Did they?" Derek furrowed his brows pouring her a glass of water. "It's just… you worked hard for success, you put a lot of effort and… I had a feeling."

"Thanks for believing in me, supporting me… It… really meant a lot to me," confessed Meredith. "Derek… I'm sorry…"

He quickly looked up at her pausing his actions for a second.

"I'm sorry… I've been giving you mixed signals. It was never my intention to jerk you around." Her hands tightly clutched her glass.

"It's ok, I know why you've been acting like that."

"You… you know?" she asked uncertainly.

"You don't trust me, I understand as much," he said opening the fridge. "We haven't seen each other for more than two years and before that… we weren't in the best of relationships."

"No, we weren't" she swallowed the water hard. "I… don't want to go back to that… I mean… to the whole sex and mockery thing… I'm not that girl anymore. I don't… I'm responsible… or whatever…"

"Ok," he smiled. "I want something else too."

"And as for not trusting you," she went on. "I… I do trust you, not entirely… I kinda do… trust you now. I trust you with some things in my life, very important things… that… I have to share with you… because they will be in your life too and they have to be in your life…"

He nodded. "I'll make us dinner and you'll tell me all about it," he grinned turning on the stove.

"What are we having?" she asked casually, tucking stray hair behind her ears. "Trout?"

Derek snorted at her question, "No! I'm staking on romantic and exotic – mango chicken."

"Sounds delicious, how can I help?" she moved closer to the counter.

"Umm, you can… just relax. You've had a long and emotional day," replied Derek innocently.

"I'm not tired and I want to help," she insisted rolling up the sleeves of her shirt.

"You… don't have to, you're my guest."

"I know I don't have to. I want to, and then we can talk."

"Umm," Derek stalled for time.

"What?" asked Meredith with a frown.

"Nothing, it's just…"

"It's just what?" She put her hands on her hips, eyeing him suspiciously and smirked, "You think I can't cook?"

"What? No!" protested Derek immediately but gave up seeing her expression. "Fine, you suck at cooking and I actually want to eat that dinner."

Meredith gasped, "I do not suck at cooking!"

"Yes, you kinda do," chuckled Derek.

"I do not!"

"The last time I saw you in the kitchen you couldn't boil the water," he reminded.

"Well," huffed Meredith. "A lot has changed since then."

"U-huh."

"Don't you u-huh me, Derek Shepherd! I _can_ boil the water now. And I can cook… simple things," she added under Derek's incredulous gaze. "Stacy taught me, Warren's wife. I can even bake a cake!"

"Right, I'll try your cooking skills the next time," he promised cringing inwardly. "Tonight just enjoy being the successful fancy neurosurgeon while I'm your culinary slave."

"That sounded vaguely dirty," smiled Meredith discreetly.

"Damn," Derek shook his head. "I meant it to be blatantly dirty."

She let out a giggle and said, "I need to make a phone call, I'll be right back."

She left Derek in the kitchen and picked her bag from the floor combing it for her mobile. Cristina should be already at her house with Bessie and Meredith needed to check up on her little daughter feeling a twinge of guilt not going back home directly after work. However, she knew the looming conversation with Derek was unavoidable, necessary and happening tonight.

"Cristina," she whispered into the receiver.

"_Meredith, how's it going?"_ Cristina shot off the bat.

"Good, really good. Great even," murmured Mer.

"_Have you told him?"_

"No, not yet. He's… cooking. I'll tell him over dinner."

"_Good. Just make sure he's sitting down,"_ snorted Cristina. _"And don't get drunk beforehand, you can do that after dropping the bomb."_

"Cristina!" Meredith rolled her eyes. "How's Bessie? Not too upset I'm not home?"

"_Uh, no, she's fine."_

"You're sure?" Meredith could swear there was a hint of hesitation in her best friend's voice.

"_Absolutely, everything's under control. Get back to McDreamy and put things right."_

"Crist-" Meredith trailed off hearing a dull signal in her ear.

Cristina put away the phone and hurried to Bessie's room with a small bottle in her hands.

"Open your mouth to auntie Cristina," she said quietly pouring a liquid into a teaspoon.

Bessie swallowed the medicine with a grimace. Her cute face was unusually pale and she was sweating slightly. She was unnaturally quiet and her eyes glistened with fever. McAngel was evidently falling down with some nasty cold.

"It's not that bad," Cristina tucked the blanket around her goddaughter. "And it will help you feel better."

Cristina felt uneasy withholding from Meredith the not so cheerful news about Bessie but decided it was for the best.

"Mommy will be with you very soon," she assured the now sleeping little girl. "She's talking to your daddy, you know? You need your daddy, even if it's McDreamy."

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"And…?" Derek looked at Meredith expectantly, his eyes twinkled in the subtle light of candles .

"Mmm, it tastes great," murmured truthfully Meredith after taking the first bite. Although, it was becoming harder and harder to enjoy the meal with her stomach tied up in knots with a mixture of fear, anticipation and hope. The scripts of what and how to say were running through her brain but she was sure that she'd mess up every one of them when it came the time. She silently sipped the champagne hoping it help her reassemble her courage, alcohol was always her ally. She made a mental note to watch it, though, as she had cut down severely on any kind of liquor in the recent years. She didn't touch alcohol all through her pregnancy and the period she was breastfeeding; later she had an occasional drink with her friends. She just wasn't the tequila whore anymore and she had no regrets.

"You've gone quiet," remarked Derek concernedly.

"I'm sorry," her breath hitched in her throat. "Derek-"

"Let me say it first," he cut her across. "Remember what I told you in the elevator when you just got back? I meant it, I meant every word. After you left I realized that… I might never see you again and… God, it was torture… Please, let me finish," he stopped her attempts at interrupting. "Every day, I regretted letting you go, not fighting for you like I should have… failing you… I know I screwed it up-"

"Derek," Meredith finally break into his guilt trip. "It takes two to tango and I… I was immature and inconsiderate of what you were feeling. I couldn't give you what you needed and… I didn't even tried that much. I know I hurt you too…"

Derek reached out for her hand and laced his fingers with his.

"And then you hurt me," she continued quietly. "It was… like you didn't care at all… and you kissed the nurse and… I was furious and scared beyond my wits, I guess… That's… partly why I got the hell out of here…"

"But you're here now," he whispered refilling their flutes. "Let's… give it another go."

Meredith's grip on his hand tightened while her heart rate quickened once again, "I… I'd like another go… I'd like that very much… but-"

Derek surprised her by suddenly standing up and turning on the radio on a random station. "Dance with me?"

"What?" she blurted out. Why couldn't he just sit on his ass and listen to what she had to say?

"Dance with me," he repeated holding out his hands towards her.

"I… you don't dance," she stammered.

"The occasion's calling for it, screaming actually," he joked suggestively.

"Derek, the… the talk… we need to finish the talk," she groaned despite the small smile forming on her lips.

"We'll do the talking, just one dance," he pleaded.

"_You_ want to dance," stated Meredith with a voice indicating the will to talk some sense into him. "In your trailer… to some cheesy song…" she picked up the fast rhythm of the music coming from the radio.

He shrugged his shoulders and simply looked at her, "Don't let me hanging…"

She drowned into his eyes; his eyes that were also Bessie's eyes. The bluish orbs she was unable to deny anything to. She swallowed her drink in one gulp and took his offered hand.

**********************************************************************************

_Ding-dong_

Cristina cursed under her breath as the doorbell rang loudly across the silent confines of the house. _What now? Who calls at this time?_

She dragged herself off the feet of Bessie's bed and hastened to the door to prevent any dumbass from waking her up. She opened the front to find the clearly unexpected guests.

"Cristina," greeted her Izzie with a note of impatience. "Why am I not surprised to see you here?"

"Barbie, Bambi," Cristina's looked over George standing a little behind Izzie. "What are you doing here?" She really didn't have the time and energy to deal with the little tantrum they were about to throw.

"Where's Mer?" Izzie answered the question with one of her own. Her eyes swept over the entrance distractedly.

"What do you want from her?"

"Hello!" Izzie narrowed her eyes. "We're her friends, remember? Even if you're still her super cool I-share-all-my-secrets-with person, _we're her friends_!"

"We're worried about her," explained George calmly. "Ever since she got back, she's been less and less like herself."

"Sometimes, she's the old Meredith and sometimes she's like a complete stranger," took up Izzie. "She hardly ever hangs out with us or talks about anything beyond hospital stuff. We never see her outside Grace!"

"What's wrong with her, Cristina?" asked quietly George. "Does she have any problems?"

"And where the hell is she? Is she in?"

"She's not in," groaned Cristina. "What, has the hospital gossip column gone out of print? She went out with McDreamy. It's surely the news number one by now."

"What?" breathed out Izzie. "How…? They've made up, haven't they?"

Cristina just shrugged her shoulders, "Talk with Mer if you want the juicy details."

"Wait, wait!" exclaimed Izzie. "If Mer's with Derek, what are you doing at her place? You're moving in with her?"

"Just camping out. George's ex-wifey gets under my skin with her amazing friendship with Hahn. I don't need the wicked witch to haunt me both at the hospital and in my flat," Cristina quickly recited her excuse and backed inside the house. "Now excuse me, I want to go on with my relaxing solitary evening."

"Cristina!" yelled George after her.

"Look," she sighed and dropped her cynical act. "It's not for me to tell you, it's for Mer."

"Ok," agreed George. "Just tell us if we can help. Is she all right?"

"She's fine, she's good." _For now_, she added in her thoughts. "Just don't snoop around." She left Izzie and George on the doorstep without further ado and disappeared into the house locking the door securely. They looked at each other shaking their heads and turned towards their car. Izzie stopped abruptly making George stumble into her.

"George," she said slowly. "Did you… did you see…?"

"Did I see what?" asked George looking around.

"Not here! In the house, beside the door! I could swear I saw… a stroller…"

George let out a short laugh, "What would Meredith need a stroller for?"

Izzie looked at him with her eyebrows raised meaningfully while his mouth went agape.

**********************************************************************************

_You're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down  
_

Meredith laughed madly at their awkward attempts to do some dancing in the limited space of the trailer.

_You, you don't really want to stay, no  
But you, you don't really want to go_

Not that she was a brilliant dancer but Derek seemed to have two left feet. She didn't mind, though. They were fooling around and touching and she felt hot; the champagne was probably going to her head, and not only to hers.

_Someone call the doctor  
Got a case of a love bi-polar  
Stuck on a roller coaster  
Can't get off this ride  
_

Derek spun her round and she nearly missed knocking the remnants of their dinner to the floor.

_You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up_

He pulled her back crashing her against his chest, his arms sneaking immediately around her waist. Their faces were flushed and their breathing was uneven. Derek's lips descended on hers and their tongues mashed in a fierce kiss.

Everything around them ceased to exist as their hands roved hungrily over each other's bodies. Meredith couldn't help releasing a moan feeling Derek's stubbly jaw on her neck followed by the softer texture of his lips.

The uncontrollable sounds she was producing only intensified his desire for her as he reached to unbutton her shirt with his slightly trembling hands and directed her gently towards the bed. He shed her jeans just before they plopped on the cool sheets.

"You… too many… clothes," grunted Meredith tugging at the buttons of his shirt. He raised himself to pull off the offending garment reaping some of the buttons in the process and lunged at her with impatience.

They rolled on the bed in a tangled mess of limbs. Meredith lost herself in the sensation of his passionate caresses and kisses as well as his arousal pressing against her hip; her senses both acute and numb at the same time. His hand insinuated itself between her back and the mattress to unclasp her bra freeing her breasts. He buried his head between them with a low moan as his hands teased mercilessly her soft mounds.

Meredith's mind went delightfully blank at Derek's sensuous ministrations, feeling wet lust building up between her legs. Due more to an instinct than a coherent thought she trailed her outstretched palms down his bare back reaching to unbuckle his trousers. He kicked it off his legs along with his boxers, finally releasing his aching erection. The only barrier between them was the thin fabric of her panties.

"Meredith," he managed to whisper through his ragged breaths as if asking for permission.

"Derek," she moaned grinding her hips towards his.

That was all the incentive he needed. He slipped off the remaining part of her underwear and thrust deep inside her eliciting a scream from her throat. It was heaven on earth for both them and nothing else mattered than reaching the ultimate satisfaction. Meredith raised her hips to meet his pushes gaining in pace and intensity. Soon, he drove her over the edge and she cried out her release, quickly followed by the one of his own.

They lay in a crumpled blissful heap basking in the afterglow of their reunion. Derek rolled slowly onto his back cradling Meredith securely against his chest. A muffled but cheerful "wow" escaped his lips.

"Wow," Meredith giggled into his skin. She felt sated and safe beyond belief, protected by his strong arms. She waited several minutes for their breathing to spiral down and started to speak.

"Derek," she mumbled. "The night… has been really great… wonderful. And I don't mean sex… or… I do because it was… huh… mind-blowing. I mean that I didn't mean sex only… Crap, I'm rambling again," she took a calming breath grazing the trail of his chest hair absentmindedly.

"I told you that I had been furious and scared… and I had run for it," she whispered pressing herself closer to Derek's warm body. "That's not everything. I…" she closed her eyes tightly as though expecting a blow on the head.

"I… was… pregnant… I was pregnant with… with our child… I am so sorry to be telling you this late! I left… because I was blind… with rage, with jealousy… with rejection… I… My point is that we have a child… we have a daughter… an amazing little girl… who needs you and I need you, too… We both need you." She trailed off waiting anxiously for his reaction, her eyelids squeezed shut.

"Derek?" she probed gingerly through the silence on his part but the response never came. She opened her eyes and cocked his head to look at him. Her heart dropped to the floor. His eyes were closed, his breaths deep and steady, the expression of contentment lazing on his features… he was asleep.

Meredith slapped her forehead desperately and pulled at his shoulders, "No, no, no!" she hissed. "Wake up, wake up! Don't do this to me!"

His head turned to the other side and he let out a little groan but remained otherwise unmoved. Meredith's face sank into his chest dejectedly.

**********************************************************************************

During the rest of the night, Meredith barely closed an eye. She was exhausted after the whole day of work and the later lovemaking but the sleep escaped her. She told Derek, she actually told him and… he was asleep. Now, she had to do it again, this time, in the broad daylight and without the anesthetic in the form of porny haze.

The avoider that still lurked inside her soul made a case for running. It would be so easy to slip out from his embrace, pick up the scattered clothing and run not looking back. But she knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't let herself be a selfish coward. She was a mother, she had responsibilities; and she promised Derek she hadn't been into sex and mockery anymore. Besides, it felt good, so incredibly good to be surrounded by him. She had travelled the world far and wide and she'd never felt so in place anywhere else. Turning away from it wasn't an option.

Not long after the darkness started to disperse, Meredith's phone rang from her bag. She quickly scampered out of the bed wincing at the unpleasant chill on her naked body.

"Yes?" she whispered into the receiver glancing at Derek. He was still sound asleep, his body didn't even twitch.

Meredith frowned deeply as she heard Cristina's preoccupied voice. Cold fear pierced her heart as she heard her next words.

**********************************************************************************

A.N. That was mean of me, I know! But I can promise you that he actually learns in the next chapter… Yeah, the time has come.

It turned out to be the longest chapter ever, tell me what you think about it!

Cheers,

Em


	23. Chapter 23: She's Yours

A.N. Hello, thanks for the amazing reviews after the last chapter! This one's equally long and I hope you'll not find it disappointing. I've wanted to post it hours ago but my internet connection was dead. Read, enjoy and review, please.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith ran into a small hospital room breaking down into tears she had been holding back until the moment her eyes settled upon her daughter. Cristina quickly rose from her chair and strode towards her meeting her halfway and putting her hands on Meredith's arms.

"She's asleep now," she hushed. "Don't wake her, she had a rough night."

Meredith broke from her grip and tiptoed to the bed looking with growing pain inside her chest at Bessie's pallid face. She leaned over carefully and caressed the golden lock of her hair scattered on the pillow. One night… one night she wasn't there for her angel and she got sick…

Cristina tugged delicately but firmly at her elbow. "Let's step outside. I'll fill you in."

Meredith shook her head and whispered, "I'm not leaving my baby alone again."

"She's asleep. I can't give you any updates on her condition or we're going to wake her up," whispered Cristina insistently. "Be reasonable, Meredith!"

She gave in to Cristina's logic and with the last concerned look at Bessie's angelic form, followed her onto the mercifully empty corridor.

"What is wrong with her?" she shot as soon as the door closed quietly behind her.

"Like I told you over the phone, Mer," said Cristina with a tired sigh. She didn't sleep a wink all night, worrying both about Meredith and Bess. "Loss of appetite, low fever, vomiting, abdominal pain. We're waiting for the tests results. Bailey's going to bring them as soon as they're up. I called her for Bessie, she'll be discreet."

Meredith rubbed her temples and started pacing up and down, "Oh God. Oh my God… It can be the stomach bug, can't it?"

"Well, the flu's in full swing," admitted Cristina. "But she's received the vaccination. I've suggested to Bailey, and she agreed that we might be on to something… and the family history increases the risk…"

"Cristina! Are you rambling?!" breathed out Meredith. "Just tell me what my daughter's down with!"

"I'm not sure yet," reminded Cristina. "I just… thought it might be appendicitis."

"What?" yelled Meredith. "It's… it's rare among children this young! Like extremely rare _and_ dangerous!"

"Meredith, calm down! We don't know what it is if for now."

"Oh my God," she leaned heavily against the wall. "Me and my crappy DNA! She has Derek's perfect hair and his beautiful eyes. And what did she get from me? Miniature size and inflammation of the appendix!"

Cristina almost laughed despite the gravity of the situation. "Don't forget about the nose, that is something! You wouldn't like her to inherit his hooked snoot, would you?"

"And speaking of Derek," started quietly Cristina, knowingly taking in Meredith's crumpled clothes and yesterday's makeup. "Did you tell him?"

Meredith shifted awkwardly on her feet, staring at the floor and muttered under her breath, "I did…"

"You did?" repeated Cristina, pleasantly surprised. "Then, where is he? You haven't told him she's sick?"

"No, it's… he doesn't know…"

"Why the hell not? He'd want to know she's unwell."

"No," contradicted Meredith. "He doesn't know… anything…"

"What?" gasped Cristina after a moment. "How… Rewind, please! You said you'd told him and he still doesn't know?"

Meredith guilty silence was enough of an answer.

"Is he suffering from the short-term memory loss?" snapped Cristina sarcastically, the tension of the previous night catching up on her. "Or was he asleep?"

Meredith glanced at her and fixed her vision at the floor again.

"Damn it, Meredith! Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight? I've watched her getting sicker by the hour and listened to her crying for her mommy… for what? So you could have your brains fucked out?"

"What? How…" stammered feebly Meredith, hiding her face in her hands.

"I know you inside out," snorted Cristina. "I knew it was going to end up like that. I only hoped you'd clear up the things with him!"

"I wanted to," sobbed Meredith. "I did! I told him and then I realized he fell-"

"I'm not interested in hearing a word more of this," spat Cristina. She went into Bessie's room and reappeared seconds later, carrying a bag.

"I've brought you fresh clothes. Take shower and get changed," she ordered curtly. "You look like a whore."

**********************************************************************************

Once freshened up, Meredith stopped outside Chief Webber's office and knocked on the door. She was in a hurry. Cristina didn't page which meaning Bailey wasn't back with the results yet but she wanted desperately to be near Bessie and make sure she was aware of her mother's presence.

Meredith didn't take Cristina's remarks amiss. She knew she deserved each harsh words she uttered, every one of them. Firstly, because she had glorious sex while her daughter was suffering. Secondly, Derek still didn't have a clue about his daughter. She had a dreadful feeling that their relationship would erode beyond repair after the previous night's events.

They made passionate love and… she fled at the crack of dawn after Cristina called with the bad news. Derek would certainly be pissed. She had promised they put the sex and mockery stage behind them and from his point of view, it looked like she was still going at it. She left him alone in bed after sex, just scribbling a vague "I'll explain later" note. To make matters worse, she took his car. Her own vehicle spent the night on the hospital parking lot and it would take ages to call for cab to the middle of nowhere.

"Come in," Webber's voice sounded from his office. "Meredith," he said enthusiastically, spotting his guest. "I wanted to talk to you last night but you'd already gone."

"Meredith," he took up a sterner tone. "You toed the line yesterday; you were not to involve any more patients in the trial. It might have been a disaster." He sighed and smiled slightly, unable to berate her for long. "That stubborn streak of yours; you've had it since you were a child."

"Chief…" she tried to interrupt. She didn't have time either to be scolded or praised, whatever the chief was in the mood for.

"I'm not mad," said Webber hastily. "I _was. _You toed the linebut you managed not to fall. You'll be able to continue the trial. It's going to be great, I can already see the benefits for Grace. You need to start right away."

"Actually," Meredith cut in tiredly, "I need a day off."

Richard frowned and studied closely Meredith's face for the first time she came in. She was pale and had puffy eyes, an obvious sign of tears.

"A day off?" asked Richard. "What's wrong? Something with the trial?"

"No," she replied quickly. "The patient's in recovery. I just… really need a day off."

"Have you fallen out with Derek?" he inquired tentatively. The news that the two of them left the hospital together the previous evening already reached his ears. Only, according to the gossip, they were enraptured with each other, not depressed as Meredith at the moment.

"No," she answered dully. "I… it's really important. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't have to."

Richard looked at her with concern, "You're in no shape to take care of patients. I'll let Derek know to cover your cases," he paused. "Speaking of which, why didn't you ask him? He's your immediate superior."

"He's asleep…," she cleared her throat, embarrassed. "That is, he's not here yet so… I assume he's… yeah…" she rubbed her wrists nervously.

Richard felt like kicking himself. Why didn't he do anything to prevent that? He knew it would all end like this. A couple of weeks of careless flirting and they were on for the drama again. That was the never-ending story of Meredith and Derek.

"Meredith-" Richard intended to offer her his support or advice, anything to keep her in town, but was silenced by the beeping of her pager.

Meredith grabbed it violently. Cristina! She scooted off at the top speed, leaving baffled Richard behind.

"But I've just given you the day off!"

**********************************************************************************

"And?" demanded Meredith kissing Bessie's forehead. She already woke up and was whimpering from discomfort in her tummy, making Meredith go through hell watching her in pain."What's wrong with her? What's wrong with my baby? Is it the appie?"

"Yes," confirmed Bailey. She sympathized with Meredith wholeheartedly. She knew too much what it was like to tremble over her own child's life. She remembered vividly the day Tucker nearly died. True, he was seriously injured but appendicitis in early childhood was not a joke either.

"Oh my God," panted Meredith. "She's going to need surgery! My two-year-old daughter's going to need surgery!"

"She is, I'll book an OR," stated softly Miranda. "Meredith, don't worry in advance. As you know well enough, appendectomy is a standard procedure. Yes, she _is_ young but it also means she's resilient. Children are resilient and as far as I know this little spitfire, she's got an amazing will to live."

"Promise me she'll be good?" Meredith's words sounded more like an order than a request.

Bailey opened her mouth helplessly. Never promise anything to patients or their families, that was another basic rule in the surgeon's book.

"I promise you that," declared Cristina from the corner of the room, irritating Bailey.

"Oh really! You think I'll let you scrub in with me?"

"I think you will," Cristina didn't cave in. "I won't allow some incompetent resident rummage in my goddaughter's intestines. She has to get the best and I am the best."

Bailey shook her head disapprovingly but didn't protest further. Yang was indeed the best, she was also capable of turning off her emotions when needed. Miranda could trust her with that.

"Where's Derek?" she asked sharply instead.

"He's… he's…" stammered Meredith.

"Asleep," snorted Cristina. "Meaning in the big unknown."

"Have you lost your mind, Grey?" Bailey forced herself not to raise voice in front of the suffering child. "How could you have let the situation get out of control like that?"

"Listen to me and listen well," she went on. "You have your last chance. You can't keep it quiet for much longer. Do you really want him to learn from some gossiping nurse?"

Meredith tried to avoid Miranda's pitiless eyes boring into hers. Her hands kept shaking as she readjusted the pillow under Bessie's head.

"Yang, you'll be on my service today," shot Bailey. "Grey, pull yourself together."

**********************************************************************************

Izzie fluttered her eyebrows at George and pointed with her head at Cristina who was getting changed in the residents' locker room. George nodded determinately and the two of them moved closer to their friend. Izzie leisurely leaned back on the row of cubbies while George sat on the bench.

"Morning, Cristina," chirped Izzie happily.

Cristina looked at her as if she was mad. "Go spread your cheerfulness somewhere else."

"You don't like cheerfulness?" asked Izzie with a bewildered tone. "Then how can you stand hanging with Meredith and her little secret?"

"What?" Cristina shut her cubby with a loud crack.

"Meredith's little secret," repeated Izzie, satisfied at getting the reaction from her fellow surgeon. "You know, the kind of secret that you buy diapers for, keep a stroller in the house… and it so happens that this little secret is usually very cheerful-"

"Shut up!" hissed Cristina spitefully, making both Izzie and George wince. "Just shut your mouth up!"

"Cristina," said carefully George. "We… don't mean it bad-"

"I said shut up, Bambi!" she snapped. "You open your big fat mouth once – I'll kill you and I won't even bother to make it look like an accident!" She scowled at them and stormed outside.

"That was…" muttered George. "We… pushed it too far, I think. We should have left it to Meredith… to tell us eventually."

"We won't push," agreed Izzie. "But we just can't pretend like we don't know, can we? I mean, why is she hiding her own child?"

"Maybe to protect them?" remarked George. "Family's what counts."

"Protect them from what?"

"Uhm, from people like us?" he retorted, "who like to stuck their noses into other people's business? Come on, Izzie, everyone has been talking about her constantly, her career, her return, Shepherd, reheated old stories… And you were mean to her!"

"Don't you blame this on me, George," warned him Izzie. "I know I was an ass but… I'd… I'll show her support this time."

George nodded and they exchanged looks of agreement.

"I… uhm…" muttered George uneasily. "I really don't like saying that but… you know what's the next logical question…?"

**********************************************************************************

With a deep sigh, Meredith finished singing a lullaby, feeling helpless and scared, trying not to fall apart. She remembered clearly the advice she gave to Molly before her procedure. It was easy to say, much harder to endure on her own skin. It should be banned by low for children to suffer from pain. Bessie was given anesthetic which alleviated her pain and unfortunately, temporarily subduing her lively personality.

"You'll be all right, angel,"' Meredith whispered into Bessie's ear, her nose rubbing against her cheek. "Mommy's here, mommy's never going to leave you. Dr. Bailey will fix you up and you'll be as good as new."

Meredith both waited impatiently for and dreaded the operation. Bessie's state demanded the surgical intervention but… there was the frightening thought she pushed to the back of her mind, the nagging unrelenting thought of something going awry.

"You have a beautiful kid there, Dr. Grey," said a resolute voice.

Meredith raised her eyes and her heart sank. The vultures already picked up the smell of blood and the greatest one of them, Seattle Grace queen of gossip herself, Nurse Debbie, was leaning lazily against the doorframe.

_Do you really want him to learn from some gossiping nurse?_ Bailey's words echoed in Meredith's brain. She was going under…

"Thank you," she replied feebly.

"It must be awful for you," stated Nurse Debbie in what she assumed was a sympathetic tone, "to see her like that and know exactly how it will look in the OR."

_Yeah, thank you so much for pointing that out. That is just what I've wanted to visualize, my __daughter's cut open on the operating table_, thought Meredith as the gory images of Bessie bathed in blood invaded her mind. She wished she had a laser in her eyes that would burn a smoldering hole in nurse's Debbie empty skull.

"And she's so little," went on the nurse, unaffected by Meredith's deathly glare. "How old is she?"

_Damn it! Stupid nosy nurse!_

"18 months," lied Meredith easily. If the news that she had a child were to reach Derek she had to at least make sure he learned he was a father from her own lips and no one else's. Her cover would blow if somebody read Bessie's chart or took more than a brief glimpse of her and realized she must be older than 18 months, more than half a year older in fact. However, for now it had to suffice.

As she observed Nurse Debbie's face, she could almost hear her brains working furiously under streaks of dyed blond hair, doing quick maths. And then… deep disappointment painted across her features when she concluded Bessie couldn't be Derek's. It was only short-lived though, as Debbie's eyes lit at the idea of how having another man's child would affect her and McDreamy's whirlwind romance.

_You're so naïve Debbie, so __gullible… and that's why I'm a neurosurgeon and you're a nurse._

**********************************************************************************

"Right now, you're acting like a chief of the twelfth hospital in the country, Richard," snapped Derek. "The man will be paralyzed but at least he'll live. The surgery's unnecessary risk! And you," he addressed Mark, "I don't understand why you're encouraging him."

He was having a crappy day, a disastrous one, from the moment he reached out his arm for Meredith's warm body to find an empty space instead. She's promised him no more running and broke her word barely hours later, sneaking out in the dead of night. Derek's disappointment transformed into anger as he walked out of the trailer to go to work and noticed his car was gone. True, she left a non-committal note but she didn't bother to show up and explain her actions.

He nearly lost it when Webber informed him she had taken a day off, clearly sidestepping him. He was the head of her department, her boss… Her behavior screamed that she wanted to avoid him like the plague. And where the hell was she? His car was parked in the usual spot in the parking lot but… hers as well…

To cap it all, Mark and Richard insisted on performing a complicated, highly dangerous procedure he didn't approve of, whatever argument they were putting forward, standing in front of the surgical board.

"It's not about the ratings," spoke Richard firmly. "It's not about getting ahead. It's about giving this man the best care he deserves, the best care we can provide."

"Maybe we should take Grey on the case," proposed Mark with concern. "Shep's not at the top of his game today."

"Dr. Grey took a day off," gritted Derek.

"Oh, uhm…" Mark looked at him shrewdly. "Shadow Shepherd then?"

"I want my head of neuro on this case," declared Richard austerely. "I'm not asking you, Shep, I'm telling you. You will do the job I hired you to do, no matter what is going on between you and Dr. Grey," he added. "I warned you a few weeks ago, therefore I'll listen to no excuses."

"Now, as we've cleared this up, let's book an OR. Nr. 3's free, we're scrubbing in in half an hour."

"Pardon me, Sir." They heard a sweet feminine voice behind them.

"Nurse Debbie," acknowledged Richard, appraising her excited manner.

"The OR 3 is not free, Sir."

"How come?" asked Richard irritably. "There's a surgery being performed and not even a mention on the board? Whose sloppy work is this?"

"Dr. Bailey's, Sir," Debbie quickly gave the answer, eagerly watching the three men's expressions. "That is, I don't mean sloppy, more like… discreet."

"Nurse Debbie, what is going on in hospital?" demanded Richard, at the end of his tether. "What's going on in that OR?"

"It's… it's Dr. Bailey and Dr. Yang operating on Dr. Grey's little girl," said Nurse Debbie, hardly masking her elation at the opportunity to share a particularly juicy piece of gossip with the Chief himself and better still - McDreamy.

"What… what are you saying?" Richard needed clarification.

"Dr. Grey's daughter. She's 18-months-old, by the way, really tiny, cute thing," babbled Debbie. Her eyes swept over the three surgeons with profound satisfaction. "Anyway, poor kiddo has appendicitis. Dr. Grey's worried out of her wits, didn't want to leave her for a second. She put up a huge fight when Dr. Bailey forbade her anywhere near the OR."

Richard put his hands on his hips, pensive. He was visibly surprised but he finally understood Meredith's behavior. Debbie looked hastily at Shepherd, that was the center of the show. If the Chief was surprised, McDreamy was thunderstruck, utterly shocked as well as a bit disbelieving. McSteamy, on his part, didn't seem too taken aback by her announcement, rather smug and superior-looking. Although, he kept glancing at his best friend with alarm. If Debbie didn't know Sloan hadn't left Seattle for years, she would think he had something to do with the tiny Grey. That would be a shocker! _Well, you can't have everything in life,_ pondered Nurse Debbie.

**********************************************************************************

Derek wasn't entirely sure how his patient managed to survive, the procedure being the last thing on his mind. He wasn't capable of focusing his attention on anything else than Meredith and the fact that apparently she had a daughter. When Nurse Debbie unceremoniously made her announcement he wanted to run to Meredith… and at the same time, he was afraid to. At least, the surgery gave him time to brush off the initial shock.

Derek's rage from the morning evaporated. Her child got sick, no wonder she left him in a rush, without explanation. That conversation would take hours… God, she… she intended to tell him yesterday, she insisted on talking… and he didn't listen, he put it off…

Derek's head was swirling with questions and doubts. A child… she had a child, an 18-months-old daughter… She must have got pregnant a few months after she left Seattle. Who was the father? Was he important to her? Where was he now? An what it all meant for their rekindled relationship?

Derek had to cool off. The perspective of loosing Meredith was unbearable… but she had a child, someone else's child. Although, that man, whoever the hell he was, must be out of the picture. She came to him, didn't she? They spent the night together. There wasn't any other guy in her life, she had guaranteed as much.

So, she did want stable, she did want serious, that wasn't a lie. She changed… she was a mother. The idea struck him with double force. If he decided to be with her, he had to include her daughter in his plans. Was he able to do it? Derek's heart beat faster. Suddenly, he got curious about that little being. What was her name? How did she look like? Did she look like Meredith?

With his heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears, he approached the room he knew he'd find her… When he scrubbed out of the surgery, he found a grimly looking but surprisingly civil Cristina Yang waiting for him.

"_Meredith would like to talk to you. It's kinda important," she fired__ straight off the bat._

"_Is it about… __?" he trailed off._

"_You've heard already," sighed Cristina__, "Just… don't… don't screw it up, please."_

"_Ok," he said slowly frowning his forehead. Did Cristina accept him as suitable for her person after years of undisguised dislike? "How's Meredith's… her…?"_

"_Daughter?" she asked. "She's good. I operated on her, what did you expect?"_

He halted soundlessly in the doorway, still not altogether sure how to deal with the situation. Meredith, _his _Meredith, was sitting in a chair close to the head of the bed, whispering something subtly to the tiny immobile creature who was completely blocked from his view, except for a mane of wavy blond locks. His heart tightened as the words "Meredith's daughter" took a corporeal form for the first time.

As though sensing his presence, Meredith turned slowly around, gazing directly into his eyes with an expression of something he could define as a mixture of tiredness, resignation and maybe fear. She rose abruptly from her seat, planted a soft kiss on her daughter's forehead and stepped up to him, ushering him onto the corridor. Derek registered with relief that it was almost empty but for a couple of doctors or nurses occasionally passing by.

"Derek, I… I'm so sorry… I don't know where to begin with," she stated struggling for words.

"Shhh." Derek rubbed her arms soothingly. "You've got nothing to be sorry about."

"I have, I have…" Meredith's bottom lip trembled uncontrollably and she kept twisting her fingers.

"Meredith," he breathed out urgently. "I… know it's not the best of times but I need you to know, I want you to know that I'm here for you. Now, I fully understand your hesitation, your reluctance. You… " he braced himself to say it aloud, "you have a daughter, she's your priority. But… I… I love you. I want to be here for you and I can be here for your daughter if you let me. I can love her as if she were mine."

Derek watched her eyes filling with tears as she shook her head, "You… you can't… you can't love her _as if_ she were yours."

"Meredith, I can," he assured her with a newfound certainty. "I've wanted a family with you like… forever."

"No… no… You can't love her _as if_ she were yours because… because… she… _is_ yours."

"What?" he almost chuckled at the illogicality of her words. "Meredith, you're dead tired. We can have this conversation later-"

"No," she contradicted strongly. "I… I've wasted too much time and I'm sorry for it! I can put it off any longer. I… She's… she's your daughter."

Derek slowly took his hands off her arms, "What…? She's… she's not. She's 18-months-old… We haven't…"

"I've… I've lied to the stupid nurse," she spluttered, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "She's… Bessie's 26 months-old… Two years and two months…"

No, Derek's brain refused to process what he just heard. He started pacing erratically, raking his hair with his hand. It was incomprehensible… impossible. Yet, it made sense… her hasty departure, her guilty looks he chose to ignore, the way she was acting around him…

"Derek?" she called him in a tiny fearful voice.

He suddenly stopped in front of her and whispered harshly, "Is this your idea of a joke?"

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A.N. So sorry for another cliffhanger, I swear they just crop up unintentionally! Really excited to know what you think about the chapter, cheers!


	24. Chapter 24: His Daughter

A.N. Hi, thanks so much for your reviews, it's such a great encouragement! I firstly intended to post this update yesterday but most of us are still in the happy proposal bubble (Yay!) and the chapter includes some pretty major drama… I hope you'll like it, though. So as not to prolong it unnecessarily, enjoy!

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Cristina watched from a safe distance the scene unfolding in the hospital corridor with the intention to turn away everyone who might potentially interrupt it. Judging by Meredith's uncoordinated gestures, she was on the verge of nervous breakdown. She faced a dead end. There was no backing away, no other way than the truth. The only hope was in Shepherd's willingness to listen and understand, which, knowing him, was doubtful. McDreamy could be an impulsive jerk, not that she would blame him much this time. In the current situation, Cristina was ready to grant him the right to some bitching.

She lurked around the corner and frowned seeing him letting go of Meredith's arms, the eager expression on his face replaced by disbelief.

"Yang, what are you doing?"

Shit! Cursed Cristina in her thoughts as she turned back to see Alex, Izzie and George moving towards her.

"Uh, nothing," she shrugged off, "taking a break."

"You've been acting really weird today, Cristina," said George. "But we've heard why. We would've helped if you'd told us."

"Yeah, and we would've forgiven you for treating us like shit a little bit sooner," cut in Izzie. "Anyway, Mer's with her daughter, isn't she?"

"Why do you care?" snapped Cristina, making a few steps to block their way.

"Take it easy," said Alex. "We just want to make sure she's fine."

"She is fine," assured Cristina. "You can take my word on that."

"We want to see her," insisted Izzie. "We're not going to intrude, Cristina, just pop in for a couple of seconds to say she can count on us. You're not her only friend."

"You can do that later," hissed Cristina as Izzie stepped around her, followed by Alex and George.

"Stop acting like…" trailed off Izzie as her eyes rested on Meredith and Derek. "Oh my God…"

"What's going on here?" They had the Chief's stern voice. "It's not a playground and you're not children," he reprimanded as he reached them, Bailey at his side.

"Oh my God…" she sighed as she came to a halt.

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Derek whispered harshly, "Is this your idea of a joke?"

Meredith shook her head, trembling slightly at the cold note in his voice. "It's… no joke… It's true… It's… Bessie's your daughter."

He stared at her blankly, all the color draining from his face.

"Don't… don't play with me, Meredith," he breathed out.

"Derek…" she reached a hand towards him but he flinched away, avoiding her touch.

He blinked several times as the corners of his eyes started prickling uncomfortably.

"I'll ask you a question," he said as his voice cracked with hardly controlled emotion, "and think carefully about your answer."

Meredith felt overwhelming coldness conquering her body. She knew him well enough to tell that his angry breakdown was just a matter of time.

"Look me in the eye," he ordered, "and tell me, were you pregnant while leaving Seattle? Were you pregnant with my child?"

"I… Yes…" she whispered with a tear-strained voice.

"Oh my God, oh my God!" Derek hid his face in his hands and when he finally brought them back to his hips he was choking back his own tears.

"I can't believe this… I just can't believe this…" he muttered. "How could you?" he bellowed finally as pure rage won the battle of emotions in his heart.

"You… you were carrying my child but you left without a word for two and a half years! You came back… and you still didn't say a word! Why would you do that? Why in God's name would you do that?"

"I… I…" she stuttered, not able to formulate a coherent sentence as Derek's words were ringing in her ears.

"Oh God," he raked his hair furiously. "I would never think you were capable of such cruelty!"

"Derek, please!" she reached for him almost blindly, the tears clouding her vision.

"Don't touch me!" he roared. "Don't you ever touch me! We're done! I don't want to work with you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you! We're done!"

Derek couldn't bear to look at her. He felt vulnerable and helpless and only anger could keep him straight. He wanted to shut Meredith out of his mind and at this moment it proved less difficult than he would suspect, the sudden knowledge that he was a father was all-pervading. There was a tiny being with golden locks that was his daughter. He needed to see her, he wanted to see her so much it was almost painful.

He left Meredith without another look in her direction but Richard appeared in his way just before his daughter's room like out of thin air, or it might have been that Derek was strangely oblivious to his surroundings and the people walking past him.

"Derek," said Richard warily.

"Chief, I don't have time," Derek tried to brush him off.

"Derek, where do you think you're going?" asked Richard firmly.

"I… I need to," he stammered confusedly, at a complete loss for words. How could he possibly explain? "I need to go… She's my… Oh God…" he wasn't able to put his thoughts into words.

"She's your daughter, I know," stated Richard. "I think there may be some people left on the other hemisphere that don't after you yelled it!"

"Look… I… don't… I need to go…"

"You won't go anywhere," Webber shook his head.

"Richard, get out of my way," snapped Derek. "I'm going to see my daughter."

"You won't go anywhere," repeated Richard categorically.

"If you heard what I yelled you must also know that I wasn't aware of her existence until now. I finally have a right to see her!"

"No one's denying you that right, Derek," the older man explained patiently.

"Then get out of my way," he hissed barely containing his anger. "I'm her father!"

"Then act like a father!" growled Richard.

"What would you know about that?" snarled Derek callously.

"No less than you!" pointed out Richard. His comment was like a slap to Derek's face. "The little girl that's your daughter underwent a surgery a few hours ago. She needs her rest, not an angry man she doesn't know, not an angry man who's just declared he doesn't want to do anything with her mother."

"I just want to see her," whispered Derek with defeat.

"And you will," assured him Richard, "when you've calmed yourself down, when she feels better and when Meredith allows it."

Derek's heart filled with ice. His shaken brain briefly considered punching Richard square in his face and entering his daughter's room.

"Don't even think about doing anything stupid," warned Richard. "I'm serious! I won't hesitate to call security if I have to. Derek, go home, take a shower, get a good night's sleep. It will all work out."

Derek snorted. Good night's sleep? How could he rest his head knowing he had a child he hadn't ever met? He gave up his case, though, as he inwardly admitted the right of Richard's arguments. His storming into the room would do more harm than good for his daughter, Bessie, as Meredith called her… Elizabeth. He cast the last longing look at the door and walked off with his shoulders hunched down.

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Meredith's senses were numbed as though she was under the influence of drugs. Derek walked away from her with apparent disgust; she didn't hear anything, she didn't see anything. In return, her lachrymal glands worked on overdrive and her knees shook slightly. In all likelihood, she would collapse to the floor if two pairs of strong hands didn't catch her on both her sides. They were taking her somewhere and she didn't know where. It was all blurry and hazy until some force bent her spine and she felt shockingly cold water on her face. She started to breath desperately as though she had just been pulled from underwater.

"Meredith," Izzie's soft voice resonated like from a distance. More cold water on her face. "Meredith, you're all right. Don't think about anything, just breathe."

Meredith grabbed the sides of the sink as she spiraled down to reality.

"Oh, Meredith," Izzie slowly rubbed her back.

Her legs refused to hold her weight any longer and she kneeled on the tiled floor. She was in the restroom. The door suddenly squeaked open.

"Sorry, it's occupied," she heard Cristina's authoritative voice.

"All six cubicles?" asked Nurse Debbie sarcastically. The vulture came to finish off what was left of the prey.

"Don't you understand English?" gritted Cristina through her teeth. "Or do I have to express it to you manually?"

"I'm going, I'm going!" barked Debbie. She reached her goal, her curiosity was sated; she got an eyeful of Dr. Grey crumpled on the floor.

"What a bitch!" exclaimed Izzie indignantly while Cristina relapsed into silence. "She has no shame whatsoever!"

"Whatever," said Meredith. "I dug the grave with my own hands… It's all my fault, I know. Cristina does too. Just say so, Cristina. I know you want to, just say it's my fault."

"It is your fault," said Cristina expressionlessly.

"Cristina!" shrieked Izzie.

"She asked!" she shrugged off her shoulders.

"Everything will be fine, Mer," Izzie pretended that Cristina didn't exist. "Derek will come around."

"Come around? From what? He hates me! He doesn't want anything to do with me or Bessie."

"Actually, it's only you he despises," clarified Cristina. "He wants Bess. Webber had to threatened him so he didn't barge into her room."

Meredith rubbed her cheeks absentmindedly. It was one of the worst days of her life but the tightened pain in her chest lessened. She was prepared to endure his hatred as long as he wanted to be Bessie's father, it was all that mattered.

"He doesn't despise you," disagreed Izzie. "He's… hurting… a lot and he's angry. But… Meredith, Derek cares about you! He didn't really mean what he said to you!"

"Yes, he did," whispered Meredith.

"I have to agree with Izzie on that," sighed Cristina. "Shepherd just suffered from an attack of temporary insanity. If he had made use of any logic he wouldn't have shouted he didn't want to know you. You're the mother of his child, for Christ's sake!

"I know you're freaking out and feeling all McGuilty," she went on, "but you can't let him stomp all over you, especially not in front of Bessie."

"That's… that's really happening, isn't it?" breathed put Meredith. "Bessie will have two parents, not just me anymore," she realized as she shivered at thought of inevitable changes that were going to take place in their lives.

"It's really happening," Izzie gave her an encouraging smile. "You'll be a family, a real family, you, Bessie and Derek."

Cristina crossed her arms on her chest. She was positive it wasn't going to be that smooth and easy.

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Derek didn't return to his trailer as Richard told him to. His head was full, fuller than ever before in his life while his heart filled with conflicting emotions. He couldn't leave the hospital knowing his daughter was here. Instead, he slipped into the nearest on-call room and lied down heavily on the bed, exhaustion overtaking his body. No surgery could tire him out like Meredith Grey, both physically and mentally.

She was like a slow acting poison. Since he drank her all those years ago at Joe's, she'd been flowing in his veins, making it impossible for him to lead a normal life. They were on and off, again and again, and then she left and then he spent two and a half years blaming himself for ruining the best thing that ever happened to him.

Derek felt humiliated. Meredith knew how much he wanted those things with her and she singlehandedly decided not to give them to him. It hurt like hell. That's why Meredith's tears stirred up a kind of vengeful satisfaction. At the same time, they were breaking him all over again. After all, she wasn't a poison, she was a virus that infected his organism and deteriorated its defence mechanisms.

He needed to push her out of his brain again and concentrate on his daughter. He strained his memory to analyse every detail of the frame frozen in his mind but the only thing he would see was the blond curly hair, a lot of it. it took his breath away and sent a wave of deep longing through his soul. How was it possible to feel so much for somebody he never properly lay his eyes on? It was incredible; the phrase "his daughter" was incredible. He wanted to know more. It was going to be a long night filled with fighting with his impatience.

All of a sudden, the door to the on-call room creaked open, letting a beam of light from the brightly lit corridor. Damn, he forgot to close it. With all that was going in his head, he didn't even think of closing it. the person who opened the door hesitated for a brief moment before entering the room. He could just lie still pretending to be sleep.

"Derek?" Apparently not.

"What?" he snapped.

"I think I preferred you in the cocky, overly-moussed-hair-McDreamy mode," complained Bailey shutting the door and switching on the lights.

"Turn it off," he groaned shielding his eyes from the sudden brightness.

"Shut up," silenced him Bailey. "I came to give you an update on your daughter." She probably shouldn't do it without Meredith's knowledge but she took pity on him. No one was going to give him anything to hold on to and he shouldn't be left hanging.

"What?" Derek sat up straight, hitting his forehead against the bunk bed. "Shit, what.. what's wrong?"

His heart started to beat wildly, overcome with anxiety. How could he have not taken the condition of his daughter more seriously?

"Relax, she's good," she calmed him down. "Sit back down. I just came to inform a father of his daughter's health. I don't think anyone did it."

"Show me," Derek reached out for the chart Bailey held in her hands.

"And what else, Shepherd?" she snorted keeping it away. "I'm repeating you for the last time that I came to talk with the father of my patient, not another doctor."

"Now, listen, Mr. Shepherd," said Bailey gently opening the chart. "What do we have here… Elizabeth Charisma Grey…"

"Charisma?" echoed Derek. _Grey…_ Of course, she didn't give her his surname. She made his daughter a half orphan.

"The complaints don't go to me," shrugged Bailey. "I'm just reading."

"It's… beautiful," whispered Derek.

"Of course," Bailey rolled her eyes knowingly. "Twenty-six months-old, born on 15th of August 2006… in Tokyo…" Miranda raised her eyebrows.

"Where?" frowned Derek.

"Tokyo, capital of Jap-"

"I know where Tokyo is," Derek cut her across. "It's just… my daughter was born in Japan…"

"You know the workings of the program. Meredith was abroad for most-"

"Don't say her name in front of me!"

"Derek Shepherd, stop behaving like an ass," growled Miranda. "She's her mother-"

"Yeah, just… keep going."

"I don't know why I put up with you," she narrowed her eyes at him. "As I was saying… born in Tokyo… twenty days before the due term…"

"A preemie?" his insides gave an unpleasant jolt.

"No resulting health problems," she hurried with explanation. "She was ready to come earlier, she didn't even need help with breathing."

"Oh, ok…" Derek slowly processed the information.

"Apart from that damn appie, she's a healthy baby."

"And the appendectomy?" asked Derek.

"The procedure ran smoothly, no complications. Right now, she's on pain medication but she's going to be running around in no time. _I_ operated on her."

"The exact same thing Yang told me."

"She's Bessie's godmother, did you know?"

"Cristina? Cristina Yang is my daughter's godmother?" asked Derek incredulously. "Well, that just shows Meredith's competences as a mother."

"She's doing a great job with her, Derek!" Bailey firmly defended Meredith.

"Let's not talk about her. Tell me something more about my daughter."

Miranda sighed, "You won't always be able not to talk about her, or rather _with_ her."

"I know," admitted Derek reluctantly. "I just… I can't believe she did that… it's… Tell me something more about my daughter, please."

"It's not my job to tell you more," she replied. "You know whom you should ask."

"Please, just one more thing, anything. How does she look like?"

Bailey smirked, "Fine, she's a little cutie. I'm considering an arranged marriage to Tuck."

"What?" stammered out Derek, frowning his forehead.

"Already protective of the daddy's girl, huh?" she giggled.

Derek rolled his eyes but asked her seriously, "Does it… ever go away?"

"What?"

"Worrying…" he whispered.

"No," answered softly Bailey. "I know it's probably no use telling you to go home but at least, tidy yourself up before you go to see her or you'll scare the kid."

"If Meredith allows me…" muttered Derek bitterly.

"Men are so stupid! Why do you think she stayed in Seattle?"

"How should I know? It's not like she tells me important things in her life."

"You're impossible!" Bailey lost her patience. "I hope that girl inherited Grey's brain or I swear…"

She walked out of the room muttering under her breath and leaving Derek alone with his very confused thoughts.

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Meredith sprawled tiredly on the chair beside Bessie's bed. It was long past visiting hours but somehow she managed to talk Bailey into letting her camp down for just one night. Half-lying in the darkness and listening to Bessie's peaceful breathing proved so soothing to her nerves after Derek's angry outburst, Izzie's hopeful assurances and Cristina's depressive groaning. She knew she was ungrateful feeling relief at being left alone. Her friends just were there for her. She needed different advice, though. Meredith realized with bewilderment how much she missed her long conversations with Stacy which she initially hated so much.

She probably should call her, Stacy would like to know Bessie got sick and her life turned upside down… Meredith took out her cell phone and slipped outside not to disturb her daughter's slumber. She chose the contact and waited impatiently for the connection.

"_Meredith! Finally, we've been wondering when you'd call us to boast about the trial!"_ she heard Stacy's enthusiastic voice.

"You know already? I had the surgery yesterday," said Meredith quietly.

"_James has his contacts in the board,"_ chuckled Stacy.

"Oh, right, yeah."

"_That's not why you're calling," _stated Stacy noticing Meredith's subdued mood.

"Uh, no… I… wanted to hear… a voice of reason…"

"_A vo__ice of…? Meredith, child, what's wrong?"_

"Pretty much everything," sighed Meredith.

"_It's Bessie, isn't it? Nothing else would get you in a state like this. What's up with Cherry-pie?"_

Meredith giggled, "I've forgotten how you all used to call her that!"

"_Used to? We still do, we ju__st parted a couple of weeks ago,"_ reminded Stacy.

"It feels like another lifetime…"

"_Is my granddaughter fine? I'm starting to get seriously worried!" _

"She's going to be, she had appendectomy this afternoon."

"_Oh, sweetie. I can only imagine what you must be going through, dealing with this all alone,"_ Stacy sounded worried.

"I'm not alone, I have friends and…" And that was it, she had Derek only yesterday, today he hated her.

"_And?"_ Stacy knew Meredith was holding something back.

"And I told him," Meredith inhaled deeply. "Derek… Dr. Shepherd you know the perfect hair man… you remember…"

"_In short, Bessie's father,"_ interrupted Stacy. _"Of course, I remember, I took a good look at your McDreamy. When did you tell him? How did he take the news?"_

"Today… I… not so good… He… he absolutely hates me," Meredith's voice shook dangerously. "We sort of… got back together and I… I screwed it all up."

"_Meredith, you know what they say about the thin line between love and hate? It's not true, trust me on this one,"_ said calmly Stacy. _"You just have to give him time."_

"I guess I have to," nodded Meredith.

"_Listen,"_ Stacy began hesitantly. _"Last time we talked you told me… that your stepmother… keeps calling you, inviting you over…"_

"So?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

"_Maybe it would be a good idea to give it a try.__ I would certainly be more at ease knowing there's a surrogate me that you can rely on."_

"Surrogate you?" chuckled Meredith.

"_Well, I'm irreplaceable!" _joked Stacy. _"I really want you to have someone stable in Seattle until I can come over. That was the aim of James's little plot, remember?"_

"Until you come over? Why would you come over? I'm fine, Bessie's going to be fine. You're in London, you've got a job to do," rambled Meredith.

"_It's not the same without you and Cherry,"_ said simply Stacy. _"You know I went to the daycare a couple of days ago, just by the force of habit. I don't know if I'll be able to get away as soon as I'd like to but you can certainly expect me and James over Thanksgiving."_

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me," whispered Meredith.

"_Oh, I __think I do, give Bess my love and think about what I said."_

Meredith shut her phone and hurried back to the room to resume her seat near Bessie. The quick conversation with Stacy had an amazing calming effect on her, it always did and Meredith always wondered why. She made herself as comfortable as possible in the hard hospital chair as her eyes snapped shut. It was several hours later and both Grey girls were sleeping soundly when someone sneaked stealthily into the dark room.

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A.N. So, Derek feels hurt and he's behaving not very McDreamy-like right now but I can promise you it will all be fixed. I'm an obsessive MerDer fan so don't worry. They can't be all roses from the start, they need to learn to trust each other, plus they need to forgive each other. R&R, please!


	25. Chapter 25: Perfect

A.N. Hey! I've got an update for you. I intended to wrap it up and post on Friday but I had a little mid-story crisis. Fortunately, I'm mostly past it, I think. I tidied up ideas in my head. I know where I want to take this story and slowly but surely getting there. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter even if I'm not completely satisfied with it. Begging for your reviews and thanking to all longtime and new readers alike!

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After several hours of tossing and turning in the on-call room bed, Derek decided to forget about Richard's warnings. It was not like he was going to put up an argument by his ailing daughter's bed; he just wanted to look, to be close to her.

Taking advantage of the lateness of the hour and the fact that most of the nurses on call were taking care of a coding patient, Derek inconspicuously made his way down the corridor and entered Bessie's room. He paused hesitantly near the door, trying to penetrate the dark surroundings. He could barely make out the bed as the shut blinds effectively blocked the light from the outside.

He stepped further and registered with fascination the blanket covering his daughter's body rise and fall regularly. She was so small, so precious. He would spent hours just standing there but suddenly, he heard a rustle followed by a subtle movement, almost imperceptible in the obscurity.

He froze in his place, almost expecting Richard and security guards jump from under the bed and drag him away in handcuffs. However, there was only a tiny screech and the still silence returned. Derek approached the source of the noise and didn't even have to strain his vision to know that it was Meredith. He picked up the unmistakable scent of lavender. She was curled up in a chair in what was probably the most uncomfortable of positions. The blanket that she kicked off accidentally was lying at her feet.

Derek let out a troubled sigh. In this room, he had what he always dreamed of, his child and the mother of his child, the woman he loved despite his yearning not to. He didn't try to kid himself, he loved her and he always would. She could cut out his heart without anesthesia and it would still beat for her.

At the same time, he was furious at her beyond all reason. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive her, he wasn't sure what he should do next. He never faced a situation which left him so completely lost. How would they introduce him to Bessie? How would their lives change?

Meredith's seat squeaked again as she squirmed, bringing her legs and arms as close as possible. Derek picked up the fallen blanket and tenderly tucked it over her body but the weight of the cover seemed to stir her up from her sleep. She breathed deeply as her mind was returning to consciousness, forcing Derek to hastily back out.

When she finally opened her eyes, bringing her hand to stifle a yawn, she felt an inexplicable sense of loss. Someone's presence was lingering in the air and she knew whose presence she wanted it to be. She also knew, however, the even if he didn't hate her, as everyone kept assuring, he was angry and didn't want to see her. Fortunately, her tired mind got clouded again and was instantaneously reclaimed by Morpheus. For the rest of the night, she kept waking up only to relapse back into slumber until Bailey came for rounds early in the morning.

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Richard peeked surreptitiously into the room of Elizabeth Grey. His relations with Meredith weren't always exemplary but it didn't lessen his willingness to look after her. Not only because of the promise he made to Ellis; his concern was genuine. When Meredith left Seattle Grace, it felt like the biggest failure in his life. Never mind though, he would watch over her now. Richard realized it wouldn't be a piece of cake; Meredith was obstinate, she always looked for trouble since she was a child running the hospital off their feet. And now she had a child. Ellis Grey's little girl had her own little girl.

Richard watched with amazement as she fussed around her daughter's bed. She was a classical mommy, a complete opposite of Ellis.

She raised her eyes to notice Richard standing in the doorway.

"Chief," she sighed. "Good morning."

"Moring Meredith," he said concernedly. "I don't want to intrude…"

"You aren't, she's awake. She's a bit groggy due to pain meds but… she seems to be good."

"I'll pop in another time so you can introduce me to the lovely lady," he studied the little girl's appearance curiously. "I just came to tell you not to worry about work. Take your time, concentrate on your daughter."

"Chief, I…" she started to shake her head.

"That's an order," he stated softly.

"Oh," she took a deep breath. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"Now, how do _you_ feel?" Richard looked at her piercingly.

"I'm good," she replied quickly, nervously playing with the watch on her wrist. "Bessie's good so I'm good. A bit sore from sleeping in one of those horrible chairs but… I'm good."

"Meredith," said Richard seriously, cocking his head.

"I'm fine, really!" she insisted. "I broke down yesterday but it was a onetime thing, not happening again."

"Has… Derek been here?" he asked cautiously.

"No, he's… he hasn't," she breathed out. "He hasn't."

"That's good, I told him not to."

"Thank you, again. He was… angry. It's not the way I want Bessie to meet him."

"Have you thought about it? How are you…?"

"Yeah, of course I have," she gave a short bitter laugh. "It's.. all I've been thinking about lately, how to tell Derek… how to tell Bessie… Only nothing goes according to the plan."

"Derek's a good man," said Richard. "He might not be thinking clearly at-"

"Chief," Meredith cut him across. "You don't have to tell me how he'll come around and we'll be one happy family. I've already heard that, multiple times."

"Oh, huh," Richard cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So… I'll… leave you to it… Anything you need, you can count on me, just ask."

Meredith took her place beside the bed. She took one of the stuffed animals Bessie was playing with out of her hands.

"Sweetie, lie back," she delicately readjusted her covers. "You can't move too much, love. We don't want any more tummy ache, do we?"

"No tummy ache," Bessie shook her head.

"I'm glad we're on agreement," smiled Meredith. "And we don't want any burst sutures that Dr. Bailey did so beautifully. You remember Dr. Bailey?"

"Tuck!" exclaimed Bessie.

"You remember Tuck? Good girl! Now, what did mommy say about moving around?" she reminded rubbing Bessie's tiny arms. "No playing for today, Cherry-pie. I'll read you a story but you need to lie back."

Meredith reached for a colourful book that Cristina brought from the house and opened it on the page with Bessie's currently favourite tale. She was just about to start reading when she thought better of it.

She grasped Bessie's palm and asked with a beating heart, "Do you remember what I told you about daddy?"

"Buddy!"

"Not buddy," Meredith explained slowly. "Daddy. I'm your mommy but you have a daddy too."

"Daddy?" repeated Bessie staring at Meredith with her big blue eyes. "Doctor daddy?'

"That's right," grinned Meredith. "Daddy is a doctor, like me."

"Like Olly?" she picked up her favourite bunny.

"Like Olly," grinned Meredith. Olly was always a doctor treating all toys with health problems.

"Daddy far far," Bessie waved her hand.

"Daddy's not far far away. Daddy's here. He's going to come to see you."

" 'kay," said Bessie and her attention was directed again to the fluffy bunny in her hand. She didn't yet feel the lack of one parent in her life. She was too small to fully understand the situation. Meredith hoped it will make easier for her to get used to Derek's presence and finally love him.

"Story," demanded Bessie, pulling at her sleeve.

"Story it is."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was looking for Derek for already half an hour. She didn't see him since their heated encounter the previous day and they needed to talk. Yesterday, he yelled at her, he yelled that she had hidden his daughter. Today, he didn't even come to see her. Her imagination started running wild as she thought that maybe Derek did hate her and hated Bessie because of her. Therefore, she went looking for him; her daughter's happiness was at stake.

But there was no sign of him in his office, in on-call rooms or with his patients. He vanished somewhere after rounds, looking like shit as Cristina put it. Yet, he was surely at the hospital, his car parked on the same spot she left it. She was still in possession of his keys, she completely forgot about them in the fervor of Bessie's sickness and the chaos that entailed.

Where the hell could a grown man disappear without a trace? Meredith could always ask the nurse patrol, they knew everything. However, as she looked at the group of them conspiring near the vending machine, her blood boiled.

"Are you looking for Dr. Shepherd by any chance?" asked one of them.

"What?" Meredith gasped incredulously, losing control. "Don't you have something else to occupy yourselves with? Get a life and leave me and my daughter alone!"

The nurses scattered around, except for one of them, who, to Meredith's horror, turned out to be none other than Rose, the woman whom Derek picked over her.

"That wasn't exactly the wisest move," she said shaking her head slightly and Meredith's fist itched to carve bloody rings around her doe-like eyes.

"As you probably know, given the fact that the hospital isn't talking about anything else, I'm not a master of wise moves. And I don't give a damn about a couple of nurses with hurt feelings!"

Rose's face remained impassive as she assured, "They won't hold it against you."

"How generous!" snapped Meredith. "What is it? Heartbroken Single Mothers' Day?"

The nurse didn't respond to Meredith's sarcasm and said instead, "We've seen Dr. Shepherd getting on the elevator, going up," she paused hesitantly. "I'd advise you to look at the rooftop… He… likes to go there… to think."

"And you're not there consoling him?" hissed Meredith.

Rose rolled her eyes impatiently. "There's nothing between me and Derek. We're just… actually, we're not even friends. We're colleagues."

"And you want to help me because?" Meredith narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Contrary to what you think, I don't enjoy watching people suffer and no, I'm not holding a secret passion for your McDreamy. We broke up years ago, no hard feelings," explained Rose. "I just wanted to help Derek, he's a great guy but… do what you want." She shrugged her shoulders and walked away.

Disregarding her pride, Meredith took Rose's cue and directed herself to the top of the building. As the cool wind swept her face, she felt a stab of jealousy. Rose was right, she knew well Derek's hideout. True, it was a small thing but wasn't life a series of small things put together?

Meredith's pulse quickened as she walked to him, her eyes fixed on his form. He was standing with his back towards her, staring down over the city, his hair ruffled by violent gusts of air.

"Derek."

She could clearly see his body tense up at the sound of his name, his grip on the railing tightening. What did she want to tell him? Everything. What could possibly make him forgive her? Nothing.

"Derek," she called again, this time much quieter as the distance between them shrank.

He let out a deep sigh and turned to face her. All traces of anger were gone from his features but his gaze, fixed somewhere over her shoulder, was cold, colder than the wind.

"We… we need to talk," spoke Meredith with a pleading note in her voice.

He nodded, crossing his arms on his chest, his eyes constantly averting hers.

"Derek, I'm… sorry, truly sorry…" she began.

"Save it," he said curtly.

"I am," she insisted. "I've already told you it was never my intention to hurt you."

"Right," he nodded sarcastically.

"I didn't think about you while leaving Seattle-"

"That much is clear," he barked at her. He finally looked up and Meredith saw sparks of anger in his eyes.

"That's… that's not what I meant!" she denied hastily. "I-"

"I'm not interested in any explanations," he hissed.

"Fine," she capitulated. "Are you interested in your daughter?"

"Excuse me?" he strained to regain control over the anger in his voice. "How dare you?"

"You… you haven't even come to see her," whispered Meredith.

"I needed to think things over first," he gritted leaning against the railings.

"I know you're furious at me and... good God… you have a right to be. And it's all my fault, only mine! Bessie, she's innocent here. So… you need to decide if you want to be in her life or not."

Derek shook his head with incredulity at a loss for words, "I… I can't believe you even need to ask! She's my daughter. You think I can overlook this little fact and live like nothing happened?"

"I…" Meredith stared at her hands. Derek wanted Bessie, he wanted Bessie. It wasn't wise to push him right now but she didn't have a choice. Never would she let her little girl be raised by a pair of constantly arguing parents. "Then… we can't behave like that in front of her, Derek!"

He sighed, "I don't want to fight you, Meredith. I want the best for… Bessie. I want to be her father. I need time for everything to sink in but… I want everything for her."

Meredith breathed out with relief. "Do… you want to see her?" She immediately regretted her words as his mouth formed a thin line. "That's… a stupid question, of course, you want to see her. Come… come during lunchtime, everyone will be busy, we'll have more privacy."

Derek nodded in agreement. "How… What are we going to tell…?" he was almost afraid to finish the question.

"We'll tell her you're her daddy," declared Meredith, surprising Derek. "She knows she has a daddy, she does. Only she… she's two years old, Derek. She doesn't entirely understands the concept because.."

"Because I wasn't around," Derek finished for her tersely.

"Yeah," Meredith hung his head guiltily and exhaled deeply. "Could you… at least try to ever forgive me?"

"I could if it was forgivable," said coldly Derek and turned away from her resuming observing the panorama of the city.

Meredith felt tears stinging in the corners of her eyes. She was pretty sure it would hurt less if he threw her down from the roof than said that what she broke was beyond repair. With a hand over her mouth, she quickly ran inside. The closeness to him was painful. She crashed into someone in the doorway but didn't even halt to say sorry. She was in a desperate need of a solitary corner to ease her sobbing.

**********************************************************************************

"Did I just see Grey running in tears from here?"

Derek didn't have much time to contemplate the view of Seattle as Mark joined his side seconds after Meredith. Derek shrugged his shoulders, he didn't intend to sound so harsh but didn't try much to be more civil either. It was just stronger than him.

"So, what's up with you and Meredith? You've lost me again. Are you on? Off?"

"Don't play dumb, Mark. I'm sure you've already heard she had my child."

"Yeah, uhm, congratulations?" Mark tried to sound out his best friend's mood.

"Yeah, congratulations," muttered Derek hollowly. "I should've listened to you, you were right."

"I didn't climb up here to tell you 'I told you', man. Although, I did tell you," chuckled Mark. "Now, what's the deal? Grey gave you what you always wanted so why are you both depressed? You look like McNightmare, by the way."

"Don't test my patience," Derek gritted out.

"I thought you've already lost it. I heard all about the tantrum you threw at her yesterday. She pissed you off, you made her a hell on earth. Fine, you got it out of your system. Isn't that enough?"

"Are you defending her?" Derek squinted at Mark. "You told me yourself to be careful."

"I did," sighed Mark. "But primo, I didn't know it was your kid. Secundo, you didn't listen."

"Oh, so now it's my fault? I'm the bad guy here?"

"You see everything in black and white," commented Mark. "You're not a bad guy, Derek. Neither is Meredith. It's just life; life is messy."

"You can't even imagine…"

"Then tidy it up. Do what you always wanted to do. Build a house in the wilderness for your kid and the mother of your kid, slip a ring on her finger and make more little Shepherds. She'll go for it; she had one, she'd want more."

"As if it was that easy." Derek raked his hair in silent frustration.

"Sure it is," chuckled Mark. "You knocked her up almost three years ago but you don't forget those things, it's like riding a bike-"

"Mark! I-" he trailed off. "I don't trust her. I look at her or think about her and I start wondering what else she might be keeping from me. Or if she takes Bessie and leaves when I turn my back. It's just… I don't know how many times I said this but… I can't believe she was able to do this to me, to all of us."

"It won't hurt to ask," advised Mark.

"Actually, it might. For now, I want to focus on my child, on Bessie," he smiled slightly. "I want to meet her, get to know her, protect her. It feels amazing, you know."

"That's great, man. But what about Grey? They're sort of a package deal."

"I don't know, I just don't know."

**********************************************************************************

"Mer, you're freaking out," said Izzie half-amused, half- concerned as Meredith combed Bessie's hair into impeccable waves for the billionth time.

"I'm not freaking out!" countered Meredith. "I just want everything to look perfect. It's enough that he thinks I'm a horrible person. I don't need him telling me I'm a horrible mother!" She looked around in a frenzy. "God, this place looks like Santa's workshop!" she whined making Izzie giggle.

Since morning, they were flooded with little gifts, toys and sweets, which surprised her to no end. Apparently, even if Seattle Grace community found her an irresistible topic for gossip, they also regarded her as one of their own.

"I think it's sweet," commented Izzie. "Even Nurse Debbie brought something."

"Must have been that chocolate bar past expiry date," Mer shot back ironically, smoothing the covers. "No, Bessie!" she groaned watching one of the stuffed animals fly across the room and collide against the wall near the door. "You're being a bad girl! And you can't be a bad girl when daddy's coming to see you!" She trotted to pick up the exiled toy and when she bent down she saw a pair of legs in navy scrubs appear in front of her.

_Way to go girl, as graceful as ever in front of him…_ She redressed quickly, her hair flying around her flushed cheeks, "Hi, uhm, good… good that you're here."

Izzie cleared her throat and made towards the door, "I'll leave you two alone, I mean three." She gave Mer a radiant smile and thumbs up behind Derek's back and scooted away.

Derek's eyes swept around the room he just entered; he wondered if he didn't find himself in a toy store by some mistake. It was swamped with balloons, stuffed animals and baskets full of confectionary. And then, at long last, his eyes rested on little blond toddler sitting in the middle of the bed, the sight immobilizing him.

It was certainly not how he envisioned this moment. It was supposed to be joyous, insanely happy and instead it felt like Meredith stabbed him right in the heart again, with cold blooded purpose. A familiar urge to storm and rage at her went through his body for it was not his first meeting with his daughter. He had already seen this girl with honey locks, he shook her tiny hand, he was a step form learning the truth right then. He would have learnt the truth if Yang hadn't butted in. A memory of Meredith standing in front of her office, making up excuses for him not to come in, flashed in his mind. Derek snorted inwardly; she asked for forgiveness, having blatantly lied to him.

Meredith studied his face with growing anxiety. Somehow, he was on the brink again.

"Derek?" she asked frightfully.

"Not now," he dismissed her.

Fortunately, his face relaxed, his expression softened the longer he looked at his daughter.

"Ok," she inhaled, plucking up her courage, "come… come over." She led him to the bed. "She's not entirely herself. The pain meds make her lightheaded. Normally, she's bursting with energy."

Derek acknowledged the piece of information with a nod and crouched beside the bed while Meredith perched herself on the other side.

"Bessie, sweetie," she took her hand gently. "Your daddy is here. Isn't that exciting? See? This is your daddy!"

Bessie looked curiously at the dark-haired goofy-looking head beside her. She wasn't shy with strangers like the most kids her age but she liked to observe.

"Say something to her, Derek," Meredith encouraged him tenderly.

"Wha… what?" he stammered nervously under the watchful scrutiny of the eyes that were perfect mirrors of his own.

"Say who you are," she whispered.

"How… how should I call her?"

"Well, you might call her by her name or… I call her Angel or Sweetie, or Cherry-pie. Cristina calls her McBaby or McSpawn but I'm sure you don't want to go there."

"Doctor daddy?" squeaked Bessie, frowning her little eyebrows at Derek, completely melting his heart.

"Yes, I'm… I'm… your daddy," he breathed emotionally. "Bessie, I'm your daddy and I… love you so… so very much.

"Play?" asked Bessie, her expression dead serious.

"Of course, daddy's going to play with you," grinned Meredith, sniffing her nose a bit. _This_ moment couldn't be going more perfect…

"Okay!" exclaimed Bessie grinning widely.

"You can hold her hand," said Meredith subtly, blinking rapidly.

"I… I can?"

"Mhm, she accepted you. Go on, she won't bite, she's cuddly."

Derek slowly moved his hand as if afraid that any sudden motion could wake him up from this wonderful dream. His hand covered her warm little fingers. Her palm was miniature compared to his but they fit perfectly. Perfect, that was how it felt to be a part of the little chain of clasped hands, smiling lips and beating hearts.

**********************************************************************************

A.N. Hoping to post the next update before Easter but no promises. Cheers, Em :)


	26. Chapter 26: Auntie Power

A/N Hey! Sorry I didn't make it before Easter, 3D life turned out too time-consuming :) Thank you for your reviews and asking for more. Thank you for sticking around for so long, I started this fic around Christmas and now we have Easter already. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter even though pissy Derek's still around.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith observed a frown expanding on Derek's forehead as he read the message on his pager. He got up reluctantly, sighing, "I need to go… patient."

"It's okay," she assured him. "You can come back later, anytime you want."

They just spent the most wonderful and the most emotional two hours. Meredith's heart swelled in her chest when Derek said he loved Bessie. She scolded herself for her previous fears of rejection. Derek was Derek after all. Of course, he wouldn't not love his child. Meredith wasn't even that much surprised with the speed of his affection. She fell in love with Bessie as soon as she learnt there was a bunch of cells growing in her womb. Derek would have, too, had she told him.

Bessie had him wrapped around her finger already. He was more and more enchanted with every move she made and every word she uttered. He was also incredibly insecure around her. That wasn't a novelty to Meredith either. The first days of her motherhood still stood out in her memory as one of the most trying times in her life.

Sometimes, it took all her determination, physical and mental force, and the immense love for her newborn daughter not to crumple on the floor and sob at her helplessness. She never froze, though. Single mothers, even surrounded by friends, couldn't allow themselves to freeze, ever. She strove to survive the sleepless nights, afraid not to hurt the tiny bundle in her arms trying to guess why she wouldn't stop crying.

It was worth it, though, every single moment was worth it; especially now, seeing how Bessie and Derek interacted with each other. Overcoming his initial shyness, he chatted her up and she babbled with equal enthusiasm. She made him a drawing which he reverently put in the pocket of his lab coat; then she drifted off to sleep while he was reading her a story for the very first time. He sat watching her with mesmerized eyes until his pager went off.

"Thank you," said Meredith walking him out. "Thank you for coming, you're great with her."

"Don't thank me," replied Derek coldly. It seemed that once out of Bessie's room, he turned into a king of coldness. "I didn't do it for you. I'm here for my daughter."

Meredith sighed, "Derek, can we please talk calmly?"

"I am calm," he assured her checking his watch. "I'm very calm. I'm not going to get angry; I'm not going to yell. Only when we're not around Bessie, I don't have to pretend."

"Pretend what?" frowned Meredith.

"That the world is a happy place and people don't carelessly hurt each other."

"Derek, I'm sorry! I didn't want to carelessly hurt you-"

"Was it deliberate then?" his eyes bored pitilessly into hers. "Because I'm pretty sure it was deliberate when you lied straight into my face to hide my daughter from me that day the babysitter or whoever it was brought her to see you." He bit his lip and shook his head slightly. "Do you have any idea how it feels? I saw her, I talked to her and I didn't have the faintest clue she was my child!"

He tried to regain control over his rising voice, "And you covered everything up like it was nothing, with a little help from your friend, Cristina Yang, the fairy godmother," he finished ironically.

"Don't hold it against her," pleaded Meredith, guessing that her person was going to be in deep trouble. "Cristina's been ushering me to tell you for ages. And I wanted to! I was just-"

"I've already told you I don't want to hear any apologies or explanations," he said dismissively. "I have to go now but I'll be back as soon as I'm free."

Meredith watched his retreating form uneasily. His words cut her flesh like sharpest blades but there wasn't even a trace of tears in her eyes. Her feisty spirit was back, stirred up from the depressing lethargy by the scene she took part in in Bessie's room. They could stay like that forever, together, happy… It could be their reality. Meredith felt it in the reach of her arms. She just had to lean further and embrace it. She was ready to fight for that vision. And for that she needed to brace herself with a massive amount of patience, for she wasn't going to shout back at Derek or retaliate with equal spite.

Mind you, she could easily reproach him the whole nurse story. She could shout him down for being a total ass towards her. However, she would do no such thing for he was a hurt ass. She damaged him herself. For now, she had to grin and bear it to slowly regain his trust. Derek was never capable of resisting her for long. Besides, she had now an ally at her side, the ally that Derek would go any lengths for.

"Uhm, Meredith?"

Her train of thought got detracted by the familiar voice calling her name. She turned and came face to face with a skittish looking Lexie.

"I'm really really sorry to be bothering you, like really sorry, because I'm probably the last, or almost the last, person you want to see right now," she ranted.

"Lexie," Meredith tried to cut in.

"It's ok," explained Lexie. "I understand, you might even yell at me. I won't flinch! Seriously, bring it on! You'll feel better."

"Obviously, I won't yell at you, Lexie," said Meredith in an amused voice. She even felt a kind of gratitude towards her half-sister for trying to improve her mood. "What's that?" she pointed at the gift bag in Lexie's hands. "Is it for Bessie?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's… nothing big," stammered Lexie. "Or it is, should be… I mean, I won't be affronted if you'd rather not take it but I really hope you will. Because it's the first gift for my first niece and I spent five hours at a shopping centre to find a perfect gift. Not that I'm complaining! It's just that I had absolutely no idea… or I guess I should just shut up… and maybe come some time later…"

"Lexie, it's fine," chuckled Meredith. Honestly, the two of them could stage a rambling competition some day. "You can leave the gift now, you know. Only, she's sleeping so we'll have to be quiet."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Come on in," she beckoned her with her head.

"Wow, she's really cute, wow," giggled Lexie putting her present beside the bed. "And I'm her Auntie! I mean," she glanced nervously at Meredith, "I mean I can be if you want to. I'd like to. I … I know we're not that close, and I might be annoying and my mum keeps harassing you…" she trailed off.

"Actually… I've been thinking about… accepting the invitation… or something," admitted Meredith idly, sitting down in one of the chairs.

"You have?" asked Lexie enthusiastically. "Oh I'm sorry," she clasped hand over her mouth, lowering the volume of her voice. "You'd really come?"

"I… I don't know," Meredith shrugged her shoulders looking at her daughter. "I might, I don't want her to be a copy of me, afraid of having relationships with other people but… I don't know. It's not only about me and Bessie. What about Molly? She doesn't know who I am. And… Thatcher?"

"Don't worry about Molly," assured Lexie. "She'll be thrilled. You saved her baby, there's nothing that could make her dislike you. And dad, he is, I mean he can be, a great dad, a great granddad too. He was so excited when Molly and Eric announced they were going to have a baby."

"Well, he was excited about Molly's child," sighed Meredith. "Not Bessie. I don't want her to ever feel second best."

"Oh, sorry," Lexie cast her eyes down, guiltily.

"Don't be," Meredith shook her head. "There is nothing that's your fault, or Molly's."

"It's dad's," Lexie let out a sigh.

"Partly. It's not like there's a drawer full of unopened cards from him somewhere… but my mother wasn't a saint either. The blame goes to both parents."

"You should keep that in mind," said Lexie shrewdly.

Meredith looked at her quickly staying silent for a brief moment only to whisper, "Derek is nothing to be blamed for, he didn't know."

"He does now," reminded the younger woman. "And he better treats my niece and my sister nicely or I'll help Dr. Yang kick his ass."

Meredith giggled, "There are a lot of people after his ass…" she grinned. "No, actually, that sounded bad…"

"It… kinda did," nodded Lexie with a smirk.

**********************************************************************************

"The films are all clear, test results completely normal," declared Derek flipping through a chart in his hands. "I don't see why I shouldn't give you a clean bill of health by the end of the week, Ms. Lewis."

Jenny turned happily to her fiancé and grabbed his hand.

"You heard that, Luke?" she asked him. "I'll finally be able to go home!"

He wore a matching grin when he asked, "What about me, Dr. Shepherd? I was to be let go yesterday but Dr. Grey is on the leave…"

"Don't worry," reassured him Derek. "I've taken over her patients so as soon as I take a look at your results, I'll let you know."

"God, we can't wait to leave hospital," moaned Jenny. "Everyone is great here but we're all fresh and ready to relaunch ourselves into the wedding whirlwind."

"You say that now," chuckled Luke. "You'll sing a different tune when you'll look in the mirror and see a bald bride."

"It crossed my mind," admitted Jenny pensively. "The hair won't grow back enough to cover the scars. But! You'll be my bald groom," she looked at Luke affectionately. "And it sums up our union quite well, don't you think, Dr. Shepherd? Together through thick and thin."

"Hmmm," acknowledged Derek trying to fight the jealousy that was creeping up on him. Two days earlier, he was equally carefree, ecstatic, convinced he'd got a new lease of life…

"Dr. Shepherd," started Luke hesitantly, "We know you're a busy man and now that your daughter's at hospital, too- Ouch! What?" he exclaimed as Jenny slapped his forearm silencing him with her regard.

"You're so insensitive!" she scolded him. "I'm so sorry for him, Dr. Shepherd."

"That's fine," sighed Derek. "I see the hospital gossip mill makes no exceptions, even for patients."

"Sorry!" Jenny bit her lip. "But we're like one big family now. We know most of the nurses on this floor. They help us with some stuff for the wedding; they stop by to chat so… it was impossible not to hear it."

"Right," grunted Derek.

"Anyway, we just wanted to remind you that you're our best man," Luke cut across seeing that Jenny touched the doctor's nerve.

"About that…" began Derek seriously.

"Oh, no! You can't quit!" Jenny warned him ferociously. "You said yes, you can't back out now!"

"I'm not backing out," denied Derek slowly. "I only ask you to reconsider your choice. Me and Dr. Grey are not the wisest option."

"I happen to disagree!" stated Jenny boldly.

"Ms. Lewis-"

"It's Jenny. Derek, I'm going to call you by your name since you _are _our best man. So… Derek, for a brain surgeon, you can be pretty brainless sometimes."

"I beg you pardon," frowned Derek.

"You should be begging Dr. Grey," shot back his patient. "You know that saying about learning and mistakes? It clearly says about learning from others' mistakes, not learning the actual mistakes. But do men ever listen? No, they just let their mouths hang open in their cluelessness."

Derek closed his jaw and attempted to find an eloquent answer but his mind was blank.

"You made Dr. Grey a scene, Derek, in front of the whole hospital," argued Jenny hotly. "Pretty much like Luke but ten thousand times worse. At least, he was begging me, you were humiliating her!"

Luke gave Derek a sympathetic look and mouthed "Feminine solidarity!" behind Jenny's back, rolling his eyes. However, Derek couldn't help feeling ashamed. Jenny got him realize for the first time that he made his and Meredith's personal issues a public live performance.

"You know what someone told me, Derek?" continued Jenny. "That men are pathetic suckers. Well, women are too, but if you meet one looser that actually cares about you, you can't throw it away. Because it's a bit of a miracle for two people to be at the same place, at the same time, and deeply in love. It's something special."

"She loves you," she said softly. "It's so obvious, everyone sees it. You know, they don't place bets on _whether_ you'll get back together or not. They place bets _when_ you'll get back together."

"Don't bet on very soon, that's my advice," said Derek impassively. "I'll be back with your results shortly… Luke."

He left the room as if the ground was burning under his feet.

"This proves harder than I expected," Jenny sank back onto her pillow. "I haven't met a pair of more stubborn people."

"Relax" soothed her Luke. "You know what I've been thinking? We should follow their example."

"What? Pour out frustrations on each other?"

"No, silly, make a new life… or something," he finished lamely.

"Or something," Jenny grinned merrily.

**********************************************************************************

Derek leaned back on his desk as the door to his office opened to reveal a tired Meredith.

"Thanks for coming," said Derek quietly.

"Thanks for calling," answered Meredith.

"I owe you an apology," stated Derek out of the blue.

"Oh?" she studied his face carefully. He was apologizing but the way he was speaking seemed to indicate a lack of much sincerity or conviction.

"I was angry," he said simply. "I still am. But I should have never involved the whole hospital in our issues."

So, this was what it was all about, the audience and not her…

"Ok. That's all you've wanted to say?" asked Meredith and turned to leave.

"No, we have a daughter. We have some things to discuss."

She halted in her wake despite the business-like note in his voice that she didn't like.

"Bailey said she's have Bessie stay at Grace for about two weeks during which I'm planning to be around as often as I can."

Meredith nodded waiting with a beating heart wherever he was headed to.

"How are we going to do this after those two weeks?" he asked.

"Well, I'm taking her home, obviously. You can come to see her whenever you want to."

"How kind of you," said Derek sarcastically. "I want to be her father, Meredith, not a man she sees two hours a day or on weekends, even if it's enough for you."

"What?" Meredith breathed out in incomprehension.

"You're a surgeon, Meredith, you work on tight schedule. What do you do when you go to work? Dump her on a babysitter for the whole day?"

"What? I… I work reasonable hours," gritted out Meredith as her patience was hanging by a thread. It was certainly the most hurtful thing he said to her, ever. "I always put Bessie first, always have and always will. I negotiated my timetable with Richard to make it most convenient for her. I signed her up to the nursery down the street so I could go there whenever I was free. And now you know, I'll be taking her to daycare at Grace."

"She'll be here?"

"She'll be here," confirmed Meredith. "You'll be able to see her any time you want. The same goes for our house, you're always welcome there."

Derek seemed pensive and not entirely content.

"We'll make it work," said Meredith encouragingly. "I know what it's like to grow up without a father, don't want the same for my daughter."

"Fine. That's all I wanted to discuss for now."

Meredith didn't reply. What the hell was he thinking? One minute they were talking about their daughter, the other he was dissing her like a badass boss. If this was his way to convey the message their relationship would be limited to taking care of their daughter, he succeeded at getting it across perfectly with flying colors.

"Oh, there's one more thing," he reminded as she was passing the doorstep. "I want to legally recognize Bessie as my child."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith came to a stop in the middle of the overpass and stared out at line of the snow-covered mountainous peeks. Her hands resumed their nervous habit. Enduring Derek's mood swings was harder than she anticipated. He never realized how much his words affected her. When he was romancing her, they transformed her into a puddle of dazzled mush. When he was pissed off, she served as a punch bag. Unbeknownst to himself, he was the master of the careless hurting.

"Has McAss got off his high horse yet?" asked Cristina sarcastically.

Izzie joined Meredith on her other side, rolling her eyes at her friend. "What did Derek want?"

Meredith didn't answer chewing the words in her mouth.

"Oh what did he tell you?" Cristina knew well enough the crushed look on her person's face.

"Apparently, I'm a coldhearted bitch who leaves her child with strangers to pursue her amazing medical career."

"What?" choked Cristina.

"Derek said that?" Izzie gasped indignantly.

"Not in so many words," Meredith drew breath, "but that was the gist."

"He…" started Izzie cautiously.

"Don't say he didn't mean it," protested Meredith, holding up her hand. "He did. .word."

"Stop caring so much what he thinks," frowned Cristina.

"You know, maybe he's right," Meredith didn't pay attention to what their friends were saying. "It's ridiculous, right? Meredith Grey being a mother…"

"And it took him like… two hours to decide on that? 'Cause he's such an expert on parenthood," blustered Cristina.

"It's probably that obvious I'm a horrible mother," went on Meredith. "All it takes is a look."

"That's bullshit, Meredith," disagreed Izzie. "I have been around you and Bessie shorter than Derek and it's as clear as day to me that she couldn't wish for a better mommy. Your love for her, it shows in everything you do."

"Derek said he would recognize Bessie legally," Meredith took no notice of Cristina's and Izzie's arguments, her eyes gazing far ahead in a trance. "And I can't really refuse him that, can I? So, Bessie will be Elizabeth Charisma… Shepherd. I will be Grey but she won't be Grey anymore, she'll be Shepherd. People won't know I'm her mother because I'll be dark and twisty Grey and she'll be chatty Shepherd with perfect hair. And you know what comes next, don't you? Derek will demand joint custody, and of course, he'll get it because I'm a crappy mother. And we'll be arguing over every single thing in Bessie's life. She'll have a shitty childhood, she'll hate us! Or, what if Derek will want the full custody-"

She snapped to reality when Izzie brought a hand to her forehead, "I think you need to lie down, Mer."

"One night of wild sex, then another spent in a hospital chair are taking their toll on you," backed her up Cristina, "Go home tonight , Meredith. We'll watch over McAngel, you go home and rest. Otherwise, you'll drive crazy everyone around you, including yourself."

"Are you mad?" shrieked Meredith. "Derek thinks I don't give a crap about my child and you're sending me home? Seriously? I need to get back to Bess," she stated curtly.

"I think it's time we take matters into our hands," frowned Izzie.

"Damn right it is."

**********************************************************************************

Derek stepped aside to let one of the last passengers of the elevator get off. As he moved back to the centre, he caught a sideways glance at the back. Cristina Yang and Izzie Stevens each occupied a corner like silent sentinels. They were wearing matching scowls and their folded arms indicated they were on the defensive.

"Dr. Yang, Dr. Stevens," spoke Derek heavily. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, Shepherd," snapped Cristina coming to stand beside him. "You can shut the hell up and listen."

"Yeah," nodded Izzie standing on his other side. "You do that!"

"Excuse me?" said Derek sharply. "This is how you address your superior? You can say goodbye to the OR, Yang-"

"You don't scare me," hissed Cristina. "And to answer your question, this is how I address an ass with double standards!"

Before Derek could say anything to that Izzie slapped his arm and scolded, "We told you to shut up and listen! You can use your "I'm-your-boss" line later!"

"You screwed my friend over," Cristina rounded on him. "You and your nurse drove her out of the city, out of the country even. And when she got back, you simply assumed you had a right to mess with her head, just like that! But when _she_ screwed _you_ over, it's unforgivable!"

"I don't feel like discussing my personal issues with residents-"

"Well, you should've thought about it before calling Meredith a bad mother! Izzie, give him that sentimental crap."

"Derek, you missed out on two years of your daughter's life. It sucks, we get it," Izzie reasoned patiently. "But Meredith is anything but a bad mother. She loves Bess more than life itself and deep down, you know that."

"She lives at an eight; her pain any given day, it's an eight," took up Cristina. "So you don't get to fill her head with your nonsense. Next time you pull something like that, I'll play soccer with your balls, or I'll just let Izzie make a mince pie."

Completely baffled, Derek gaped at her glaring face. For his luck, he was spared the doubtful pleasure of maintaining the conversation with two irascible females as the elevator reached its destination and Derek stumbled out passing Richard.

Seeing the Chief entering the limited space and taking the spot previously occupied by Derek Cristina and Izzie feigned expression of blissful innocence and returned to the back.

"So, Dr. Stevens, Dr. Yang," started the Chief. "You had a man-to-man talk with Shepherd?"

They exchanged frowned glances behind his back. "Erm, yes, sir," confirmed Cristina.

"Tried to talk some sense into him?" Richard swung idly on his heels.

"Yes, sir…" said Izzie.

"Told him what a wonderful mother Meredith is?"

Cristina shrugged her shoulders at Izzie, "Of course, Chief."

"Threatened with castration?"

"Might've touched upon it," Izzie's eyes went wide. "The subject, I mean…"

"Good," the door opened once again and the Chief marched out.

Cristina and Izzie faced each other looking smug, bringing together their closed fists.

"Auntie power," grinned Izzie.

Cristina furrowed her brows, "Whatever".

**********************************************************************************

A/N Just to answer some of your concerns, everything is definitely heading for a happy ending (not that I'm ending anytime soon).

Happy Easter!

Em


	27. Chapter 27: Keep My Distance

A/N Hi, thanks everyone for reading and commenting. Enjoy the update!

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"Dr. Yang?"

Cristina looked up from the plate with her lunch to scan the form of a young woman with blond curly hair in pale rosy scrubs.

"Dr. Peppman?" said Cristina deciphering from her pass.

Dr. Daisy Peppman's eyes swept discreetly over Alex, George and Izzie sitting with Cristina and the rest of the cafeteria. She lowered her voice conspiratorially, "So, I'm here for the winnings," she grinned from ear to ear.

"What winnings?" asked Cristina disinterestedly, picking up her fork.

"I'm on behalf of dermatology residents," she explained nodding at a group of identically clothed people standing near the coffee cart. "We bet on two weeks since the Big Bang."

"Then you lost, sorry," shrugged Cristina.

Dr. Peppman's smooth forehead creased suspiciously, "But they made up."

"Who told you that?" inquired Izzie.

Daisy opened her mouth and wiggled her eyebrows taking a sideways glance at a table occupied by three people, three seemingly very happy people. "That says it all."

The four friends followed Dr. Peppman's regard. Derek Shepherd was laughing loudly at something his daughter said. Bessie was stomping on his lap with one hand hooked tightly around his neck, the other playing with his penlight, apparently trying to conduct an eye movement exam. Meredith was sitting across the little table, gaping at them both with adoration.

"Nope," Cristina shook her head. "The bet is still open."

"Because you staked on three weeks?" Daisy folded her arms.

Cristina leaned back in her chair feigning hurt, "I'm her best friend. No one wants them to be fondling each other all over the place again as much as I do-"

"I'm… sorry," Daisy scrunched her nose and scurried away.

"-because then I won't have to listen to Meredith's vagina monologues hours on end."

"It's not that bad," chuckled Izzie.

"It is; Derek this, Derek that…" ranted Cristina.

"What else you'd rather be doing?" smirked Alex "You're off cardio again. You should let your hair down around Hahn."

Cristina knew exactly what she'd be doing instead of lending an ear to Meredith's heartaches. She would be dealing with the attempts at relationship with Owen which was developing at a snail's pace. She wasn't complaining, there was no need to rush into things. They had different problems, though. The closer they got, the more she realized the depth of his issues, of the severity of the post traumatic stress disorder he was suffering from ever since he got back from Iraq. But she didn't intend to back out on him, she wanted to take care of him, heal his wounds.

He would be coming over tonight, just to sleep, lay beside her. For the time being, it was enough. Now, though, she needed to keep an eye on her person. As much as she enjoyed grumbling about Meredith's issues, she didn't really mind looking out for her. She was her family; she appeared in her life long before Owen. And she was in need of support, irrelevant how perfect the McFamily looked. Cristina was probably the only person to know how imperfect it was in reality.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was all smiles. She watched Bessie's antics and Derek's happiness at the contact with his daughter and she couldn't help feeling happy too. In times like this, both she and Derek could forget about anyone and anything, the past and the future. There existed nothing but the present filled with Bessie's giggles.

However, more often than not, Meredith's smile didn't reach her eyes for Derek was acting on his word. Their contacts rarely involved spheres different than taking care of their child or work. Surprisingly, there wasn't even any more verbal abuse from his part. After the initial insinuation that ripped her heart two weeks ago, he kept his mouth shut. Meredith wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. She was partly glad and partly anxious. He either turned indifferent towards her or he was bottling up his anger. In both cases, the prognosis wasn't uplifting.

Today, Meredith was even more fidgety than ever. They were going to take the next step on their bumpy road. After two weeks of convalescence, Bessie was being discharged. They were taking her home. _They_ were taking her home this afternoon, disrupting the fragile rhythm they established during Bessie's hospitalization.

Soon after Bessie's operation, Meredith got back to work. Mainly because she refused to leave hospital and unfortunately Bailey put her foot down on sleepovers in Bessie's room as well as on-call rooms when she wasn't acing as a doctor. Cristina, Izzie and Lexie had to literally drag her to the car and force her into the bed at the house. But this way, she was able to take a couple of days off again to spend at home with her daughter before taking her to Grace again, this time to the daycare.

Derek was moving his surgeries, thus allowing himself to drop them off and that meant he would be at her house again. She would have him at her house and she already knew it would be increasingly frustrating. Having him physically present in the place so wrapped up in their history would be frustrating. Especially so because Derek apparently put behind him the passionate night they spent in the trailer two weeks previously. She experienced much more difficult time forgetting it. He awoke a beast that was asleep since she left the Rain City.

The penlight Bessie was poking at Derek's face fell to the floor with a clatter stirring Meredith up from her stupor. She reprimanded herself sternly as she picked up the fallen object. She felt like a whore. Bessie was playing joyfully beside her and Meredith… really wanted to jump her daddy.

"Light!" demanded Bessie reaching across the table for the pen. "Mommy! Light!"

"Sorry, sweetie, it doesn't work anymore," said Meredith examining the pen.

"Light!" repeated Bessie. Derek put her on the ground and she wriggled out of his grip running to Meredith.

"I want light!" she said stubbornly.

"Daddy's penlight is broken, Cherry-pie," explained patiently Meredith, placing Bessie on her knees. "Besides, you dropped it on the floor, it's all dirty. Mommy can bring you her own penlight from her office after lunch, ok?"

"Ok!" agreed the little girl grabbing Meredith's spoon.

"Ok, what do you say when you politely ask a person to do something?" asked Meredith.

"Hurry!" answered Bessie resolutely.

"Elizabeth Charisma!" scolded Meredith sending a glare at Derek. He was silently watching their banter eating his lunch and he looked as he was about to burst out laughing at Bessie's reply. Apparently, two weeks were enough for certain Derek's qualities to rub off on Bessie, including cockiness. She would have to talk to him about discipline. There was a thin line between teaching a child self-confidence and spoiling them, especially at such a tender age.

Meredith scooped Bessie to turn her to look at her and said seriously, "Look at me, Bessie. No, young lady, look at me. You're being naughty."

Bessie blinked at her with her big blue orbs, another trait that was inherently Derek's and shook her head, "Am good girl."

"You are a good girl." Nodded Meredith. "But you were being naughty.

"Sorry, mommy," said quietly Bessie and cuddled into her chest.

"It's okay, Cherry-pie," Meredith kissed her forehead. "Now, what are the three magical words?"

"Sorry… Please… Thank you," Bessie counted on her fingers.

"Good girl!"

"Ice cream?" Bessie looked at her pleadingly, an angelic smile on her lips. "Mommy, please!"

"Fine," Meredith felt herself giving in. She wanted to give Bessie some treat anyway. She was being discharged which called for a little celebration. "Go and ask Auntie Cris, she's sitting right there with Auntie Izzie, Uncle George and Uncle Alex."

"Ok!" Bessie slid off her knees.

"I'll take her," offered quickly Derek putting down his fork.

"It's okay, finish your lunch. Cristina will be good."

Derek looked a bit disgruntled but didn't argue.

"What do you say to Auntie Cris?"

"Please!"

"Good girl, go!"

She followed Bessie with her eyes as she trotted off two tables away to harass Cristina.

"Derek," she braced herself addressing him. "We can't allow her anything, you know."

"What do you mean?" he frowned chewing slowly his steak.

"You almost laughed at her retort," reminded Meredith. "I know it wasn't anything big but it was arrogant. Two years is too early for arrogance. When she crosses the line, we must show we don't accept it, both of us."

Derek nodded and looked over in the direction where Bessie was jumping eagerly waiting for Cristina to hand over her delicious dessert.

"It's easier said than done. It's so…"

"Hard to be strict with her? Say no to her?" Meredith finished knowingly. "Yeah, I know, she took that over from you."

She sighed as Derek cast his eyes down. Another upsetting symptom of his, unresponsiveness to flirting.

"I have a lot to learn," he sighed.

"That's true but you're doing great," she assured him. "So…" she tried to probe a different subject, "I'm going dress hunting with Jenny on Monday."

Derek registered the information with a nod.

"I'm planning to take Bessie if she feels up to it," she earned another nod.

"Jenny wants her to be a flower girl."

"Bessie'll love it, she'll be the most beautiful flower girl ever," said Derek proudly.

"She will be," admitted Meredith. "How Luke's going with his part of preparations?"

"Good," replied Derek, enthusiasm gone from his voice.

"Has he planned the honeymoon yet?"

"No."

"Has he bought the rings?"

"Yes."

So much for an interesting conversation.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith left her office with a pile of documents in her hands and the promised penlight in her pocket, noticing Susan wander from door to door. She could easily run for it… only what was the point. Running almost ruined her life, and Bessie's. She was on the way to ensure her daughter a life free from family feuds. She remained a bit apprehensive at getting close with Thatcher's new family but she promised herself to act maturely about it.

"Susan?" she called approaching her stepmother. "Do you need help?"

"Meredith," the older woman smiled enthusiastically. "I was just looking for you; I was told I'd find you in your office."

"Yeah, I needed… to take some stuff," explained Meredith shifting the load in her hands, "uhm, because I won't be back for a few days."

"You're taking a leave?" asked Susan curiously.

"I… just a couple of days, yeah."

"Oh, so… maybe you'll have the time to pop in at our place tomorrow?" Susan looked at her hopefully. "Eric, Molly's husband, is back. That calls for a family dinner."

"Oh, uhm…" Meredith tucked stray hair behind her ear nervously.

"I cut you some slack, you know, because Lexie told me you weren't in the best of shapes and you could do without additional pressure," confessed Susan good-naturedly.

So, Lexie probably told her about Bessie. Meredith couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed. Susan was such a mother hen who wouldn't ever conceal a child from their father. There was no judgment in her eyes, though.

"I hear now you're back on your feet," continued Susan. "I can start hovering again," she chuckled lightly and Meredith joined her.

"So, tomorrow evening, our place?" Susan waited expectantly. "You've still got that card with the address?"

"Yeah, I… I do," Meredith kept nodding her head. "What… er… what about Molly? How would we explain her?"

"Don't you worry about her." Susan waved her hand. "She knows already; we told her."

"You did?" Meredith lifted her eyebrows in surprise.

"She overheard some bits and pieces while I was talking with your dad."

"And… what did she say?"

"She wasn't expecting that, of course, but she's not upset," Susan hurried with explanation. "She understands and she wants to meet you, this time as your sister, not a patient."

"She's… really okay with that?"

"Yes," assured Susan. "Up to the point of considering changing her choice of godmother for Laura."

"Wha… what?" stammered out Meredith; the last piece of news was a tad overwhelming.

"I thought I'd give you a heads up," Susan smiled apologetically.

"Wow, it's like… epidemics," blurted out Meredith. "Oh, I didn't mean it bad," she added hastily seeing Susan's bewildered expression. "I've just been asked to be a maid of honor fairly recently."

"You're really popular!" laughed Susan. "Listen, we'll all understand if it's too much for you. But it would be nice if you at least came over tomorrow."

"I… I'll think about it," replied Meredith sincerely. "I'm not promising anything but I'll really think about it."

"Ok."

"If I come…" she said hesitantly. "I won't come alone. Is it okay if I'll take-" It would be awkward to take Derek, he probably wouldn't want to come anyway but there was no way she was doing that without Bessie. She was the main reason for trying, after all.

"Of course!" Susan cut her in. "That's not a problem!"

"Ok, so… I'll just go. We're… taking her home just about now. So… see you… I think. Bye."

Susan frowned at her retreating form in incomprehension.

**********************************************************************************

Derek followed Meredith and Bessie into the house carrying their bags with her clothes and the gifts she received at the hospital. He was a little, no, actually, a lot, preoccupied with coming back to this place. There were just so many memories, good and bad. The last time he set his foot here, he was clinging to the house plans in the hope of starting a family with Meredith. Almost three years later, they were back in the frat house, with a child, but still far from being a family. They always did everything in the wrong order.

Derek put the bags on the floor in the hall and looked around, feeling as though he had walked into a parallel universe. The furnishings were just as he remembered, with the exception of countless plastic locks on drawers and doorknobs, plastic sockets, corner pads and baby gates making him feel like a giant in the kingdom of dwarves. Derek couldn't put his finger if it was childproofing or something else that made Meredith's house… homey, like it was never before.

"Derek?" asked Meredith, coming from the kitchen, Bessie in her arms.

"It's… very clean in here," he commented. Meredith was always kind of a slob and he couldn't pin a thing laying out of place.

"Of course, it's clean," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I have a toddler in the house who likes to put literally everything into her mouth. I spent five hours yesterday polishing off every possible surface."

Derek's eyes scanned his surroundings once more and this time stopped at the, famous or infamous depending on the point of view, coach in the living room. He felt heat rising up his neck. Neither his daughter's presence in the same room nor her toys scattered here and there could block the steamy memories flashing in his mind. He could almost feel Meredith's supple body under his hands, her lavender conditioner mixed with the scent of tequila and their lovemaking, her delicious screams filling his ears.

Damn it, after his initial anger at discovering he had a secret love child subsided, his never-ending attraction to Meredith returned with full force. Apparently, his traitorous body had no dignity. He tried like hell to keep his distance, and what an incredibly strenuous task it was. Especially with Meredith's touch fresh on his body from the night at the trailer, the subject of which became almost a taboo between them.

And there was also something more this time, stronger than lust. It was some caveman primal instinct. He had made her pregnant, she had birthed his wonderful child. She was branded his, forever. If he ever saw another man trying to approach her, he would go for blood from all the jealousy. Still, he didn't know if he could give in to her, if he could be with her after everything. Then again, they had a daughter, so maybe it was worth to try. All Derek knew was that his head was one big mess and he shouldn't rush into anything. He could lose control and say something inappropriate and thus risk the possibility of Meredith's hormonal minions fulfilling their threats.

"Derek?" Meredith's concerned voice brought him down to earth. "Can you take the bags upstairs? Cherry-pie's drowsy. It's time for a nap."

"Sure," said Derek and climbed the stairs behind Meredith, her jean clad backside swaying in front of him. He raised his eyes to the ceiling. It was going to be a whole lot harder than he expected.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith was sleeping like a log. The day proved exhausting both to her nerves and body. All the time, she observed with tension the oddly jittery Derek. Then, she did everything in her power to make a successful dinner while he was sitting beside napping Bessie. Thankfully, the meal wasn't a disaster and Derek appeared genuinely impressed. They talked a little, then Derek assisted for the first time in Bessie's bath and after they tucked her in to bed for the second time that day, he left for the hospital as he had a late surgery.

Going to bed, Meredith thanked God for the leave of absence. She needed rest desperately to face a new day and… Derek. However, not so long afterwards, she opened her eyes incredulously as the shrill ringing of the telephone broke her slumber. She reached for the receiver with a groan squinting at the screen.

"Cristina, it's 11 p.m., it's like a childless person's three in the morning. This better be good…" she grumbled. However, she didn't hear Cristina's voice, it was Callie's. "What? He _what_?"

Meredith couldn't believe in what she just heard, it was absurd, unimaginable. She quickly switched on the lamp on her nightstand and got out of bed. She had to get to Cristina's, her friend needed her badly; she couldn't leave Bessie though. If there was an emergency of any kind, she would ask Cristina. Tonight, Cristina was the emergency. Without much thinking, she dialed Derek's number.

"_Meredith?"_ sounded his tired voice.

"Derek, are you still in the city?" she asked hoping he didn't yet set off to the trailer.

"_Yeah, I'm just about to leave the hospital. Has something happened?"_

"No, I mean it has," breathed out Meredith. "Can you come over?"

"_Now?"_

"Yes, now."

"_Y__eah, sure, just tell me what's wrong,"_ he insisted with concern. _"Is it something with Bessie? Is she sick?"_

"No, don't worry," she calmed him down. "She's sleeping, she's good. I just need your help, I'll explain when you're here."

She quickly got dressed and waited for him at the door to quietly let him in.

"What's going on?" he demanded with a frown.

"I… I need you to stay with Bessie, please."

"What?" he breathed, incredulity painting on his face, noticing the jacket she was wearing. "Are you going out?"

"I need to go to Cristina's," Meredith explained quickly. "There's kind of situation."

"What kind of situation?" Derek put his hands on his hips.

"A situation involving screaming Callie, strangled Cristina, Owen and PTSD episodes," she recited taking her car keys. "I really don't have time now-"

"Wait! Wait!" Derek put his hands up in confusion. "You're serious. You're leaving Bessie with me?"

Meredith nodded.

"I…" he ran his fingers through his hair. "You never have!"

"Derek," she looked straight into his eyes. "You'll be fine! I wouldn't be doing that if I didn't know you were ready."

"Do you… Is it necessary?" Derek was panicking at the thought of being the only adult around responsible for his daughter.

"It's an emergency, Derek," sighed Meredith. "Now, listen carefully. Don't leave any gates unlocked, okay? Especially not the ones blocking the stairs."

Derek nodded attentively.

"Don't turn off the light in the hall upstairs," continued Meredith. "If Bessie wanders off her bed, she won't crash into something in the dark."

"Wanders off? Where would she wander off?" asked Derek, his anxiety rising.

"To my bedroom, for example," she shifted uncomfortably. "Which is why you should go there."

"Where? Your bedroom?" _She's got to be kidding me._

"Yes, we're into the potty training, Derek. Bessie might come to ask me to take her to the bathroom."

"And what if she comes?"

"Then you'll take her to the bathroom," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But don't worry, you can go to sleep. You don't have to stay up. Er, you can change the sheets if you want to, there's a fresh set in the drawer."

_No, she's not kidding me, she's killing me!_

"How am I supposed to sleep knowing she might be walking around the house?"

"That's what the gates are for," reminded Meredith patiently.

"Don't worry Derek. You'll be good, both of you. I trust you." With that she ran out of the house and jumped into her car.

Derek marched heavily upstairs. He was afraid, he was afraid of staying alone with a two-year-old. He often took care of his nieces and nephews back in New York but never on such a scale. It was incomparably more demanding and nerve-wracking. He double checked the baby gates on his way and peered into Bessie's room, which previously was inhabited by Izzie. She was sleeping peacefully in her toddler bed. Hopefully, she'd continue to do that throughout the night. He loved his tiny girl with all his heart but sometimes he felt woefully inadequate.

Derek took a deep breath and proceeded to Meredith's bedroom. The room was virtually unchanged but for the baby monitor on the nightstand. He halted insecurely in the middle, in two minds about what to do. He stared at Meredith's bed. Judging by the state of the sheets, she had been sleeping in there minutes ago. If he passed a hand over the soft material, he'd maybe still be able to feel her warmth lingering on the covers that hugged her body.

Even without her in it, her bed was so inviting, tempting . He stripped to his boxers and slid under the comforter. Changing the sheets? It wouldn't ever crossed his mind. Being wrapped up in her bed linen gave a semblance of intimate proximity to her. He lay on his stomach inhaling the overwhelming scent of her. He wished he could stay there forever, preferably with Meredith at his side.

**********************************************************************************

Derek had trouble falling asleep between the porny thoughts that increased tenfold as he rested in her bed and the fear that Bessie might come in the middle of the night demanding his inexperienced assistance. Finally, he drifted off into a light jumpy kind of sleep that the smallest noise could easily brush off.

As the door clicked, his eyes instantly popped open and he reached to turn on the light.

"Oh, I thought you were asleep," whispered Meredith.

"I was… I dozed off, I think."

"You survived I see," she giggled slightly.

"Yeah, wasn't that difficult given the fact that she stayed in bed," answered Derek, stifling a yawn. "You?" he asked scrutinizing her face that screamed exhaustion.

"I did, too," she breathed out unceremoniously throwing herself over the covers. "But it was… horrible."

"What happened?" frowned Derek.

Meredith rolled to her side to face him. She didn't feel as she was betraying Cristina's trust talking with Derek. She really needed to let it out and her person seemed to be in denial. Besides, Cristina started a betting pool on her and Derek so she was in no position to raise any objections.

"I got to Cristina's place and…" she rubbed her forehead. "Callie was worried sick, Owen crying on the floor."

"Owen? Like in Hunt?"

"They're kind of together," explained Meredith. "Anyway, Cristina locked herself up in the bathroom but she let me in. There were… red… awful red marks around her neck. He… he almost strangled her! They were sleeping… and he almost strangled her!"

"You said he was suffering from PTSD?" said Derek remembering her earlier words. He propped himself up on one elbow letting the comforter slide down exposing a part of his chest.

"Yeah," groaned Meredith. "Ever since he got back from Iraq. And… it's not the first time. He hurt her before, she only told me tonight."

"Is she okay?"

"She says she is. You know her, she always puts a brave face," complained Meredith with annoyance. "She… genuinely cares about him. She let him in and she hugged him. She hugged him! I was afraid to leave her with him. Fortunately, he decided to get back to his place."

"I'm really worried about her," she admitted. "That Burke thing hit her really hard and now Owen… he's a good guy but… You know, I've been thinking maybe I could help…"

"You mean MRI? He should definitely start with that; PTSD can be healed," agreed Derek.

"It may be hard to persuade him to do this," sighed Meredith. "He's such a GI Joe sometimes."

At that point Meredith realized she and Derek were talking, they were communicating. Her eyes sank lower to discover he was shirtless, in her bed…

He followed the movement of her eyes and gathered all the willpower he possessed. His heart and body were telling him to stay here, with her but his mind knew better.

He cleared his throat and breathed out, "I… I should go."

"Oh, okay. Uhm, thank you, thank you for coming," she stammered watching him get up, the only piece of clothing being his boxers. He picked up his clothes from the floor and started to get dressed.

"Derek?" She sat up. "You could… stay for the night."

"I don't think I should," he replied, his face expressionless.

"I… in Alex's old room," said Meredith hurriedly. "It's… it's free and it's clean. You're obviously tired, I kept you up all night and not in a good way-"

"Meredith-" he tried to cut in, shaking his head.

"You're tired and you shouldn't really drive to the trailer this late. What would I tell Bessie if you crashed somewhere and died?" she sighed, twirling her fingers. "Besides, you have work tomorrow, well, today already."

"Okay," sighed Derek giving in.

"Okay," smiled Meredith with relief. "I'll get you clean covers."

Still partly undressed, Derek left for the room previously occupied by George and Alex while Meredith hopped to the wardrobe to pull out the linen. Her vision was glued to one of the drawers. She wondered… would it be too bold of her or… too pathetic? Or would it show, in fact, that she could never move on from him?

She pulled out the content of the drawer and took it along with the bed clothes to Alex's room where Derek was waiting leaning against the window, his shirt unbuttoned.

"So.. here you are," said Meredith unfolding the sheets.

"Thanks," he nodded, starting to do the bed.

Meredith had to fight the urge to stand and ogle with mesmerized eyes his flexing muscles.

"And… I…" she stuttered disconcertedly holding out a little pile of clothes in her hand, a grey t-shirt and a pair of striped pajama bottoms. "I thought… you might be more comfortable in these. They… they've been stacked in my dresser all the time, probably since before the whole sex and mockery thing. They're clean… they're… I washed them just couldn't throw them away and… I guessed it was too late to give it back to you."

She felt her face heat up as she put his pajamas on the bed. He was standing still with a comforter in his hands, his face inscrutable.

"Uhm, so… I'll leave a towel for you in the bathroom in case you'd like to have a shower," Meredith slowly backed out of the room. "Thank you again… for staying with Bessie. Uhm, goodnight, Derek."

She hurried to her own bedroom not even waiting for his response, afraid that she might have pushed him too hard. However, when she woke up hours later with Derek already gone, she found the clothes folded neatly on the bed. He didn't take them. Yet, as she picked them up, she knew he wore them. His masculine scent that had washed out was back on the material.

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A/N Don't know why this chapter turned out so long! I hope you're not bored even if it was mainly filled with MerDer smelling each other ;)) Derek was more tame than in the last few updates but I'm afraid we didn't see the last of his pissy alter ego. Reviews highly appreciated,

Em


	28. Chapter 28: Try Harder

A/N Hi everyone! Let me start with big apologies for my two weeks' disappearance. Unfortunately, I can't promise the next couple of updates being posted regularly. The semester is slowly coming to an end and I'm snowed under with work. So, I'm asking you for a bit of indulgence and patience. I'll try to post the next chapter next weekend but I again I can't promise. I'm going to visit my friends out of town before the exam session so I'm not sure I'll have the time to write down the update as I only have it in drafts.

But let's get on with the story. This update is taking place the following day after the last chapter. Good news is that it's even longer than the last time.

The beautiful lyrics of the song belong to Tegan and Sara.

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Since he woke up that day, Derek was haunted with a feeling that everything was somehow out of place. To begin with, for the first time in years he slept at Meredith's house. Strangely enough, he didn't spend the night _with_ her. Sure, he used to sneak out of her room to avoid snoring but never with the purpose of not being with her. Untangling himself from her tempting body had been the gruesome extreme but yesterday, he deliberately averted intimacy with her and man, it was hard, literally.

She brought him his clothes; clothes she didn't dispose of all these years. She didn't chuck them away when the things between them turned sour, before her flight from Seattle. She didn't throw them to the bin when she cleaned the house after her return. She washed them and put them back into her dresser like some clingy ex-girlfriend Meredith never was. Or like she had expected him to come and use them one day.

At the moment, he was at the hospital; his place of work for years now, place at which he spent years without Meredith and Bessie around, and that place seemed oddly empty without them today. It would be great with Meredith back at work and Bessie at the daycare.

Then, there was his fellow surgeon, Owen Hunt, standing at his side on the rooftop waiting for a helicopter to land. Major Owen Hunt, a solid just man who almost strangled his girlfriend in his sleep. It must have been bad judging by the fact that Yang seemed to lose her usual sass and was wearing a turtleneck sweater under her scrubs.

Derek hunched resisting the gusts if air caused by the rotating propellers of the helicopter. He prepared himself to run up to the patient and glanced at Owen. He was standing up straight, staring fixedly ahead.

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Derek found Hunt sitting dejectedly on a bench near the ambulance drive. He walked up to him cautiously searching for appropriate words to initiate the conversation, he could lend him a helping hand. Owen was now a member of their team, even if they sometimes disagreed over the courses of treatment for their patients. Furthermore, the whole situation with Yang left Meredith deeply unsettled.

"You know, they're doing tests," said Derek sitting beside the red haired man, "that show altered brain anatomy in patients with PTSD. They're actually getting close to understanding the physiological side of psychological trauma. It's amazing what you can see with an MRI."

Owen sighed and asked, "What did Meredith tell you about last night? What did she say?"

"Post traumatic stress is a real injury, Owen," continued Derek. "It can be healed. There are resources – vet centres, therapy… You shouldn't try and handle this on your own."

"I came back in one piece," replied Owen staring at his hands. "I have both arms, both legs. Lots of guys came back with real injuries. If the worst I have is a couple of nightmares or… or freezing for a moment-"

"Is that what happened last night?" pressed Derek. "You had a freezing moment? If you want, I can help."

"Oh, yeah?" shot Owen sarcastically, standing up. "I'm not the one who needs help around here. I'm not the one who half this hospital is talking about behind their back. So maybe you should spend a little less time worrying about me."

Derek leaned back on the bench letting out a heavy breath. Owen's remark lit a spark of irritation deep inside him. He thought with sarcasm that it wasn't half the hospital talking about him behind his back, it was the whole hospital. That was why he didn't press Owen or answer him back. Actually, he was being reserved with his reactions to everyone, especially Meredith.

The complexity of feelings he held for her surpassed human cognition. Most of the time, he wanted her, he desired her. Yet, there were moments, little things, that triggered anger he found difficult to control. He didn't want those bad feelings but they seemed to be beyond his willpower. He did manage, though, to be at his best behavior, if not for their sanity, then for Bessie's sake.

Derek quickly noticed that she detected Meredith's moods without mistake. She even started to pick up his. He certainly would never forget the afternoon when he came to Bessie's room, having scrubbed out of an unsuccessful surgery minutes earlier. His baby daughter noticed that the tone of his voice was more subdued or that his smile wasn't as wide as usual. She climbed into his lap to plant a little kiss on his cheek, hugged him and murmured "Daddy, no be sad!" A part of him belonged to the happiest man alive, while the second one became even more sadder. He was grateful to Meredith for giving him their child and furious for taking two precious years of her life away.

How he craved to wake up one day without the bitter thoughts racing in his mind and hoped for his life to get simpler. For a few hours it was going to be, he thought somberly glancing at his beeping pager. There were only two options in the OR, life or death.

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Meredith spent what could be called a typical ordinary housewifey day. She woke up, pulled away the blinds, prepared a healthy breakfast for her daughter, fed the said daughter, cleaned the kitchen, took her angel for a short walk in the garden and read an article in a neurology journal during the nap time.

As the hours went by, though, she was getting more and more desperate. Derek had left in the early morning without as much as a note. Would he call her or should she? Would he come over to tuck Bessie in to sleep and read her a story?

Then there was Cristina, whom Meredith did call multiple times but who didn't call back. Meredith wouldn't get rid of the image apparently imprinted in her mind. She imagined a pair of large hands closing around her person's neck, leaving awful welts.

"Damn, Cristina!" groaned Meredith under her breath, shutting her cell phone. She wasn't answering, probably trying to avoid the subject of the previous night's events coming up. The problem was that it wasn't the only topic Meredith needed to discuss. Susan's invitation weighed heavily on her mind. She could ignore it. But why did it feel so… immature? Screw it! She took her resolve looking at clock, she had two hours.

She moved towards the table where Bessie was scribbling with her hands red, green and blue from the wax crayons. Meredith passed a hand affectionately through her curly locks and sat beside her. It was going to be a grand day for her Cherry-pie as well. She prayed with all her might that she wasn't making a mistake letting Thatcher and his family into Bessie's life.

"Hmm," Meredith grinned at her little angel, her messy hands and cheeks. "I think someone needs a bath."

"Mhh-mhh" Bessie shook her head sending her shiny curls flying. "Me drawing, Mommy!"

"You can finish your picture later, sweetie," said Meredith, putting the crayons into a box. "We're going out."

"Mommy, now please!" squeaked Bessie clinging to the piece of paper she was colouring, scrunching her face. "Must finish now so Daddy come!"

"Oh sweetie, it's for Daddy?" asked Meredith, shifting her eyes from the picture to Bessie's round eyes. "You want to see Daddy?"

Bessie nodded vigorously. "So must finish picture," she said with a small voice.

"Bessie" sighed Meredith. "Daddy will come anyway. Daddy loves you."

"He loves?" she inquired insecurely.

Meredith kneeled beside her chair and pulled her into a tight hug.

"He loves you very very much," she murmured nuzzling her nose in her hair. "You're his world."

"Daddy will comes?"

"Of course Daddy will come," she assured her. _Even if dragging his ass over here will be the last thing I do,_ she added in her thoughts.

"But first," she breathed out. "We're going to see grandpa."

"Grandpa!" cried Bessie, fidgeting eagerly. "Grandpa James!"

"Not Grandpa James," Meredith shook her head.

"Not?" Bessie frowned in incomprehension.

"Grandpa James is overseas," she explained. "We're going to see your other grandpa. Your… " Meredith cut off before the words _real grandpa_ rolled off her tongue. Her family connections were too complicated even for her to grasp, and what about a two-year-old. "Your grandpa Thatcher. He's my Daddy and Auntie Lexie's Daddy."

Bessie bit her lip slightly, thinking deeply. Meredith laughed at her concentrated expression and lifted her into her arms, "Bath time."

"Picture!" Bessie tried to wriggle out from her mother's embrace.

"Yes, picture. We'll take it to Grandpa's, ok?"

She marched upstairs making a mental note to call Derek.

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Derek donned his lab coat and checked his blackberry to see that Meredith had tried to call him during his surgery. He pushed the button and proceeded to listen to her voice message.

"_Hi, how are you today? We… uhm… Bessie and me are good. She's bursting with energy, running or playing or drawing all the time and not very willing to take naps__,"_ she giggled softly. _"Yeah, she's making up for all the time she was bound to the hospital bed. Anyway, I'm calling… I'm calling to tell you that we're going out. We're…. having dinner with,"_ deep breath, _"with Thatcher and Susan… and Lexie… and Molly and Eric… yeah…"_ she trailed off and Derek was able to discern a muffled _oh my God_, clearly she was freaking out. Although, seconds later she was back, she cleared her throat and said, _"Yeah, so, the dinner's at six, so we're walking out of the house right now. Don't know when we'll be back… probably we won't be staying long… so… you can come later… to tuck her to bed. Er.. you should… you really should come… Bessie wants to see you, she misses you… so,"_ Meredith's voice took a bossy note, "_just come over. See you later… Uhmm… it was Meredith, by the way. Though, you probably figured that out by now. So… I'm just gonna disconnect_."

Derek frowned slipping his cell to the pocket of his coat, directing himself towards the elevators. Meredith hadn't said a word that she kept in touch with Thatcher and Susan. Well, it wasn't exactly like he asked her. He admitted guiltily that thanks to him, their communication was limited to an absolute minimum.

"Why the frown, my friend?" asked cheerfully Mark, joining his side. "Trouble in paradise?"

"I don't even know what that means," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Your cute kid is finally out of hospital, you've got a beautiful woman at your beck and call."

Mark's grin faded as studied Derek frustrated face. "Derek? Talk to me, man."

"I spent lat night at Meredith's," sighed Derek heavily as they strode the corridor.

"Damn," spat Mark. "50 bucks… I mean… uhm.. that's great, man… er… about time, I'd say…" he finished lamely.

"Right," snarled Derek. "What's your bet? Or you know what? I don't want to hear it."

"Uhm, sorry," said Mark showing enough decency as to put up a guilty face. "You might feel better to know that I lost spectacularly. It took you two times quicker to score a sleepover than I thought."

"Exactly, this was just a sleepover," grunted Derek.

"No horizontal salsa?" Mark brought his eyebrows together in surprise.

"No salsa, no mambo, no anything," answered Derek dryly. "You can stop worrying about the state of your wallet."

"Are you guys back together or not?" asked Mark straightforwardly.

Derek chose to remain silent and pushed the elevator button repeatedly.

"Come on, spill," insisted Mark. "You have no idea how this situation's stressing me out."

"This situation's stressing _you_ out?" repeated Derek sarcastically facing Mark with his hands on his hips. "That's a good one."

"Seriously," argued Mark. "Watching you moping around the hospital is plain depressing. Besides," he eyed his best friend warily, "I hate lying to your mom."

"What?!"

"She called me a couple of days ago," admitted Mark, shuffling his feet. "She complained you'd been avoiding her calls, brushing her off…"

"What did you tell her?" demanded nervously Derek.

"Nothing," shrugged Mark. "Apparently, you haven't either."

"That doesn't look good," Derek raked his hair. "Just don't tell her anything. Can you imagine what would happen if someone from the family got the wind of Bessie?"

"Oh, yeah," chuckled Mark. "I can already see the string of sisters, their husbands, their kids, all your aunties and uncles Shepherd with your mom on the lead to see little Derbear's first baby."

"I hate you!"

"You love me," quipped Mark.

"You see for yourself I can't let them walk into this mess."

"That just about answers my previous question."

"You make it sound so simple," Derek shook his head. "As if I could say _forgive you_ and all would be bright and shiny."

"Maybe it would be a good start," advised cautiously Mark.

"Meredith left me with Bessie last night," explained Derek tiredly, turning towards the elevator doors as they heard the signal, "alone, for several hours while she went to Yang. I was scared out of my wits."

Mark looked at him questioningly.

"I love my daughter," he stated simply. "I love my daughter and there's nothing that would pull me away from her. But I feel like I'm walking around blind. I want to be there for her but I don't know how."

"Isn't Meredith helping you?"

"She is, she says I'm doing great," Derek sounded somehow annoyed, "but it's just so easy for her to say that. She's been in it since the beginning. Whereas one day, I learn that I have a child and I find myself in the middle of it all, deciding on what she can play with without the risk of her choking to death, making sure that her exploring won't lead to any accidents, disciplining her, marking mywords so she doesn't repeat any idiotic things I might say, potty training… I'm… I'm not ready," he ranted with frustration.

"So," smirked Mark as the door of the elevator opened and they stepped into the crowded tiny space, "you can't be with the woman you love because you're not ready for the potty training?"

Derek ignored the muffled giggles that sounded behind their backs and scowled at his friend.

"I can't be with Meredith because she didn't give me time any normal parent had to prepare themselves," whispered Derek so that only Mark could hear him.

"And now you're what? Punishing her?"

"Not punishing her," disagreed Derek under his breath, "figuring out how to be a father."

Mercifully, the elevator reached their level and they spilled outside along with other occupants.

"Meredith is complicated. Being with her is complicated. I can't be doing both things at once or someone gets hurt in the process. And that someone is Bessie."

"So what exactly are you going to do?" frowned Mark. "Stay away from her?"

"I don't think that's really possible," sighed Derek. "Besides, I don't want to. God, I was a step from tearing her clothes off yesterday… But I'll be taking it slow. One step at a time. No sudden moves."

"Hate to break it to you," began Mark skeptically, "but that was your original plan of action. And it flew out of the window first chance you got her on your own."

"Thanks for support," said Derek feigning hurt while walking past the nurses' station. "It means a world to me."

"You're done for today?" asked Mark. "Going to Joe's would do you good."

"Can't," replied Derek, reaching for his phone as if waiting for Meredith to call. "Sorry."

"That's fine. I get it. Your family's waiting for you."

"Actually, Meredith's having dinner with her father and stepmother but I want to be at her place when she gets back. She might need someone to freak out to."

Mark watched with amusement as Derek marched to his office. _That is why I don't do relationships. All the drama…_

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Meredith's car slowly rolled down the street surrounded by two rows of neatly maintained houses. Finally, she spotted the number she was looking for and with a wildly beating heart pulled up between two other cars. Apparently, everybody else was already in. She'd be the last to arrive, gawked at from every angle. And she wasn't even late!

She freed Bessie from her seat, grabbed her bag with and walked up to the house. She could do this, she could.

She pressed the buzzer and seconds later, the door opened to reveal a pleasantly surprised Susan.

"Meredith, you made it! Come on in, I'll-" she hang off when she pushed the door completely open and noticed Bessie perched in Meredith's arms.

"Oh, and that's…?" she asked smiling widely at the girl.

"That's Bessie," said Meredith stating the obvious.

"Oh, er…" Susan let her guests into the hall.

"Hello, Meredith," greeted her Thatcher, standing in the doorway to the kitchen and nervously twirling a dish towel in his hands. He looked curiously at the little girl carried by his daughter.

"And… Bessie is?" prompted Susan with a gentle smile.

Meredith froze in her tracks. Could it be that Lexie kept mum? Had she known her half-sister was that discreet, she would have never come here… Awkward.

"Erm, Lexie hasn't told you?" she glanced anxiously at Thatcher and Susan, gauging their reactions.

"Apparently… she hasn't," replied slowly the older woman.

"Oh, well… Bessie's my daughter." For the first time, her voice was strong and confident, as she introduced her daughter and shifted her proudly in her arms.

"Oh," exclaimed Susan. "She's… she's adorable! Thatcher?" she gave his husband a quick worried look and Meredith followed suit.

The man seemed absolutely flabbergasted but a soft smile played on his lips as he gazed at his daughter and apparently, granddaughter, his first granddaughter.

"Yes… she's adorable… she's," he stammered emotionally. "She's beautiful."

"I thought that you knew, that Lexie told you," explained Meredith. "I… I told you that I won't come alone and you said-"

"I thought you meant-" stated uncomfortably Susan and Meredith finally understood.

"Who? Derek?"

"Well, yes."

"Derek and I… he's… I'm his least favourite person right now," Meredith's face muscles stretched into an uneasy smile that turned out more like a grimace.

"So… this is Bessie…" said Thatcher coming closer with an insecure gait.

Meredith carefully scrutinized his face. Her father was smiling, his eyes were lit with a warm twinkle.

"Yes," she breathed out. "It's Bessie… your granddaughter."

"She isn't shy at all," remarked Susan watching the little girl greet her husband. "Molly and Lexie always ran away from strangers, hid their faces and pretended they weren't there."

"Bessie took after Meredith," chuckled Thatcher looking straight into his daughter's eyes. "You always… stared down everyone around… and then started babbling confidently."

"Who you?" Bessie shifted her attention on Susan.

"I'm…"she looked questioningly at Meredith.

"I was hoping you wouldn't mind being called grandma a few months earlier," said quietly Meredith. "It's that… I don't want to further confuse her. The thing is, she already has a fake grandma and grandpa-"

"It's okay, Meredith, wonderful," Susan gave her a radiant smile. "I'll be truly happy to be Bessie's grandma."

Meredith mirrored her grin for a moment the four of them stood in silence punctuated by Bessie's gabble until Thatcher ushered them into the dining room.

"I'll take your bag, Meredith. Let's sit down to dinner before it gets cold."

"Yes, I think we should start without Lexie," agreed Susan.

"Lexie isn't coming?" Meredith cringed slightly at the thought. The last two weeks brought about a real progress in their relations. Plus, she'd be a friendly and understanding face here.

"She's got pulled up at the hospital," explained Susan. "Her patient had some post op complications, I don't really know the details."

"Life as an intern," sighed Meredith entering the dining room.

"Meredith!" exclaimed enthusiastically Molly form the chair she was sitting on, next to a bulky blond man that was supposedly her husband. "Or should I say Dr. Meredith?" she joked bracing her hands on the armrests.

"Definitely Meredith," she grinned. "Oh, don't get up for me."

"Is this your daughter?" asked Molly out of breath. "I didn't know you had a daughter!"

"E-L-I-Z-A-B-E-T-H," said Bessie resolutely, her hand out towards Molly.

"Oh my God, she can spell her name! Is she like a genius?"

"She's a show-off," chuckled Meredith and glanced at her sister's swollen belly

"How is _your_ daughter doing?"

"Great! Thanks to you of course. Oh!" she cried out. "Meredith, I want you to meet my husband, Eric. He's just got back from Iraq five days ago," she laughed merrily. "Eric, this is Meredith, the woman who saved our baby and my wonderful sister."

"It's a great pleasure to finally meet you, Meredith," said Eric kindly, shaking her hand with a proper soldier grip. "There are no words to say how grateful I am for everything you did for us."

"Eric," scolded him Molly. "She's going to need these fingers to save other people."

The dinner was passing peacefully filled with small talk and Molly's incessant questions.

"How old is Bessie? She's such a sweet kid. Now, I really can't wait to hold mine in my arms. How long was the labour? Where's Bessie's dad? He couldn't come?"

To Molly, the question seemed completely innocent. She lived in a happy family bubble, clouding the fact that Meredith showed on their doorstep alone with a child and hadn't mentioned the father even once. Seemingly, the rest of the table did notice. Awkward.

Meredith slowly chewed her food. "He's… working."

"What does he do?"

"He's a doctor."

"Oh my God! He's a doctor? Is he a surgeon too? Are you working together?" Molly fired a series of questions. Evidently, verbal disorders ran in the family. "You met and fell in love at work, didn't you? How romantic!"

"And now Lexie works with you and you're her boss! How funny is that? Do you tell her to fetch you coffee or bring your cleaning from the laundry?"

"About Lexie, I intended to make her godmother but now you're here, and you've already done so much for Laura, Lexie quite agrees-"

"Molly, look… I'm really touched that you'd like me to be the godmother to your little girl, I am," assured Meredith, "but I really think you should stick to your initial decision."

"You're prefect for-"

"I'm not. Perfect," she shook her head. "I'm so not prefect. I barely made it with my own child."

"You can't be serious, I haven't seen a cuter child than Bessie!"

"Molly, I'm honoured you asked me but I can't accept," said Meredith categorically. "It's nothing against you. I'm not exactly a role model. I've been keeping Bessie's existence from her father for two years."

A very pregnant silence followed her statement and Meredith craved nothing else than to scoop Bessie and make a bolt for the exit. However, one sideways glance at her daughter was enough to keep her in her place. She was having a perfect time with Thatcher sitting at her other side. The father Meredith barely remembered being around proved attentive, caring and funny and was currently helping her draw the picture for Derek. Despite the tension of the moment, she nearly chuckled as her eyes passed over a small figure with black hair resembling a lion's mane. Suddenly, they heard the door open and seconds later Lexie came into view.

"Hey, guys! So sorry I couldn't make it earlier! Meredith, you came! And my favourite niece too!"

"Your only niece for the time being," reminded Molly with sparkling eyes. "The competition's on the way."

"Well, then, I guess I'll have two favourite nieces."

"Hi, Auntie Lexie!" giggled Bessie when Lexie leaned to kiss her cheek.

"Hi, girl, what are you drawing? Is that you in the middle?"

"Mhm," Bessie nodded her head and moved her finger over the paper. "That's Mommy."

"And that? Is that me?" asked Lexie, grinning widely.

"No! Silly Auntie!" laughed sweetly Bessie. "Daddy!"

"Hmm, I think I'm relieved! Why is Derek wearing an afro?"

"You know honey," Susan addressed her older daughter. "Let's sit down before the plate we saved for you gets stone cold. We'll wait with the dessert for you and in the meantime, I'll show Meredith our garden. Leave her to drawing, Thatcher will keep an eye on her," she added seeing her stepdaughter looking uncertainly at Bessie.

Meredith followed Susan into the backyard, the autumn greenery soothing her senses. The space proved rather small but it was meticulously planned. A line of medium-sized fir trees ran along the fence blocking the garden from the neighbours' eyes. There was a round flowerbed, currently covered with cellophane, and even a miniature pond.

"Don't think that we're so antisocial," chuckled Susan pointing at the green wall around their property. "Just your dad likes peace and quiet when he writes his articles."

"Susan, no offence, but I really don't-" started Meredith.

"I didn't drag you out here to make you talk," the older woman cut her off. "I only thought you'd do with a breather."

"I… thank you, I'm fine."

"You're clearly not fine," Susan disagreed gently. "But that's okay. That's to be expected. I can't even imagine how stressful it must be for you. Meeting us, doing all the explaining, awkward questions. I hope you're not regretting coming here."

"Bessie's fake grandma I told you about, she's in London. She asked me to move forward past my inhibitions."

"I'm glad you acted on her advice."

"Are you?" breathed out Meredith as they slowly strolled around the lawn. "As I said I'm not really a role model."

"I have to disagree," stated firmly Susan. "You're underestimating yourself as a mother. And about what happened between you and Derek, I'm not going to judge. I don't know anything about it and even if I did, I wouldn't judge."

"We weren't really together," whispered Meredith. She couldn't fight the urge to get it off her chest. Stacy was right, it was good to have someone "stable" to talk to. "We always had a difficult relationship. We were in a particularly bad place when I found I was pregnant. That was just too much… and I ran for it…"

"Without a word to Derek."

"Even without a goodbye. Because if there's one thing I'm really god at, it's running. That's what I do."

"Not anymore, you don't," contradicted her Susan. "You came here. You told Derek."

"I did," sighed Meredith. "And now he's hurt and bitter, and mad at me."

"It must be incredibly hard for him," acknowledged Susan. "It has been for Thatcher, to be away from you, not to watch you grow. Never doubt it."

"Then, why…" Meredith's eyes became glossy. "Why didn't he ever come, call or write at least?"

"You will have to ask him. I can't make amends for him. But I want to speak for myself, for my mistakes. We were adults, I was adult, I should have known better. We were newlyweds, then we had our girls, I never encouraged him to find you. I'm so sorry for it," she put an arm around Meredith's shoulder and rubbed it softly. "I'm so happy you're giving him a second chance."

"I guess it would be hypocritical of me, to beg Derek for another chance while refusing it to Thatcher."

"Are things so bad with Derek?" frowned Susan. "From what I remember from our brief encounter, he couldn't get enough of you."

"It's not easy," shrugged Meredith. "I'm trying to there for him but he… pulls away."

"You just need to be patient or…"

"Or?"

"Try harder."

The still silence of the garden was broken by the sound of the opening door and they saw Thatcher and Bessie peeking outside. "Mommy! Granny Susan! Dessert!"

"Yeah, sure!" Susan yelled back with a smirk. "Thatcher, we all know you set her up to beg so that you can get your hands on that apple pie!"

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It was another hour later when Meredith pulled up in her driveway, with the trunk full of homemade food Susan forced her to take and Bessie dozing off in the backseat, to find Derek waiting for them on the porch swing. He quickly got to his feet and approached the vehicle with a worried look before she even got out.

"Hi," she greeted him out of breath. "Have you been waiting long?"

"Just a few minutes," he shrugged off. "I got your message, how did it go?"

"Uhm, good. Can you take Bessie? I think she's out cold."

"Good?" he asked taken aback, watching her open the trunk and pull countless packages giving off a delicious aroma.

When he precariously took Bessie into his arms, she cuddled into his chest and wove her hands around his neck. "Daddy!" she murmured sleepily.

"She's waited the whole day to see you," smiled Meredith and proceeded into the house.

"So have I," he breathed out, his heart feeling warmer at the way his little girl clung to him.

"Are you… okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be" she asked carrying bags into the kitchen.

"You had a dinner. With your father," said slowly Derek.

"Yeah, I know," she smirked giving him a brief look. "Did you expect a call from social services to collect Bessie while I was being detained in jail for a murder?"

"Something along those lines," he chuckled. "Seriously, how did it go?"

"It was… weird, awkward but eventually… good," acquiesced Meredith. "They all loved Bessie. especially Thatcher. The two of them hit it off immediately. Oh, and she earned the reputation of a genius."

"You'll be doing it again?"

"I think so," she answered simply. "Are you hungry? You look knackered. I could heat up some of Susan's cooking."

"Dinner sounds good," he sighed gratefully. Truth to be told, he hurried out of the hospital, thinking about nothing else than Meredith's psychical well-being. "Should I… take her to bed?" he asked reluctantly. He didn't want to part with Bessie just yet.

"You know what, sit with her until you finish your meal. She needs her daddy-time. I wasn't joking when I said she'd waited the whole day for you. Look," Meredith pulled the picture from her bag, "she drew it for you."

Meredith set to prepare him a plate of Susan's most delicious food and a mug of steaming tea. He must have been cold to the bone after all that waiting in front of the house to make sure she was okay. She would try harder for him. She would be warm and… wifey. She would be everything he ever wanted.

"That's us?" he asked studying Bessie's work, taking in three little smiling people holding hands.

"Yes," said Meredith and pointed at the last one, biting her cheek. "I think that might be a subtle hint for you to change your hairstyle."

"Very funny," he said dryly but the corners of his lips twitched. "Thank you, angel. It's beautiful," he whispered to his daughter's sleeping form.

Meredith put the food on the table before Derek and sat across him.

"Have you seen Cristina today?" she asked clutching tightly her own mug.

"Yeah, she looked a bit off."

Meredith sighed, "She's dodging my calls, I don't know what's going on with her. Or if Owen isn't going to hurt her again."

"I think they broke up," confessed Derek.

"Oh," that was all Meredith was able to say.

"Owen's seeking help," continued Derek. "He was reluctant but he finally agreed on a MRI. And he's going to see a shrink."

"That's good," Meredith breathed out in relief. "Thank you for doing this," she smiled slightly and got up.

"You know, I've been thinking," she dived her hand into the cupboard and turned to put a single key on the table next to his hand. "I don't want you to sit for hours in front of the house waiting for us. I want you to be able to come anytime you want. And I'll… feel safer knowing you can get in without any problem."

"Okay," Derek nodded looking deeply into her eyes.

"Okay, uhm," she tucked her hair behind her ears. "It's… time for bed. Can you take her upstairs? I'll wash the dishes."

Ten minutes later, she put the last mug upside down to dry and followed the two most important beings in her life to Bessie's room where her eyes met with the most adorable view she had ever seen. Apparently, Derek was even more exhausted than he let off.

Bessie was tucked under the comforter, snuggled close to Derek who was sitting beside her bed with one arm around her. Meredith tiptoed to wake him up, albeit reluctantly, when suddenly she thought better of it. She grabbed a camera from her bedroom and immortalized the moment in the frame.

Later that night, after Derek retired into Alex's old room the second night in a row, she sat on the floor with her laptop and a little stack of albums around her.

She was going to try harder and she just had an idea how.

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_Calm down, I'm calling you to say,  
I'm capsized, erring on the edge of safe.  
Calm down, I'm calling back to say,  
I'm home now and coming around, coming around._

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A/N Thank you for all the reviews, comments and bumps, there are a great source of motivation for me! Let me know what you think so far! Also, I'm curious as to your ideas of what will happen next. Your comments help me get a better perspective.

With hopes that the next time I update MerDer on the show will have got married,

Em :)


	29. Chapter 29: A Different Story

A/N Hey there, everyone! Thanks to everyone who commented for their wonderful reviews. I really thought that when I posted this update MerDer on screen would be married. I guess you'd never see the day of this update if were to wait for that to happen… Well, sorry, I'm still venting my deep disappointment with the lack of real MerDer wedding (even the most modest one). The post-it wedding (cute though) was not enough. But enough of my ranting and on with the story.

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As usual, in the last couple of days, Meredith walked into the hospital carrying Bessie in her arms. "As usual" was a loose term to cover it, as sometimes it was her who dropped Bessie at daycare, sometimes it was Derek, and sometimes, the best times, they did it together. Everything depended on their work schedule.

That particular day, Derek had had an early surgery so there were just the two of them, Meredith and Bessie, entering the building. That particular day, however, Bessie wasn't the only precious thing Meredith carried around. Hidden safely in the confines of her bag was the fruit of her efforts, of her "trying harder".

It took her a bit longer than she expected to make it perfect. She was plagued with doubts, she changed her mind on multiple occasions, but at long last, it was ready and she really hoped Derek would appreciate the gift. She also hoped it would help to obliterate the strain that lingered between them. Of course, she wouldn't be the one to complain about their precarious status quo. They coexisted peacefully with Bessie being the axis of their world. There was even more than that, long lusty looks, checking each other out, seemingly innocent touches.

Meredith could clearly see that Derek struggled to hold himself back. A small step forward on her part would surely push him over the edge. But that small step was also the jump into deadly abyss. They probably weren't ready to resume their intimacy. It would wreck all their attempts. Hopefully, the object in her bag would help to lay a bridge between two shores.

She was so deep in thought that she already reached the elevators before she noticed that something was off. She looked around; everything was the same as on any given day but… some minor elusive detail she couldn't grasp felt out of place. Meredith stared at the people walking past her. She caught it! No one, actually no one, was staring back at her, probably the first time in weeks.

"You look like you're lost," commented Cristina instead of a normal good morning. "The elevator's just behind you, Mer. And guess what, the door's opening."

"Cristina," Meredith frowned at her. "No one is looking at me. Why is no one looking at me?"

"And it's… like a bad thing?" Cristina raised her eyebrows.

"I don't know. You tell me. Should I be worried?"

"Relax Mer," she snorted. "You've gone stale. How long can we live off the McDrama?"

Meredith studied her person's face anxiously. Cristina did break up with Owen and wasn't taking it very well. Most of the time, she was stifling it all inside. She never talked about herself, not even what she'd like to eat for lunch.

"You haven't heard the latest piece of gossip, huh?" smirked Cristina. "The wicked witch… is dead."

"Metaphorically dead or dead dead?"

"Her name is off the surgical board, her surgeries have been cancelled. Hahn is gone!"

"I wonder why she left," whispered Meredith.

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't wonder. Everybody knows it," shrugged Cristina. "Apparently, Torres got cold feet."

"Huh?" Meredith stared at her confusedly.

"They were together," Cristina emphasized the last word.

"Together?" repeated Meredith and the comprehension dawned on her. "Like together together?"

"Yeah," Cristina cocked her eyebrows. "They were dating and apparently Callie was doing Sloan all the time."

"Cristina!" yelled Meredith covering Bessie's ears. "Not in front of a child! Or at least my child!"

"It's not like she knows what we're talking about."

"And I would appreciate if you didn't provide her with details."

The elevator door opened and they were joined by none other than Callie Torres with a forlorn expression on her face. Meredith was never particularly close to her but she felt for her the dark-haired surgeon, Callie did help her out a few times. She was unabashedly grateful too. She, Bessie and Derek were finally off the hook.

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Meredith opened the door to Derek's office and let Bessie run inside.

"Daddy!" The little girl bolted straight into Derek as he swiveled on his chair to hoist her onto his lap and plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Good morning, angel. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Good!" answered Bessie shifting her attention at Derek's desk. "Whas that?"

"That's a picture, sweetie," explained Derek. "It's somebody's head."

"Brain?" she asked, leaning onto the table, shuffling her feet impatiently.

"Yes, brain," chuckled Derek. It amazed him every time a little bit more how imaginative and perceptive his daughter was. She knew more difficult words and concepts than an average child of her age. He knew it was due to her being exposed to medical environment. Meredith always kept her at her side while she studied during her residency, surrounded by books, images, diagrams. Derek liked to joke that they were raising a small surgeon in the making.

"Are you busy?" asked Meredith stopping beside the desk. "Are we interrupting?"

"You're never interrupting," he smiled as Bessie started rearranging the files on his desk.

"I was just taking her to daycare and thought to bring her here first," said Meredith watching their daughter slip from Derek's arms, dive under the table and run to climb on the sofa.

"And," she smiled mischievously, "I assumed it would prove to our advantage if I took Bessie with me to negotiate with the Chief the possibility of our weekend off."

They weren't going on some romantic couply weekend away, absolutely not. They were going to attend the wedding of their former parents, Jenny and Luke, and as they were the matron of honor and the best man, their presence was necessary. The problem was that they weren't going to be absent just a couple of hours. Jenny's uncle was a proud owner of a vineyard in Sonoma and the young couple intended to enter the holy state of matrimony in the beautiful scenery of growing vines.

However, the chances that Richard would welcome the perspective of his two neuro attendings leaving Grace at the same time were slim. Meredith might probably get a weekend off for herself without much commotion. Derek was another story. He had fallen into disgrace with the rage scene he put up in the hospital corridor when he learnt about Bessie. So, Meredith needed to be sly and take sneaky measures. Bessie seemed to be the best way of persuasion. No one could resist the force of her cerulean regard. Additionally, Richard held a particularly soft spot for her.

"Then I think it's safe to book the tickets," smiled Derek knowingly.

"Oh, and… I wanted to give you this," she proudly took out a hard-covered album from her bag. "It's… These are the big moments, milestones… or whatever you call it. It's like a guidebook to the last two years."

Derek stood up from his chair and looked at her curiously.

"I… made it for you," stated Meredith. "I… It's not everything. We have… There's more. I think it'd be good to start with this but there's more… lots and lots… to fill the blanks…"

Derek took the book from her hands and slowly opened the cover. His eyes went wide at the picture placed on the opening page.

"It's… the first picture of our daughter," said quietly Meredith. "The very first one."

Derek's fingers moved almost reverently over the rim of the black and white sonogram scan. The tiny fuzzy shape took his breath away. It was like a whole world was uncovered to him. He only met Bessie's two-year-old self. It felt almost unreal that she ever was anything else. It was oddly similar to the feeling one gets trying to imagine youthful look of a very old man.

"Derek?" prompted Meredith, searching his features for any visible traces of emotion but his face remained inscrutable. "We'll… we'll give you a moment. I'll get to see the Chief and then take Bessie to daycare."

She took Bessie's little hand in hers and walked her to the door.

"There are captions, under the photos, so you can know when… and where it was taken," she told him leaving his office. "When you're ready… ask me anything… and I'll be there."

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Meredith knocked on the partially opened door to the Chief's office and peered inside.

"Chief, do you have a minute-"she trailed off as she noticed that Richard wasn't alone. In the chair across his desk sat his wife, Adele. ''Oh, I'm sorry.. I'll come later." She made to back off with Bessie in her wake but Richard's voice called her to stay.

"Meredith, come on in!"

"You're obviously busy, "she remarked. "Good morning, by the way, Mrs. Webber."

"Meredith, it's been a long time," smiled Adele, standing to her feet. "You look great... and that must be the bittle princess Richard has been telling me about."

"It's Bessie," saidd Meredith reciprocating the smile but feeling somewhat awkward. She knew Adele didn't hold anything against her but witnessing her husband's fatherly attitude towards his ex-mistress's daughter and now also granddaughter couldn't be pleasurable... "I really can come back, it's nothing important. I don't want to-"

"You're not interrupting anything," said softly Adele. "I was just on my way out. I finally managed to convince Richard to have the house redecorated so there's a lot to do."

"Oh, okay,'' breathed out Meredith and walked in.

Adele's eyes rested on the little girl that tried impatiently to free herself fnon her mother's grip.

"Time flies," she said thoughtfully. "It feels like it was yesterday when you were this small yourself, running around the hospital. She really is your daughter. Although, I see a lot of Derek's contribution."

"I hope she didn't inherit his temper," grumbled Richard from across the desk.

''Trust me, you'd rather wish she hadn't inherited mine," joked Meredith.

Richard shook his head indulgently and asked, "Is everything alright? Do you need something?"

"Actually, I do," confessed Meredith. "I know I'm asking a lot but I need a weekend off, a weekend off next month. There's a wedding and I kind of have to be there, because I'm the matron of honour. And.... the wedding takes place in the wine country so I need the whole weekend. Off..."

"Okay," nodded Richard. "It shouldn't be a problem. There's a whole month, we'll find someone to cover your cases..."

"Thank you, Chief," replied Meredith, trying to sound as grateful as possible, "but it's not everything..."

"Mhmm?"

"'You see... Derek is the best man."

Richard looked at her seriously as though waiting for her to announce she was joking but when she didn't, he said grimly, "You're asking me to let you both go?"

''Yeah," Meredith nodded lightly.

" You want me to let off two of my neurosurgeons for the whole weekend? One of them being the head of the department?" he demanded with a voice clearly indicating his displeasure with the idea.

"Yes," answered slowly Meredith. Predictably, the Chief was reluctant. It was time to use her secret weapon.

She loosened her grasp on Bessie's hand and her Cherry-pie launched forward like a tiny missile.

"Oh, sorry!" she looked apologetically at Richard whose regard followed Bessie as she ran around the office. "Sweetie, come back here! You'll make a mess in Dr. Webber's office!" she shouted half-heartedly after her daughter who halted beside Richard with the intention to climb onto his lap.

"That's fine," grinned Rich and picking her up. "She's just a harmless little princess, aren't you, Bessie?"

"So, about that weekend off..." went on Meredithbut blushed meeting Adele's knowing grin.

"About the weekend..." repeated Richard clapping hands with Bessie.

"We've been planning to go together," said quickly Meredith, "the three of us."

"The three of you," echoed Richard absent-mindedly.

"Oh, let them go, Richard," Adele backed up Meredith's pleas. '"They've recently become a family. They need to spend some time together."

"Eh, fine," sighed Richard. "I guess I have to agreeif I want to be let back into the house.

" Again, thank you, Chief," smiled Meredith. "So, I better get to work and drop Bessie at daycare."

"I'll walk you off, "said quickly Adele. "Honey, I'll sent you the check for that new kitchen furniture."

_Women....._ thought Richard with a sigh as they left him alone in his office.

"Why do I get the feeling that my presence makes you uncomfortable?"asked Adele as they slowly walked towe

"No! of... of It Well... I thought... that maybe... my presence may be uncomfortable to you... and my taking advantage..."

"Meredith, I already told you once before," said gently Adele. "I don't see your mother when I look at you."

"I don't see how you cannot, "sighed Meredith. "Especially, when the Chief's treating me..."

"Differently than a normal employer? Like he cares for you?" asked Adele pensively. "I would be disappointed if he didn't. He wouldn't be the man I love."

Meredith looked at her questioningly.

"You and your mother are two different stories; I've never put you in one category," stated Adele. "How could I? We shared the same lot, so to speak. Only with more devastating consequences for you."

""She's a lot like you," took up Adele, " more by character than looks. But she's luckier because she has you."

Meredith smiled subtly, squeezed Bessie's hand and prayed for Adele's words to be true.

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Meredith's morning was filled with an impatient anticipation. She didn't yet have the occasion to talk to Derek since her early visit in his office and she was nervous. She was aware that he was deeply affected by her gift. When they passed each other in corridors, Derek averted her eyes. Hopefully, by the time they were reunited for lunch, he would recover from his initial shock.

In the early afternoon, Meredith trotted back to daycare to collect Bessie for lunch. She was about to walk in when she stumbled into Derek who was apparently taking off.

"Derek, I was just going to take Bessie. We can go the cafeteria together."

"I can't, I have this patient," he said mechanically, not looking her in the eye.

"Okay," she acknowledged slowly. "Have you had time to look through the album?"

He gave a non-committal nod. "I'm busy, I have to go."

"Derek?" she stopped him before he walked away. "What time are you off today? Are we getting home together or you'll come in your own car?"

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I'm finishing late," he said expressionlessly. "And then I have to get back to the trailer."

Meredith stared at his retreating back with her lips opened in shock. She was stunned. She had expected an emotional reaction but not… this. He was shutting her off again. He was rebuilding the wall she fought so hard to bring down, inadvertently pushing Bessie away in the process.

"I think I might've made a terrible mistake," breathed out Meredith falling back on a chair next to Bessie's. The two of them joined Izzie and Cristina in the cafeteria.

"What? Did you sleep with McAss again?" asked Cristina with amusement in her voice.

"Cristina! I told you – not in front of a child!" scolded her Meredith. She brought her hair into a messy ponytail and sighed. "I didn't."

"Then I don't see what else could be going wrong," shrugged Cristina. "Unless, of course, you killed someone."

"I killed McDreamy," sighed Meredith, leaning to help Bessie cut her food with a plastic knife.

"What?" chuckled Izzie.

"I thought it was such a good idea," she went on.

"Brilliant, I'd say," grinned naughtily Cristina, making Meredith roll her eyes.

"I knew Derek was upset that he hadn't been there for Bess," she said picking on her food. "So I made him a scrapbook, with pictures and stuff."

"Oh, it's so sweet, Mer," exclaimed Izzie. "What did Derek say?"

"Nothing but for some incoherent grunts. He's retired to the land of passive aggressive," she answered bitterly.

"What? Why? He didn't like the scrapbook?"

"I don't know," shrugged Meredith, swallowing a huge gulp of water. "Now, he's avoiding. He said he was too busy to eat lunch with us. And he's going back to the trailer tonight."

"Mer, don't freak out," Izzie tried to calm her down. "Give him time, maybe he wants to see the scrapbook on his own. It's not like reading a newspaper, it's two years of his daughter's life."

"What do you think I've been doing for the past weeks?" frowned Meredith. "He's been acting like a basket case and I'm waiting and waiting and giving him time."

"Then maybe you should fu- er, that is, blow his mind away?" smirked Cristina making Izzie giggle.

"I think you should wait," advised Izzie. "You started with sex, and restarted with sex and you know how it ended. Go slow. It's not like Derek's going away somewhere. There's Bessie. Bessie's your glue."

"Goo!" squeaked Bessie interrupting their conversation.

"My daughter's no goo or glue for that matter!" snapped Meredith harshly. "Me and Bessie… are different stories. She's not a cure for me and Derek. She's my little girl who deserves to be happy, who deserves all love in the world!"

Izzie and Cristina exchanged furtive glances and occupied themselves with their food. It was better not to aggravate Meredith's mood swings.

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Derek squashed another empty beer can and flung it across the room increasing the mess covering the floor of the trailer. He went to his "tin can" for the first time in days. Lately, he only came back to the woods to retrieve some files that remained there or to take clothes. Today, he returned to drink and wallow in his self-pity, anger and pain.

The scrapbook Meredith had given him this morning lay respectfully untouched on the table, the only clean surface in the trailer. All evening, Derek's regard kept wandering to this bluish book in hard covers but he was too scared to reopen it. Truth to be told, he didn't get past the very first picture, Bessie's ultrasound image. He didn't look further because he feared the emotions that those photos could evoke in him. It took just one to break him into pieces. It exacerbated the anger that still lurked in his heart. Anger on Meredith for keeping his daughter away and for making him a wreck showing what he had missed. It was all due to Meredith's actions that he felt too broken and ashamed of himself to be with Bessie.

And it made him even more ashamed, the fact that he was unable to be a reliable, responsible father. But he couldn't face his beautiful adorable girl. He could barely look her in the eye visiting her in daycare knowing he was going to hide in the wilderness for the night.

Meredith tried to talk to him every time she spotted him but he always came up with an excuse. She also tried to call him, every hour since his shift ended. However, her calls remained unanswered. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't want to talk to Meredith in particular. He needed to become immune, to feel less. And he made sure to have the full stock of something to help him achieve that exactly. The growing heap of drained cans was the evidence.

If only Meredith would desist calling him every now and then. The regular ringing of the phone kept disturbing his drunken solitude. He groaned irritably as the annoying sound echoed through the trailer once again. Wouldn't she finally get a clue that his not picking up meant he had clearly no intention to hear her? Apparently not. Derek dragged himself from the bed and automatically put the phone to his ear and growled into the receiver, "Just leave me alone, Meredith!" He threw his blackberry on the floor without as much as a glance at the little screen.

However, if he had checked the ID of the caller, he would have known that it was not Meredith this time whom he dissed. He would have known that the call wasn't even from Seattle. It was actually from the opposite coast. Just as he threw himself back on the bed, the caller, with an increasing frown on their face, slowly put down the receiver only to pick it up again to book the next available flight to the Rain City.

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It seemed as if she had just hit the pillow but it was already time to get up. Meredith sat up on her bed trying to wake up before Bessie did it for her. She barely slept a wink last night. She hadn't seen nor talked to Derek since they met in the corridor in passing with a reserved "See you tomorrow" on his part. She called him a few times but she gave up eventually.

It looked like everything they achieved so far went to crumbles. But Meredith was more anxious because of the fact that Bessie noticed something bad was hanging in the air. She didn't know what to say to her when she asked where Daddy was. His place was with them, no matter what. Meredith kept seeing her six-year-old self pestering her own mother with questions "Where is Daddy? Where had Daddy gone?" Fortunately, she knew she would never have to explain to Bessie that her Daddy was never to come back. Derek wouldn't walk out on his child. Still, he needed to understand that sudden pouty disappearances were unacceptable.

Meredith trudged heavily to the bathroom. She didn't have to go to work later so theoretically she had lots of time to come up with the best course of action towards Derek. Although, apparently there probably wasn't much in her power to do. She tried, she tried harder and it all blew in her face. He wouldn't overcome his bitterness and anger Meredith knew now he was full of, unless he wanted to himself. She only prayed there was nothing else that could fuel the fire.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was pale and she had bags under her eyes. Hopefully, a warm shower would erase any outward indicators of her emotional state. She wondered if she looked worse than she felt. She looked into her own eyes and she knew she was missing something, something important. She squeezed out toothpaste on her brush and then it hit her. She gripped the sink trying to keep a cool head. She was late...

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A/N Remember me telling you we didn't see the last of angry Derek? Well, he's back for a little while. Not for long, though. Something needs to snap him out of the anger that's clouding his judgment and that something's coming.

I'm waiting for your reviews hoping that my fics will make it easier for you to survive the four whole months without Grey's.

Have a great weekend

Em


	30. Chapter 30: A Long Way

A/N Hi, I'm sure you're all astonishment to see this update posted so soon. Well, I am! :) But the words flowed so easily off my pen somehow so here it is. Thank you for all the reviews, they warm my heart every time!

About this update, I'm actually very nervous to post it, like really really nervous. And I really hope you will enjoy it even if it's kind of intense and not what most of you are expecting and well, you'll see.

Sometime ago I was suggested to get more Alex in the story and I felt he would be perfect for these scenes. Anyway, without further ado…

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No Derek. None of her friends. The coast was clear. With her hair hanging loosely around her face and her arms folded across her chest, Meredith crept through the corridor of the clinic to an empty exam room. She couldn't remember feeling that nervous ever. She spent her morning sitting on hot coals after the realization that her period was a couple of days' late. She didn't even want to start to think about the reverberations of the carefree love making she and Derek shared at the trailer. He would probably go nuts given his reaction to the scrapbook with the photos of Bessie.

That was why Meredith had to act with utmost discretion. It made her even more nervous parading through the hospital to deposit Bess at daycare and then get to the surgical floor, feeling as if everybody could see right through her head. She breathed out deeply as the door of the exam room closed behind her. She looked around in search for the objects she needed. Surely, buying a test in a drugstore somewhere miles away from the hospital would be easier but she needed to have the absolute certainty. No hesitations or slip-ups this time, it was way to important.

She tied a cord around her upper arm, sterilized the skin above her vein and tried to direct the syringe into an optimal position, which proved harder than she expected. She couldn't feel the right place. She manipulated the needle for a few minutes grunting in frustration as she couldn't bring herself to sink the sharp tip into her flesh. Maybe she should have asked Cristina? But her person had enough on her plate already, Owen, the break up, the new cardio attending, Owen… Meredith wasn't going to trouble her again, especially as it could turn out to be a false alarm.

Suddenly, the door busted open and Meredith quickly turned her back towards the newcomer hiding her exposed arm.

"Mer?" she heard Alex's surprised voice. "Sorry, I thought one of my lame ass intern was lazing around here."

"No, no lame ass interns here," said innocently Meredith, trying to untie the tourniquet inconspicuously.

"Are you… okay?" frowned Alex taking notice of her odd behavior.

"Yep, absolutely," she nodded, tugging at the plastic around her arm.

Alex's eyes swept over the table, taking in the test tube and the scattered empty needle and syringe packets. "D'you need help with that?"

Meredith looked at him over her shoulder and sighed, "Yeah." She could trust Alex, he wouldn't freak out or blab to anyone else. "I need you to take my blood."

"Okay," he nodded, not making any further comment.

"And take it to the lab, please" she added watching as the syringe filled with scarlet liquid. "But no names… just John Doe."

"Any particularl type of test?" he asked impassively.

"No," she twirled her fingers nervously. "Just… just the standard set."

Just as they disposed of all the traces of their activity, the door burst open again to reveal a livid Izzie.

"You son of a bitch!" she shouted at Alex.

"Go cry to somebody who cares," he smirked pocketing the tube into his lab coat.

"I won't let you do this to me, Alex! Give me back my surgery or I'll shoot your ass off!" ranted on Izzie and seeing lack of any reaction on Alex's part she turned to Meredith. "Mer Alex stole my patient with the great tumor growing behind his eyes and your boyfriend didn't give a crap! In case I wasn't sure, he actually said the words "I don't give a crap!" Plus, he has a hangover the size of Africa!"

That last statement was the only part of Izzie's monologue that Meredith found unsettling. So Derek was drinking last night. Not good, definitely not good, she couldn't actually remember any occasion when he drowned his sorrows in liquor.

"Damn it," cursed Izzie as her page started beeping.

"Don't let us keep you," muttered Alex. "Probably someone in the clinic needs your attentive care for their rash."

Izzie narrowed her eyes shaking her head disbelievingly but hurried back to the clinic without another word.

"You're fighting again?" Meredith looked shrewdly at Alex. "I thought you two were… good," she finished lamely.

"Look," Alex said seriously after a moment of silence staring at the floor. "I know, I know I'm being an ass. I can't help it. I'm pissed off all the time, so much I can't breathe but you can't be pissed at the crazy chick for losing her mind so I don't have anyone else to be pissed at except her, nobody else…"

"I'm here now, too, Alex," she said softly.

"You're already making for a punch bag for Shepherd," he shrugged with a tiniest of grins. "I'll take the sample to the lab."

"Yeah," sighed Mer. "Alex!" she stopped him at the door, "make it… make it Jane Doe, not John…" The last thing she needed were news around miraculous male pregnancy circulating around the hospital.

"Okay," Alex nodded in understanding. "I'll page you as soon as I get the results."

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Meredith avoided going to her office at all costs. Going to her office was a high-risk situation. It increased the possibility of finding herself face to face with Derek and talking to him right now would be bad. She could blurt something out accidentally, something she might later regret. She would tell him as soon as she knew for sure, even if he was hung-over. This time, he'd have nothing to reproach her. But she needed to be certain. Setting him off for no reason would bring more damage than good.

Apart from dreading letting slip the main issue occupying her head, she feared that as much as a single scowl from him would send her round the bend. Derek acted as he was the only hurt person in the world. She was suffering too. She was stressed to the breaking point, she couldn't get a good night's sleep… And now she really had to get to her office to retrieve the damn chart of her patient which she had carelessly left on her desk. She cautiously took the corridor leading to her den and… shit, he was just walking out. As though she had only remembered there was something important for her to attend to, she turned on her heel and bolted into a supply closet crashing straight into Cristina.

"Hey, watch where you're-" started Cristina rubbing her shoulder. "Mer?"

"Oh, hi, sorry," breathed out Meredith. "I didn't see you."

"Whatever, "shrugged Cristina. "The day is crappy all around."

"Er," stuttered Meredith not knowing what to say to that and how to explain her invasion of the closet.

"Have you seen Hahn's replacement?" asked Cristina, absorbed with her thoughts.

"Uhm, no."

"I thought it couldn't get worse than with the witch," complained Cristina. "But that new woman, she's like… autistic."

"Oh?"

"And it seriously sucks, I won't see more cardio than during Hahn's reign."

"Yeah, uhm, that… sucks," agreed Meredith.

Cristina looked at her suspiciously, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," Meredith shook her head. "I was just…" she tried walk out but her friend blocked her way.

"You were just what?"

"What do you think a person does in the supply closet?"

"I don't want to hear about it if it involves McDreamy."

"No! We're not doing _that_!"

Cristina raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"I was… uhm, getting supplied?" she scrunched her face.

"Right, and pink is my favourite colour," snorted Cristina.

Suddenly, Meredith discerned Alex's voice muffled by the door and she peeked outside.

"Alex?" she inquired looking at him meaningfully.

"Not yet, Mer," he shook her head taking off. "I went to check fifteen minutes ago; it wasn't up yet."

"So now Karev is your best buddy? What did you do, Meredith?" insisted Cristina. "Spill before we get old."

"I… I didn't do anything," muttered Meredith stuffing her hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

"Yeah, mhm."

"Okay," gave in Meredith, leaning back against the wall. "But you have to be my person, you can't yell at me or be in any way unsupportive."

"This can't be good."

"So, I'm avoiding Derek…"

"Is it a form of foreplay? Playing hide and seek in turns?" asked humorously Cristina. "Oh, wait, I might need to be sedated if I hear that!"

"Really, sex is the last thing on my mind, now," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Sex is… bad, it's… bad… I mean it's good but can be bad."

"Mer?" asked Cristina dangerously. "Why are you freaking out about sex?"

"I'm not freaking out. I… freaked out this morning but I'm not freaking out anymore. I… I've calmed down. No freaking out."

"Why did you freak out this morning?"

"I.. realized… I was late…" she cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"What are you…" Cristina trailed off. "Wait, what? Late like…?"

"Like five days late…"

"Only you, Mer," wide- eyed, Cristina slowly shook her head. "Only you could let McAss knock you up… twice! God, you're a doctor, Mer! Does practicing safe sex tell you something?"

"It's not like I have STD," defended herself Meredith. "We… I didn't think… well, again."

"Obviously," grumbled her friend. "So, what does this mean?"

"Might not mean anything," shrugged Meredith.

"You're late-"

"Just a few days," explained slowly Meredith. "I mean I freaked out because I discovered I was late and clearly, that's the first thing one can think if they're late but… I don't know." She slowly passed a hand over her stomach. "It doesn't feel like the last time."

"How should it feel?" asked softly Cristina.

"I'm tired, I'm stressed… but I don't feel… I don't know how to put it in words… I don't feel this special something," she confessed with a small voice.

"And you wish you did," stated knowingly Cristina.

"I wish I did. I'm an idiot, right?" Meredith whispered bitterly. "My relationship with Derek couldn't be in a worse place, if you can even call it a relationship. His reaction would be completely unpredictable and it would so complicate things but… it was amazing with Bessie, it still is so… I wish I did, against all reason, I wish I did."

"You've come a long way," sighed Cristina. "Why do they do that?"

"Who? And what?" frowned Meredith.

"Men. Why do they do that? Screw us up… change us? Just look at us, hiding in the closet…"

"It's all down to their stupid boy penises," smiled slightly Meredith.

"Yeah," groaned Cristina.

"Yeah."

**********************************************************************************

Derek propped his back against the wall and generously applied drops to his bloodshot eyes. He slept almost through the entire night but the drunken slumber he imposed on himself left him more exhausted than a longest surgery.

"Here, take it," Mark inserted a cup of coffee into his hand. "The strongest our crappy coffee cart can provide. You look like you need it."

"Oh, God, thanks," Derek sighed gratefully and drained the content in a few greedy gulps. "I think I might need another one."

Mark studied his face with visible concern, "And yesterday, how many did you have? You could never absorb much liquor."

Derek didn't chose not to answer, rubbing his temples energetically. The aspirin he swallowed this morning was wearing off inviting back the thumping headache that was splitting his skull. His body was sore all over. Not surprising, given the fact that he woke up on the floor, curled up in a weirdest of positions.

"Derek, what's happened?" asked Mark decreasing the volume of his voice as a nurse whizzed past them shooting Derek a curious look.

"Nothing,'' shrugged Derek. "I'm fi-"

"Yeah, fine," finished Mark ironically. "And so is Grey, right? Looking as though she wants to make herself invisible."

"You know, you're going to explode one day if you don't start talking, to me, to Meredith,

to your mother," he went on. "She called again yesterday, she's worried."

"I can't deal with this right now," Derek shook his head slightly.

"Whatever you say," gave up Mark. "Just so you know what I think, you're looking for trouble."

He pondered what else he could say to Derek, whatarguments to choose as he studied his friend's rather pathetic appearance. He always enjoyed giving him witty comments about women and relationships but always with the thought in his mind that it was Derek who was destined

for great romantic love and spending the rest of his life by the side of one woman. Yet, by some strange reversal of roles, he, Mark Sloan, found himself happy with one wonderful woman. Big changes happened in his life in the course of the last few weeks; big things he'd like to shove with Derek.., but couldn't because Derek was being a mess; right now, a mess with a hangover.

"It's great, isn't it?" he started quietly. "When you feel so strongly for someone and it's... it's not just about the sex. It is... it's true."

Derek stared at him as though he'd gone mad and snorted crumpling the empty paper cup. "You should not talk like that."

"Yeah, you're right," nodded Mark half-heartedly and took a sip of his coffee, wincing slightly at the taste.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith paced inside her tiny office waiting impatiently for Alex, he had paged her about five minutes earlier. Derek was in surgery, a long and complicated one so her office seemed the safest place to receive the results of the blood test. Once again, she smoothed the scrubs covering her belly. For the last few seconds, she could hope or maybe pretend that there was a life growing within her.

"So, here you are," said Alex entering her office. "I haven't looked."

Meredith stared fixedly at the small piece of paper in Alex's hand. She slowly took the form and brought it in front of her eyes.

"You okay?" asked Alex watching her impassive face.

"I… yeah," she mumbled.

"You're looking like Rebecca," he commented.

"Rebecca?" She looked up at him in mild surprise. She was somewhat detached from the surrounding reality, she needed to digest the result of the test.

"My crazy chick," explained Alex. "Not that you're looking crazy. It's just… your eyes… are empty."

"Empty?"

"Disappointed. Rebecca, she thought she was knocked up," he went on. "With my kid. But… she wasn't."

"She wasn't," sighed Mer. "It would… it would complicate everything, wouldn't' it?"

"Or it would make it easier," said Alex. "I thought I was going to freak out when she told me. But… I didn't. My head was clear. I don't pretend I knew what I was doing but I kept going. I had a goal. I thought I was going to have a kid. It… felt good."

"Yeah, you know, we've all come a long way," Meredith exhaled in amazement.

The door opened again and Cristina asked out of breath, "So? Are you knocked up?"

Meredith rolled her eyes and started to speak, "I'm…" she trailed off in horror as her eyes darted past Cristina's shoulder straight into Derek's .

His hand stopped midair as he made to take his ferryboat scrub cap off his head. Shock and disbelief were slowly painting across his face. Cristina followed her person's fearful gaze and muttered with a sinking feeling, "Oh shit."

"Cristina, maybe we should go," addressed her Alex quietly.

"We're not going anywhere," she hissed back. She knew that furious expression of Shepherd's. She wasn't going to leave her person alone with that ass who thought he had every right to stomp all over her as much as he liked.

"Wha…?" his breath hitched as his eyes flashed with anger. "Are you pregnant? Were you going to tell me this time-"

"Derek, I'm-" she tried to cut in.

"Or were you waiting for everyone else around to know first?" he asked bitterly.

"I'm not pregnant," she answered hollowly.

"What a relief it must be for you," he spat.

"You know, Shepherd, for once, you should just shut you-" interrupted Cristina.

"Cristina! Please, stay out of this." insisted Meredith. "Derek, I'm not really in the mood for an argument."

"Let's leave them alone," murmured Alex.

"Alex, no. I want here what that ass has to say to Meredith!"

"And I don't want to know what you have to say, Yang," he bit back. "Knowing your history and wonderful advice, I'm really surprised my daughter even made it to this world. Didn't you want to get rid of her?"

Meredith's skin became pallid as all the blood drained from her face. He could have pushed a knife into her heart and it wouldn't have hurt as much. Her breathing became shallow and her blood boiled. That was enough, he finally pushed her off her limits. She was patient, she was supportive and obedient. This was ending now, right now. She quickly sealed the distance between her and Derek and the next thing she felt was stinging of her palm as it made contact with his stubbly cheek.

"You… no right… no right to talk to me like this!" she gritted out, her voice shaking violently and her eyes becoming glassy. "You couldn't've let it rest, could you? You told me you would forgive me if what I did was forgivable. I guess now we're even!" she cried harshly. "Because what you've just said to me, it's unforgivable!"

Derek opened his mouth to say something, cautiously bringing his hand to his cheek but Meredith wasn't finished.

"How dare you? How dare you stand here and say these things to me?" she whimpered, the tears starting to stream freely down her face. "It never even crossed my mind to get rid of my child! She was, she is the essence of my life, she's what keeps me sane! God, I can't do it anymore!" she brought her hands down dejectedly.

"Meredith," said quietly Derek.

"No! No Meredith!" she shouted him down. "We'll stick to your original plan! We won't be seeing each other, we won't be talking to each other, we won't be working together! We're done, we're done!"

She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and left the place at the top speed. God, she needed air. She needed fresh air or she was going to suffocate.

Derek breathed deeply trying to fight the overwhelming sense of dread. His first impulse was to follow her; what for, he didn't know exactly.

"Oh, no! You're not going anywhere!" Cristina blocked his way. "You've done enough! I told you not to screw this up but you had to break her again!"

"I…" he stammered.

"Shut the hell up!" she growled at him. "She wanted to be pregnant, she actually wanted to have another child with you, son of a bitch! You know, I'll never understand it, what she sees in you, this obsession about you she can't free herself from… God, it's… it's all my fault!" she shook her head. "I talked her into staying in Seattle. I kept pushing her to tell you about Bessie. What I should have done was to say to her "Leave this hell on earth and never come back!"

"You're destroying her, mentally and physically; she's got health problems because of what the hell you're dragging her through!" she warned him. "From now on, you'll stay away from my friend!"

"And it was the last time I heard you speak about my private life," she hissed walking away wondering where Meredith could escape. "Bastard…"

Alex looked at Derek with pity. "What are you doing, man? That girl loves you and she gave you a kid. And you're throwing it all to the wind like that? You-" he shook his head and left Derek alone with his thoughts that were nothing short of depressive.

Like in a trance he stumbled into his office and slumped back on the sofa burying his head into his hands. He didn't have a clear idea of what just happened between him and Meredith. Because if he did, he would be clearly crying right now, even harder than Meredith. It was over, it felt so over, hurt much worse than three years ago. And he brought it over them himself, again.

**********************************************************************************

Looking at her daughter always calmed her nerves. She realized that with a dose of guilty unease. She didn't want to treat Bessie like a tool in any respect. She was a mother, she had to be strong with her own force. But being around her angel still calmed her down and that was the reason why she sat late into the night watching her daughter sleep in her bed, hours and hours after she tucked her in with a fake smile on her face.

She had to sit beside her bed and listen to the rhythm of her breathing. Because there wasn't anyone and anything else that was able to keep her sane. She craved her tequila like never in the last three years. After such a period of abstinence two shots would throw her in a cheery mood, add the third and she would be out cold. But she couldn't. She was ashamed to miss her poison with such longing but old habits apparently died hard, especially when one was at the verge of breakdown. Lucky McBastard, he could get trashed with his scotch with free reign.

To tell the truth, she wasn't even that angry with him anymore. She always ended up at his feet. He would walk all over her but soon she would kiss his shoes again on her own will. That was the story of her sorry befuddlement of a love. And she couldn't run away this time to rescue herself. Bessie loved her sorry ass of a father. She loved him so much. How would they make it work in the light of the recent events? She had absolutely no idea.

**********************************************************************************

A/N You can put the sharp objects away! (hiding myself now) I feel awful for messing them again but fortunately it's the last time. It might not look like it right now but they're going to sit and talk at long last, like really talk. I promise that I'll fix them, sooner than you think.

About McBaby, some of you are probably disappointed, others relieved. I didn't plan the second MBaby… yet.

I hope you're not too depressed with the chapter. The next one will be much lighter. I don't know when I'll be able to post it as I have massive exams coming but I don't want to keep you hanging with broken MerDer so I try to come up fast with it.

If you feel the need to lighten up in the meantime, take a look at my other story - A Force To Be Reckoned With, in which MerDer are in a porny heaven.

Anxious to hear what you think, even if you hate the chappie.

Cheers,

Em


	31. Chapter 31: Low Expectations

A/N Hi, everyone! Firstly, I'd like to thank you for your awesome reaction to the previous chapter. It exceeded all my expectations! It feels wonderful to see that the fic remains interesting for you after all these months and I hope it'll continue to do so! Enjoy!

Note: I may have written something else in the beginning chapters of the story, though I don't think anyone remembers… Anyway, my conception changed slightly while writing so the seasons 1,2,3 and a part of 4 ,of course, did happen before Meredith's flight from Seattle with some exceptions that I made clear of in Author's Notes. In short, Addison did happen. Not that she's coming to SGH, she's just mentioned.

**********************************************************************************

"Cristina, I'm fine!" huffed Meredith as they slowly made their way through the overpass, nibbling on their snacks.

"A few days ago you were a trembling mass of deregulated hormones and now you're fine?"

"I am. I sleep through the night, I got my period back," shrugged Meredith. "Anger is a cleansing feeling."

"So you feel anger?" asked Cristina propping her chin with her palm.

"Yeah," replied quickly Meredith.

"And… that's why he's still a welcome guest at your house?"

"What would you want me to do, Cristina? Separate him from Bessie? I won't do that. She needs him, she needs her father regardless how much I hate him right now."

"She got used to him," shrugged Cristina. "So it's normal she wants to see him and she's happy when he's around. But that doesn't mean it's good for her in the long run."

"I don't follow," Meredith shook her head.

"You're existing in a freaking world of silence, Mer."

"And you're the one to reproach me that! You didn't talk to Burke for weeks and you two lived together."

"That's how I know how hard it is," said Cristina. "And I also know you're lying. I see the way you're looking at him-"

"Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic," Meredith cut her across. "Do you honestly expect me to say something else than that I'm angry at him or that I hate him? That all I think about when I look at him is his tongue in my mouth? That I'm pining for the smallest sign that I mean something to him? No, I can't say all these things because I'm trying to hate him and I really suck at trying to hate him!"

"Has he at least told he's sorry?" sighed Cristina.

"No, he… sometimes he just… stares."

"Stares? Like at your butt or something? He probably wants to get some, abusive McBastard."

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "There's no ogling, at least that I know of. He… he stares."

"In other words, he's not doing anything, which doesn't really surprise me. You can't drag this again, Meredith. It's make or break."

"What?" stuttered Meredith.

"I might not be the best person to give advice; actually, I know I'm not. But even I understand and you do too, that you can't live in limbo for long-"

"We're not in limbo. We're there for Bess. She has both of us-"

"Don't fool yourself, Mer," Cristina stood in front of her looking at her intently. "You and Derek can never become friends-"

"We can be-"

"You can't be just friends, you know that, Mer. It's time to deal with it. It's all or nothing, it can't be something."

"I don't know what he wants," said Meredith quietly.

"As much as I despise him right now and how hard these words are going through my mouth, you have to talk to him. No fucking, no yelling, just talking, Mer."

"Talking, we were never good at that. All the other things you mentioned, no problem. But talking…" sighed Meredith. "I just hope there will be no more surprises; I don't know if we're able to survive another shock."

**********************************************************************************

Surprises, an elderly but energetic woman who just reached the surgical floor was mentally preparing herself to face quite a few of them. For several reasons, she didn't expect them to be nice.

Her eyes were taking in the surroundings with curiosity, the people bustling around and the interior of the place. Tugging a small suitcase behind her, she walked up to the nurses' station. She looked with a smile at the woman behind the counter. She worked in the profession for many years and she could tell that Nurse..... Margaret belonged to the gossiping kind. That was even fortunate. She'd probably quickly point the place where her son could be.

"Good afternoon. ''

"Hello," the nurse airily acknowledged her presence. "How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Dr. Shepherd."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Yes," the woman answered without hesitation. Lying was bad but it certainly had its advantages."I spoke directly with Dr. Shepherd."

''Okay,'' said Nurse Maggie. "It's lunchtime, Ma'am... so unless he was rushed to the OR," she browsed through a row of charts. "Debbs!" she yelled to her colleague who was approaching the counter. "Where's McDreamy?"

_M__cDreamy,_ the woman chuckled inwardly. She heard about the nickname all the way down in New York.

"The usual, Mags!" came the cryptic answer. "Just saw them going out of the cafeteria."

"As I thought, Ma'am," Nurse Maggie turned back to the woman. "You might want to have a seat here or wait for him in his offfice. He went for a walk with his daughter and he'll probably take his time."

"l'm sorry..." hesitated the woman. "There must have been a mistake... I'm looking for Dr. Derek Shepherd, the neurosurgeon."

''Yeah," nodded Nurse Maggie. "That's the one."

"He went for a walk... with his daughter, you said?" she asked slowly.

"Yes, do you want me to give you directions to his office? You need to go straight..."

Carolyn Shephard took off with a frown on her face, wondering what kind of trouble her son got himself into this time. He was surely in for some profuse explaining. For the last few days, Carolyn was driving herself sick with worry that her only son was developing a drinking problem. His inebriated voice kept shouting in her head, kept shouting at some woman to leave him alone. A woman called Meredith. Carolyn suspected to whom Derek's words were addressed. The so-called "sutty intern", the woman with whom Derek had an affair a few years ago…

But hadn't she left Seattle? Derek was broken after she disappeared and Carolyn knew he never healed entirely. She couldn't wrap her mind around why Derek was thinking he was talkng to her. She called Mark but his lips were sealed. Everything was fine, she should talk to Derek and so on and so on. So, she decided to act on this piece of advice. As her son didn't bother to call her, she was

ready to take matters in her own hands.

She had expected to learn that Derek went crazy with the unrequited love or that maybe that woman

was back. What she certainly didn't expect was hearing that he was a father. How was that possible?

She called him regularly and somehow during the last nine months the news that she was getting a new grandchild never appeared in conversation.

With a sigh, she entered Derek's office. This was where he he worked everyday since the beginning of his exile. Carolyn looked around the office smiling at the letters sent by the patients saved by her son, greeting cards from all over the world, family photos. But in the most prominent places, as though on exhibition, were colorful pictures drawn without a doubt by a hand of a small child. She inspected one of them closely. It depicted three persons; a tall figure with a mope of dark hair must have been Derek. He held a small girl by the hand. On the other side of her was a woman, probably the girl's mom. With a sigh, Carolyn placed her suitcase in the corner of the room and walked out determined to seek some answers. Her eyes wandered to the office directly across her son's. M.D. Meredith Grey, Neurology. Meredith again… There were just too many coincidences.

She never really gave up hope that one day her Derbear would return she saw that it was probably never going to happen. He was settled here. Seattle was the place where he met the love of his life. Carolyn had no doubts that there hadn't been and wouldn't be another woman he'd love with equal strength. She understood perfectly why he wasn't going to leave this city. It held too many precious memories. She couldn't imagine ever leaving New York, the house where she spent the happy but so limited time with her husband. And now everything indicated that Derek had a family of his own here.

Carolyn set off from his office with clear purpose. She was going to find her wayward ungrateful son even if she had to comb this hospital inch by inch with a magnifying glass. Twenty hours of labour and what she got in return? All her four girls put together didn't contribute to the amount of wrinkles on her face as much as he did. She knew he was going to be trouble since her waters broke down completely unexpectedly when she was shopping in the supermarket. Then there was that bike from hell that nearly got him killed and the bitchy wife that ended up breaking his heart. He ran across the continent, didn't bother to show himself on her doorstep, even for Christmas, and now he had a lovechild, that was of course if he hadn't got married without telling her. Carolyn was now in the right state to suspect everything, including the possibility of Derek's getting hitched in a drunken binge in Las Vegas. Hell, she didn't know anything about her son anymore.

Her ears registered a light feminine giggle coming from one of the offices, followed by a deeper masculine laughter, laughter she recognized without difficulty. She opened the door wide and stated, "Mark Sloan!"

She watched with amusement as his shoulders got rigid and he sprang away from the young woman he was kissing. "I'm glad to see that at least one thing stays the same."

"Mrs. Shepherd," he breathed out disbelievingly as though he was seeing a ghost. "What are you doing in Seattle?"

"Not going to give me a hug?" she grinned at his guilty face.

He smiled and closed the distance between them, "It's good to see you, Mrs. Shepherd."

"I'll… I'll go…" muttered quietly the brunette trying to make herself scarce.

"Lexie," Mark called her back reaching for her hand, "come here."

"Mrs. Shepherd," he exhaled deeply. He was actually nervous of his surrogate mother's reaction to a relationship with a woman so younger than him, but at the same time, he felt strangely excited. "I'd like you to meet Lexie, she's… we're kind of together."

Carolyn raised her eyebrows at Mark. What was with this day, what was this place that left her in shock at every step? Apparently, Mark Sloan did change as well. Apparently, he finally grew up. It never happened in the history of the world yet for Mark Sloan to introduce someone as his girlfriend. The slender brunette looked quite young but if she was turning the eternal boy into a man, Carolyn had nothing against it.

"Lexie, it's Mrs. Carolyn Shepherd, Derek's mom. The woman who practically raised me, taught me right from wrong."

"And what poor a job I did," chuckled Carolyn. "You seem to be doing it better, Lexie," she said and pulled her into a warm hug.

"Thank you, Mrs. Shepherd," Lexie whispered out of breath.

"It's Carolyn. Only Mark insists on calling me Mrs. Shepherd after all these years," she waved her hand absentmindedly. "Now that I know that one of my son's safe and sound and happy I want to know where's the other one, what's been going on in his life and if I should sit down before hearing all the answers."

"You know," frowned Lexie. "I… I've got… this thing to do…" she blurted and quickly slipped from the office.

"I'll take it as a yes," said heavily Carolyn.

"Derek's good," assured her unconvincingly Mark.

"Oh, is he?" Carolyn sat on the couch. "Imagine my surprise when I asked about him at the nurses' station and I was told that he was on a walk with his daughter. I naturally thought that it was a mistake, so I rephrased my question, I said that I meant Derek Shepherd and the nurse's answer was still the same."

"Oh, well…" trailed off Mark.

"Well? I'm waiting for explanations," squinted at him Carolyn.

"I… Derek should be the one to give them," sighed Mark, sitting on his desk. "I've been telling him for ages to give you a call but he wouldn't listen."

"Should I be worried?" she asked seriously.

"I honestly don't know," shrugged Mark. "But I can tell you there's something pretty awesome in this crazy story."

"How old is this something?" she inquired softly.

"A little over two years," he answered and showed her a piece of paper. "It's a masterpiece by her hand."

"How don't I know about her?" gasped Carolyn.

"Don't be too harsh on Derek, Mrs. Shep. Talk to him first. There's pretty much going on in his life right now."

"In yours as well, I see," she smiled indulgently.

"I don't know…" he shrugged his shoulders.

"I think you do," she disagreed. "She's a lovely girl."

"A lovely girl," he muttered. "Who's off the limits."

"Baloney, she isn't the problem, you are. You have very low expectations for yourself, Mark Sloan. Since you were a little boy, you always have and it's time to raise them."

"She's twenty-four," sighed Mark.

"You have the emotional maturity of a horny fifteen-year-old," grinned Carolyn making him chuckle. "You need young."

**********************************************************************************

"Grey, where the hell have you been?" growled Cristina spotting Lexie approaching the nurses' station. "Do you think lab results have legs and deliver themselves? And why are you looking as though you'd killed somebody. Wait! You haven't killed anybody, have you?"

"No! I'm… I'm sorry," stuttered Lexie. She was still shaken from her second encounter with Mrs. Shepherd who cornered her and grilled with questions going as far as criminal record and the number of sexual partners. "It's just… er, uhm I've met Mrs. Shepherd-"

"Who?" Cristina whipped her head to look at her. "You met whom?" The last thing Meredith needed was McAss's ex-wife appearing on their doorstep again.

"Mrs. Shepherd," replied Lexie. "Dr. Shepherd's mom-"

"What?" exclaimed Cristina interrupting Lexie again. Small correction, the last thing Meredith needed was McAss's mother showing on their doorstep. Cristina could already see her in her mind's eye, probably some self-righteous, traditionalist old lady who was going to give her person hell along with her evil spawn son.

"Take care of my charting," she ordered Lexie and set off in search of Meredith wondering if she heard already about Shepherd's mother visiting Seattle Grace and if yes in what shape it left her. She surely had been blissfully unaware of the family occasion this morning.

"Mer!" she saw her near her office door kneeling down in front of Bessie, buttoning her jacket.

"Cris," she groaned. "Don't tell me something's wrong with our patient. We were just about to go home."

"You'd better," Cristina replied quickly. "We've got code black."

"What?" frowned Meredith with anxiety, her hands stilling on Bessie. The last time she heard the term code black she nearly blew up because of the bomb which got stuck in a patient's body cavity.

"Not literary," Cristina waved her hand. "I meant you need to evacuate, McMama's in the hospital, have you heard?"

"Mama Burke's here? What does she want? Or is she here as a patient?" asked Meredith interestedly.

"Not Mama, McMama! Got it?"

"Uhm, no."

"McDreamy. McMama. See a connection?"

"No…" breathed out Meredith standing up slowly. "Tell me you didn't just say what I think you did…"

"Life's a bitch," shrugged Cristina.

"If only one could die," groaned Meredith. "It's bad luck! I jinxed it. I said no more surprises and of course this had to crop up!"

"Don't panic, Mer," advised Cristina. "Just run."

"What good would that do?" she whined. "She probably wants to meet Bessie. I'll have to face her sooner or later."

"Fine, stay and wait for McMama. Just remember, you don't take crap from anyone anymore. When she starts bitching-"

"Do you have to assume the worst option?"

"Okay… She's gonna love you," said impassively Cristina.

"She's gonna hate me," groaned Meredith. "Mothers love bright and bubbly and happy and… Izzie. Mothers love Izzie. They don't love Meredith, the slutty intern who break their son's marriage, got knocked up and secretly hid the kid from their father!"

"Bessie, come back here!" she said noticing her daughter going further and further away, trailing invisible patterns on the wall. Meredith caught up with her and scooped her in her arms. "We're going home, sweetie."

She stood up to realize she was under someone's careful scrutiny. A short woman with gray hair was looking at her and Bessie with unreadable expression and Meredith felt the dread of foreboding. Knowing her luck, she could only pray that Derek's mother didn't hear her biographical monologue.

"Meredith, isn't' it?" asked the woman with a kind smile. "We finally meet."

"I… I am Meredith, Meredith Grey."

"Carolyn Shepherd," she presented herself extending a hand towards Meredith. "And it must be… my granddaughter?"

Meredith gave her a long look having no idea what to say to the woman before her. She sought the tiniest sign of hostility or accusation but none came.

"Meredith?" nudged her Cristina. "Are you…?"

"I'm fine," she nodded. "We'll see each other tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," acquiesced Cristina reluctantly. She deiced not to meddle any further. Her careless mouth had cost Meredith enough already.

"Derek didn't tell me that you were coming," said uneasily Meredith.

"That's because he didn't know," replied lightly Carolyn. "It's a surprise visit, very surprise even." Her eyes swept over Bessie.

"Yeah," muttered Meredith bracing herself. "Why don't we… go to my office or… Derek's office… it's more comfortable."

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Derek flicked off droplets of waters from his hands and turned away from the sink grabbing a paper towel, just in time to catch a glimpse of two nurses trotting past him. He was sure it wasn't just his imagination when he saw them give him a furtive glance and lower their voices. Why were the damn nurses looking at him like that again? He didn't give any reasons for gossiping during the last few days, that was certain.

"You finally finished," Mark's voice boomed behind him.

"Finally?" asked Derek incredulously. "I'd like to see you clip that aneurysm faster." He didn't leave the OR since he got back from the trip to the park with Bessie and couldn't wait to follow Bessie and Meredith to her house; even if Meredith was still angry at him and they weren't talking to each other. He wanted to apologize to her, tell her how sorry he was and also how grateful for that slap that brought him back into reality. However, the longer he looked at her, the less he knew what to say. What words could possibly make it better after what she heard from him? He probably couldn't have offended a mother in a more hideous way that he did. Finding an excuse for his unacceptable behavior, blaming it on the killing headache and hangover or the fact that she had hurt him first wouldn't bring much needed reprieve from the guilty pangs of his conscience. Only Meredith's forgiveness could.

"What?" he asked seeing Mark's nonplussed expression.

"You should go find Grey."

"What? Why?" asked Derek frowning.

"I…" Mark trailed off thinking how to break the news of his mother's visit to Seattle in a painless way. Although, Derek did deserve what he got.

"Mark, don't make that face to a father whose little daughter had to be hospitalized a few weeks ago-"

"Easy, man! The kiddo's fine… she's actually getting to know her grandmother."

"Grandmother?" repeated blankly Derek. He knew Susan and Stacy Warren were Bessie's fake grandmothers.

"Nanny from the Big Apple, I should add."

"Nanny from… No…." Derek's blood froze in his veins.

"Yep, might be ruthless of me to say that but I told you to call her," Mark. "You would have avoided a big shit."

"Bess is with my mother?" asked Derek passing a hand through his hair. "And Meredith?"

"Also, they're chatting in your office."

"Chatting? My mother and Meredith?" The world surely turned upside down. "I need to go there… don't I?" he asked halfheartedly.

"Less than eager to meet the Shepherd women en masse?" chuckled Mark. "Better get used to it."

"Trust me, I would be ecstatic if they got along together," stated Derek. "But all my mother ever heard of Meredith were the words "slutty intern."

"You should know by now that your mom isn't the one to hold prejudices."

"She hated Addison," reminded Derek.

"True, but Addison didn't mean one third to you of which Meredith does."

"True," shot Derek finally putting himself together. He quickly made it to his office where he found a view that completely stunned him, Meredith and his mother engrossed in a calm conversation.

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"So…" breathed out Meredith wrenching on her wrist watching Bessie catching her breath from all the laughing. Derek's mother's was tickling her mercilessly at her lap.

"So, I think I deserve an explanation why I learned about the existence of this beautiful child only today," she said calmly.

"Derek didn't tell you…" Meredith trailed off. Somehow, the subject of Derek's family hadn't entered their conversations.

"No, he didn't," sighed Carolyn. "I'd also like to know if it's a new habit of my son to get drunk and yell at people over the phone."

"He did…?" That was the reason behind Carolyn's visit. She must have had the misfortune of calling him the day when she gave him the scrapbook. Derek was sober since them. "He… we… had a rough day…"

"So it was a onetime event?" asked seriously Carolyn.

"He… of course! He doesn't solve his problems in alcohol," assured Meredith. _Just by yelling at me._

"Mhm," acknowledged Carolyn. "You are a little Shepherd, aren't you?" she cooed kissing Bessie's forehead. "I hope you don't mind," she passed a quick look at Meredith. "She looks so much like Derek and my girls."

"I don't mind, I know she took a lot after him," said Meredith softly.

"And why didn't he boast her to the family?" pressed Carolyn. She did overhear Meredith's conversation with her friend but she needed explanations.

"He… he didn't know," admitted tiredly Meredith. "I left Seattle long before Bess was born and didn't come back until about two months ago."

"You're… you're not going to ask me why?"

"I believe I know why."

"You… you know?" stammered Meredith. "I don't know what you heard about me, not very good things probably-"

"I believe I know why you did what you did, not because of the things I might have heard," Carolyn cut her across unceremoniously. "This little girl is a sufficient proof, proof of a mother who would do anything she believes best for her child."

Meredith looked at her silently, not sure if she should give in to the calming effect Carolyn's words had on her strained nerves.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked quietly. "I wrecked your son's marriage, you know that."

"You know," Carolyn cut her across unceremoniously. "You're the second person I'll be telling this today, you have very low expectations for yourself. Quite wrongly. And as for my son's marriage, I feel like I should thank you for making Derek open his eyes."

Meredith's jaw sagged down but Carolyn just shrugged her shoulders, "Addison was a privileged… I knew all along she wasn't right for my son."

Meredith couldn't be more confused. It seemed as Carolyn strongly disliked Addison, well, hated would be a more appropriate word; quite the contrary to Nancy, Derek's sister that came to visit him a couple of years ago.

The door opened suddenly to let a nervous looking Derek inside. "Mom."

"You finally graced us with your presence," replied Carolyn but Derek breathed out with relief that she wasn't angry,

"I was in surgery, Ma," he said as Bessie slipped from his mother's lap and lunged at him. He picked her up and went to give Carolyn a hug.

"Yeah, yeah, I gave birth to five doctors; I know the drill," she replied softly taking his face in her hands and looking at him intensely.

"So… um," he stammered at a loss for words. What could he possibly say to his mother in a situation like this? She had to fly to Seattle to find he had a daughter. His strained relationship with Meredith additionally complicated the things. "Uhm, did you come for long?" Not very wise, he realized instantaneously, it sounded as if he couldn't wait to get rid of her.

She cocked her eyebrows amusedly. "I planned to stay for a few days but now it turned out I have a granddaughter… I think I'll prolong my visit to get a chance to spoil her."

"Ma, I'm sorry," started heavily Derek.

"Not now, son," she stopped him. "I have a long flight behind me and the few hours of waiting here; I'm dreaming of a shower and going to bed. We'll have plenty of time to talk later," she assured him with a voice promising he wouldn't get away without scolding.

"You're staying at a hotel?"

"You tell me," she answered. "I booked a room because I thought you were still living a life of a homeless bum."

"I'm not homeless," groaned Derek. "I don't live under a bridge, only in a trailer."

"And were Meredith and Bessie live?" she asked sharply.

"At Meredith's house," he informed her avoiding her gaze. "So, I drive you to your hotel."

Carolyn frowned, there was so much tension in the air she could cut through it with a knife.

"Mrs. Shepherd," said quietly Meredith from her place at the couch when she was watching the scene silently.

"It's Carolyn, dear."

"Okay, Carolyn… I have… a free guest room at my house… Seems ridiculous for you to stay at a hotel…"_ What am I doing?_ she thought desperately, ignoring Derek's alarmed look.

"Wonderful," said his mother enthusiastically. "I can't wait to know all about you and Bessie."

"Ma, I'm sure Meredith has good intentions but maybe it will be better if you go to the hotel-" He could already see how uncomfortable it will be with his mother in the middle of their silent troubles.

"It's really not a problem, Mrs. She- Carolyn," assured Meredith, taking Bessie's coat from the sofa.

Carolyn shifted her regard from Derek to Meredith and back to her son. She just realized, they didn't say a word to each other since Derek arrived and now though they discussed things, they addressed only her.

"What's going on?" she demanded. "Are you fighting?"

"We're… not fighting," sighed Derek.

"We're just… not together," supplied Meredith, helping Bessie with her coat.

"You might not be together but I'm still Bessie's grandmother so I'm not going to turn down Meredith's kind offer," Carolyn said looking intently at Derek.

She let out a deep sigh, those two were a lot of work. She was already starting to develop a headache.

**********************************************************************************

A/N So, Mama Shep is gonna stay for a while in Seattle and meddle a bit in MerDer complicated relationship… :)

I must say the chapter turned a bit unexpected to me and I'm not sure about the outcome. Love it, hate it? Let me know.

Have a good Sunday,

Em

P.S. Would you honestly believe me saying there's gonna be some cheesy fluff in the next chapter?


	32. Chapter 32: I'm Sorry

A/N Hi! Thank you for all comments, your constant support never ceases to amaze me!. Now, about this chapter, it contains less Mama Shep than you probably expect but…. there's something we've been waiting for a long time if not since the beginning. I really hope you'll enjoy what I've got for you, I was on a roll writing it.

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"It's a beautiful piece of land," admitted Carolyn, bringing the neck of her jacket further upwards to protect herself from the strong wind raging at the edge of the cliff. "I can see why you're adamant to stay here. Although, I'd still prefer you living in a house that couldn't be stolen with you sleeping inside."

"It's completely safe here, Ma," sighed Derek. "Besides, I wanted to build a house here…"

"You wanted? What do you want now, Derek?" she asked firmly.

He looked at her uneasily. It was the first time they talked eye to eye since Carolyn's arrival two days ago. He wished had had a chance to speak with her sooner. After the dinner she had the previous night with Meredith and Cristina, she was looking at him with an unpleasant mixture of dissatisfaction and disappointment, probably a deep worry too.

"Now as we can finally talk without interruptions," started Carolyn seriously, "care to explain me what happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked hiding his hands inside the pockets of his sweater.

"I mean what happened with my kind loving son to treat a woman, not any woman I should add, but the woman you love, the woman who is the mother of your child, to treat her the way you did?"

"You've been talking to Meredith a lot?" he was still impressed how easily Meredith and his mother found a common language.

"I have but she hasn't said a bad word about you yet," stated Carolyn starting to walk to the trailer. "Fortunately, her friend Cristina was more open."

"Of course, Yang," groaned Derek under his breath. "What did she tell you?"

"Oh, she told me enough," she replied harshly. "And I couldn't believe at first but one look at Meredith's face was enough to confirm."

"I'm not denying anything," he confessed. "I know how I behaved, you have every reason to be ashamed of me. You don't know how much I regret it."

"You're right, I don't know. I would if you apologized to Meredith."

Derek let out a heavy sigh but didn't answer as they reached the trailer and he opened the door to let his mother in.

"Son, I get that you feel hurt and angry," she said softly. "Meredith didn't tell you she was carrying your child, she practically hid Bessie from you. It's horrible, I know. But she didn't do it to hurt you."

"Why did she do it, Ma?" he asked sagging on the bed.

"Why don't you ask her?" she supplied. "You two are long overdue for an honest conversation."

"I… I don't know what to tell her," he rubbed his temples tiredly.

"She's not a monster, sweetie. She's an amazing strong woman but she's very lost too. And it seems to me you did little to help her."

Derek swallowed hardly and nodded.

"She was absolutely terrified at the prospect of meeting me," said Carolyn sitting beside Derek and rubbing his back slowly. "I overheard her conversation with Dr. Yang on my first day here. I've never heard anyone speaking in such a derogatory way about themselves. Slutty intern, a woman who wrecked your marriage… I think you had your input in what she thinks about herself."

"God, I know that, Mom," he brought his face to his hands. "And I hate myself for that."

"I don't want you to hate yourself, it's not about that," she explained patiently. "It's about turning to Meredith and making things right."

"I… I want to make things right," he breathed out. "You don't know how much I wish that. I… I love her, Ma."

"I know," she whispered patting his shoulder. "I bet she doesn't."

"I… probably not," he agreed.

"You need to tell her. After you've apologized. But you can't do any of that until…" she trailed off.

"Until what?" he looked at her sideways.

"Until you confront your feelings about Meredith's departure. Are you still angry she cut you off?"

"I… No, not so much," he said hollowly.

"Hurt?" went on Carolyn.

"It still hurts a bit. It was… it was getting better," he sighed staring at his hands. "And then she, Meredith gave me a scrapbook… with photos of Bessie and I… I said…"

"I know what you said. Why did you react so strongly?"

He stood up and went up to his desk to bring the album, untouched since the day when everything went downhill. He placed it on Carolyn's lap and said, "I couldn't get past the first picture, I… there are so many things I missed…"

Carolyn opened the cover and her eyes rested on the sonogram scan. She patted on the mattress beside her and said softly, "Sit down, Derbear."

"Mom, I can't-"

"Yes, you can. You have to. Come here, we'll do it together."

He plumped on the bed and glanced uneasily at the album.

Carolyn caught the corner of the page to turn it over, "Ready?"

"No, but you'll make me anyway, aren't you?"

Carolyn chuckled and turned the page, making Derek hold his breath.

"Meredith," he whispered bringing his hand over the page. The second photo in the album didn't show Bessie, or at the first sight, it didn't. It showed Meredith with a slightly pouty face. She was rolling her eyes at someone making the picture. But it was all just an act for her eyes were smiling. She was all glowing as she held her shirt up exposing her flat stomach and somewhat rounder hips. Carolyn's and Derek's eyes wandered to the tag placed beside the photo:

"_Week 9. Our __Cherry-pie is the size of a walnut. Heard the heartbeat for the first time… Still not showing but eating for two makes me fat…"_

"Oh my…" Derek's voice croaked as he greedily turned another page, exposing another photo of Meredith's. She was once again showing off her stomach but this time from the profile and this time there was a little hardly noticeable bump…

"_12 weeks and I already have a bump because I'm apparently so tiny and Cherry is a plum!" _

"I…" sniffled Derek feeling his eyes moisten. "I don't know what to say…"

"Derbear," she passed a hand through his hair soothingly.

"…except that there's no way she's going to forgive me for what I said to her…"

"Derek, look at me, sweetie," she turned his head to make him look at her, her heart crumbling at the hopelessness in his voice. "Have you forgiven Meredith for what she did? Tell me, have you?"

"I… yes, God I have," he groaned.

"You have," repeated Carolyn. "Meredith gave you a reason to forgive. Now you need to give _her_ a reason."

"She won't-" began Derek but was interrupted by the sound of his pager. "It's… It's the hospital, I need to-"

"You need to go," finished for him Carolyn closing the scrapbook. "Are you sure you're fine? Maybe you should ask somebody to fill in for you?"

"I'm good," he nodded. "Let's go, I'll drive you to Meredith's on the way."

"Ma, why are you taking this?" he asked her reluctantly as Carolyn got into the seat beside him carrying the album in her hands.

"You haven't finished," she stated the obvious putting the book onto the backseat.

"I don't… I can't," he muttered.

"It's not me you should be watching these photos with," she said simply. "Come over at Meredith's after you're finished with your patient. Take the scrapbook. I'll take Bessie for a walk so you two can talk freely."

**********************************************************************************

One craniotomy and several hours later, Derek sat immobilized in his office staring fixedly at the scrapbook lying on his desk. It wasn't that he didn't want to continue with the story written down by Meredith. In fact, his hand itched to immerse himself in those photos and descriptions. But he couldn't do it alone, he needed Meredith. He needed her to guide him through, to answer his burning questions, and he had so many of them. He knew though, that he would have to talk with Meredith beforehand, to make her unhate him. Only how would he do this?

"Are you trying to move this book by your willpower?" chuckled loudly Mark standing in the doorway to his office.

"I'm sorry," Derek rubbed his eyes. "I didn't hear you come in."

"So what's up?" agreed Mark. "You're hiding from your mother, aren't you? How's her stay at Meredith's going?"

"Fine, surprisingly," sighed Derek and continued with a hint of amazement in his voice. "She liked Meredith; she thinks she's good for me."

"I gather from that she's very proactive?"

"She not so subtly hinted that I'm to appear at Meredith's and make amends."

"Hence the sulking in the office," commented Mark. "You know, your mom's usually right."

"Are you giving me love advice?" joked Derek. "By the way, mom told me about Lexie."

"Oh?" Mark looked at his friend, suddenly nervous.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" frowned Mark.

"For being a crappy friend," admitted Derek. "Mark Sloan turned monogamous and I didn't notice. There must have been something seriously wrong with me."

"You had a crappy time."

"No, I didn't," disagreed Derek. "I had a good time. I was getting to know Bessie, I was getting somewhere with Meredith, just… didn't see it… again."

"Derek, you're running in circles, love and hate, on and off," took up Mark. "Drop your pride and fears, got to the love of your life and-"

Derek stared at him raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, don't look at me like that," warned Mark. "These are Little Grey's words, not mine! She's worried about Meredith and how it could influence our thing if you two don't make up."

"Mark," groaned Derek. "I'd rather be left alone."

"Derek-"

"Please," he sighed.

Mark looked as though he wasn't finished but thought better of it. If he knew one thing about Derek Shepherd, it was his stubbornness. However, it wasn't long before Derek's solitude was broken again this time by the Chief.

"Shep," said Richard opening the door. "It's the third time I've been passing by your office in the last couple of hours and you haven't moved an inch."

He took up again when Derek didn't answer, "Is there a reason why you're sitting idly at your office instead of enjoying a pleasant evening with your family? Have you talked to Meredith?"

"What am I gonna say?" asked Derek weakly, giving in to his apprehension. "After throwing all that anger in her face? I don't think I can get her back."

Richard sighed and sat down on the couch looking at the younger man. "I still do not approve the way you've been handling your personal affairs at workplace but… these were words, just harsh words…"

"No," Derek shook his head. "There's a bigger picture. The place me and Meredith are in, it's the result of everything that happened, everything, my lying to her about Addison, staying with her, Meredith's leave, every bump along the way…"

"And what about good things?" reminded Richard and followed with a grave voice. "Derek, I was drunk for years. I had an affair… for years. And when Adele found out, somehow, she…" he swallowed with difficulty, "she took me back. You can make your way back… from anything."

Derek nodded slightly and soon after Richard left his office, he picked up the scrapbook from his desk and hurried into the night, his mind set on getting out of the hole he and Meredith had dug for themselves.

**********************************************************************************

"Thanks for being here," said Meredith sitting at the table in the dimly lit kitchen.

Cristina shrugged her shoulders. "What would I be doing anyway? Besides, I'm having fun with McMama giving all the dirt on her son."

"The problem is that the dirt usually involves me," chuckled Meredith.

"You have one-tracked mind, Meredith Grey," stated her person grimacing at the content of her mug. "I can't believe you don't have any liquor on the house, you of all people."

"I regret it now as well," admitted Meredith. "A glass of wine would be perfect way to end another day of Carolyn's stay at my house…"

"You're so full of it," snorted Cristina. "Don't you think I don't see how you gloat every time McMama says that Addison was inadequate or when she hints that you're perfect for her precious son."

"No idea what you're talking about," giggled Meredith. "Although, I did enjoy hearing how she poisoned the McBitchy sister."

"I bet you-" Cristina trailed off at the sound of the door lock clicking. "What was that?" she glanced at Meredith apprehensively.

"I…" her eyes went round and she jumped to pull a container of tear gas from a drawer.

"Way to go, girl," whispered Cristina, clearly excited, taking an empty glass milk bottle as her weapon.

"I'm a single mother with a child," Meredith muttered back. "What would you expect?"

They crept up to the dark hall hearing the front door opening followed with some muffled footsteps. They halted soundlessly at the dark contour precariously making its way through the corridor.

"Now?" Meredith whispered to Cristina.

"Now."

"Take that, asshole!" she exclaimed and sprayed the gas at the intruder while Cristina pushed the light switch taking a swing with her bottle.

However, her hand was stopped in midair by Meredith who recognized the would-be thief now bent against the wall, groaning, with his hands over his face.

"Oh, God! Derek!" she ran up to him taking a closer at him. He was blinking madly as the tears ran freely from his eyes, the skin around which was furiously red. "Cristina, get some water!"

"Derek, God, I'm so sorry!" shot frantically Meredith, pulling him towards her, helping him to keep his balance. They stumbled into the living and she got him into a lying position on the couch.

"God…" he groaned breathing deeply.

"Derek, I'm gonna rinse your eyes," she said quickly taking the first bottle of water Cristina brought in. "Lie still for a moment, I know it's uncomfortable. Keep your mouth closed or you'll swallow the gas."

"I'm so sorry, Der," she whimpered with distress in her voice. "We thought it was a burglar!"

"It could be worse, McDreamy," consoled him Cristina trying to keep a straight face. "A glass bottle just missed your skull."

Derek mumbled some inarticulate sounds while Meredith rinsed his eyes profusely. "It's gonna get better soon… I hope…"

"So…" started Cristina. "Do you have a camera somewhere around maybe?"

"Cristina!" hissed Meredith. "It's not funny! I almost killed the man who's the lo… who's the father of my child!"

"Sweet Jesus," panted Derek. "What was that? Tears gas?"

"Yeah," murmured Meredith covering his bloodshot eyes with a soaked cloth, sitting down at the carpet at his side. "How does it feel? Any better?"

"My eyes sting like hell," he complained. "But at least the tear production stopped…"

"Well, who told you to steal into a house full of women in the dead of night?" Cristina rolled her eyes.

"I had a key," he ranted. "Meredith gave me the key weeks ago…"

"You keyed him?" demanded Cristina.

"I… I did," stammered Meredith. "He's just never used it… Why did you come this late?"

"I thought it was-"

"Mer," cut him off Cristina whispering dramatically. "It's a night of miracles – he _thought_!"

"I thought it was high time we talked," he went on nevertheless.

Meredith's head whipped to meet Cristina's puzzled regard.

"Talked?" she repeated. "What about?"

"Meredith," he added more softly. "We've got plenty to talk about."

"And that's my cue to leave," announced Cristina. "Don't yell and don't screw. There's a child and an old lady upstairs."

She left them alone only to reappear seconds later with the scrapbook in her hand. "I found it lying in the hall." She handed the book to Meredith and silently wished her good luck.

"You brought…" Meredith began insecurely.

"Yeah," he confirmed pulling the cloth from his face. "I wanted to look at it with you."

"W-what?" she stuttered, her heart beating wildly.

"Meredith," he faced her rising himself to sit. "I know how flat and meaningless it will sound but… I'm… so sorry."

"You're… what for?" she whispered.

"I'm sorry for so many things," he confessed quietly, tugging at the damp cloth in his hands. "For not being honest with you when we first met. For hurting you, for staying with Addison, for taking my anger at you, for not being there for you when I should have, for not trying to keep you in my life…" he trailed off to catch his breath. "And for what I said to you last week."

"I understand," she shrugged trying to remain collected even if her brain was getting fuzzy with warmth. He apologized , for the first time he apologized for all those things that happened years ago and which still caused a twinge going through her heart. "I hurt you, you returned the favour."

"No!" he denied strongly. "I didn't want to hurt you, God, I didn't! I forgave you."

"You forgave me?" she shook her head disbelievingly. "You said what I did was-"

"I know what I said. And you have no idea how I wish I could go back on some things I said. But I forgave you."

She nodded sniffing her nose imperceptibly. He forgave her, the relief was overwhelming. "Good," she replied taming emotion in her tone. "I forgave you, too. I guess we're both overdramatic."

"Maybe," he gave a watery chuckle.

"Thanks," she hesitated. "Thanks for coming. Bess noticed things," she added making to get up.

"Bessie wasn't the only thing on my mind," he hurried catching her wrist. God, it was too long since he touched her for the last time.

"She wasn't?" echoed Meredith biting her lip.

"You know she wasn't," his eyes bore into hers. "We're parents but we're still… us."

"Us," she repeated pensively. "You think we can be us, whatever that means? There's so much water-"

"Under the thing or whatever," he finished chuckling despite his heart dropping at her objections. "Why couldn't we?"

"Derek, we…" she sat back heavily on the floor, her hand still in his. "We… constantly end up hurting each other… whether we start with sex or slow. We're like… toxic or something."

"Meredith," he pleaded. "We're two really messed up people, we suck-"

"We definitely do," she smiled playfully against herself, making him laugh as well.

"But what I want to say," he went on soberly. "Is that we need two reasons to make this work."

"Just two reasons?" she frowned doubtfully.

"At least two. The two basic ones." That was it, that was the moment who would weigh on their lives. He only hoped… he wasn't exactly sure what for. "I'm giving one reason, you have to give another."

"Ok," she acquiesced reluctantly. "What's your reason?"

"I love you," he answered without hesitation. "What's you reason?"

He saw her eyes widen and her mouth open soundlessly. She was panicking and that practically made him regret his challenge. He didn't know what possessed him to pose that question. He should have known better; he had heard her confess her feelings for him only once in the course of their relationship. Only once did she really open up to him and bare her soul. And no need to say, he blew it big time, returning to Addison. She didn't really put trust in him ever since. She couldn't feel love for him after all their history.

She didn't hear anything than the rush of blood in her veins. He told her he loved her. He didn't lie, he would never lie about that; she saw that in his beautiful albeit gas-irritated eyes. But he expected her to say it back. The problem didn't lie in her feelings, they were perfectly obvious to her. Only, could she bring herself to confess them after all their mess?

She saw his eyes dropping to the floor dejectedly and the pain in them at the realization she didn't reciprocate his feelings. Her heart traitorously vocalized her feelings while her mind refused to give in and as a result she didn't let out more than an incomprehensible mumble.

"Sorry?" he looked up at her warily.

"I…" she trembled and breathed deeply. "I love you."

Before she even finished her statement, he took her in his arms with a sob and held for dear life breathing in her unmistakable lavender scent.

"How do we go on from here?" she asked weakly.

He pulled away and cupped her face in his hands, thinking furiously. "We need… rules."

"Rules?"

"Rules," he caressed her cheek as though physically reassuring himself that her confession wasn't just a figment of his imagination. "The ones we never made, a commitment, a contract. Give me… a piece of paper," he asked sending her a dreamy smile.

"I don't… I… I…" she stammered feverishly. "I don't. I have post-its," she reached to grab a pen and a little blue pad she had thrown carelessly at the coffee table earlier this day while making a shopping list.

"Ok," he nodded taking the pen and the pad from her with a small smile. "What do we want to promise to each other?"

She paused for a few seconds and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards, "That you'll love me… even when you hate me," she stipulated.

"To love each other even when we hate each other," he spoke writing down the vow. "No running," he said categorically, "Ever. Nobody walks out, no matter what happens."

"No running," she confirmed decidedly.

"What else?"

"We'll always be there for our little girl…" she paused biting her lip before continuing coyly, "or other… McBabies if they come along…"

His face cracked in a wide smile. "We'll always be there for our little girl… or other McBabies _when_ they come along."

"This is forever," he concluded seriously and her entire face lit. "Sign," he asked after giving a signature of his own.

"This is it," she breathed out scribbling her name on the little piece of paper. "Now what?"

"Now," he grinned leaning to her, "a make-up kiss."

Their lips met halfway in a soft caress. The contact was chaste and almost shy but at the same time full of promise.

"And now," said Derek, sat with his back against the couch pulling Meredith with him and taking the scrapbook. "I need more of this."

**********************************************************************************As she slipped back to wakefulness, she felt a light but insistent force pulling at her hand. She didn't want to wake up. She was warm and comfortable with Derek spooning her from behind and she didn't feel like she had slept much.

They immersed themselves in the photos for hours, Derek listening avidly to the smallest detail she had to give. They didn't even look through the half of the scrapbook when the exhaustion of the emotional evening overtook them with Derek additionally suffering from the aftereffects of tear gas. Not letting go of each other's hands, they tiptoed to Meredith's bedroom and fell heavily on the bed, not bothering to change.

And now, all too soon, Meredith was being woken up.

"Mommy," the tiny voice of her daughter broke the silence.

"Cherry-pie?" Meredith's eyes momentarily cracked open and she made up the small silhouette in the dark.

"Sweetie," she tried to scoot closer to the edge of the bed slipping from Derek's tight embrace and hooked her hands around Bessie's waist. "What is it, Sweetie? Do we need to go to the bathroom?"

"No," replied Bessie hugging her favourite stuffed bunny. "Haved baaad dream."

"You had a bad dream?" asked Meredith worryingly rubbing her sides. "A very bad one?"

"Don't remember," mumbled the little girl, lying her head on her mommy's chest.

"Come here, Love," murmured Meredith and picked Bessie on the bed. "There'll be no bad dreams, mommy will protect you from anything."

"What… what's going on?" yawned Derek stirred up by the sudden movement .

"Bessie had a nightmare," replied Meredith turning to face him, bringing their daughter between them.

"Is she okay?" he asked with concern.

"Yeah, she's good," she assured as Bessie squirmed on the bed.

"Daddy?" asked Bessie upon recognizing Derek's voice. "Why Daddy here?"

"Daddy's here," he breathed out leaning to place a tender kiss on her head. "Daddy loves you and your Mommy, that's why Daddy's here. Daddy's always going to be here. Sleep tight, Angel."

He scooped closer to Bessie and Meredith, locking them in a one big hug, making Meredith giggle quietly as she pulled the comforter over the bodies. They lay in silence until Bessie's breathing regularized indicating she drifted off to sleep.

"Thank you," whispered Derek into the night.

"Er, for what?"

"For her," he answered simply. "She's amazing; you did a wonderful job, you do an amazing job."

"Derek, you don't have to say this to make me feel better," she stated firmly. "We're good, we're working through things… you don't have to say this."

"But I do," Derek shook his head. "These are not empty words, it's the truth. I've been around her for a short time and I was overwhelmed how much effort, how much attention you have to give to raise a child so they turn out like that. And you've done beautifully."

Meredith swallowed a lump in her throat; he didn't have the faintest idea how much his words meant to her.

"I was so… scared," she croaked. "All the time, when the stick turned blue… when my waters broke four weeks before the due term… when I held her for the first time… I was scared I was going to become the second Ellis Grey."

"You still did amazing," he whispered running little circles on the small of her back. "Meredith, was it the reason you left? Because you were scared. I'm not angry anymore, I just need to know."

"I…" she rubbed her forehead tiredly. "It felt as it was over at the time, over and done, between us. You started to show off with that nurse and I… couldn't stop thinking about you…"

"I'm so sorry," he breathed out.

"Me too… Anyway, the days went by I started noticing things, I was nauseous all the time, I missed my period, my boobs were sore, all the typical pregnancy symptoms. But I went on… lived in denial for some time I guess… until I couldn't ignore it any longer. I almost threw up in the OR. I bought the tests… and there it was, positive… blue line, pink line, red plus… I don't know how many I used… It was like… I… I totally freaked out, paced around the bathroom for hours… And then it felt… good… it felt wow… If someone had told me I'd feel like this about being pregnant, I would have laughed into their face."

"How did it feel?" he asked, his eyes beginning to sting once again.

"It was… breathtaking," she whispered, a small smile playing on her lips. "There was a life inside, another human being… created by us… We see it every day at the hospital but to actually experience it… it's... Such small thing but changing everything and it's dead frightening at the same time. I wanted to tell you the next day; I replayed in my head how I was going to tell you."

"What changed your mind?" he breathed out, his throat constricting.

"I got off my car in the morning, I went in the hospital and… I saw you… with her," she said blankly and his grip on her tightened. "You were waiting for the elevator, holding hands… and she gave you a pack on the cheek… and you… looked at her… and smile the McDreamy way or whatever."

"Meredith-"

"And out of a sudden, I got this flashback," she went on determinedly. "I just knew how it was gonna be, or I thought I knew. I saw the ridiculous love triangle, me, you and your prefect nurse who wasn't afraid to commit. And my child would be in the middle of it all, in the middle of this mess, in the middle of the gossip mill. I wanted something better for this defenseless person growing inside me, I wanted to be better for them, not just a lame resident who got knocked up fooling around with her attending. Plus, I was angry and unbelievably jealous. I couldn't stand seeing you building your life with her. I couldn't breathe in that place…" she took a deep breath feeling the tension in Derek's body.

"I went on-line, searched for the possibilities of an out. I contacted a few hospitals on the East Coast, got the details of Warren's program. I took my papers, not without some difficulties on Richard's part but he couldn't do anything to stop me, no one could at the moment. I paid a fortune for the last minute ticket to New York and I was… gone… that same evening. No one knew except Cristina. Izzie and Alex were on their shift when I packed my bags."

"So that is why and how I left… Are you angry?"

"No," he sighed. "It's just… sad… how everything spun out of control… I can't help thinking that somehow, the things turned out for the better the hard way. If you had come to me… we wouldn't have took it like adults, we wouldn't have sat down to talk…"

"Are we whole and healed now?"

"I don't know, maybe. I think we will be," he replied softly and added. "You got one thing wrong, though. I never looked at her… like that. She couldn't ever replaced you, no one could. I knew that the minute I realized you were gone. It was the scariest moment of my life… I asked one of your interns to page you and he said… you were no longer his resident. I knew something was off, I found Cristina and she didn't want to tell me anything else except that you were out of Seattle Grace, out of Seattle and apparently, out of my life. You changed your number; when I went to your house I only met Izzie and Alex fighting over whether they should be looking for a new place… God, it was like… all the air had been sucked from my lungs… I spent two years thinking I would never see you again…"

"I'm sorry," sobbed Meredith. "I didn't think it would hurt you that much."

"It's okay now," he moved his hand to her cheek and leaned over sleeping Bessie to brush the tears with his lips. "It's okay. Close your eyes, it's starting to dawn; we didn't get much sleep tonight."

"I'm not complaining," chuckled Meredith.

"Me neither."

They slowly relaxed which wasn't easy as their declarations and confessions kept ringing in their ears and souls. The step they were taking was grand, and rapid, considering the fact they hadn't even been on speaking terms a couple of hours earlier. But the thing was, they had waited for this moment for a long time and that was why the three of them cuddling together seemed the most natural thing in the world.

**********************************************************************************

A/N I was inspired by the post-it wedding and I hoped it worked for the making-up scene! I was also inspired by the 100th episode but that's for later… (no, there will be no dead Dennies or stolen weddings).

The tear gas thing wasn't planned, it's just popped up while I was typing the chapter on my laptop and I thought it was perfect to break the tension.

That was quite a lot of talking they did, wasn't it? So, thoughts, comments, suggestions, love/hate mail – I'm waiting.

In the next chapter, there'll be some fun, fluff, Mama Shep and Bessie showing her other not-so angelic face.

Have a good Sunday,

Em

P.S. Can you tell me what's the difference between a muffin and a cup cake? I'm not a native speaker of English nor do I come from an English-speaking country and I tried to use Wikipedia to grasp the difference between the two but to no avail… :)


	33. Chapter 33: Get To Know You

A/N Hey, I have an early update for you! I was on a roll, lol! Thanks a lot for comments and exhaustive explanations about muffins and cupcakes :) I tried to throw some humor in this update, don't know about the result though. As always, waiting for your thoughts about it. Enjoy!

Warning: A bit of "mature" stuff at the end of the chapter. There will also be some in the next one.

**********************************************************************************

It was time to get up. If he wanted to have a shower before his rounds and change into fresh clothes he kept at his office, he needed to get up now. That perspective didn't look too appealing, though. He was much more comfortable here, so peaceful, so serene, with his arm draped around Meredith and his little daughter.

He still couldn't believe he was there, in Meredith's bed. When he set out to her house, he feared rejection or indifference, yet, she took him back. She told him she loved him, which surpassed his wildest dreams. It was a little like a dream actually. He only hoped his leaving this bed, this room wouldn't put an end to it.

With a small sigh, he leaned to kiss his girls' heads delicately and made to slip from the bed. Before his arm left Meredith's waist, she stirred and caught his wrist.

"Der?" she asked with a sleepy voice.

"Shh," he calmed her. "Go back to sleep."

"Wher'oo goin'?"

"I have rounds," he whispered.

"What? What time is it?" she asked more consciously.

"It's early. Enjoy your morning in, we'll see each other at lunch, ok?" he hesitated before adding. "I love you."

"I… love you too," she breathed out barely audibly. "How are your eyes?"

"Sore," he chuckled. His heart swelled so much with love that he hardly gave any notice to his gas irritated eyes. Truth to be told, they were more than sore, it felt as if he had thousands of little splinters under his eyelids. "I'll live."

Meredith nuzzled her face back into the pillow and he reluctantly tiptoed out of the room. He gave the loves of his life the last look and quietly closed the door.

"Derek?" Carolyn's voice sounded behind him making him jump. Awkward… he was a middle-aged man caught by his own mother while slipping out of his girlfriend's room in the early morning. Not to mention his crumpled clothes and thick stubble. It was always Mark whom his mother used to catch trying to sneak girlfriend after girlfriend from the room where he stayed at Shepherds'. And it was always Derek's dream to be caught by his mother like that because that would actually mean he was alone with a girl doing _stuff_ in the first place. But a band geek with a hooked nose and a huge afro could only dream. Derek didn't know why God decided it was the perfect moment to fulfill his teenage wishes. Life was a bitch.

"Good morning, Ma," he said meekly turning to face her and cursing his timing. She was in her bathrobe apparently on her way back to her room.

"It surely is," she smirked looking at him with her eyebrows raised. "When did you get here?"

"Late," he nodded squirming under her regard. "Late last night."

"So, I take it I can stop worrying?"

"If it's possible for you to ever stop worrying. But… yes, we talked, explained everything and went to bed together. I mean, no, not like that," he stammered, having realized what he just said to his mother. "It was just… sleep, Bessie came later, she had a bad dream."

"Are you going to hospital?" grinned Carolyn, amused with her son's jumbled explanations.

"Yeah, yes. I should a… hurry up."

"Derek," she frowned as he walked past her to the stairs. "Your eyes are all red, have you… cried?"

"I… yeah," he admitted half truthfully. Carolyn loved Meredith and he was sure the fact that she accidentally treated her only son with tear gas wouldn't change that but he preferred to spare Meredith the mortification. On the other hand, that particular info wouldn't stay hushed up for long. Knowing Yang, it was already circulating down Seattle Grace's gossip drain.

He took a quick look at the mirror in the hall and sighed deeply. He looked as if had just finished an all nightlong marathon of tearjerkers. The skin around his eyes was still deeply red, his eyelids puffy and the whites bloodshot. Maybe he should see an ophthalmologist.

**********************************************************************************

"Looks like there was a lot of crawling last night," Mark greeted him with a grin as he joined him on the way to the cafeteria. He took a closer look at his friend's face and asked, "Man, what happened to you? Did she use torture? Oh, wait, did she spank you? Didn't know you were into pain."

"Shut up!" he hissed as a group of interns passed them giving him furtive glances.

"And I didn't believe Debbie telling me that Big Grey went postal on you."

"Don't be an idiot, Mark," warned Derek. Well, Mark was almost right. After all, Meredith did attack him. "We made up."

"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "About time, I'd say."

"You know? How do you know?" frowned Derek.

"Your mother's called me."

"Of course," Derek rolled his eyes. "I stumbled on her when I was leaving Meredith's bedroom this morning, not like I did anything but I felt like a teenager caught in the act."

"Like you would know the feeling," smirked Mark viciously. "Hate to remind you but you lived vicariously all through high school. All these years later, I'm still getting more than you."

"Not for long," Derek shook his head with superiority. "Meredith is a spitfire, and the things she can do with her body… and with mine in the process…"

"Yeah, right," squinted Mark ironically. "Little Grey's a- What's that?" he grimaced as they were met with an ear-splitting cry at the entrance to the cafeteria. "Is someone setting a bone here instead of the OR table?"

"Nope, it's just MiniShepherd proving she has a healthy set of lungs," drawled Alex from a nearby table.

"I don't think she needed to prove anything," grinned Izzie. "She has being loud coded in her genes. I still have this stock of earplugs I bought while living at Mer's."

Derek searched the cafeteria with his eyes to find the two blond heads at the level of the table in the other corner of the room. Bessie was sitting on the floor, beating it with her feet and crying wildly, stopping only to gasp for air. Mer was crouching near her trying to untangle the arms she crossed over her chest.

He was momentarily rooted to the spot. It was just unbelievable that this was his little angel. His heart gave an unpleasant pang as he gazed at her red blotchy face, covered in tears and an angry grimace on her lips.

"So… I'll leave you to it," Mark patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Enjoy the family meal. Oh, and see you at dinner."

"What?" he managed to register the last piece of information observing his daughter screaming uncontrollably. "What are you talking about?"

"Your mom invited me and Lexie at Meredith's; probably wants to celebrate. Hope you'll still be alive," Mark winced glancing at Bessie and hurried to pick up his lunch.

Derek took a deep breath and neared Meredith's table, getting to the heart of the problem.

"No, don't want!" yelled Bessie. "Want ice-cream!"

"Bessie, you can't have ice-cream before lunch. It's bad for you tummy," Meredith tried to reason with her.

"What's going on?" asked Derek with concern.

"She doesn't want her lunch, she wants ice-cream," groaned Meredith pushing hair from her forehead.

"She can have that later, right?"

"No!" Meredith shook her head firmly. "There will be no ice-cream today. Not after a tantrum like that," she sighed. "Let's get up from the floor, sweetie. Your food is getting cold."

"No! No eating! Hate you!" she screamed into her face.

Meredith winced involuntarily. She knew Bessie didn't understand the connotations of the word 'hatred'. For small children like her, it was either love or hate, nothing in between. It hurt nevertheless.

"Fine," she nodded curtly, picking Bessie up and placing her in the chair. "Fine. You're not hungry, then don't eat."

She heaved herself on her own chair and started to pick unenthusiastically at the food on her plate. Derek followed her lead even forgetting about his own hunger. Bessie instantly slipped from her seat and climbed into his lap, drying the last tears into his scrub top.

"Fine, I'll be the bad guy," shrugged Meredith. "Just don't you dare give her any sweets. We can't bribe her into eating."

Derek realized how much of an impact Bessie's words must have had on Meredith. She told him only yesterday how she feared becoming her mother. He gently took Bessie off his knees and leaned to tell her seriously, "That was a very bad thing to say to Mommy. Mommy loves you, she wants you to be healthy and happy."

Bessie rocked from side to side but Derek held her steadily in his arms. "You don't hate your Mommy, you love your Mommy. And you made her very sad. You don't want Mommy to be sad. Bessie, do you want Mommy to be sad?"

She looked fixedly at the floor for some time to finally shake her head, "Mhm-mhm."

"Go give your Mommy a hug, it will make her happy."

Bessie made her way back to Meredith, her eyes downcast.

"Mommy, I'm sorry," she reached her hands upwards to hook around her Mommy's neck and Meredith picked her up with a small whimper. "Love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Cherry-pie," she rubbed Bessie's back tenderly. "More than you imagine."

_Thank you_, she mouthed towards Derek gratefully and covered his hand with hers.

_You're welcome_, he answered giving her a gentle squeeze.

Meredith's smile melted somehow as she studied Derek's face in greater detail.

"Oh my God, you look awful," she groaned.

"Thanks," he said wryly. "I knew a simple thank you was too much."

"Are you in pain?" she inquired, her forehead creased with worry. "I think you should see an ophto about it."

"I already have," he reassured her. "I got eye drops, they relieve the soreness."

"I nearly blinded you!" she bit her lip.

"Mer, don't exaggerate, it was only tear gas," he sent her a McDreamy smile. "You could hardly blind me with such a little dose. You just… temporarily disfigured me… and sparked off the new gossip about using domestic violence against me."

"I'll never live this down," she slapped her forehead hopelessly.

"I'll get my lunch now as emotions blew over," chuckled Derek getting to his feet.

"You know," smiled Meredith seating Bessie on her lap, "we could put an official end to the bet, you know The Bet… if there are still any people holding on to that."

Derek smiled at her and leaned to catch her lips in a light kiss.

"Some serious money's changing hands today, I hear," smirked Bailey, halting behind the table of her former interns.

"How could you possibly predict that?" groaned George placing the due sum before her while the rest of the group rummaged their pockets with frustrated expressions.

"Let's think," muttered Bailey counting the cash. "I know to look, I think with my brain and I'm Bailey so-"

"So she knows everything," grumbled Cristina but added on a lighter note. "I'm glad that someone did win here."

"Yeah, someone did," agreed Miranda softly watching Derek return to the table with his lunch and give Meredith another kiss.

"10 bucks his pretty face collided with her fists," giggled a nurse to her colleague, passing by their table.

"20 she tried to make him beg for forgiveness holding lamp over his eyes," exclaimed George.

"30 she kept him blindfolded all night long," took up Alex with a grin. "They like dirty."

Cristina burst out laughing. Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd, it was one of those cases where the truth was as crazy as the wildest story.

**********************************************************************************

"So, Mark Sloan?" smiled Meredith as she and Lexie took out plates from a cupboard in Meredith's kitchen.

"Don't tell me he hit on you too!" frowned Lexie.

"He's Mark Sloan," stated Meredith. "He hit on everybody, sorry."

"Just say it," spitted out Lexie.

"Say what?" frowned Meredith testing the cleanliness of the wine glasses.

"That I'm stupid, or naïve. That he's older and he's an attending," she gesticulated wildly with her hands. "Like say 'Lexie, what the hell are you doing?"

"It's funny," commented Mer.

"I'm a laughing stock," said her sister letting her arms plop lifelessly to her sides.

"No," grinned Meredith. "It's just… Izzie, Izzie Stevens asked me the same question, sitting at the same spot. We were living together at the time and she saw Derek sneak out of the house one morning."

Lexie laughed heartily.

"So who am I exactly to criticize you for your relationship?" shrugged Meredith. "Been there, done that."

"What did you say to Izzie?"

"Hmmm, I guess my eloquent answer was: 'Uhm… it's just… and he's just so…"

"And then Izzie expertly concluded that I was falling for him," she gave Lexie a sharp look.

"I guess," she sighed. "Isn't it… too fast?"

"Even if it is, you can't exactly help it. I've been falling hard and fast since I took him home for drunken sex. But it's scary, I admit."

Lexie got lost in thought while Meredith asked her shrewdly, "So, is this a regular freak out or is there an ulterior motive?"

"Thanksgiving's coming," sighed Lexie glancing at the tray full of freshly baked cupcakes.

"And?"

"And I spend every holiday at my parents."

"You want to spend this one with Mark?"

"No… well, why not… I don't know," rambled the brunette. "Either case they'll know I have a boyfriend."

"You don't want them to meet him?"

"What if they don't like him? There are thousands of reasons," Lexie stuffed a cupcake into her mouth desperately. "He's Mark Sloan!"

"You might be blowing it way out of proportion," frowned Meredith as her sister reached for another cake. "He's not Casanova, he doesn't have a worldwide reputation."

"But he's a manwhore…"

"Not anymore, no, he isn't," Meredith shook her head. "Is this all you can say about him? That he's a manwhore? Because it doesn't bode well."

"No, it's not everything," she denied frantically. "He's great, not only in bed, well, he's amazing in bed… and his fun and his funny, we laugh and we talk and-"

"You see, you know what to tell Susan and Thatcher, well, maybe skip the bed part. And… you can stop eating now."

"This is why I've always wanted to meet you, my older sister," said Lexie quietly.

"To follow in her inglorious footsteps?" smiled Meredith. "Maybe you shouldn't introduce Mark to your parents after all. They'll think I'm bad influence on you, hooking up with an older boss and all that."

Lexie rolled her eyes, "No, it's just… You know what to tell people and I'm not only talking about me and my silly things. I've seen you with patients and patients' families. You don't judge, you know what people should hear and you don't lie to them and it's pretty great."

"You make me look like a master of communication and looking at my relationship with Derek we know it isn't true."

"I know what I'm saying, Meredith," insisted Lexie. "And I'm really glad you're my older sister."

Meredith reciprocated her smile, "I'm glad you're my sister, too."

"What's that smell?" Lexie suddenly scrunched her nose.

They looked with panic at the oven and yelled at the same time, "The roast! Carolyn!"

"What? What's happened?" Carolyn hurried into the kitchen, followed by Derek and Mark with Bessie perched on his shoulders. "Oh, my… Girls, you were supposed to watch over the meat!"

"Mrs. Shepherd, no one in their right mind leaves a Grey girl alone with the food," grinned Mark. "It'll either disappear or end up in the trash can."

"Fortunately, it's not all ruined," Carolyn breathed out with relief, taking out the sizzling pan. "We won't starve."

"And there's someone who tried to convince me she could cook," smirked Derek opening the window.

"I said simple things!" Meredith glared at him swiping him with a table cloth. "Like comfort food!"

"Ouch, Big Grey," winced Mark. "You're violent, I guess the rumours you wanted give Derek a double black eye are true."

"I… did not!" exclaimed Meredith glancing nervously at Carolyn, who looked suspiciously at the three of them but at the moment concentrated on giving commands what to take to the dining room.

"Derek, you'll do the honors?" said Carolyn giving him the knife to cut the roast, as they were all seated at the table. "You're the man of the family."

"And I'm what?" asked Mark indignantly. "A skinny schoolgirl?"

Derek had a childish urge to stuck his tongue at his friend but being under his mother's watch, he satisfied himself with a lofty smirk.

"Little Derbear's not a man," Mark grumbled on. "He's a chick who's got a trashing from his woman last night."

"Now, seriously," Carolyn put her hands on her hips impatiently. "What's with that story? What's happened to your eyes, Derek? No, I won't believe you cried all night begging Meredith to take you back."

Derek looked sheepishly at his mother and then at Meredith who hid her red face.

"Ifrdtheargastizface," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch that, dear," Carolyn turned towards her.

Meredith cleared her throat and spoke a little louder, "I fired the tear gas at his face."

There was a moment of silence and then Mark burst out laughing followed by Lexie and the rest of the table, including Bessie who took up the good mood of the adults.

"It was… self-defense," Meredith bit her lip trying to justify herself. "I thought he was a thief."

"Quite right, Meredith," agreed Carolyn with a good natured smile making Derek frown. "You did what every mother would. When it comes to the safety of the child, we shoot and asks questions later."

"Looks like you have to get used to the women front," commented Mark. "They're gonna always side along."

"So, what's with Derbear?" asked Meredith to divert the attention from herself, even if Carolyn didn't seem horrified with the amount of bodily harm she inflicted on her son.

"Embarrassing Derek stories time, excellent," quipped Mark enthusiastically. "Did you think he's McDreamy on the other side of the continent? Nope, he's our little Derbear, skinny ass, afroman-"

"Excellent, I could throw in some embarrassing Mark stories Lexie would love to hear," Derek interrupted the list of the epithets giving out the portions of the roast.

"There are no embarrassing stories about me. There are the adventures of the great Mark Sloan," he boasted.

"I assure you I can tell plenty," argued Derek.

"Yeah, sure, wait for your turn," smirked Mark. "So, Meredith, do you want to hear the one when we were in the ninth grade and Mrs. Shepherd discovered a box of condoms in Derek's room?"

"Do tell," said Meredith with a wide grin.

"There's nothing to tell," groaned Derek.

"I guess I have to agree on that with Derek," stated Mark sorrowfully. "Not much to tell because there weren't Derek's condoms. I hid them there assuming Mrs. Shepherd won't tidy up his room with Derbear being all that prim and proper. But you know what's the funniest in this story?"

"What?" grinned Meredith.

"The funniest part is that," Mark tried to hold back his laughter, "Mrs. Shepherd didn't even ask Derek for explanations. Everyone knew there was no way Derbear was getting any."

"Are you done having fun at my expense with my daughter listening about my sex life?"

"What sex life?" grinned Mark.

"Mom!" whined Derek.

"Boys, enough! I swear Bessie here behaves more maturely," scolded them Carolyn.

"Oh, she's got a temper all right," Mark shook his head. "You should have seen the show she gave today at lunch."

"What happened?"

"We had a little problem," explained Meredith. "She was fussy with the food."

"Derek here was scared shitless, looked like he wanted to run."

"Mark Sloan! Refrain from that language at the table and in front of my granddaughter!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Shepherd," he said solemnly.

"I was scared and stunned," admitted Derek. "But I didn't what to run."

"Temper tantrums are hard," sighed Meredith.

"So, is Bessie getting any apple pie I made today?" asked Carolyn looking between Meredith and Derek.

Meredith glanced at her gratefully. There was the strange and incredible thing about Carolyn Shepherd. She gave birth to and raised five children, she was an experienced parent, yet she never interfered with Meredith's decisions concerning Bessie.

"Mommy, please!" pleaded Bessie. "I eated dinner good!"

"You did," nodded Meredith. "And you apologized earlier. I think you could have a slice but you have to ask your Daddy."

"Daddy, please!" exclaimed now Bessie, looking at him expectantly.

Derek was momentarily speechless but managed to recover quickly, "I… You can have your cake, princess."

"Thank you, Daddy, Mommy!" she bounced happily in her chair.

"Grey girls always get what they want," chuckled Mark.

"She's half Shepherd," Meredith winked at Derek playfully.

"Derbear, will you help me with the pie?" asked Carolyn, standing up and going to the kitchen.

"Of course, Ma."

"Should I take all in to the dining room?" he asked depositing the dirty dishes to the sink.

"In a moment, son," she said wiping her hands. "I need to have a quick word with you."

"Yeah?"

"Your father always wanted you to have this," with a melancholic smile, she took a ring off her finger and placed it on her open palm, "for the right girl."

He looked open-mouthed at the simple ring with a sparkling stone.

"Addie wasn't right, clearly."

"You spent three days with Meredith," said quietly Derek. "Most of which she was at the hospital. you barely even know her."

"I know enough," she nodded firmly. "I know she loves you, I know she cares for you. And sweetheart," he caressed his cheeks affectionately, "sometimes you tend to see things in black and white."

"Mhm," he nodded.

"Meredith doesn't."

"No."

"You need a spoonful of that. You need her," she whispered, making him smile and nod.

"But it's too early," he cleared his throat, somewhat reluctant to take the offered ring. "We only made up yesterday and Meredith… I don't think she sees herself ready for marriage."

"I know it's too soon," acknowledged Carolyn. "I'm not telling you to run back there and kneel in front of her this instant. You have a lot to work out beforehand. But you can still take the ring as a reminder of your goals, of what you want to be with Meredith and Bessie."

He finally appeared convinced and reverently picked the subtle piece of jewelry.

"And let me just tell you this," Carolyn stated knowingly. "From what I gather, Meredith didn't think she was ready for motherhood and you see yourself what a wonderful mother she is, how much she understands. She wants to share her life with you. Do you see how she asked you to make a decision concerning Bessie? It might have been a small one, but it just shows how thoughtful she is."

"I don't want to scare her off," said Derek. "The last time I mentioned marriage we broke off and she left the country."

"A lot has changed since then," remarked reasonably Carolyn. "Now, take the tray, dear, or they'll start to suspect something. And hide that ring!"

**********************************************************************************

Meredith sprawled her body languidly in the bath. The evening went well, so lightly, warmly… family like. Like something taken from someone else's life. But it was her life now, she realized with a content sigh.

Suddenly, the door to her bathroom opened and Derek went in smiling at her. "I thought you'd wait for me," he pouted stepping closer to the bath.

"Bessie's sound asleep," he wiggled his eyebrows at her staring to unbutton his shirt. "She went out cold during the story and I tucked her in."

"And your mom?" she subtly reminded him of the presence of his mother under the same roof, despite her brain going fuzzy, watching fixedly the muscled wall of chest being exposed before her very eyes.

"No, I didn't tuck my mom in," he quipped tossing the shirt aside and moving his hands to his belt.

Meredith gulped at the thought of what she was going to see next. "Seriously," she breathed out, her throat going dry. "No funny business."

"You're withholding sex from me?" he quirked his eyebrow at her, pulling down the zipper at the front of his khakis.

"Marks tells me you're more than capable of going on without it for long periods of time," she smirked.

"Funny," he said dryly as his trousers joined his shirt on the tiled floor.

Meredith licked her lips unconsciously. God, she loved his body, every part of him, but that one covered now only with his boxers was her absolute favourite.

He hooked his fingers behind the elastic band to pull the last item of clothing off his body when he paused, catching Meredith's cloudy expression.

"Yeah, funny… lots of fun," stammered Meredith.

"You know, Mer, not that I'm bothered," he spoke conversationally. "But my eyes are a bit higher."

"They are," she agreed absent-mindedly still staring at his crotch, the force of her stare making him harden. "You wanted to take a bath, right? Go on…"

He sighed and stepped out of his boxers, proud at the lusty smile that appeared on Meredith's lips and her heavy breathing. He stepped into the warm water and sat down in the opposite end of the bath.

"Are you tired?" he asked with concern.

"No," shrugged Meredith with a smile.

"No?"

"It was… nice. I get why happy families are always so… happy."

Derek's heart beat faster. Apparently, his mother once again turned out to be more perspicacious. If Meredith wasn't ready now, she would certainly be soon enough. It was going to be hard being around her without blabbing about the ring. Yet, he couldn't rush, he needed to find a distractor. He smiled mischievously, there was one, right within his reach.

"So… you're not tired?" he smirked, rubbing her thigh with his feet underwater.

"Oh, no," she turned her head slowly in a warning.

"Good," he whispered, his hands finding her calves.

"No! I meant… I'm not tired… but I meant no sex!" she hurried to explain, her excitement rising nevertheless.

"What? Why?"he frowned.

"Your mother's here!"

"She's not here," he grinned.

"Smartass," she glared at him trying to scoop her legs closer to her and away from him, but he held her firmly. "We're not having sex when your mother's under the same roof and certainly not after what she heard about our sex life."

"And it's my fault that Lexie blabbed about that old hospital gossip about our hot dirty loud sex?" he asked emphasizing the last words.

"It's not gossip, it's the truth," replied Meredith. "I mean the loud part is."

"And the rest isn't?" he exclaimed indignantly getting closer to her, placing her legs around his waist. "I think I need to refresh your memory."

"There'll be no sex!" she giggled.

"Oh, come one," he whined. "Do you think my mom is gonna stand with a glass pressed to your bedroom's door?"

"She wouldn't have to do that in order to hear us. Besides, don't forget about your daughter, you want to traumatize her with the sounds of her parents having sex?"

"She's a heavy sleeper," he argued. "She slept right through our talking last night."

Meredith only shook her head defiantly.

"I'm wounded," he insisted with a pouty face. "By your hand."

"Don't try to guilt-talk me. You said you were good and you'd live."

"I was just acting manly. In reality, I'm suffering," he grimaced.

"Too bad, I don't go girl on girl," she shrugged.

"Oh, now, you're asking for it!" he laughed and lunged at her, his lips going to her neck, biting on her skin while his fingers started to tickle her sides mercilessly. She tried to escape his ministrations giggling madly but the only thing she achieved was slapping water onto the floor.

"Shhhh!" he shushed her. "My mother will hear and come to tell you off for having dirty wet sex with her son!"

Laughing even harder she managed to breath out, "You're making fun of me!"

"Yes, I am," he murmured nuzzling his face between her exposed breast. "It calls for some serious spanking, I say."

"Nope," she said coyly. "I think you just won't get any more apple pie."

"Withholding both sex and apple pie? That's just plain cruelty!"

"I'm going now, Mr. Sexcrazed," she shook her head, clumsily trying to break free. "I think all that sex-starvation you experienced in your youth is taking its belated toll."

"What sex-starvation?" he asked abruptly, pulling his mouth from her hardened nipple.

"The one Mark told me about," she smirked taking the advantage to stand up. "The one that apparently went on until college."

"I… fine, so I might have lost my virginity at college," he grumbled laying back in the bath. "Am I a lesser man now?"

"No," she smiled. "I think it's sweet. The waiting thing or something."

"It wasn't exactly like that," he admitted uncomfortably. "Mark was kind of onto something with the skinny ass and afro part."

"Seriously?" she frowned scanning his broad well-toned body, muscle after muscle and the hair being the object of universal admiration. "No way… you're… hot… and you're like… a sex god."

"Thanks," he shot wryly. "That's real ego boosting."

"Seriously," she crouched to him. "And I love your hair…" she murmured moving her hands through his black curls pushing her breasts close to his face.

"But you're still not getting any right now," she moved away to stand up and step out of the tub. She glanced back at Derek to find his eyes glide scrupulously over her body. She suddenly felt self-conscious, it wasn't the normal lust look Derek gave her while seeing her naked. She rubbed her neck bringing her arms over her chest timidly, feeling a bit silly at her unsuccessful attempts to cover herself from his eyes.

"Derek?" she frowned. "What… what are you looking at?"

"You," he answered simply. "Post pregnancy you."

"I… you saw me naked at the trailer," she reminded.

"I wasn't really looking," he said softly.

"I didn't change that much."

"You did," he smiled. "You're still skinny, true. But your hips are a bit rounder and your breasts… definitely. How didn't I notice that before?"

"You should've seen me while I was breastfeeding. They were verging on disproportionate," she tried to joke.

"Mhm, have any photos?" he asked grinning.

"Only clothed ones," she smirked.

"And that's…" he scooted to the edge of the bath, brushing her abdomen with his fingers.

"An ugly stretch mark," sighed Meredith, inhaling deeply as his lips descended on her imperfect skin.

"You're beautiful," he said huskily. "And mine," he added giving her stomach the last peck.

"What is it with men and their obsession over pregnant bodies?" she asked slipping a robe over her body.

"I'm not obsessed with pregnant bodies," he laughed. "Just your body, even if you denying me sex."

She rolled her eyes and walked out of the bathroom. Derek joined her under the covers of her bed several minutes later, spooning her tightly, just like the previous night. It was good to have him back, safe and warm, sometimes still scary, but she never wanted to lose that new life she was embarking on with him and that new level of intimacy they seemed to be reaching.


	34. Chapter 34: Compliments

A/N Hey, there! So it's unbelievable, right? Me updating only three days after the latest chapter. But like I said I was on a roll. Hope you'll enjoy the chapter. It's a bit dirty, you're warned!

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"_We'll__ be absolutely fine taking a cab, Mer,"_ assured her Stacy.

"Nonsense, we'll meet you at the airport," insisted Meredith.

"_There's really no need in dragging Cherry- pie all the way to meet us at the airport in that awful Seattle weather."_

"Stacy, we live in Seattle, we go outside every day and somehow we've survived so far. Besides, I'll have help."

"_Fine,"_ acquiesced Stacy. _"I can't wait to see you and the little one, we have tons of presents. James almost bought out the whole Hamleys."_ _Well, I'm not going to save on my granddaughter_, he grumbled on the other side of the line.

"Tell him Bessie misses Grandpa James," laughed Meredith.

"_So__, we can count on your guestroom, right?"_ asked Stacy.

"Uhm, wouldn't you be more comfortable at a hotel," Meredith bit her lip. "It's just a… guest room… small and… small…"

"_A minute ago you were insisting on coming for us at the __airport and now you're denying a roof over our heads?"_

"No," whined Meredith. "Is just that someone is already staying in the guest room."

"_Who? You didn't get roommates again, did you? James will have a fit."_

"No, it's… Derek's mother."

"_Derek's mother… Derek's mother… What are you not telling me, Meredith Grey?" _growled Stacy.

Meredith sighed; she really didn't want to talk about it over the phone, though, a surprise Shepherd party for James and Stacy at the airport wasn't appealing either.

"We got together, me and Derek," announced Meredith, a smile tugging at her lips.

"_And you're telling me this now?"_ exclaimed Stacy. _What's wrong?_ sounded James's worried voice. _"Congratulations! It calls for congratulations, doesn't it? Are you happy, Meredith?"_ she asked solemnly.

"Yes," she answered calmly. "I am, like I've never been before."

"_I'm so glad to hear it, you deserve to be happy__,"_ assured Stacy, _"Oh, I've got to go. James has problems with his tie, I swear men never grow up. We'll see you in the Rain City."_

They hung up and Meredith contentedly leaned back in the seat in the lobby. Life was good, and it was getting even better as a packet of crisps landed at her outstretched legs and Cristina plopped on the chair beside her.

"My interns are killing me," she complained. "Why did I get such a bunch of idiots? Either they can't do the simplest thing or they hide around the hospital. Only Lexipedia's working like a mule."

"Maybe there're just scared of you," joked Meredith. "We were scared of Bailey."

"They're up to something, I just know they're up to something. I can feel it in my bones," gritted out Cristina. "And they're gonna pull me to the bottom."

Meredith laughed in a carefree manner until Derek paraded into her line of vision, clad in his scrubs. He leaned over the counter at the nurses' station to deposit a chart, giving Meredith a perfect view of his ass. A little moan escaped her throat, if only she get that ass all for herself, naked…

"What's wrong with you?" Cristina kicked her shin.

"Nothing," shrugged Meredith stuffing her mouth with crisps, her eyes still fixated on Derek's nether regions.

Cristina followed her gaze and whined, "Oh, that just sickening. Can't you wait to spare me the gory pictures and wait with undressing him until you're in private?"

"I'm not undressing him… and it's not gory… he's hot…" said Meredith absent-mindedly watching his biceps flex as he raised his hand to pull his ferryboat scrub cap off his head leaving his hair a little messier than usual. He smiled as another doctor greeted him in passing and marched off

"Seriously, why are you telling me this?"

"Why am I telling you what?"

Cristina rolled her eyes, "That your lover boy's so hot."

"I said that?" Meredith furrowed her brows, "sorry."

"I get that sex after such a long period of abstinence can do things with your brain but… have some mercy."

"Mhm," murmured Meredith succumbing once again to her steamy fantasy.

"McMama, nine o'clock," startled her Cristina. "She came to take Bessie to the aquarium, right?"

"Yeah," sighed Meredith seeing Carolyn make her way through the corridor probably heading to her office. "I think I have to go," she said but made no move.

"Why the frown? You like McMama," Cristina raised her eyebrows. "Even I like McMama."

"I adore McMama," groaned Meredith. "But…"

"But?"

"She's… a cockblocker."

"There it is," grinned Cristina but her smile was somehow diffused. "You've been shying away from sex because of McMama!"

"I don't know how much longer I'm going to last…" Meredith shook her head.

"I don't know what's your problem," shrugged Cristina. "What, do you think she doesn't approve sex before marriage? Hate to break it to you, Mer, she knows you're not as pure as snow; you have a kid together."

"That's not why I'm not having hot sex right now," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not having hot sex because hot sex is loud

"Fine, what do you think on-call rooms are for? Are they beneath you now?" scowled Cristina. "I seem to remember there were times you couldn't wait to hump your McDreamy in every supply closet on the way."

"You know, a little support in these trying times would help."

"Trying times? What are we talking about, again? Your sex life?" snorted Cristina.

"I don't have a sex life," groaned Meredith. "I… I think Derek might not want me anymore."

"I… I'm not even gonna comment on that," Cristina shook her head impatiently.

"He's sweet and McDreamy and everything but he isn't even trying to get into my pants!"

"Whatever sin I committed to deserve this must have been grievous," groaned Cristina under her breath sinking her chin onto her hand.

"What did you say?" asked Meredith.

"Nothing, nothing," she waved her hand. "He probably doesn't want you to freak out. I think he knows how your brain works by now."

"What's wrong with the way my brain works?" frowned Meredith.

"I mean, he wanted… to have sex but I didn't. That is, I did but we couldn't…" rambled on Meredith. "And then he looked at me weird, at the post pregnancy me and I don't know-"

"Meredith!" Cristina got impatient.

"What? Why are you making that face?"

"Shut up," hissed Cristina. "You know, just shut up about Derek, shut up about having sex with Derek, shut up about your relationship!"

"I…" started timidly Meredith.

"No! Go and screw him or… or put a chastity belt but, please please, as you weigh your options here, can you consider the possibility of shutting the hell up?"

Meredith sat momentarily stunned at her best friend's outburst. Cristina rarely yelled at her but when she did, it indicated she was going through some kind of emotional distress.

"How's Owen?" Meredith asked shrewdly.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"Cristina," Meredith looked at her knowingly.

"I don't know," repeated firmly Cristina. "All I know is that he's seeing a shrink. We worked together yesterday and all he said to me was "You did a good job today."

"You broke up with him," reminded Meredith.

"I know, I…"

"He's keeping his distance. Being close to someone you love but not as close as you'd like to is hard," said pensively Meredith. "Maybe he wants to protect you or the shrink told him-" she trailed off feeling her mobile vibrate. "It's Carolyn, need to go. You'll be fine?"

"Yeah," replied Cristina dismissively. "Mer," she spoke as her Meredith hopped off her chair throwing the empty crisp bag into the bin. "Please, get laid before you talk to me again. Another discussion of your and McDreamy's sex life might just be too much."

**********************************************************************************

"We going see fishes!" exclaimed Bessie joyfully as Meredith kneeled before her buttoning her coat.

"And you won't be scared?" Meredith wound her up. "Of the fish with big teeth?"

"Nope!" Bessie shook her head frantically.

"You will be," said Meredith coyly rubbing her daughter's sides. "A little?"

"No!"

"You won't even be scared of a jellyfish?"

"Won't!" fired Bessie only to ask, "Who jellyfish?"

"A jellyfish is a sea monster," started Meredith seriously, looking her daughter in the eye, "that has very long hands so it can catch you and eat you!" she said suddenly taking Bessie into a tight hug and lightly biting on her neck making funny noises as if she was chewing.

Bessie giggled madly wriggling in her mother's arms, "Mommy! You no jelly fish!"

"I'm not?" Meredith bit her lip. "How do you know?"

"Fishes smell bad; you pretty Mommy," Bessie smiled at her.

"Aww," Meredith's heart melted on the spot. "It must be the first compliment I've heard from her," she said to Carolyn with sparkling eyes.

"She's a well-behaved young lady," commented Carolyn with a smile. In that moment, she couldn't be more grateful that her son met a woman like Meredith on his way; a woman who was able to love with all her heart, unconditionally, and was able to teach her daughter how to love.

"And you're going to stay a lady, ok?" Meredith asked Bessie. "There will be no running from Nanny, you'll stick close and always hold Nanny's hand, ok?"

"Ok," nodded Bessie resolutely.

"Don't worry, dear," Carolyn rubbed Meredith's shoulder. "She'll be safe with me."

"I know," Meredith reciprocated her smile. "Thank you for taking her. We've been here for months and I haven't even taken her to see Seattle landmarks."

"No need to thank me," assured Carolyn. "I want to spend some time with my newest granddaughter before I head back to New York."

"Me and Derek should take a day off sometime after Thanksgiving to take her to the Space Needle but that won't be easy," sighed Meredith. "We're already going away for the whole weekend for a friends' wedding."

"About Thanksgiving," took up Carolyn. "Lexie's mom called this morning."

"Susan called?" asked Meredith, feeling a twinge of uneasiness. Carolyn knew little about her family's complicated history and it was better that way.

"We chatted a bit and we ended up planning Thanksgiving dinner together. With Susan and your Dad. Susan said that your other sister, Molly, was going to her in-laws this year," smiled Carolyn.

"Oh," that was all Meredith could say.

"I hope you're not offended with my being overbearing at your house…."

"I'm… no, of course not," she answered weakly. "It's… Bessie's first holiday with the family… so, good, family time…"

"The more the merrier," chuckled Carolyn. "See you at home, Meredith. We'll bring something for you from the aquarium, right Bessie?"

"Right!"

Meredith halted in the corridor and watched Carolyn and Bessie stroll to the elevator when they were met by Richard.

"Mrs. Shepherd," he greeted Derek's mother enthusiastically. "And the little princess," he looked at Bessie affectionately. "How's Seattle working for you?"

"The city clearly has its character but the weather's awful. How's your wife?"

The elevator door closed behind them and Meredith marched with a sigh in the direction of her office. Her father, Susan and Carolyn at the same table… It was going to be awkward, Meredith knew as much. And what was Lexie going to do? She still didn't introduce Mark to her parents and there was no way Carolyn wouldn't mention their relationship in front of Susan and Thatcher.

However, all Meredith's grim thoughts flew out of the window as she realized Derek was walking a few feet in front of her giving her a wonderful opportunity to admire his broad back and perfect ass. God, she was horny… She saw the love of her life enter the supply closet… If it wasn't fate, it didn't exist. She quickly slipped into the tiny room behind Derek and closed the door.

"Meredith," he said whipping his head to see who came in behind him.

"Hey," she breathed out in reply. Her breath hitched and it wasn't because of the small supply of oxygen in the closet. She probably should feel a bit ashamed of herself for the overt lust for his body in the workplace but her brain was blissfully blank as her nostrils discerned the smell of his aftershave. His cheeks were so smooth, the stubble he shaved off this morning didn't have the time to regrow yet.

He didn't notice the effect he was having on her and turned back to the carton box he was rummaging clearly in search of something.

"Do you have to do everything yourself today as well?" he grumbled from the box. "I don't know what's going on with those interns. It's unthinkable."

"They're just interns," shrugged Meredith trying to regain her composure. "They're… supposed to be lazy and incompetent…"

"A-huh," he chuckled glancing at her. "_You_ were good." He turned to face her noticing the flush on her cheeks.

"I… I was… I am good," she stammered grabbing a fistful of his hair to lower his head onto her lips. She pressed herself frantically to his hard body.

"Hmmm," he groaned into her mouth and kissed her hard while his hands roamed over her body. The last couple of days were a real torture. Meredith was uncomfortable with the thought of having sex when his mother was staying at her house and Derek respected her decision. He didn't insist because he wanted their physical reunion to be special, not hurried or casual. Not even like they made love in the trailer after her successful trial procedure.

He would be making love to her for the first time he learnt she had been pregnant with his baby. He wanted to make the occasion special but… he didn't realize he missed her body so much. The way she was clinging to him in the tiny supply closet, all her curves matching his body like pieces of puzzle, the soft impatient sounds she was producing… He just wanted her, badly…

"A quickie in the supply closet?" he breathed out biting on her earlobe feeling himself getting harder.

"Naaah," she moaned continuing the zealous exploration of his body. "I… don't'ev… aaaaaa…. condom…"

"God," he groaned pulling slightly away from her. "We're in the supply closet… Shouldn't it be supplied with condoms?"

"Sure, Derek," she snickered standing on her tiptoes to reach his lips greedily. "They should even offer a selection of choice… glowing in the dark ones… flavoured…"

"Mer…" he whimpered pulling away once again, "as much as I enjoy kissing you… I don't want to start anything we can't finish…"

Meredith smirked and sneaked a hand between their bodies down… down… groping his length giving him an instant rise.

"Too late," she giggled between his deep moans, "but I… can finish you off…"

With that she sank to her knees and pulled his scrub pants and his boxer down his legs freeing his raging erection.

"Meredith…" he breathed out bracing himself against the shelf. He was putty in her hands… literally.

She smiled with satisfaction watching the emotions playing on his face. She still wasn't going to have sex. She wasn't on the pill and they didn't have condoms… and she didn't want to have another pregnancy scare while they were still figuring things out. But… nothing could stop her from relieving her fixation on Derek's penis, she thought bringing her lips onto his sensitive tip.

Several minutes later Meredith rose to her feet taking pity on Derek and putting his pants up for him. His back was pressed uncomfortably against the metal shelf but he didn't care. His breathing was erratic and his legs were shaken up but he felt wonderful. This was by far the best blow job he received in his life. Meredith always had skillful mouth. He cracked his eyelids open and chanced a look at her. His eyes were instantly drawn to her swollen lips curved up in a smile. God, he needed to stop replaying the feel of this little mouth sucking, lapping on his length or he was going to get hard all over again.

"So… am I still good?" asked Meredith slightly out of breath, fixing her hair.

"Uhm… oh, yeah," he hummed.

"Thanks," she grinned.

"Uhm… you're welcome?" he breathed out making her smirk widen. "Should… I… return the favour?"

"Thought you'd never ask," she rolled her eyes coming closer to him impatient to feel him on her. Their plans were thwarted, however, by her annoying pager. "Damn, it's the Chief," she sighed. "I'll hold onto that favour," she winked at him and left him alone in the supply closet with his post-orgasmic bliss. He closed his eyes for a second. God, he worshipped this woman.

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"Chief?" Meredith poked her head into Richard's office. She wanted whatever the Chief had to discuss to be quick. She couldn't wait to get to Derek and his favour… or she could just get equipped with condoms on the way.

"Sit down, Meredith," Richard pointed her to the chair in front of him.

"I know how stressful those past few weeks were for you," he started hesitantly, playing with his thumbs on the table.

Meredith looked at him questioningly.

"Your little girl was sick, then you… and Derek had problems…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Are you… are you good now?"

Meredith smiled at him. She had every reason to despise him; he had an affair with his mother which broke her parents' marriage but the truth was she couldn't get mad him. The strange truth was that Richard paid more attention to her than any of her parents and it felt good.

"Things are… great, Chief," she nodded. "I feel we're finally standing on our feet."

"Derek's treating you…?" he asked sharply.

"He's treating me well," chuckled Meredith. "We… we explained everything to each other. Things are going well."

"Good," acknowledged Richard. "There's also another reason I paged you. Here," he pushed towards her a stack of envelopes sitting on his desk.

"What's that?" she asked curiously.

"These are letters," Richard looked at her with pride, "from patients from all over the world, asking about your trial."

"What?" she gasped.

"You heard me," smiled Richard. "You're making medical history. The news of your success travelled fast and there are hundreds of people out there with the hopes of getting help."

"Wow! I… They're for me?" she breathed out disbelievingly, feeling elated. "I… oh," she frowned, suddenly the high deflating from her like the air from a punctured balloon.

"Meredith?" probed Richard.

"Sorry," she laughed nervously slowly touching the envelopes. "It's just… this trial… it was my second baby… the second most important thing in my life for quite some time… and I completely forgot about it!" she looked at Richard in shock.

"It's all right, it's how it should be really," he calmed her. "We are people first and foremost, then doctors. That's the right order and I'm glad you live according to it. I mixed my priorities once, actually have been doing it for years, glad you don't repeat my mistakes."

"I… I'll be able to continue the trial?" she inquired.

"Of course," he nodded. "Whenever you're ready."

"Thank you, Chief," she said standing up taking the pile of documents in her hands.

"One more thing," stopped her Richard. "Thank you for inviting us for Thanksgiving, Adele and I will come with pleasure."

"Oh?" Meredith breathed out. She was clearly missing something.

"Derek's mother has already asked me," explained Richard. "I ran on her and Bessie earlier. We would spend this holiday alone with Adele…"

"Oh, no problem, Chief," she let out though her mind was racing. Her father and Richard Webber at the same table? She needed to find a way out of this mess.

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Derek was making his way down the corridor when he felt a steely grip on his arm and was dragged into an empty room.

"Mhmm, an exam room," a smile crept upon his lips. "Is it the time for me to return the favour?"

He closed the distance between them and pulled Meredith into a fierce kiss.

"Is sex all that you think about?" she asked pulling away.

Derek frowned slightly and stared at her. Not even an hour passed since she sexually assaulted him in the supply closet and pleasured him out of his wits.

"Your mom," she blurted out.

"My mom what?" he frowned tiredly. "She's not at the hospital; I called her no longer than fifteen minutes ago and she was with Bessie in the aquarium."

"God, no," groaned Meredith impatiently. "Your mother invited Susan and Thatcher to dinner, the Thanksgiving dinner."

"Oh," he furrowed his brows. "What's the problem? You get along with Susan and your Dad."

"I do get along with them," admitted Meredith. "And having dinner with them wouldn't be a problem if," she paused dramatically, "she hadn't invited Richard and Adele as well!"

"It's just.. two more people," Derek tried to reason with her.

She rolled his eyes at him impatiently. "Hello? Dirty mistress, cheating wife, broken marriage, does it ring any bells or should I go on?"

"Oh," said Derek as the realization hit him.

"Yes, oh," she replied sarcastically. "What am I going to do?"

"Be strong," nodded Derek encouragingly.

"Seriously? You're telling me to be strong?" she spat. "They're going to kill each other!"

"Why would they kill each other? It might get a bit awkward at some point but they're two adult men-"

He trailed off as Meredith glared at him as though he had grown two heads. "Would you sit at the same table with a man who screwed your wife behind your back?"

"Actually, I do that almost every day," he answered amusedly.

Meredith plopped dejectedly on the exam table. "I think I don't have arguments to counter that…"

"Ok," hesitated Derek bringing his hands together. "If someone as much as tried to make a pass on _you_, I would have to kill him," he said gravely. "So, I think I get what you're trying to say."

She gave out an involuntary giggle. "No one has tried to make a pass on me for ages, Derek. I'm like… McBranded. Everyone knows our story. And everyone knows I'm a mom."

"You're a sexy mom," he grinned scanning he body. "Plus, you're the youngest attending. I'm pretty sure I saw an intern drooling over you a few days ago."

"Derek!" she tried to remain serious. "You're my… boyfriend or whatever… and the father of my child! Do something!"

"Your faith in my abilities flatters me," he quipped but kept thinking that the word boyfriend felt somehow inadequate. They were beyond dating. The word fiancé would be much more suitable and Derek was binding his time… "Do you want me to talk to Richard?" he sighed.

"I… I don't think so," she twirled her fingers. "I… would hate him if I was a sane person, wouldn't I? But I don't hate him, I don't mind him being around and… he's excited to come over…"

"You don't know how Thatcher feels," remarked Derek.

"I…" she looked up at him bringing a hand over her mouth in horror. "I just thought… he wouldn't care much I didn't want him to come but… I don't want to offend Susan… it's kind of a dead end."

"Shhh," he cupped her face in his palms. "I'll take care of everything," he said soothingly.

"How?" she pouted.

"I have my ways," he whispered hypnotically into her lips. "Dr. Shepherd will take care of everything."

"Dr. Shepherd, huh?" she giggled as a shiver of excitement passed through her body. "Am I your patient now?"

"Well," he smirked. "You're currently occupying the exam table… and I have… some very fond memories concerning an exam table."

"I bet you do," she snorted. Her breathing got heavier as he pried himself between her legs and tugged at the cord holding her scrub pants. Soon they were laying discarded on the floor along with her panties. She leaned back expectantly gripping the table, goose bumps erupting on her skin as Derek's head lowered to give her the pleasure she was so anxious to feel.

"Ohhhh," she moaned feeling Derek's hot tongue on her. "Dr. Shepherd, you're so thourouuuuuugh!"

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Derek got out of his car and hurried up to a neatly looking house. He pressed the buzzer waiting impatiently for the door to open. He wasn't sure what he should tell exactly but he was sure he had to do something. The predicament his mother put Meredith into was causing her great distress. It was now his job to take care of her, just as he promised in their contract.

Finally, the door opened to reveal Meredith's father.

"Derek," he nodded his head, a slight nervousness discernible in his voice.

"Mr. Grey, thank you for agreeing to meet me at such a short notice," said Derek coming in the hall.

"Oh, that's not a problem," he waved his hand dismissively. "I've just started going through my editor's remarks on my latest article, not a very pleasant job, so I'm glad for the distraction… I mean, everything is good, right?" he looked suddenly anxious, "with Meredith and Bessie?"

"Yes, don't worry," assured him Derek with a smile. "They're great but what I'd like to discuss with you involves them, mainly Meredith but indirectly also Bessie."

"Oh," frowned Thatcher. "Pass, pass to my study. And it's Thatcher. We're almost… well, we are family.""

"Thank you," sighed Derek sitting down on a small sofa while Thatcher took a seat near his desk. "I'm afraid it's matter of… a delicate nature."

"I'm listening," the older man looked at him questioningly.

"I know my mother invited you and your wife for Thanksgiving," started Derek cautiously.

"Yes, Susan tried to call…" Thatcher's face fell slightly, "Meredith doesn't want us to come-"

"No, she'd like you both to come," denied Derek quickly. "And Lexie of course, they've got really close recently."

"Then?"

"I… ," Derek hesitated with evident unease. "My mother doesn't know much about Mer's family and… she likes big family occasions. And she also invited Richard Webber."

Thatcher blanched at the mention of the man who at the cause of his divorce. "Wh-why?" he stammered. I guess… he's the boss of both of you…"

"It's more than that. He's my mentor and my friend… as for Meredith, he's… very protective of her," stated Derek carefully choosing his words. "Now also of Bessie."

"They're… close?" breathed out Thatcher. It was visibly a hard piece of information to swallow.

"You could say that… as far as the circumstances allow."

"Does he know I was also invited?" asked Thatcher.

"Yes, I talked to him," explained Derek. "He'd like to make amends-"

"I don't even have the right to be angry at him for stealing both my wife and my daughter," said Thatcher quietly. "I… practically abandoned my daughter, no wonder she sees someone else as her father."

"I don't think you can really put it like this," said Derek deciding not to aggravate Thatcher's mood by mentioning James Warren. He let out a breath, Meredith surely was popular these days. "I know the perspective of coming to… Meredith's house and meeting Richard doesn't look to appealing but you might want to try…"

Thatcher looked up at him tiredly and Derek was sure he could grasp what Meredith's father was feeling.

"I think it'll be better for everyone and certainly for Meredith and the little one if me and Susan spend the holiday here."

"I'll be honest with you," said frankly Derek, beginning to feel impatient. "I have no idea how you could walk away from Meredith, from your child. I've known my daughter for two months and I… I can no longer imagine my life without her. it would kill me," he said fiercely. "And I would howl from pain if any man replaced me in her life."

Thatcher's hands trembled imperceptibly and his eyes glistened. "I… there wasn't a day I didn't think about her. There isn't…"

"Why won't you tell this Meredith?" asked Derek gently. "I'm sure she'd like to hear your version of the story-"

"Speaking of the devil," he murmured checking the message that he just received on his mobile. "I need to get going; we have to pick some friends from the airport. I sneaked out of the house."

"Meredith doesn't know you've come here."

"No, she's already freaking out about the dinner… I really hope you'll think about it," said Derek looking at Thatcher's unconvinced face.

"You know, I know how it is to be stabbed in the back like that," said slowly Derek. "I was married."

"Before you met Meredith?"

"Well, yeah," Thatcher didn't need to know he was still married when he met Meredith. "One evening I returned home to find them in bed together."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it all worked out for the best," provided lightly Derek. "What hit me most was the betrayal of trust on the part of someone whom I considered my brother. But… it's a history now. We've moved on."

"And what about your best friend?"

"He's still my best friend," shrugged Derek. "My marriage had been dead long before it happened. It just speeded up the whole process. I moved here, I met Meredith," he smiled at the memory of their first encounter. "We move on, we all do. _You_ moved on. It's not worth clinging to the past when we can move on to something better."

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"So, where have you been?" asked Meredith as they stood in the crowd of people in the arrival area waiting for Stacy and James.

"Missed me much?" quipped Derek leaning in to give her a quick kiss, careful not to squash Bessie between them. "Me too."

"Missed yourself much?" smirked Meredith as she tilted her head for another kiss only to meet a stuffed otter that suddenly shot between their faces. After the trip to Seattle aquarium, Bessie's stuffed bunny was thrown to a corner lonely and forgotten, replaced by a grayish otter.

"You're making out with sea otters now?" exclaimed Derek feigning indignation.

"Who knows?" shrugged Meredith sweetly. "They're more cuddlier, you're so… big and hard…" she bit her lip.

"Fine, you win," he gave up. "Just don't try to give me a hard-on while I'm holding our innocent daughter."

Meredith giggled, "Is it bad that I want all our guests out of our house before they even arrived? I want to have you all to myself."

"No, it's not bad," he chuckled. "Meredith, don't worry."

"I will survive this?" she joked hiding her real preoccupation.

"No, _we_ will survive this," he clarified. "I'm here."

"You're here," she whispered contentedly lying her head on his shoulder, near Bessie's.

"Meredith! Meredith!"

They searched the throng of exiting passengers and finally noticed Stacy and Warren hurrying towards them with their neat suitcases.

"Meredith, it's so good to see you!"

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Cherry-pie, you've only got more beautiful! Where's your favourite bunny?"

For a few moments, they drowned in a chaotic swirl of greetings until Meredith asked, "Do you want to go to your hotel first?"

"Yes, it think that's the plan," said Stacy. "We need to leave our bags, freshen up and take a nap I think. We're not so young anymore."

"Speak for yourself," quipped James. "I feel like a newborn."

Stacy snorted, "That's only because you slept like a log all throughout the flight. But… before we go to the hotel… we've got a surprise for you," Stacy looked over Meredith's shoulder and smiled.

"I don't like surprises," stated Meredith frowning.

"You'll like this one," stated an amused voice behind her.

Meredith turned on her heel with a wide smile, "Ned? What are you doing here?"

"Holiday's a family time right?" he asked self-assuredly. "And I missed the midget," he shrugged looking at Bessie.

Derek frowned at the scene in front of him. Ned? Where did he see this arrogant face before? He raked his memory and finally came up with the image of the gallery… a blond young man in navy scrubs leaning against the glass and shouting, "You owe us, babe."

It was at this precise moment when he knew he didn't like this kid. He didn't like his mischievous grin and Meredith's warm smile that came up at the sight of him. He didn't like the tight hug that Meredith took him in. He didn't like him. At all.

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A/N Thank you for all the feedback you're giving me. I'd like to know if you're getting bored with the story, the shrinking number of comments seems to indicate this, so… tell me if you feel it's dragging too much. The fic is slowly heading towards the finish line but I hope it's still interesting to you.

Have a good Sunday,

Em


	35. Chapter 35: Full Circle

A/N Hey, everyone! You absolutely rock! Thank you for all your kind support, you can't even imagine how much your comments mean to me! I deeply appreciate every single one.

This update is super-uber-long, that's what happens when I'm writing directly on my laptop, dialogues keep piling up somehow. There's a little bit of everything in this chapter – fluff, hurt, comfort and… dirtiness some of you asked for :) and well, my porny brain kept asking for it… You're warned, if you're sensitive to that topic, skip the part. I hope you'll enjoy it and it won't seem as uneven as it does for me, but well I'm not entirely content with the majority of my updates. Without further ado…

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"Thank you for letting me stay," said Ned standing against the sink and wiping the dishes Meredith was handing him.

"You're welcome," she replied giving him a quick glance. "But you can always tell me why you prefer my old dusty attic over a classy hotel room we all know you can afford."

"Your Romeo was very anxious to know that too," Ned smirked catching the glare Derek was sending him while passing near the kitchen door. "He asked me a couple of times suggesting I might be more comfortable at Archfield."

"Don't mind him," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's pissed off I didn't tell him that you're Bessie's godfather. It just… never came up in the conversation."

Ned thought that it probably wasn't the only reason but decided to keep his observations to himself, Dr. Shepherd oozing jealousy was just too much fun.

"So, how's your Grandma?" asked Meredith to change the topic of the conversation.

"She… she died… three weeks ago," confessed Ned uneasily but trying to remain indifferent. "That's… that's why I'm here."

"Oh, my God," breathed out Meredith putting the dirty dishes back to the sink and turning to him. She knew how much it must have affected her friend. He was raised by his grandmother and she was his only living family. "She was in such a good health when she visited you in New York a couple of months ago. What happened?"

"She wasn't in such a good health," he sighed. "She had skin cancer with mets on her liver. She came to Big Apple because she thought she probably wouldn't live to the end of the program."

"But… she looked so good-"

"She quit her treatment," said Ned quietly. "The cancer was too advanced, she preferred to live normal life than die in a hospital room with chemo dripping to her arm… I… I didn't know, I really didn't know," he said desperately as though trying to justify himself. "She told me only when I got back to London… I would have got back sooner if I knew… I would…"

"I know," said soothingly Meredith squeezing his hand. "She did that for you. She kept it to herself for you."

"That doesn't make me feel better," argued Ned. "I was having fun, getting surgery high and she was… slowly dying… alone."

"But she didn't die alone, right?"

"No," he swallowed. "I was there."

"Where do you go from here?" asked Meredith gently.

"I don't know yet," he shrugged regaining his composure. "I might go to LA, I don't know yet… I just… I have no one, no one beside you and Bess."

Meredith gave him a reassuring smile, "You-"

"Meredith," she was cut across by Derek's rough voice. He was standing in the door to the kitchen ready to go, scowling at their clasped hands. "Do you intend to go to work today?"

"I'll be ready in five seconds," Meredith rolled her eyes and seeing Derek leaving the kitchen without another word, she asked Ned, "Do you need anything?"

"I'll be fine," he grinned, "cleaning and baking all day with Bess and your in-law."

"She's not my in-law," frowned Meredith.

"Formally," he shrugged. "Practically, she is." He caught her hand when she was about to leave, "Meredith, are you happy with this guy? Because he looks like a major asshole."

Meredith let out an impatient puff. What was with men today? "He's not an asshole! He has a name, it's Derek. And yes, I'm happy."

"Geez, no need to be defensive! I'm not trying to hover," he raised his hands. "Just, you were freaking out about coming here for a month and now you have a happy family."

"I do," nodded Meredith.

"You winced at the sole mention of Bessie's father during the two years we spend in the program," insisted Ned.

"That's how it is in life," replied airily Meredith. "You love and you hate and then you love some more."

With wide eyes he brought a hand over her forehead, "You're warm, warm and fuzzy."

Meredith chuckled but Ned went on, "You'd do anything for Bessie-"

"I'm not with Derek because of Bessie," she denied firmly.

"I clearly remember you telling me you were staying in Seattle for her," argued Ned. "So that she could have her real father in her life."

"I did stay for her," sighed Meredith. "And I guess… I guess for me as well… I love him, Ned. I love him," she smiled gently.

Ned looked at her skeptically, "He's just…"

"He's not an asshole," spat Meredith anticipating his next argument. "Well, most of the time he isn't. D'you know everyone at the hospital calls him McDreamy?"

"Okay, you can stop with the advertisement campaign," he scrunched his face with distaste. "He's old."

"He's not old, he's eight years older than me," Meredith lost her patient. "I don't know why we're continuing this conversation."

"Hmm, so I can make up my mind about this gentleman suitor," he said pensively making them both burst out laughing.

"Yeah, thanks for your care, dad," she said sarcastically.

"Meredith!" they heard Derek impatient call and the sound of the door closed with a little more energy than the action required.

"I'm coming!" she shouted back snappily.

"You shouldn't say such things to your boyfriend when you're in a room with another man," sniggered Ned.

"Behave!" Meredith shook her head disapprovingly and hurried out to the living room to say goodbye to Bessie who was watching a cartoon with Carolyn.

"Do you mind buying a couple of things on your way back from the hospital?" asked Carolyn following Meredith into the hall.

"No problem," assured Meredith taking the shopping list as the horn blared outside. "Uhm, I think."

"You're not in a very festive mood," remarked softly Carolyn.

Meredith bit her lip, "Can you… tell him off or something? 'Cause he's being a jerk today."

Carolyn chuckled, "No, I can't tell him off. That task now belongs to you."

"He would listen to you," grumbled Meredith tying up the belt of her coat.

"Every woman has to know how to manage her man," stated Carolyn with a smile. "Otherwise we wouldn't have a life."

Meredith breathed out deeply. The only way to manage Derek she could think of was a ban on sex but it was a bit unrealistic seeing that they weren't having sex anyway. She ran out of the house and hopped into the car.

"Where's the fire?" groaned Meredith buckling her seatbelt. "We have plenty of time."

"I don't want to be the one pulled up in the afternoon," he muttered.

"Right," nodded Meredith. _Manage your man, just manage your man…_ Hmm, why those words sounded so dirty in her mind? Oh, yeah, because she was horny as hell. She had to be strong, though. Derek was a bad boy, he didn't deserve sex.

"You don't deserve sex," she accidentally verbalized her thoughts.

"What?" he frowned giving her a sideways glance. "Was it a figment of my imagination or you've just said I don't deserve sex?"

"I… I did," she stuttered. "That's what wives…" she bit her tongue. Stupid Ned stupidly talking about in-laws, "girlfriends do when their boyfriends are insensitive jerks. Insensitive boyfriends doesn't get sex."

"But I don't get sex anyway," smirked Derek. "So maybe now I should get some so that my punishment could make a little more sense."

"I don't think so," Meredith suppressed a grin. "You could have behaved in a more civilized manner towards Ned. You don't even know him. He's just lost somebody important in his life, he needs help."

His lips pressed into a thin line, "Yesterday you told me you wanted the whole house for ourselves and yet you're taking in strays."

"Ned's not a stray," she said firmly. "He's family."

"To whom?" he asked sarcastically keeping his eyes steadily on the road.

"To me and Bessie," she answered. "Look, Derek, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you. I just… it never crossed my mind, we were too caught up with everything and we didn't even get over the photos from the second trimester-"

"That's fine," said Derek dryly.

"Sure it's fine, Der," clipped Meredith ironically. "It's fine when you're all snappy and sarcastic. Just, so you know, think twice before you say something stupid again. Your mother told me that every woman has to manage her man and I swear to you I will!" she huffed.

"Manage me?" he chuckled suggestively. "Can't wait."

"Get your mind out of the gutter," she tried to sound harsh.

"I will when you do," he smirked. "That means never."

"You're on sex ban, remember?" she reminded him.

"What other advice Ma has been giving you?" he asked curiously.

Meredith smiled slightly as they continued to banter; they broke the tension without yelling at each other. They were definitely growing up.

**********************************************************************************

As the day progressed Meredith's resolve on the sex ban was waning and it would certainly crumble spectacularly, condom or no condom, when they found themselves alone in Derek's office. Unfortunately, someone started to celebrate Thanksgiving from the early morning, with a bottle of liquor apparently, before sitting behind the steering wheel and causing a serious accident involving four other cars. And that was just the beginning of the festive influx of trauma. It was already late afternoon when the rush melted somewhat and they were free to go. They were now at the supermarket trying to find the things on Carolyn's list before the closing hour and being late to the dinner they were hosting.

Dinner that Meredith dreaded for the last few days. Derek kept reassuring her that everything would run smoothly but she just didn't see how it possibly could. So she tried to occupy her mind with something else, currently, shopping. She would feel worried and awkward and completely freaked when they got at the house. Until then, she could be fine.

"We're really growing," said Meredith for the second time that day as she placed a bag of oranges into the cart.

"Going shopping?" smiled Derek.

"We're going shopping together," shrugged Meredith checking the items on the list. "First time."

"Mhm, that's another milestone," he grinned pushing the cart. "After all the sex and having a child together there must have come the time to go to the supermarket, just the two of us."

She laughed running her hand affectionately through his hair.

"Mhm," purred Derek, "feels good."

"We could always ditch that dinner from hell," sighed Meredith, "go to the trailer…"

"Don't give me mental images of something that can't happen," moaned Derek.

As they were passing the section with organic food Meredith raised her eyes and burst out in giggles.

"What?"

"I just… misread something," she stuttered pointing at the label. "I read… orgasmic."

At that point he kind of lost it. With a growl, he pulled Meredith close to him and kissed her hard. She was driving him insane with her giggle, her dirty talk, her fingers raking his hair, well, with pretty much everything. He pushed his tongue demandingly into her warm mouth, all the time thinking he'd like nothing more than to thrust into her in a completely different way. He needed her, he craved for her; even more violently with that arrogant kid from the program hanging around. His blood boiled at the sole thought how she hugged him at the airport yesterday or how she held his hand this morning. Derek's palm wandered possessively from the waist line up her body. Meredith was his, exclusively his. His lips wandered from her to her neck and he bit gently, eliciting a moan from her.

"Sir, Madam," a distantly nervous voice disrupted their spontaneous making out session. "Uhm, I must ask you to desist or I'll be obligated to ask you to leave."

They looked sheepishly at the worker of the store and reluctantly, broke their embrace.

"I'm having my way with you tonight or I'll swear-" Derek ranted trying to bring all parts of his body under control.

"Derek, your mother leaves in two days," Meredith said without much conviction. She certainly didn't want her mother-in-law or her future mother-in-law listening to their sex marathon (and there certainly would be one after all the period of forced abstinence) but she was horny. The level of her horniness probably reached the one she experienced during her pregnancy, and that was saying something.

Suddenly she tugged at his arms and they turned into the health and personal care section. With a mischievous smile Meredith threw a 48 condom variety pack into the cart. Derek's breath hitched for an extraordinarily long period of time.

"Thought we need a big supply," she smiled coyly. "Don't want to run out during… you know…"

He managed to grunt something incomprehensible.

"There are even your favourites, the glow in the dark ones," she quipped mischievously.

"Meredith," he moaned miserably.

"Yeah?" she asked innocently.

"You're absolutely devious," he said dejectedly. "You're throwing the glow in the dark condoms in front of my face when we're due to meet a house full of parents in half an hour?" he said checking his watch. "I'm an ungrateful son, I can't wait when my mom goes back to New York."

Meredith giggled, "We'll still have to be careful. Bessie sleeps across the corridor."

"An orchestra playing in the next room wouldn't wake her up," smiled Derek. "She took after you in that respect… " he trailed off and added dryly, his playfulness disappearing, "And there's your… friend. How long is he going to stay?"

"I don't know," sighed Meredith. "I'm not going to throw him out. He doesn't have anyone else."

"Fine," grumbled Derek, "but I'm not going to wait for him to kindly leave."

Meredith sighed in frustration; Derek's dislike of Ned was proving very tiring. Maybe a quickie in the car somewhere on the way would improve Derek's moodiness. Then her ringtone went off and she heard Carolyn's voice on the other side of the line, _"Are you going to be home soon? Stacy and James have just arrived…"_

Meredith sighed, all her fears returning in an avalanche. The evening was going to be a torture and she would welcome any chance to avoid it. Maybe if she was apprehended shoplifting she could spent the night in jail? Anything was better than what she was headed to. The only thing keeping her from running was Bessie, her precious daughter waiting for her at home, who would probably be swamped by the mass of people acting as or claiming to be her grandparents. Derek's support would probably be very scarce this evening; he was already putting back the mask of passive aggressive.

As they got to the house, she was sure of that. Upon seeing Ned helping Bessie to lay the table, both of them laughing madly, Derek's face didn't express anything else than pure loathing. Meredith groaned inwardly as the doorbell rang and she trudged with the shopping bags into the kitchen.

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Cristina walked up to her best friend's house with a lazy step. If it wasn't for Meredith she would spent another Thanksgiving alone while everyone around would be happy, smiling and 'familish'. But this year, her person was here and her goddaughter whom she could teach a few feminist theories, and it seemed, half of the planet's population. Meredith must be pretty freaked out.

She didn't even have the occasion the press the buzzer when the door opened and wide-eyed Meredith grabbed her arms.

"Cristina," she muttered.

"Uhm, are you okay?" she frowned at Meredith's striking resemblance to a zombie.

"Do I look okay?" she snapped. "I don't think so. My house is full of people, my house is bursting at the seams with fake mommies and daddies whose higher purpose in life. is. to. make. my. life. a. living. hell!" she gritted through her teeth.

"Did the chief and you father go cage fighter?"

"No," Meredith said dismissively. "They're throwing awkward glances at each other but they're otherwise civil. Thatcher wants to talk to me… I don't know why but he's been trying to corner me since he got here. And Derek's been a complete asshole all day, and the rest is smiling and talking and laughing and contrary to what everyone else is thinking, I haven't become so warm and fuzzy to digest all that load of happiness!" she recited on one breath. "Oh, and did I tell you that I'm horny? I want to do in the McBastard but I want to do him beforehand!"

"Yeah, you might have mentioned that too," muttered Cristina under her breath. "The fairy godfather!" she yelled spotting Ned in the hall. "Meredith didn't tell me you're in town."

"The fairy godmother," grinned Ned stepping up to her with the apparent intention to take her into his arms.

"I don't do hugs," warned Cristina. "Especially with horn dogs like you who want to cop a feel."

"I missed that destructive sense of humor," he smiled charmingly.

"Don't overwork yourself," she shrugged. "That's never worked for me and never will." She noticed Derek striding from the kitchen to the dining room with a bottle of wine, his face hostile as his vision swept from Meredith to Ned. _That _was what got Shepherd's pants in a twist. Wait, that was a bad expression, Cristina flinched inwardly.

They were to pass on to the dining room when Cristina felt Meredith's deathly grip on her arm.

"That actually hurts," she complained. "You're going to paralyze my surgeon hand."

"I can't go back there," whined Meredith.

"So you intend to sit through the evening in the dark hall?"

"Do something, anything!" begged Meredith. "Knock me out, sedate me! Can you make someone at the hospital page me?"

"I-"

"Meredith?" Thatcher's insecure voice stopped her from further developing her thought. "I… can we… talk?"

"I'll leave you to it," said quietly Cristina, silently telling Meredith to be strong.

"I… I… thank you for inviting us," stammered Thatcher.

"It was Carolyn… Carolyn's idea," fired Meredith playing with the watch on her wrist.

"I know," he nodded. "But… you let me be here… and I want to thank you for that… I'm… really grateful to be here," he confessed.

"Are you?" she asked a little disbelievingly.

"It… might not be the right time, I never do anything at the right time," he rambled. "Your house is full of guests, and it's Thanksgiving… but I... I've thought about you every day of my life, every single one."

Meredith swallowed with difficulty feeling her eyes starting to water, "Why… why did you leave? Why did you leave me?" she asked with a small voice.

Thatcher felt crushed with the amount of pain in her voice, "I never imagined I would," he replied with a crumbling voice. "The day I held you in my arms for the first time… minutes after you were born… was the best day of my life."

"Really?" she snorted, sniffing slightly. "That's not exactly compatible with abandoning me."

"I know there's no justification for what I did," he said heavily. "I was an adult, I should have been wiser… but I thought it was for the best at the time."

"How could abandoning your child be ever for the best?" she whispered. "Look at Derek, he loves Bessie more than his life. D'you think he'd abandon her? Ever?"

"I... I know it's hard to understand," his voice trembled. "After… after the divorce I thought I was weak, I was unworthy. My own wife preferred someone else… someone more successful… someone… I let her take you because I didn't want you to be like me."

"Oh, you'd prefer me to be like her?" she laughed cynically.

"That's not what I thought at the time," he breathed out. "I blamed myself and only myself for what happened. I talked myself into believing that I couldn't meet the needs of my family. I felt… like I was never good enough…"

Meredith looked at him with new eyes. She knew the feeling, never being good enough. Thatcher's explanation wasn't making anything easier or less hurtful but… a little more understandable.

He stepped closer to her and she could see that his eyes were glistening, "I know I left you and it's unforgivable… but… I want you to know that I never stopped loving you. You are my child and all the time in the world that could pass wouldn't change how I feel…" he clumsily reached a hand towards her, looking hopefully into her eyes.

After some hesitation she met him halfway. Life recently taught her that the thing with unforgivable wasn't always so clear. It was time to do something about her daddy issues and Thatcher was making the first step. She wouldn't hug him or talk more freely to him but a cautious handshake was just fine.

"I'm…," he cleared his throat embarrassedly, overcome with emotions. "I'm really glad you have Derek. He's a good man… and true, he'll never abandon you or Bessie. And I'm glad he made me realize I was hurting you more with staying away than with coming forward."

"He… he's talked to you?" asked Meredith with surprise. That was why he kept repeating that everything would be alright.

She waited a few moments for her hands to stop trembling and her eyes to dry and she took a quick peek in the dining room. Derek was not here. She went to the kitchen and there he stood leaning slightly against the counter cutting something, with his back towards her. She put her arms around him, resting her cheek against his shoulder, startling him.

"Thank you," she murmured breathing him in.

"For what?" he sighed, tensing against her.

"You talked to my father," she breathed out.

"I did," he probed, he still wasn't sure if Meredith wouldn't accuse him of trying to do everything instead of her; even if she asked for help in the moment of panic.

She sighed contentedly passing her hands across his abdomen, not being able to get closer enough. "Thank you… we talked… and talked…"

He turned abruptly to take a look at her, "You talked to him?" he studied her face with concern. "How do you feel?"

"I'm good," she shrugged pressing herself into his chest and smiling as his arms closed around her. "Relieved, I guess, more at ease."

"That's good," he breathed out, planting a kiss at the top of her head. "Ready to go in there?"

"As ready as I ever will be," she smiled gently.

**********************************************************************************

Until now, the dinner proved to be smooth sailing. Looking around the table, the knots in Meredith's stomach lessened significantly. Richard and Thatcher were still actively avoiding each other but that particular detail drowned in the hubbub of conversations, jokes and laughter. Mark was entertaining Thatcher and Susan, apparently trying to sneak into their good graces. Derek seemed to return to his cheerful charming self. Meredith suspected it was due to Carolyn's careful planning, seating her son and Ned at two different ends of the table. That way, Ned was engrossed in a fervent conversation with Richard, while Derek sat beside Bessie helping her with her food, giving Stacy updates on his daughter.

"Every time Meredith sneaks her into the OR gallery she doesn't want to leave," chuckled Derek.

"That's just like her mommy," grinned Stacy winking at Meredith. "Inseparable with the OR."

"Oh, are we talking about the day Meredith went into labour?" grinned Ned across the table, having caught the Stacy's last sentence.

"No!" she frowned shaking her head sending him silent _"I'll kill you if you bring this up."_

"What happened?" asked Lexie curiously.

Ned smirked at Meredith ignoring her glare, "She was scrubbing in when her waters broke."

"No!"

"Yes, and she still refused to admit she was in labour," nodded Ned raising laughter all over the table.

"It wasn't funny," huffed Meredith.

"But it was," he laughed. "She gripped my hand so tightly I feared it was the end of my surgical career."

"I would start to be afraid right now if I were you," hissed Meredith. From perspective, she knew she was silly refusing to stop working in the third trimester. It was embarrassing enough experience when she stood in the scrub room with all the people around staring at her wet pants, she didn't need it replayed among her friends and family. Moreover, she couldn't ignore the sudden quietness on Derek's part and the stony expression on his face.

"Fortunately, the contractions started almost immediately," added Stacy.

"Fortunately for whom?" asked Ned grinning widely. "She wouldn't let go of my hand and I missed my surgery, a heart transplant!"

"That was karma!" bit back Meredith. "For all the times you were going to make fun of me."

"I spent all the night sleepless and on the verge of nervous breakdown," went on Ned. "Having to listen than men should be castrated and well, it wasn't even my fault. But it was worth it in the end."

Meredith prayed for something, anything, to happen that could save her from the rest of this painful conversation. Ned was clearly testing Derek's patience, judging by the tightening of his jaw.

"I'm glad that Meredith wasn't alone," said Susan gently. "I couldn't even imagine bringing my girls to this world without Thatcher."

"Any more midgets you might pop out soon, Mer?" smirked Ned. " 'Cause-"

"They'll have their father around," finished curtly Derek narrowing his eyes at Ned as a deathly silence fell upon the table.

"Oh, will they?" Ned raised his eyebrows. "Somehow, you weren't around the last time-"

"Well, I'm here now, so you can leave Meredith and _my_ daughter alone," fired Derek harshly.

"Derek!" barked Carolyn.

Ned looked as though he'd love to add something but held his tongue under Stacy and James's glares and Meredith's pleading eyes. The next few seconds passed in the most uncomfortable silence Meredith ever experienced, until Mark cleared his throat and said mercifully, "Have I already told you about the face transplant we're having next week?" The others promptly followed his lead but the evening was effectively killed.

Meredith watched Derek with a sinking feeling. She could only imagine what was going in his head. As they started to clean the table, Meredith followed him into kitchen.

"Derek?" she began cautiously.

"What?" he asked simply putting the dished into the sink.

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay," he replied coldly turning to her. "Because I have to endure his presence at this house."

"Look, I'm sorry for what he said," sighed Meredith. "He's just… protective."

"Who the hell is he to be the judge of our life?" he demanded. "I want him out of here."

"I can't just throw him out," she hung her hands helplessly.

"Of course you can't," he threw ironically. "There's always someone more important than us."

"He's not more important than us," she argued. "But he's family."

"I don't know him," shrugged Derek. "And I certainly don't trust him."

"I'm going to talk to him," said Meredith to placate him. "He doesn't know the whole story, he doesn't understand-"

"I don't see why he has to," he answered sharply. "This is our life, I'm not going to justify it to him."

"Derek, he's been there for me-"

"Yeah, I know, when I weren't," he finished for her impatiently. "He works ever better than Cristina, doesn't he?"

"Has something heavy fallen on your head recently?" snapped Meredith. "Because you seem to have sustained extensive brain damage!"

"Meredith, Derek," said Carolyn tiredly, standing at the kitchen door donning her coat. "We're taking Bessie to the Lantern Parade."

"What? Now?" asked Meredith grateful for the interruption as their verbal exchange threatened to escalate into a blazing row. "I guess, fine… We're going."

"Oh, no," Carolyn shook her head. "You two are not going anywhere. You're spoiling my granddaughter's first Thanksgiving with the family because you can't talk to each other. Bessie doesn't need to see her parents fighting on such an important day."

"Ma-"

"I don't want to hear a word of protest," she silenced Derek. "We're going for the parade and you're staying and learning to communicate. When we get back, I want to see some progress," she ordered. She went out and after a few minutes of rustle of clothes and broken conversations, the front door closed and they were left alone in the house as well as in the strained silence.

"Meredith," sighed Derek.

"Now it's Meredith," she snapped. "Mama's boy," she added under her breath.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I've been struggling all day to keep my head clear but I… I can't stand him near you and Bess!"

Meredith looked at him painfully and shook her head, "You're a liar!"

"What? Why am I liar?" he inquired trying to grasp her reasoning.

She turned on her heel and marched out of the kitchen into the living room and he didn't lose a second to follow her.

"Meredith, don't walk away on me!"

She halted in front of the fireplace and pulled the blue post-it notes that carried their vows from a the vase on the mantel.

She waved them before him and gritted out, feeling her eyes sting, "You're a liar because you said you'd forgiven me. You're never going to forgive me and I'm tired of getting my hopes up and losing them in cycles! I hurts too much!"

"I did forgive you," disagreed Derek desperately.

"No, you didn't!"

"Yes, I did!"

"No, Derek," she denied once more. "There's one thing I didn't tell you about Bessie and you're getting angry at me!"

"That… that doesn't have anything to do with it," he bit his lip.

"Yeah, right," snorted Meredith. "I had to tolerate your crappy mood all day because you love me so much!"

"I do," he said quietly, suddenly becoming flushed, "God, Meredith! I'm… I'm jealous, okay?"

"What?" she started at him, deadpanned. "You're jealous? Of Ned?"

"I want to strangle him every time he touches you," he gritted out leaning against the mantel, training his eyes steadily on the floor. "He spent those two years at your side. And now I know he was with you when you were giving birth and it's just killing me!"

"I… that's…" she stammered, not sure what to say. "There never has been.. anything of that sort between us, Derek. We're friends, we've always been friends, nothing more and nothing less."

"Does he think so too?" asked Derek, partially relieved. Meredith seemed infinitely puzzled that he could have come up with a similar idea.

"He doesn't have any romantic feelings towards me," explained Meredith.

"And he has never tried something-"

"No," she rolled her eyes. "If you need to know, I threw up at his shoes when we first met. I think that scarred him for life. And no, he didn't see any of my private parts during labour, are you satisfied now?"

"Yeah, well, I'd still be more happy if we sent him to the North Pole-" he tried to joke but desisted spotting her impatient glare.

"Fine, I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely. "It's just hard to control these feelings."

"You're such a caveman," she sighed. She completely misread his emotions.

"What can I say," he sent her a dreamy smile. "All your parts belong to me. Exclusively."

She crossed her arms on her chest and squinted at him. "Seriously? You think you'll get any after that jealousy scene?"

"You can't resist me when I'm all caveman and jealous," he quipped, closing on her, only inches separating their bodies.

"Hmm, true," she acquiesced before his lips slammed onto hers and she was pinned to the wall. "Condoms… Derek… condoms…" she reminded pulling her head away. "In my bathroom…"

He was back in the living room within seconds with their variety box in his hands. His erection strained painfully in his pants at the sight of Meredith, who managed to shed her shirt in the meantime and was now sliding out of her jeans. He tossed his own shirt to the floor and trapped her back between the wall and his hard body. His fingers couldn't get enough of feeling her naked skin, additionally encouraged by her hands, one messing wildly with his hair, the other trailing his spine from the neck to his ass.

Their lips mashed fiercely, biting, sucking and licking, filling the air with languid moans and heavy pants. He blindly unclasped her bra and lowered to lick the path from her neck, through the valley between her breasts going steadily lower. She giggled uncontrollably, goose bumps erupting on her body at the sensation of his rough cheeks on her sensitive boobs.

It was all true; she could never resist him. If he was caveman, she was his cavewoman and at that moment she wanted nothing else but him to take her hard and rough against the wall. She yearned for him to fill her completely, to keep thrusting into her until the demise of any reasonable thought in her brain and then some. She could already feel the essence of her desire gather inside her and pool at her lingerie.

"Derek…" she whimpered as his lips and hands arrived at her hips and he slid her panties in one swift motion. She unwrapped the condom with her frantically shaking hands. "God… take me… just take me…"

He straightened up, looking deeply into her eyes, his own pupils dilated, a smug smile on his lips as his mouth claimed hers once again. She felt him lose his remaining clothes and heave her up, her legs hooking naturally around his waist. He entered her quickly without a word of warning, the deepest he could, making them both moan loudly. They stilled their movements momentarily relishing the feeling they waited for so impatiently.

She was all his, from head to toes. His lips widened in a smile, he loved her beg him during sex and now he was going to make her scream his name in ecstasy. He was the only one to satisfy her needs, and she was the only one for him. He started to move in and out of her, slowly at first, but gathering force with every urge on her part.

She felt amazing. Her heaving breasts and her hardened peaks squashed against his chest, her tight walls spasming around his length. It wasn't long before the wave of their orgasms washed over them, bringing the desired release.

"Sorry," panted Derek, slipping out of her but continuing to hold her close, keeping her upright on her unsteady legs.

"For what?" she frowned as her brain digested his words.

"I… I wanted to be more gentle… and caring," he breathed out, "the first time."

"God, Derek," she inhaled deeply. "Only you could apologize for giving a woman an orgasm like that…"

"You're not just a woman…"

She smiled nipping on his earlobe, "You can be gentle and caring the next time… like… now…"

He growled and swept her to the couch covering her body with his. He trapped her hands above her head, and took to pleasure her body reverently. Their primal need was now satisfied and Meredith knew he was going to worship her body, worship the woman who gave him his daughter.

**********************************************************************************

Several used condoms later, they found themselves lying sweaty and spent on the sofa.

"I think the progress is undeniable," grinned Derek lazily, tracing little circles on her breast.

She snorted and swatted him across the chest; a little too hard, as he lost his balance at the edge of the sofa and fell to the floor with a soft thud.

"Ouch, that was not nice," he said rubbing his head gingerly, sprawled on his back.

"You like it rough," she quipped turning to look down on him, teasing his hip with her foot.

"I like it every way," he grinned.

"You know this scene looks a bit familiar," she whispered gently.

"Are going to throw me out?" he smirked trapping her leg.

"No," she said leaving the sofa and crawling on top of him, "move in with me."

He looked at her with surprise and an odd light with his eyes, a light that she couldn't quite define, "You wanna live together?"

She shrugged playing idly with the hair on his chest, "We're already kinda living together… We could bring the rest of your things from the trailer… so you wouldn't have to go out of town every few days… Bessie would get more stability."

"You're sure?" he asked tenderly.

She looked up at him, "Positive." They gazed into each other's eyes and slowly leaned for a kiss, which seemed almost shy in comparison to several rounds of hot sex they just finished. And another one was apparently imminent. She tilted her head to gave him a better access to her neck and her half-closed eyes caught bright lights moving against the wall.

They looked exactly as… car lights… Her eyes went instantly open. They completely lost the track of time.

"Oh, shit!" she groaned and stood up.

"What?" he frowned disoriented.

"They're back!" shot Meredith frenetically. "Our baby daughter and your mother and Ned and who knows who else are on our driveway and we are completely naked in the middle of the living room!"

He blanched and got to his feet in the desperate search for his clothes.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd! Where are my panties?" she hissed scanning the floor for her black thong. They heard the stifled conversations getting louder as the owners of the voices approached the door.

"I suppose it's useless to ask you to help me look for them," grumbled Meredith putting on her jeans. "If your mother finds them I swear…"

She trailed off and speeded up buttoning her shirt as they heard the door open.

"We're back!" shouted loudly Carolyn.

"Shit, shit, shit," chanted Meredith under her breath. "Fix your hair!"

They stumbled together into the hall, trying to appear innocent. Stacy, James and Cristina returned with Bess, Carolyn and Ned.

"How was the parade?" asked Meredith tucking strand hair behind her ears as everyone started to take off their coats.

"Cherry-pie was simply enchanted!" said Stacy.

"And how are the things here?" asked Carolyn, squinting at them. "Can we pass the evening without the threat of you two going after each other's… throats?"

"We talked everything out," assured her Derek. "We're good."

Cristina studied them suspiciously, one eyebrow raised curiously and she smirked wickedly at Meredith who glared in return.

"I'm sure they worked hard to reach uhm, understanding," she commented. "Thank God you -"

"Are you hungry, Cristina?" cut her loudly Meredith.

"Not if you did the nasty nasty in the kitchen," she made a disgusted face making the others shake with laughter.

"Thanks a lot," Meredith gritted out, feeling the heat creeping upon her face. "You're really my person."

"Oh, I am," drawled Cristina. "If it wasn't for me, you'd play the innocent all evening and everyone would know you got McDreamied anyway."

Meredith hands shot to her head but Cristina only smirked, "No, not the hair, Mer. You just look like you had been attacked by a vampire."

Meredith turned around with mortification to take a quick look in the mirror. She was going to kill Derek and his caveman instincts… She had three love bites on her neck, three!

"Let's get to the dining room," said Carolyn merrily. "I'll fix us something to warm us up."

"Just don't let those two touch my food," chuckled Cristina following the crowd.

"How am I supposed to show up at work with these injuries?" Meredith asked Derek hotly but to her immense irritation he appeared unfazed, if anything, smug. "You big Neanderthal!"

"Mhm, definitely big," he smiled at her while his eyes started travelling south down her body.

"Don't look at me like that," she warned him. "You've just earned a sex ban!"

"Right," his grin widened even more. "I've been on one since this morning."

"You didn't meet all the requirements; now you do, so you're banned."

"Does it mean you don't want me to move in anymore?"

Her feigned glare softened, "I do, but you have to say hi to the sofa."

"I like the sofa, _we_ like the sofa," he wiggled his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes, "You're dirty." She slapped herself on forehead, "Crap, we left the condoms on the mantel. Go and take them before anyone else sees it… and find my panties!"

"Relax, they won't end up on the bulletin board this time," chuckled Derek.

"You think it's funny? Stupid question, of course you think it's funny," she ranted. "I'm going to take a shower before it's Bessie's bedtime."

"Hmm, can I join you?"

"No!" she laughed, not able to keep a straight face any longer.

"But you said I'm dirty!"

Meredith giggled shaking her head as she climbed the stairs. It was a long and crazy day that left her on the verge of tears more than once. But it was also the day that brought another reassurance that Derek was the permanent element of her and Bessie's life. And she got hot sex, yeah, she was on the way to get her happy ending.

**********************************************************************************

A/N Did you get to the finish line? Lol. If you did, tell me what you think.

I was tempted to tell you what the next update will be about but hmm, I want to make a nice surprise for you. I feel really excited to get down to write it.

Yours,

Emilia :)

P.S. Just to calm everyone who enjoys reading this fic, I'm not stopping to write it before its natural end. I'm just unsure of my writing, as you may have noticed. There are still a few chapters before the epilogue, but well, not that many.

However, I'm pretty decided on writing a sequel to AEO. I have been thinking about it for some time but couldn't really find the inspiration. I didn't want to write any more hurt/drama for Mer/Der/Bess or repeating ideas that were used in other fics. But I have some ideas now and I keep jotting them down. So, anyone interested? Can't say much about the plot because it would reveal too much about the ending to this one and I don't want to spoil the fun for anyone.


	36. Chapter 36: Our House

A/N Thank you for your comments after the last chapter! My exam session is over and I'm free (YAY!!!) so I'm going to post more often, probably two times a week instead of one. As I said before I was very excited to write this update and I really hope it will be a pleasure to read. We're saying goodbye to Mama Shep, not without the last few words of wisdom and… I really hope I didn't spoil the charm of three very important MerDer scenes that kind of morphed into one in this chapter. Enjoy!

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"We're having pancakes for breakfast," said Meredith wafting the appetizing aroma coming from the kitchen as she helped Bessie to climb down the stairs.

"With chocolate!"

"You're reading my mind, Cherry," she smiled. "We just need to overrule Daddy's health regime."

They happily entered the kitchen, already occupied by the rest of the household.

"Good morning," smiled Meredith lifting Bessie to put her in her chair.

"Morning, dear," replied Carolyn not taking her eyes off the sizzling pan. "You two are just in time."

Derek grinned widely at his girls, that was the way he wanted to start every day in his life; to wake up entangled with Meredith's warm body and then to have a family breakfast. He could do without Meredith's friend still staying at her house, or their house as Derek officially moved in the previous evening. But he was ready to tolerate his presence, thought Derek smirking at Ned whose half awake head was currently resting on the table.

He put the plates on the table and bent to plant a kiss on the top of Bessie's wild curls and another on Meredith's lips giving her a mischievous smile that was very inappropriate given the fact they had company.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked Ned as she sat down at the table pouring juice for everyone.

"I didn't get any rest last night," he grumbled tiredly. "You could have found me a place that's not directly above your room…"

Meredith felt herself going red and concentrated hard on the Kung Fu Panda winking at her from Bessie's plastic plate. Damn, she knew it was going to end up like that but Derek got her way with her anyway. And now the bastard pretended not to hear the conversation being busy with a newspaper. Yeah, right, the quirked eyebrows she could see above the big sheet of Seattle Daily betrayed that he was overly pleased with himself.

"Why am I the only one suffering from exhaustion?" Ned decided to drag the subject.

"Once Bessie is out, she's out," smiled Carolyn placing a huge pile of pancakes on the table and sitting down, "and I found spare ear plugs."

"You mind getting the chocolate, Der?" asked Meredith hurriedly.

"Chocolate, chocolate!" yelled Bessie.

"Nice, Mer," said Derek dryly, nevertheless taking out the sauce. "Sweets in the morning?"

"A good day starts with a good breakfast, you know," she commented airily.

"It'll feel very quiet and dull in my house back in New York," sighed Carolyn.

"I'm sure the wicked sisters will do something to help you out," grinned Derek.

"True, you have nine other grandchildren," said Meredith.

"But Bessie is your favorite, right, Ma?" he boasted. "Because she's mine."

"I'm wondering if it's the symptom of some complex or megalomania," smirked Meredith.

"A complex, I'd say," laughed Carolyn. "I should've paid more attention every time the girls tried to dress him in their skirts." Meredith burst out laughing promptly followed by Bessie.

"Don't I love it that you all get along so well," grimaced Derek.

"Do you have photos?" chuckled Meredith. "I'd like to see that."

"I was vulnerable and defenseless," said Derek. "Barely a toy in their evil hands."

"Mhm, now I know where that hair obsession comes from."

He was just about to reiterate but his pager cut him off.

"Damn," he muttered checking the message.

"You need to go to hospital," stated knowingly his mother.

"Yeah, my patient's got seizures," he sighed. "I'm sorry, Ma. Looks like it's just Mer and Bessie are going to see you off to the airport."

"It's fine, sweetie," she smiled understandingly.

Derek hurried to get briefcase and when his was back in the hall his mother was waiting for him.

"I hope I won't have to wait an eternity to see you again, son, you, Meredith and Bessie," she complained with a twinkle in her eye.

"I'm sorry for being silent on you," he said seriously taking her hands. "And thank you for coming, it meant the world to me."

"It's nothing," she replied dismissively. "You're my child, I have to look out for you."

"I'm your middle-aged child," he chuckled.

"For parents, their children never grow. And coming to that statement, I'm sure I'll have to calm down several temper tantrums when I tell your sisters what's new for you."

"I…" he hesitated. "I'm sorry for the trouble, Ma. I know I should tell everyone myself… but… I don't want them to judge… me and certainly not Meredith."

"But you won't conveniently forget to introduce tour new family to your sisters?" she looked at him sternly.

"I want Bessie to meet them, the crazy aunties, the monster cousins," he laughed. "Just… not now. We'll come to visit you in New York but… "

"Maybe you'll bring Meredith as your wife?" prompted Carolyn.

"Wish me luck with that," he grinned nervously.

"Son, I wish you all the best," she caressed his cheek. "But you don't need luck. You need love, some patience… some planning."

"I'm completely clueless here, Ma," he sighed pulling out the little velvet box and opening it to reveal the silver ring. "I'm carrying it with me everywhere just… have no idea…"

"I think you have a very good idea," encouraged him Carolyn. "You know Meredith, you know she doesn't need grand gestures, so you're waiting for the perfect moment. And it will come, trust me."

"Thanks Mom," he said and gave her grateful hug.

Neither Derek nor Carolyn saw a pair of perfectly-blue curious eyes staring at them from the corner. Their owner would probably fire a series of questions concerning the little shiny toy in her Daddy's hands but her little jaws were now too occupied with chewing a stolen muffin. Soon enough, however, the ring was altogether forgotten as Bessie heard her Mommy producing funny sounds. She didn't wait another minute to see what Mommy was up to this time. Mommy was so funny to watch sometimes, especially in the kitchen.

"Hmm, it looks like Meredith needs a hand in the kitchen," chuckled Carolyn straightening the lapels of Derek's coat as she heard soon-to-be-daughter's-in-law squealing. "Take care, son."

"You too, Mom," he smiled and picked up his briefcase from the floor. Before he left, Ned hurried into the hall.

"You mind giving me a ride to the hospital?" he asked.

"To Grace?" Derek frowned with surprise.

"Yeah."

"Come one," he sighed.

"Not really my business," started Derek conversationally, "but what do you need at Grace?" Actually, he had a pretty good idea, judging by the way he and Richard talked during the Thanksgiving dinner.

"I…" Ned stammered with caution. He was at the top of his behavior after Meredith almost ripped his head off for his jibes directed at Derek. But he didn't hold it against her; she was protecting her guy. Apparently, Shepherd was capable of providing for all her needs, including the ones he didn't want to know anything about. He would be moving out straight to a hotel now that Carolyn was going back to New York but he decided to camp at Meredith's one last night. She had a night shift and that meant the house was going to be mercifully quiet.

"I think I might be staying in Seattle," answered Ned frankly.

"Richard's giving you a job?" inquired Derek, masking his irritation. Great, he was going to watch his annoying face every day now…

"Head of cardio," nodded Ned and then added. "Look, man, I'm not trying to piss on your territory, ok? Might be a bit cliché, but she's like my sister. She really is."

Derek chose to listen without interrupting and Ned went on, "I've got no one else and sometimes… you need your people. Meredith and Bess are my people. But I'm not trying to steal them away from you. We have a special bond and that's why I'm here. Meredith, she cares for her people."

"She does," admitted Derek.

"And…" continues Ned uneasily. "I'm sorry if I was a pain in the ass. I guess I just enjoyed watching you go greener and greener."

Derek snorted, he knew as much. After a moment he added without any traces of hostility in his voice, "Thank you for being there for them."

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Another day, another trip to the airport. Only yesterday, Meredith saw off Stacy and James heading back to their abandoned work in London and today she was to bid farewell to Carolyn. As frustrating her presence seemed to be from the strictly sexual point of view, she felt a sudden uneasiness to watch her leave. Derek's mother was like a guardian angel to their relationship, force of stability and reason, what would happen without it?

"Thank you," Meredith blurted out as they waited in the bee-line fir the check-in.

"For what, dear?" asked Carolyn, hugging Bessie close to herself. She really got attached to this little joy, and wanted to be close to her , not knowing when would be the next time they saw each other again.

"You know for what," Meredith stared at her hands. "For fixing us."

"I did no such thing," Carolyn shook her head, smiling gently. "You took control of your life yourselves and decided to make it worthwhile. There might have been some coaxing from my part but you did the work yourself. That's the only way, Meredith."

Meredith felt her calm return and she took a deep breath.

"Now it's my turn to thank you," continued Carolyn. "For giving me a place at your at house to be close my granddaughter. "

"It was a pleasure," said Meredith sincerely. "You're always welcome here."

Meredith twirled her hands, she really wanted Carolyn to know how much she appreciated her help and support, and the way she accepted her in her family.

"I…" Meredith stuttered. "How could I ever repay you?"

"Meredith," Carolyn rubbed her back gently. "If you feel you need to repay me, take care of my son, will you?"

Meredith chuckled, "I'll do what I can."

"You can a lot," said Carolyn seriously. "And… let Derek take care of you, alright?" Her eyes bore into Meredith's who felt a bit self-conscious under her gaze and didn't know what to make of it.

"And," went on Carolyn. "I'll be thrilled if you called me Mom. When you're ready, that is," Carolyn smiled mysteriously.

"I…" Meredith felt an inexplicable warmth at her heart. A woman to whom she was a complete stranger barely two weeks ago asked her to call her mom… what a striking opposition to her own mother, who sometimes required her to address her as "Dr. Grey" when they were in a formal context.

"I said when you're ready," Carolyn squeezed her arm.

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Oh, God, she was bored out of her wits. How could anyone make such crappy cartoons for children? Of course, there might something wrong with her. She was never allowed to watch or read stories about beautiful princesses who were rescued by their handsome princes. And that was precisely why she watched them from time to time with Bessie. Because childhood probably involved watching silly cartoons.

"Ring!" Bessie's fervent voice broke her musings.

"Sorry, sweetie," Meredith yawned. "Did you say ring? I haven't heard the phone, nothing's ringing."

"No, ring!" Bessie slipped from the coach and ran up to touch the flat TV screen. "Ring, prince haves ring!"

Meredith concentrated on the events in the fairy world. An ideal man was kneeling in front of a fair lady with a huge band. "You're right, Bess," she admitted. "The prince has a ring, he wants to marry her."

"Marry her?" asked Bessie. "What's marry her?"

"Uhm," Meredith bit he lip. Like she would be the expert… "He wants to be with the princess forever, because he loves her. And wants to be happy with her, build a house, well, a palace together, and have children."

"Oh," Bessie seemed to be lost in thought. "Daddy's marry Nanny?"

"What?" chuckled Meredith. "What do you want to say, sweetie?"

"Daddy marries Nanny Carolyn," repeated Bessie. "He showed ring."

"What?" came another eloquent question on Meredith's part. What her sweet daughter was talking about?

"Daddy haves ring!"

Meredith's mind was reeling. Derek had a ring. Why would Derek have a ring…?

"Have you seen a ring, Cherry-pie?" asked Meredith almost dreading the answer.

Bessie nodded her head vigorously.

"Daddy had a ring?" demanded Meredith, pure panic flowing through her veins.

"It was pretty!" smiled Bessie. "More pretty than prince ring! I want ring!"

Meredith blanched visibly, "Rings are stupid… because rings lead to stupid questions… and even more stupid answers…"

Derek had a ring. It all made sense now; his furtive glances, Carolyn's hints at the airport. Meredith twirled her fingers nervously. Was he completely mad? They just got back together… and now he was springing up with… marriage? The word appeared reluctantly in her brain. What the hell was she going to do if he asked out of a sudden? She wasn't anywhere near ready to get married. Marriage was… big… and scary… and… And if she said no, and she didn't see how she could say anything different, he would feel hurt… and it would ruin the things between them all over again.

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All the way down to the hospital, Meredith's mind was consumed with the topic of the ring and the threats it posed. Stupid brainman who wanted to make her Dr. Mrs. Stupid Brainman. She almost groaned at the sight of him, waiting for them in the lobby and chatting with another doctor.

"Hey," his all face lit when he saw them. "How was your morning? Everything okay with Ma's flight?"

"Yeah," she sighed Meredith with a small voice avoiding his eyes. When he leaned to give her a kiss, she turned her head so lips found her cheek instead of her mouth.

"Meredith, where are you?" he asked concernedly.

"What?" Shit, he noticed something was off with. Of course, he would always notice.

"Your mind is completely elsewhere," he remarked gently.

"I'm… kinda in a hurry; I'll see you tomorrow morning," she fired out. She hugged Bessie and scurried towards the elevators; noticing in the corner of her eye the worried and resigned expression on Derek's face, the sign of his heart breaking into million tiny pieces.

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She stood taut and tensed waiting for the results of the CT. Damn, her shoulders slumped as the image appeared clear. There would be no cutting. Wait… did she just wish her patient a brain condition requiring a surgery to take her mind off her private things? She was a monster.

The truth was, the night was peaceful and slow. She could spend most of it slumbering in the on-call room. But she wasn't able to close an eyelid without seeing an image of Derek kneeling before her, assuring her of his undying love and devotion, with a gigantic ring so heavy that pulled her hand to the ground.

"Meredith, thank God I found you," Cristina's voice brought her to reality. She didn't notice when the technician left her alone in the CT room and when she was joined by her best friend.

"Hey," Meredith gave a fleeting smile. "You haven't gone home yet? You're not on call tonight."

"I've been thinking," said Cristina looking harassed. "I need to tell you something, and then you need to tell me something."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed dejectedly. "I need to spit it all out, because I've been thinking and thinking about it since this morning and it's eating me up inside-"

"Meredith, he told me to meet him halfway, that I can do this, that we can do this," Cristina cut her across.

Meredith stared at her and asked, "Owen?"

"He said that all I have to do is say yes," Cristina breathed out deeply and fixed her eyes at Meredith.

Meredith's jaw tightened. She was a mess herself and now Cristina demanded her advice? Who was she to know anything about that?

"He said that it was my ceiling fan and that its blades were spinning like the blades of a chopper, and that triggered…" added Cristina. "And I unscrewed it… so he could… and I did that for him and he's here, and he wants everything," she rubbed her forehead absent-mindedly.

Meredith's eyes went wide open, her heart beat wildly only to calm down into a steady rhythm. It was like an epiphany. She could never tell later what it was about this moment that changed the course of her heart and her life. Was it her person, the tough Cristina Yang looking as though she was capable of doing anything for the man she loved? Or maybe in fact she saw her own reflection, her love for Derek, her own yearning for him, her own indecisiveness and fear? Was she waiting for the push in the right direction?

She was a witness of her parents marital failure and of Cristina's wedding disaster. But at the end of the day, what was important was love. Without it, you'd never create a relationship, marriage or not. She and Derek had a long history, why would they wait any longer? Besides, she had a comparable panic attack when she found about her pregnancy, and it was amazing. Maybe marriage would also be. Derek would be with her, they would be committed to each other…

"Meredith?" prompted Cristina.

"So," smiled Meredith, "I think I… you should do this… because I think it's important to take the time and the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you."

Cristina's face relaxed; apparently it was the reassurance she needed.

"I love you, Cristina Yang," grinned Meredith letting her friend now could count on her, ever.

Cristina tilted her head and smiled.

**********************************************************************************

By the end of her night shift, Meredith managed to devise a plan of action. She wasn't going to be a hypocrite, she was going to act on her own advice. Now that she knew about the ring and felt okay with it, she couldn't just wait inertly for Derek to pluck up the courage. She probably scared him off with her yesterday's evasiveness.

Already in her street clothes, she sat down in a chair in the lobby to wait for her family. The situation was reversed. This time, it was her who smiled from side to side when Derek and Bessie trotted up, while he wore an uneasy mask which, at her wide smile, transformed into the one of slight confusion.

"You're happy today," he murmured when she granted him a prolonged kiss.

"Mhm, I am," she whispered back taking the stroller with the still drowsy Bessie.

He glanced at her insecurely, so she said, "Listen, when are you off today?"

"Um, 6 p.m. I think."

"What would you say to an evening together? Just the two of us? At the trailer," she smiled already seeing in her mind's eye how stunned he would be.

"Okay," he said slowly. "What about Bess?"

"Cristina will sit with her. They will be good, they've already survived an evening alone," she rolled her eyes. "I love you," she added.

His frown lessened, "I love you, too. We're good?"

"We are," she nodded. "Never better."

**********************************************************************************

"Meredith!" whined Cristina behind her. "Care to explain me what we're doing?"

"I've already told you," replied Meredith not even looking at her friend and clutching tightly Bessie's hand so she wouldn't get lost between the shelves or drag a garden rake on her head. There was certainly too many interesting things that caught her attention. "You're here to help me with my shopping."

"At DIY store?" Cristina raised her eyes to high heaven, "You can't do anything yourself. And why isn't McDreamy he? Is he only for looking pretty in this relationship?"

"He doesn't know anything," said Meredith. "It's a surprise."

"What's the surprise?"

"Hmm, not here," muttered Meredith peeking between two rows of shelves. "Oh, here it is!"

Cristina bumped into when she stopped abruptly, "What? Candles?"

"Yup, I need a couple of them," nodded Mer counting.

"You need candles?" Cristina raised her eyebrows. "And that's why we drove to the city's peripheries to buy a couple of candles?"

"Basically," answered Meredith airily. "Sir?" she turned to a shop assistant with a green outfit. "Do you have more of them?"

"How many do you need?"

"I think…" her mind travelled to Derek's cliff. "Two hundred should do it."

Cristina was rooted to the spot. Did she just say…?

"Two hundred?" she blurted out. "What do you need two hundred candles for?"

"Do you need help taking them to your car?" asked politely the shop assistant.

"Yes, please."

"You're joking, right?" snorted Cristina. "Right?"

"You see, we don't need to trudge them into the car," smiled Meredith ignoring her friend's concerns. "We'll just have to take it out."

She continued ignoring Cristina's questions, pouts and comments about her mental illness until they pulled up in the grovel driveway near the trailer.

"What are we doing at McDreamy's den?" insisted Cristina looking around. It was the first time she actually saw the famous Shepherd's trailer. She had to admit the environs were amazing but still… living this far off the beaten track…

"Sorry, sweetie," Meredith leaned over to readjust Bessie's car seat. "You need to stay in the car, I don't want you to run off and jump off the cliff. We'll have to build some solid fence around here…"

"What fence?" demanded Cristina with dread. "God, are you…? Do you want to move out here? The trailer-"

"Honestly, do you think I want my two-year-old living in a trailer?" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"You said… You want to build a house out here?"

"I… maybe," she bit her lip opening the trunk. "Help me with the candles, won't you?"

Ten minutes later the boxes with candles were stacked on the grassy cliff that overlooked Seattle, giving a truly magnificent view.

"Just tell me, what are you going to do with these?"

"Light them," quipped Meredith.

"Well, you're lucky it's not raining or snowing today," sighed Cristina recognizing her defeat. "You know what you're doing?"

"No," smiled Meredith. "But I'm excited anyway. Thank you for staying with Cherry tonight. Derek would never agree to Ned."

"That's fine," answered Cristina. "Even if you're an ungrateful tight-lipped bitch."

"Oh, that's so sweet, thank you," grinned Meredith and they got back to the car so she could kiss Bessie goodbye.

"Be careful with the fire," snorted Cristina. "I don't want to find out tomorrow that you and McDreamy burnt half of the forest."

"Fire's really hard to control," smirked Meredith.

"Uh, I'm going now," grimaced Cristina. "Before me or Bessie catch the virus of insanity."

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Two hours later, everything was perfect and ready. The sky was now dark but perfectly clear, showing off thousands of bright stars. The panorama over the city was breathtaking. The candles lit brightly presenting a visible pattern. There was a bottle of wine cooling in the trailer. The only thing missing was Derek.

He was supposed to be here an hour ago but he didn't show up yet. Instead Meredith was pacing nervously, becoming more and more impatient by the second. She decided upon this, she was ready for this, but she was nervous as hell. Plus, she was getting cold, it was November after all.

He was probably pulled up with some urgent case, or maybe he just didn't see the need to hurry his ass up. She took out her mobile and chose his number, pacing up and down… Hell, she had problems with the signal. They would have to think about something to make them reachable from the civilized world if they were going to build here, that is if Derek showed up and said yes…

"Stupid, corny, idiotic!" she ranted to herself. "I cannot believe I did this…"

Derek stopped the engine with a sigh. He was a whole hour late. Not that Meredith wouldn't understand, she would, she had the same job. But she was definitely keeping something to herself and they needed to sort it out immediately before it escalated into something none of them wanted.

His heart sank when he realized her car wasn't here. She must have got tired of waiting and left. But there were lights in the trailer. Derek went in and… "Meredith?" No, she wasn't there. The heating was turned on, a few packets lay on the table but she wasn't there. He walked out with resignation and then something caught his attention. A few yards away, dozens of lights were glimmering on the ground and amongst them… there she was…

He rushed to her, his steps muted by the frozen grass. She was walking between rows of candles, manhandling her phone, sighing and muttering with irritation, probably expressing her dissatisfaction with him.

"Stupid brainman."

Yup, she was definitely talking about him.

"Stupid loser. Son of a…" Ouch, this might get painful. "I could be at home instead of-"

"Meredith," he smiled gently, his eyes sweeping over the sea of candles that seemed to create a contour of a…

"Where have you been?" she yelled turning to him. "I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing, I was just gonna tell you that this over here is our kitchen," she pointed with her hand, "this is our living room, and over there," she said firmly, "that's the room where our kids could play. I had this whole thing "I was gonna build us a house" but I don't build houses because I'm a surgeon," she draw a breath to continue. "And now I'm here feeling like a lame-ass loser and it's all ruined because it took you so long to come home!"

"This is the kitchen?" he grinned ignoring her tirade. "Living room? Little small… I think the view is much better from here," he pointed at the place closer to edge of the cliff. "And that's the room where our kids are gonna play?" he asked with a warm smile that turned mischievous, "Where's our bedroom?"

"I'm still mad at you," she sighed. He showed up, that was the moment. She had to do it now because Derek was going towards her with clear purpose in his eyes and once he kissed her, she would forget about anything else. "And I know there's a ring."

"What?" he frowned, his heart beating in panic. He knew exactly what she was referring to… but how did she know?

"I know there's a ring," she repeated, letting off her wristwatch she was nervously playing with. "Look… I'm not going to get down on one knee, obviously…"

Derek stared at her silently, trying to understand what she meant.

"I'm not gonna ask a question," she continued taking deep breath before her next words, her glistening eyes reflecting the fire of the candles. "I love you, Derek Shepherd. And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

He was dreaming, wasn't he? Or just imaging things… or did she really just ask him…? She looked so expectantly at him, so valiantly…

"And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you," he murmured back drawing closer to her.

The last thing he saw before he kissed her were her full lips curved in a joyous smile. They were both surprised how different this kiss tasted. Like they were sure they belonged to each other for ever. The kiss lost none of their usual spark and untamed passion and they were soon forced to pull away to catch their breaths. Derek dived his hand into the inner pocket of his coat and pulled out the velvet box he showed his mother this morning and opened it.

She blinked curiously at the little piece of jewelry, not some casual jewelry… it was the ring. And it was beautiful, simple and elegant, with a traditional design.

"You don't have to wear it," hurried Derek seeing her long look. "You're not really the ring… bride…"

"I thought I wasn't the mommy type… " whispered Meredith warmly. "Or the wifey type… and just look where we are…"

The world seemed to stop revolving when Derek took the ring out of the box and gently reached for her hand. He caressed her finger, slowly slid the ring and brought her hand to his lips. She felt dizzy with all the emotions running through her body like an electric current. And it didn't help when Derek moved his lips from her palm to her mouth.

"Come on," he whispered huskily.

"What? Where?" she battled her eyelids, the kiss leaving her disoriented.

"I wanna kiss you," he grinned dreamily, his eyes looking at her reverently. "And I wanna do more than kiss you. And I think our house," he glanced at the candles, "requires still a lot of work before we can do that without freezing to death."

They clung to each other and hurried to the trailer laughing light-heartedly, eager to properly celebrate their engagement.

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A/N Love it or hate it??? Did you notice a bit of Bessie's perspective? There will be a bit more of it in the sequel.

Anxious to know your opinion.

Em :)


	37. Chapter 37: Engaged

A/N Hi, there! As always, thank you for your reviews. This update is rather on the short side and it's partly porny partly fluffy. Hope you'll enjoy!

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She was one lucky bitch, thought Meredith as Derek's hard cock drove into her forcefully again… and again and again. At this very moment thinking proved very hard, literally… But somewhere in the back of her porny brain, persisted a very satisfying realization that this thick cock would be hers forever. Because she was going to be Mrs. Derek Shepherd and everything her husband owned would belong to her, including the absolute best thing he possessed.

"Yes… yes… yes…!" she moaned every time he speared her but it was becoming increasingly difficult as their rhythm quickened.

She writhed with yearning under his hard frame, more and more turned on with the little things her eyes could register, like his tensed muscles. One of his arms was propped on the bed so as not to crush her; her fingers gripped his taut bicep. He was a damn god… His wide chest… the trail of coarse hair that led straight to his length. Meredith glanced between them, enthralled by the vision of his penis diving out of her, covered in the juices of their desire.

Her body shook and her walls started to clench around him. He pulled his mouth from her neck to look into her eyes as she was about to come. She was instantly drawn to his lips, curved in a smile; he didn't stop smiling since he slid the ring on her finger. And his eyes, ohhhh, his eyes, were deep… stormy blue… and wild with desire. He clasped her ringed hand and brought it above her head, their fingers intertwining as they rocked together until they screamed their release and stilled on the bed.

Derek rolled heavily onto his back taking deep breaths, the smile never fading from his face.

"Engagement sex…" panted Meredith. "Best… ever…"

Derek chuckled, "Wait for the married sex."

She turned to her side, facing him and hooked an arm over his chest, unable to stay away from him. He grabbed her hand and kissed it again, smiling at the finger with the ring.

"How did you know about the ring?" he asked suddenly. "Did my mother say something?"

"No," grinned Meredith. "Bessie, she wanted to know if you were going to marry Nanny Carolyn."

"What?" gasped Derek.

"She must have seen you showing your Mom the ring," said Meredith.

"I guess… yesterday morning," remembered Derek. "Our girl's just turning into a little spy."

"Good," smirked Meredith. "She's always gonna tip me off about your misdeeds. Did your Mom liked the ring?"

"I'm sure she did," he smiled gently caressing her hand. "She wore it for nearly thirty years."

"What?" Meredith sat up abruptly. "It's… it's your Mom's ring?"

"Yes," replied Derek seriously. "You don't like it?"

"I… it's beautiful…"sighed Meredith bringing up her hand. "But it's your Mom's ring… And your Mom is... your Mom, a perfect Mom and perfect wife…"

"She gave it to me," insisted Derek, "because she thought you were perfect for me, perfect mom and prefect future wife." He cupped her face in his hand and initiated another kiss, soothing and tender. "And yesterday she was giving me tips how to make you my wife."

"So I ruined your perfect proposal?" laughed Meredith hooking her arms around his neck, feeling the flame of desire building between them once more.

"I think I wouldn't do it in a more perfect way," confessed Derek showering her face with kisses. "And you covered all the things required… stars, wine… there were even some wilted flowers near the trees."

"You are annoying," she slapped his butt playfully. "I have to train you how to behave before our wedding."

"Hmmm, you want to teach me?" asked Derek biting on her neck and moving his teeth to her breast. "Is there a system of prizes and punishments? I'm up for both."

"Oh, yes, I can feel how up you are," she sighed contentedly, his hardened penis poking her in the belly. With a giggle, she lunged herself at him pushing him down on the mattress.

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"There's a three-hour difference between Seattle and New York, isn't there?" asked Meredith seeping on her coffee, several hours later.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You know, I feel like we should tell your Mom first, about the wedding, I mean," Meredith bit her lip. "She did a lot of work on us, I want her to know we're not spoiling it, that we're responsible."

"Okay," he smiled sitting opposite her and putting toasts on the table. "We can call her now, I'm sure she's up. Even the jet lag wouldn't disturb her order of day."

He picked his mother's number but Meredith took his cell phone eagerly.

"Turn on the speaker," said Derek.

"Hello?" they heard a voice that was clearly not Carolyn's.

"Uhm, can I speak with Carolyn?" frowned Meredith.

"And who is speaking?" asked the feminine voice curiously. Meredith looked at Derek in confusion. She urged him to speak but he only shrugged, grinning at her.

"Uhm, Meredith Grey."

There was a moment's silence and then the voice boomed, "Shut up, everyone! Derbear's girlfriend is calling!"

Meredith's eyes went as wide as saucers. She jumped from her stool and closed her hands around his neck as he burst out laughing.

"I think I'm going to become a widow even before the wedding," she hissed into his ear.

"Are you still there, Meredith?" the voice called again. "I'm Ana, the youngest and the most beautiful of the Derbear's sisters- Geez, Kath, go away, I'm talking- sorry, Meredith, what was I talking about? So, did my brother really knocked you up? We're still in shock because he's Derek, for Christ sake! He doesn't do things like that, hell, we didn't even know any woman was desperate enough to give him sex! Well, there was Addison but she had a stick up her ass anyway-"

Meredith stared with horror at the telephone completely forgetting about his mission to strangle Derek.

"Meredith?" this time it was Carolyn on the other side of the line. "I'm so sorry for that. It was Ana, my most troublesome child after Derek. We can talk freely now, I threw everyone out of the kitchen."

"Oh, I hope I don't disturb-"

"You don't disturb anything," said firmly Carolyn. "Everyone's here for the breakfast. Apparently, they couldn't get a grip without me in town. Is everything alright, dear?" she noticed her silent mood.

"Everything is... just perfect… Mom," she said breathlessly.

"Oh, Meredith," said Carolyn warmly. "I miss you already, Bessie and Derek."

"Derek misses you too," Meredith gave a watery chuckle. "I saw him weeping in the corner last night."

"That's so not true!" he exclaimed indignantly forgetting about his resolve to let Meredith deal with his crazy family. "I can refresh your memory of what I was doing last night-"

"I think I don't want to know," said quickly Carolyn.

Meredith and Derek looked at each other, their hands clasped, touching the ring.

"You're awfully quiet today," remarked Carolyn worriedly.

"I'm… I'm wearing your ring," confessed Meredith, impatiently waiting for her reaction.

Carolyn laughed good naturedly, "You see, my dear, you're doing all the work yourselves," she said reminding their conversation at the airport. "I'm so happy for you, all three of you."

"Thank you, Ma," smiled Derek. "So you can start planning another trip to Seattle."

"Have you already thought about any dates?"

"Nothing precise," answered Derek. "But we won't be waiting very long."

"I already can't wait, only this time the girls won't hear about staying in New York."

"I know Ma," he rolled his eyes. "And as disgusted I am to admit that I've missed them."

They continued their chat for a few minutes until the rest of the Shepherd clan reclaimed Carolyn's attention. They hang up with the promise to talk again soon about the preparations to the wedding. Derek and Meredith continued with their breakfast and she couldn't ignore that he lapsed into silence.

"Derek?" she prompted.

"It changes a lot of things," said Derek seriously. "For us as much as for Bessie. We're getting married and… should… what about the custody?"

"Oh," she said lightly. "We don't have to do anything."

"God, no, that's not what I meant," she hurried seeing the frown expanding on his forehead. "I think so because you're on Bessie's birth certificate."

"I am?" he asked with astonishment in his voice.

"Before I knew I had to come here to finish the program," took up Meredith quietly, "I never thought of coming back, that's why Bessie's a Grey. But I never denied that she had a father, I never hid from her that you existed or… I wasn't going to lie when she'd get older and asked."

"So…" Derek looked down at his mug of coffee.

She reached for and grabbed his hand, "So I think we just need to change her name… " she smiled at him.

"Are you sure?" he looked up at her, the emotions clearly in his voice.

"Mhmh," she nodded. "She's your daughter, I want her to carry your name. Besides, Grey is jinxed or something."

"What about you?" Derek looked at her intently.

"What what about me?"

"What about your name?"

"Oh," she realized what he was asking about. "I don't know…"

"Meredith, it's alright," he assured her. "I'd be honoured if you took my name, not to mention every man knowing to back off, but it's perfectly fine if you decide to stay with your maiden name."

"We'll see," she smiled.

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Meredith berated herself that she couldn't sit calmly at her ass. She kept writhing and shooting furtive glances at Derek, sitting a few tables away. Every time he felt her eyes at him, he just smiled smugly or shrugged his shoulders. Meredith felt as if she was sitting on hot coals. She wanted to catch her person on her own and tell her about the wedding but apparently fate was against her. They didn't see each other this morning as Cristina brought Bessie to daycare and left for her surgery. Then Jenny came to the hospital at lunch time to talk over the last-moment details concerning her imminent wedding to Luke.

And now they were all sitting at the cafeteria having a girls' conference or something, they meaning Meredith and Bessie, Cristina, Lexie, Izzie and Jenny. Meredith prayed that Bessie wouldn't betray the secret. Although, it seemed unlikely. Her initial enthusiasm at the news of her parents' wedding or more likely at the sight of the shiny ring faded away after like five minutes.

Halfway through lunch Meredith felt herself calming down. No one was suspecting anything. Jenny and Izzie kept gossiping like mad about frills, violin quartets, wedding cakes… and Meredith began falling into a stupor. She exchanged a martyred look with Cristina across the table. Suddenly there was a loud crack, Bessie pushed a glass with juice a little too hard and the scarlet content was pouring profusely onto the table. Meredith grabbed the napkin and started to soak it up energetically.

"You need to be a little more careful, sweetie…"

"What is that?!" exclaimed Jenny staring at Meredith's hands.

"What?" asked Meredith innocently, quickly wiping her palms and hiding her hands under the table.

"That something on your hand!" Jenny wrenched her arm and held it up so everyone could see. "No way! Is this what I think it is?"

Meredith bit her lip; she chanced a look at Derek… yes, he was watching her, eager to see her reaction.

She turned her eyes at Cristina who sat there immobilized, an unreadable expression on her face and a straw hanging from her mouth.

"So, uhm, I'm engaged," said quietly Meredith.

"Oh my God, congratulations!" squeaked Jenny. "My maid of honour is engaged! It's definitely good luck!"

Izzie and Lexie both grabbed Meredith's hand. "I can't believe you're getting, Mer! You, the child of the darkness!" smiled Izzie.

"It's so beautiful, Meredith!" Lexie admired the ring.

Meredith's eyes searched Cristina's whose head shook disbelievingly but her mouth smiled widely. Meredith let out a relieved breath.

"How did he propose?" asked Jenny.

"He…" stammered Meredith.

"Yeah, Meredith," Cristina grinned wickedly, squinting at her person knowingly, "how did he propose?"

"So…" Meredith felt her face heat. She'd never live this down. She was a step from becoming the eternal queen of sappiness.

"Knowing McDreamy, he must have swept you off your feet," stated Izzie. "I mean, you said yes."

"Was it deadly romantic?" inquired Lexie with dreamy eyes.

"Uh… there were stars… and wine and uhm, candles," she said with a small voice, glaring at Cristina who was on the verge of a laughter attack.

"Oh, he's thoughtful and… so whipped!" chuckled Jenny. "You have to be totally whipped to plan something like that."

"You have to be, Mer," admitted Cristina, deadpanned, wiggling her eyebrows.

Meredith bit on her straw and prayed to be spared from further humiliation.

"How did he ask?" demanded Izzie. "What did he say? Did he kneel down?"

They all looked at her expectantly and she cracked, "Fine! I asked him, okay?"

Her announcement was met with a transfixed silence and then…

"Wow," whispered Izzie.

"You asked him?" gasped Jen. "That's so…"

"Romantic!" finished Lexie with a sigh.

"I would say un-Meredithlike," chuckled Izzie. "I'm really happy for you Meredith, you both deserve happiness, oh, you three!" she laughed and turned towards Derek's table. "Congratulations, Derek!"

"Izzie!" hissed Meredith and glared at her… well, fiancé whose face threatened to explode with a grin. "The whole hospital is going to know now!"

Her eyes swept over the surroundings with a blush creeping upon her face.

"Have you already discussed any dates?" asked Lexie.

"Not yet," said Meredith ignoring the curious stares all around. "But we're not going to wait very long."

"You need to start planning right away!" shot Izzie immediately.

"I do?" frowned Meredith.

"Of course!" Izzie rolled her eyes. "You helped to plan Jen's wedding, so you know how much effort and money and planning it costs!"

Meredith gulped audibly, she just wanted to get married…

"Don't worry," reassured her Izzie. "I can help you with everything."

"Oh, thank you, Iz," cringed Meredith. "That's really un-"

"No problem," provided Izzie. "It's gonna be a great wedding! I'll find you the most beautiful dress in the world-"

Meredith chewed slowly on her steak looking helplessly at Cristina who seemed to be thinking, "You dug this hole for yourself."

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"Congratulations on what?" asked Mark after Izzie's enthusiastic outcry.

"I'm getting married," grinned Derek. "Sorry for not telling you earlier. Meredith wanted to tell Cristina first."

"No way," Mark stared at him baffled. "How did this happen? What did you have to do to convince her?"

"Nothing," shrugged Derek, leaning back comfortably in his chair. "She asked me."

"What?" blurted out Mark. "You want to tell me Meredith Grey, my fellow dirty mistress, asked your corny ass to get hitched? I don't believe it."

"Thank you for belittling one of the most important moments in my life; that feels good," nodded Derek. "And Meredith is not a dirty mistress, she's my fiancée and the mother of my daughter. Hold your tongue if you want to keep the position of the best man."

"I want to," sighed Mark. "First, congratulations, man, you've waited a long time for this. Second, thank you. At one point I thought we'd never get back to what we were because of my stupidity."

"It's all forgotten," shrugged Derek and look at Bessie and Meredith, "It turned out for the best in the end."

"Yeah," Mark glanced at Lexie and frowned at her enraptured expression. "Oh, God, she's gonna start to badger for the ring now…"

"Who? Lexie?" Derek followed his regard. "I doubt so, she's a realist."

"She looks up to Big Grey in every respect."

"You're exaggerating," dismissed him Derek. "Besides, even if it was the case, Meredith is a great example to follow."

"Now maybe, but she doesn't have a clean record," snorted Mark.

"If you knew Mer's record, you'd pray Lexie to follow in her footsteps," smirked Derek.

"Right," scoffed Mark. "We're dating sisters, again."

"Please," Derek rolled his eyes, "If you want to pursue that college-old argument about dating the better sister-"

"Fine. Wanna go to Joe's to celebrate your second enslavement?"

"Another time. We're celebrating on our own tonight. We're taking Bessie to the movies."

**********************************************************************************

"Our daughter is the most beautiful child in the world," boasted Derek as they stood leaning against the wall watching their treasure in a group of excited kids. It was the first performance of Madagascar 2 and they screening was to be preceded by a meeting with the hero of the movie –Alex the lion.

Derek couldn't unglue his eyes from his little girl who kept laughing, tugging at her blouse and running to and fro between the place where they stood and the group of waiting children. The lion proved to be rather unpunctual and emotions amongst the kids were running high.

"I don't like this kid," frowned Derek squinting at a boy who kept running here and there bumping into other kids and hanging close to Bessie, apparently trying to get her attention. "He's hitting on her."

"Are you listening to yourself?" snorted Meredith pulling out a fistful of popcorn from their box. "He's like… three years old?"

"He's a male, age doesn't matter," he scowled at the boy as he ran into Bessie. But she wasn't going to stay indifferent as she smacked him hard over his head reducing him to puddle of tears.

"Good girl," breathed out Derek watching with deep satisfaction as the little boy stood immobilized crying and yelling on top of his lungs

"Now you condone violence?" smirked Meredith, though she felt equally proud of her daughter's survival skills.

"It wasn't violence, it was self-defense," he shrugged off.

"Completely in agreement here," admitted Meredith. "But… you really don't want to upset a child or you don't want your child to upset another child…"

"Jamie! Jamie!" a harassed looking woman took the little boy in her arms and rocked him. "My poor baby why are you crying, sweetie?"

"…because their crazy mother might rip your head for hurting her precious spawn," finished Meredith contemptuously.

"You're talking like you're an expert," winced Derek as the mother in question scanned the room with a hostile glare looking for the culprit of her son's misfortune.

"I had a…" Meredith chewed her tongue not to get angry at the memory, "a situation in the supermarket. Oh oh," warned him Meredith . "Try to look innocent."

In the corner of his eye, Derek noticed the scary woman study the row of adults, clearly looking for a scapegoat.

"I would gladly tell this lady what I think of her and her spoiled son but it's not the time nor the place," frowned Meredith. "I hate it when parents can't take responsibility of their children and always blame someone else."

"Wow," breathed out Derek looking at her lovingly.

"What?" she scrunched her race uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Nothing," he shook his head on wonder. "You're just…" Meredith was sometimes so unsure of her mother qualities when in reality she was the most responsible, caring mom in the world.

Luckily, Alex the lion finally appeared before the kids quickly diverting their attention. However, Bessie returned to them a few minutes later looking somewhat dejected.

"What's wrong, Sweetie?" asked Meredith crouching in front of her. "You don't like the lion?"

Bessie pouted and shook her head.

"Why not?" asked Derek.

"Not real," muttered Bessie showing at the tag on her blouse. "Haves this!"

Derek's heart swelled with pride, "You're such a wise girl, princess. The smartest kid in the world," he drew her in his arms, "And that's not reason to be sad. You should be proud of yourself, daddy is so proud of you," he nuzzled his cheek against hers making her giggle.

"Let's go the viewing room then if we concluded that Alex is a phony," chuckled Meredith.

"Maybe we should change the movie?" suggested Derek.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I know she's very perceptive, bright even. But she's still a two-year-old. She enjoyed the first part."

They moved past the noisy crowd, Bessie in the middle swinging while holding their hands; Derek threw a lofty smirk as he saw the little boy jumping excitedly around the man in the costume of a lion.

"Derek," warned Meredith with a lenient smile o her lips.

They found their seats, Bessie sitting between them and waited for the movie to start. The room slowly filled with people, the lights dimmed and the commercials began. Derek leaned sideways and stretched his arm over Bessie's seat reaching Meredith's shoulder. He started tracing invisible patterns on her arm and slowly moved to her neck.

She inhaled deeply and whispered, "Are you trying to feel me up? Here?"

"Isn't a dark cinema the best place for feeling up?"

"Seriously?" she smiled in the dark. "We're surrounded by dozens of mesmerized kids and parents, not to mention the crowd of dancing squirrels on the screen."

"We're newly engaged," shrugged Derek as his fingers sank under her collar. "We have a right to feel each other up wherever we want."

"Aww," squeaked Bessie as a baby lion appeared in the screen. "Daddy, buy me lion?"

"Sure, honey," he replied without thinking, his fingers playing with Meredith's hair.

"Do you know what you've just agreed to?" snorted Meredith.

"No," he breathed out and reluctantly directed his attention to the movie. "They're not squirrels," he frowned at the army of funny animals with fluffy tails.

Meredith giggled and her hilarity increased furthermore as Derek kept his eyes glued to the screen.

"Ugh," he winced as two of the main characters, a hippo and a giraffe shared a romantics kiss, "Did you just see that that? That's just… gross."

"Uhm," frowned Meredith. "It… promotes tolerance… or something…"

"Yuck!" exclaimed Bessie. "It digestin'!"

"See," Derek raised his eyebrows, "Bessie says it's diges- disgusting, I mean."

"Yeah, well," sighed Meredith. "The penguins are still kinda cute. Daddy, are you gonna buy me a penguin?" she asked seductively.

"Nope," he said and leaned towards her ear. "But I'll get you something else to play with."

Bessie tilted her upwards to look at her parents and pressed a finger to her mouth, "Shhh!"

"You hear, you need to shut up," chuckled Meredith.

He caught her lips in a brief kiss, "Yeah, shut up and enjoy."

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A/N As always, waiting for your opinions. Besides that, after this update I planned originally the chapter in which they go to the wine country. But then I got this idea where the girls are having a bachelorette party and Dr. Shepherd finds himself somewhere he'd never want to. So the chapter won't advance the plot very much but (I hope) it will be funny. I'm leaving the decision if you want that chapter in your hands. Either way, the update's coming soon. I have a lot of time to write now.

Em :)


	38. Chapter 38: Auction

A/N Hi, I' like to thank everyone for reading and commenting and apologize for the long lack of updates. I've been busy with formalities at my uni, packing, cleaning, travelling and then celebrating the end of the semester with my friends. I only had time yesterday to finish the chapter. It's probably on the short side and very far from the canon Grey's but I'm waiting for your comments anyway. Enjoy!

**********************************************************************************Derek halted at the doorway to the bathroom looking mesmerized at his fiancée. Her skinny jeans perfectly hugged her slim legs and her transparent black blouse left little to imagination. She was brushing her hair swaying her hips to the rhythm of the song played in the radio.

"_Promiscuous boy, I'm calling your name…_" she chanted along with the singer and Derek's mouth went dry. "_But you're driving me crazy the way you're making me wait…_"

His hands itched to touch her. He closed the distance between them, pressing himself to her back. "Hey, promiscuous girl," he murmured into her hair. "I'm certainly not making you wait…"

She purred and ground her ass against him.

"Bail out tonight," he nipped at her earlobe.

"Nope," she chuckled.

"Oh, come on!" he sighed dramatically. "I'll give you more entertainment."

"No!" she shook her head firmly, trying to stay in control over her mind and body. "I'm not quitting on girls. Firstly, I'm Jen's maid of honour. I helped to organize her bachelorette night so I have to be there. Secondly, now it's also my bachelorette night so I have to be there. Thirdly, I have to be there because Jen and her nice sisters are too sweet and innocent to go all by themselves to the- " she hung off, careful not to let slip anything else.

"To go where?" asked Derek quickly furrowing his brows.

"To a club," she shrugged lightly.

"A club," he repeated suspiciously. "What club?"

"Oh," she waved her hand dismissively putting her hair brush away. "You don't know this one."

"Should I want to know?" he asked cautiously.

"Nope," giggled Meredith. "It's better for your nerves this way."

"Meredith!" he whined. "Please, just don't tell me you're going to stare at naked guys!"

"Fine, I won't tell you I'm gonna stare at naked guys," she rolled her eyes.

"Why can't you spend the evening in a nice bar over a drink like we did?" he demanded.

"Because you're whipped," stated Meredith without thinking much.

"You're gonna go out wearing… this?" he frowned.

"Why? What's wrong with _this_?" she smirked.

"What is wrong is that I want to undress you, me and every other male you'll meet," he grumbled not letting hold of her.

"Then everything's just how it should be," she smiled naughtily. "I definitely have to go out, it'll be good for your jealousy management."

She broke from him, grabbed her purse and hurried downstairs to where Bessie was playing with Ned on the floor. Derek tugged after her looking disgruntled.

"Wow," whistled Ned. "Who do you want to kill with that outfit, Mer? Oh, wait, I know, your fiancé looks as though he was about to drop dead any second."

Meredith scowled at his words and sat behind Bessie hugging her, "You're both sexists, a woman can't even dress nicely without some stupid comments from you two. But I'm gonna grin and bear it because gender is not curable."

"I think it already is, Mer," grinned Ned. "I-" his next words were drowned as Meredith asked Bessie. "What did you build, sweetie? What is it?"

"House," replied Bessie rearranging toy blocks. "New house."

"You've built us a house?" asked Meredith admiringly.

She played with Bessie until the sound of the horn outside announced the arrival of her party.

"Have fun, bad girl," said Ned earning a scowl on Derek's part. With an expression of a lost puppy he followed her to the door.

"Just be careful, alright?" he pleaded.

"Derek, why are you so mopey?" she rolled her eyes at him. "One could think I was going off to warzone. I won't be alone, Izzie and Cristina are going with me."

"And that's supposed to call me down?" he asked ironically.

"I don't care what it's supposed to do," she huffed impatiently.

"So mean," stared Derek but he trailed off as Meredith shut the door into his face. He let out a deep sigh as he heard the squeak of tyres of the departing car.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith took a small sip of her drink and slowly put her glass on the table glancing around over her companions. She, Meredith Grey, was the most sober participant of her own bachelorette party. She was careful with her liquor all night, drinking moderately and pausing every time her vision started slowing down. She was being careful even though tequila or the drinks that the girls were ordering seemed deadly enticing. But they were nothing compared to her daughter, now probably sleeping peacefully in the confines of her old house. Her little daughter that didn't need a drunk mommy. Meredith promised herself a long time ago that she'd never come home to Bessie soaked with alcohol.

The rest of the party, including Jenny, her two sisters, Izzie, Lexie and Cristina, weren't really choosy as to what they poured down their throats and clearly enjoyed the evening. So did Meredith at the beginning . They were laughing and joking but now she was just bored… really bored… bored out of her wits in the best, most expensive and most exclusive strip club for ladies in Seattle, sitting at the best table in the whole club, so close to the stage that she could easily reach out and touch the boys. Only she didn't want to. Derek Shepherd and his sperm officially ruined her.

She cheered and wolf whistled like every other lady in the room so as not to stand out like some freak but… really… the dancers weren't that very appealing. Her eyes swept critically over their heavy musculature. Meredith stared at her friends who were drooling at the dancers taking their clothes off. Seriously, all that muscles seemed too blown up for her liking… like balloons or something. Derek… she thought dreamily. Derek's body was truly perfect.

He had a nicely sculpted chest… and arms, legs even, without looking bloated. And he had hair in every place a true man should have, whereas those boys were plucked like chickens before roasting, or piglets. Roasted was a good word because their skin was browny orange (result of hours spent in solarium no doubt). Derek was pale, naturally healthy pale. Oh, God… and… Derek would never ever wear a thong… she looked with distaste at the dancers crotches. Her head sank into her palm, she could be home this very moment, taking advantage of that delicious body she'd just fantasized about, kissing every inch of it… having much more fun. However, she had to stay and sit on her ass. Firstly because she didn't want to feed Derek's ego and admit he had been right. Secondly, she was the only sober of them and she should see that they make home safe and sound.

Unfortunately, the moment couldn't arrive soon enough. She smirked devilishly at her friends. They were going to be so sorry in the morning. Shame she didn't take her camera, Cristina just started drooling and Jenny slipped a hundred dollars' banknote under the elastic band of a dancer's thong.

**********************************************************************************

Derek tore his eyes form the medical journal he was flipping disinterestedly and checked the watch on the nightstand for the hundredth time. Half past midnight and Meredith still didn't come home. He probably shouldn't be this bothered by her bachelorette night. He wanted her to enjoy herself; she didn't go out often. But the thought of her ogling other men, and more precisely naked men, kept a certain green monster inside him roaring, effectively preventing him from going to sleep. He wanted to be awake when she got back, maybe to show her he was the best one for her.

He heard the sound of the doorbell echo across the house and heaved himself with a sigh out of the bed and downstairs. This couldn't be Meredith because Meredith had the key and even if she didn't, she would know better than to risk waking Bessie up. Although, their little was a heavy sleeper, fortunately.

He unlocked the door, frowning at the sight of a totally drunk Luke hanging on his brother's shoulder.

"What's the commotion?" yawned Ned trudging down the stairs.

"Sorry for coming this late," sighed Luke's brother, Jake. "He's completely pissed. And he found this in Jen's things," he handed Derek a crumpled leaflet that depicted a group of half-naked man showing off their chests.

"And?" groaned Derek. He already knew the girls went to some strip club, he didn't need the visual.

"Sheeeee's goonna leaaaaave mee," sobbed Luke wiping his face onto his brother's shirt.

"Tone your voice down, man; there's a kid sleeping upstairs," told him Ned, though he barely contained the laughter bubbling inside him. "And chill out. She's just gone to stare at some naked asses, big deal."

"Turn it over," Jake rolled his eyes impatiently at Luke. "God, he's such a wimp and he's my brother."

Derek glanced at the other side of the paper that said "All the men of your dreams, from the prince charming to obedient slaves. Take your pick and enjoy."

Ned snorted behind Derek, "I hope you don't go all whiney on me. I don't do the cry on my shoulder thing."

Derek blinked his eyes tiredly, feeling all the sense of sanity evaporating from the situation.

"She'ssss gonna pickkk and run awayyyy," Luke waved his arm drunkenly in the air.

"I don't know what to do with him," sighed Jake. "I can't leave his drunk ass cause he's gonna end up dead under a truck or freeze to death trying to find her. D'you now where are they?"

"No," Derek shook his head studying the flyer. It was only one page with no name, no address, no telephone.

"You're such a bunch of girls," smirked Ned and grabbed the advert walking off to his laptop. Derek and Jake didn't even have time to force a cup of coffee down Luke's throat when Ned was back with the location of the club. "See, it wasn't that difficult."

"Goin' to Jen?" Luke's eyes lit up.

"Yes," answered Jake with gratefulness in his voice. "We're going to Jen to dump your sorry ass on her. Are you gonna help me?" he asked Derek.

"Me?" The thought was very tempting indeed. "I… I shouldn't…"

"Go," smirked Ned. "We all know you want to."

Derek grabbed his coat with new energy. Well, he was Luke's best man; he had to help him, right?

**********************************************************************************

Soon after they entered the club, Derek knew he made a huge mistake coming. The place was one big madhouse full of burgeoning females fawning over men clad in latex. He was afraid he'd be left scarred for life if he saw the same glint in the eyes of his wife-to-be.

The three of them stood unsurely, searching the crowd.

"Excuse me," Derek asked a passing waitress. "Can you help us?"

"Yeah?" she eyed him appreciatively from under her heavily coloured lids. "Are you here for the job?"

"Bache- bachelorette party," stammered Luke desperately.

"The boss doesn't like her guys drunk on the job," she scoffed at him but her regard softened at Derek and Jake. "Go this way." She pointed them a passage behind her.

"We're not-" started Derek but the waitress already moved on.

Jake shrugged his shoulders, "Let's go. Let's find the happy bride and let her take care of him. I don't care what she's gonna do to him. I just wanna leave here; the place's giving me the creeps."

They made the way indicated by the waitress, through a crowd of the club's employees, passing the stage with performing dancers.

"Jenny!" yelled Luke as his uncoordinated eyeballs caught her the love of his life in his range of vision. "Jenny!" he tried to break free from Jake's firm grip.

Derek quickly followed the direction of Luke's gaze to find Meredith and the girls sitting at a table busy with empty shots and bottles. She was laughing her head off at her friends, a half empty glass in her hand.

"Wha- whasshe doin'?" Luke blurted out watching with horror as his fiancée grabbed one of the dancers and moved her hand towards his hip. He struggled to push away Jake's and Derek's restraining hands. "Get'way from'er you soneva-!"

Jake shook his head at Derek over his brother's wriggling form, "Idiot."

"Gonna kill'im!" stammered Luke.

The dancers bowed to their enthusiastic audience and started to retreat when Luke broke out of their friends' loosened grip and lunged himself at the stage. Jake and Derek both groaned exchanging martyred looks before hurrying after him, none of them willing to spend the night in jail. Luke's hands closed around the dancer's neck but Jake managed to drag him away.

"What's going on in here?" hissed an angry female voice and Derek felt someone grip his arm.

"I'm so sorry," apologized quickly Derek coming face to face with a very high maintenance lady clad in red, whose age was difficult to tell due to heavy amount of make-up, though she probably couldn't be younger than forty. "Our friend just… drank too much."

"And that's a reason to start fistfights in my club?" she narrowed her eyes at him. "This is a place of work!"

Derek swallowed with difficulty; he had a distant impression of being the object of Miranda Bailey's wrath and that was never good.

"I'm… sorry," he repeated lamely.

"Sorry?" she snorted. "What do you think stops me now from calling the police with the complaint that you and your buddies are brawling in my club? Wait, I know what," she scanned his body from head (or hair) to toes and pushed him on the stage.

"Hey, what are you doing?" he frowned, panic raising in his chest. If Meredith hadn't seen him yet, she definitely had to now. What that crazy lady wanted him to do? Strip? He preferred the cops. Her fingers only clawed tighter around his elbow.

"Good evening, ladies and a few gentlemen!" Derek's captor greeted her guests enthusiastically. "Are you having fun tonight?"

A tumultuous "yeah" came from every corner of the club. Derek steadily avoided looking anywhere close Meredith's table.

"And it's going to get even better," she assured them. "Because today we're hosting our monthly charity auction."

Charity auction? What charity auction? What the hell he was doing here?

**********************************************************************************

Meredith took another sip of her drink and watched the dancers leave the stage when… she blinked seeing Luke throwing herself at one of them. Seconds later his brother and her very disconcerted fiancé followed suit.

"You-your loverboy's 'ere," burped Cristina tugging at Jen's sleeve. "Yous too, Mer, McDreamy's 'ere!"

Meredith's lips cracked in a mischievous smile as the owner of the club dragged Derek on the stage. He looked utterly mortified. She was going to have some fun at this club after all.

"This, my ladies, is the item we're putting on bid," the owner of the club circled Derek who tried to appear as small as he could, quite unsuccessfully. "And his name is…" she looked at him expectantly. He clenched his teeth defiantly; he wasn't going to take part in his own humiliation.

"MaaaacDreeeeamy!"

He cringed at Cristina Yang's drunken jeer. He was going to make her life a living hell at the hospital. He chanced a quick glance in the direction of Meredith. She was sitting comfortably in her chair, playing with a straw in her glass, smirking at him mercilessly… Nope, he couldn't expect help from her.

"McDreamy, McDreamy!" chanted the crowd of females hypnotically.

"Just take look at our McDreamy, girls!" the lady in red shouted over raking a hand in his locks. "What hair!"

Meredith felt her grin wane. Our McDreamy? McDreamy was her exclusively! And take your hands off the hair, lady!

"We're starting with $50."

"50!" momentarily came a voice from the confines of the club.

"60!"

"70!"

"100!"

"Gooood, thasss pricelss," slurred Cristina and scowled with distaste at the bidders. "Killin' eashothe' 'er MaDreamy…"

"Look at these muscles, ladies! As hard as steel!" took up the club owner testing Derek's bicep and sneaking her hand under his coat, making him recoil a little.

"120!"

"150!"

"200!"

"They're gonna sell yar man!" snorted Jen's sister at Meredith. "Gonna just sitanwatch?"

Meredith's patience was not to be tested anymore; she raised her hand and shouted "300!"

"400!" came another voice and Meredith turned to face her rival, shooting daggers with her eyes.

"1000!" yelled Meredith triumphantly, venomous satisfaction painting in her face as no one staked a higher bid.

Derek breathed out with enormous relief as Meredith climbed the stage and hissed at the club owner "Hands off my fiancé, missy! Send me the check." She grabbed his hand and dragged him from the club.

"Thank God…" he trailed off noticing the scowl on her face. "Meredith?" he asked cautiously.

"Not now," she said distractedly. She hailed a cab and gestured for him to wordlessly to follow her.

"Meredith," he went on nervously. "I… I came here for Luke, he's completely drunk-"

"Did I ask you to explain yourself?" she shot not looking at him.

"No, but-"

"Then don't."

He followed her meekly to the house and upstairs. Meredith went straight to her bedroom and locked herself in the bathroom.

"Meredith?" Derek tapped lightly at the door. "Can we talk?"

In response he heard the running shower; he probed the door but no avail. She couldn't be seriously angry at him, could she? It was him who just lived through the most embarrassing moment in his life, well maybe except when his sisters decided to write "I have hots for boys" on his school t-shirt while still in high-school…

After a few tormented minutes, Meredith revealed herself from the bathroom wrapped in a white robe. He ran up to her but she ignored him.

"Meredith, this is stupid-"

"Have I just heard you calling me stupid?" she growled at him, laying back comfortably on the center of the bed.

"No!" he gulped.

"I'm waiting," she tapped her foot nervously on the bed.

"For what?" he frowned his forehead.

"McDreamy, I spent a thousand bucks on you," she crossed her arms on her chest. "Do you need a soundtrack?"

"A soundtrack?" repeated Derek not understanding anything.

"Yes, soundtrack," she raised her eyebrows at him. "I was having fun." Well, okay, she wasn't but Derek didn't have to know that. She was going to have fun right now, though. "I was having fun with my friends until I had to save your ass, practically buying it."

"Yeah, well, thanks for that-"

"So, now, you owe me a dance," smirked Meredith.

"What?" laughed Derek. "I don't dance."

"Oh, yes, you do," countered Meredith airily. "If you ever want to get reacquainted with what's underneath this robe." She bended her leg letting the parting of the robe reveal her naked thigh, just her thigh.

"Seriously-"

"Seriously," said firmly Meredith, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He sighed lightly and with a small smile as well as a shake of his head reached for the buttons of his shirt.

**********************************************************************************

A/N So, I hope you found the chapter interesting. The next chapter's coming up sometime over the week, Wednesday I think and it's going to be… really really big. So, stay tuned!

Em :)


	39. Chapter 39: I Take Thee

A/N Hi, I'm posting this chapter in hope that it will please all MerDer fans that were as disappointed as I was in borrowed/cancelled/fake weddings on the show. It felt like a therapy time writing it. Without further ado…

**********************************************************************************

"Feels good to escape, even if it's just for a weekend," smiled Derek when he was finally able to unfasten his seatbelt and stand up beside Meredith and Bessie's row.

"You say that now," Meredith made a skeptical face running through her handbag in search of a coloring book and some crayons. Bessie was now glued to the little window of the plane as much as her restraint allowed her to but it wouldn't be long till her interest waned. How much time can you spend watching clouds after all? "I'll look for that smile on your face when we're back learning from Izzie that we'll have bridesmaids in pink taffeta, you'll be wearing a top hat and a morning coat and somebody will be singing "Wind beneath my freaking wings". Damn, I can't find that book… I could swear I packed it."

"You know we're going to a wedding, right?" grinned Derek and reached for his briefcase pulling the book Meredith was looking for. "Here."

"Oh, thank God," sighed Meredith. "I don't know why I didn't think about taking some toys for Bess earlier. And yes, I know we're going to a wedding. But I made sure my dress doesn't make noise when it moves or stand up all by itself. Have I already mentioned it's not pink?"

"What colour is it?" asked Derek dreamily, his eyes moving along her body.

"You'll see," she grinned back. "And save that smile for later. You know we're not joining the mile high club today."

"Not today? When?" he quipped.

She quirked her eyebrow at him, "You're too eager. Trust me it's not that exciting as it appears to be."

"With the right person…" he smirked.

"How you can turn corny the hurried sex in the cramped toilet is beyond me," she looked up at him smugly. "You know, you're more excited about the plane flight than our two-year-old."

"I haven't been out of Seattle since… I came here," he said in wonder.

"You've never thought about leaving? Going back to New York?" she asked him seriously reaching for his hand and squeezing his fingers.

"No," he sighed. "I just… lived from day to day. Sometimes it felt as though time stopped after you left."

"It flied for me," said Meredith. "And now we can go steady… together."

"We can," Derek leaned to kiss her lips, "We should set the date."

"Yeah, we should. Your Mom's getting restless, your sisters apparently too," sighed Meredith.

"Mer, just… don't freak out," he smiled at her. "They're just my ugly sisters."

"I'm not freaking out," she shrugged wickedly. "I think they'll like me, especially after I tell them all about your dancing skills."

"You wouldn't…" he gritted out. The week following Meredith's bachelorette party proved very trying for his nerves as the news of his adventure leaked out and sent shockwaves of gossip and hilarity through the hospital.

"Derek, just… don't freak out…" she teased him mercilessly patting him on the abdomen. "I'd say you have a future in that field if you ever got tired of the scalpel… the way you tossed that shirt to the floor…"

"Meredith," he hissed loosening his collar.

"What?" she battled her eyelashes innocently. "Don't worry; I wouldn't ever let you. I'd get insanely jealous."

"You'll never let me forget that, will you?" asked Derek hopefully.

"Nope, I'm hoping for a repeat," she pursed her lips. "You're my private dancer."

Derek rolled his eyes and was about to reiterate when Bessie lost interest in the views outside and started to writhe in her restraint clearly displeased with her seatbelt.

"Mommy!" she whimpered. "I wanna go!"

"Go back to your seat, Derek," said Meredith opening the coloring book. "You'll change me when she'll tire me out."

Derek reluctantly retreated one row back. He'd taken a medical journal to occupy himself during the flight but he found himself a much more enthralling activity. He could just see Bessie leaning over her book, babbling to Meredith.

"It's your daughter?" asked gently an elderly lady from the seat next to him. "She's a beautiful little girl and so well-behaved."

"Yes, yes, she is," he nodded proudly, smiling widely.

"It must be a bit uncomfortable for you and your wife," stated the woman, making Derek inhale deeply. "I'm sorry, I'm talking silly; it's the business class after all-"

"No, you're right," Derek shook his head slightly. He wasn't going to prove her wrong. They were engaged. They contacted an architect and they were building a house. They bought rings which were now safely resting in Seattle. They now had to slip them on each other's fingers in a formal context and he'd be able to call Meredith his wife with clear conscience. They really had to set the date.

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"I hope you'll find it comfortable here," said Jen striding to the middle of the exclusive suite in her uncle's inn.

"Without a doubt," commented Derek under his breath eyeing a spacious Jacuzzi in the bathroom.

"Don't forget there's a child under our watch," whispered Meredith seeing the dirty in his eyes.

"I'll give you some time alone now," smiled Jen patting Bessie on the head as she made a short stop in her running tour of the suite. "You probably want to freshen up after your flight."

"We should try to coax Bessie into her nap but… she's buzzing with energy," sighed Meredith, taking off her jacket. It was much warmer than in Seattle. "She'll probably drop off during the dinner."

"Yeah, the dinner," grinned Jen, already at the door. "Meet us at 6 o'clock downstairs. Everyone's dying to meet you, you know, saving the lives of the bride and the groom and all that."

Meredith stared at Jen's retreating back. It felt as if it had been ages ago, in a different lifetime, when Jen and Luke were the patients rushed to the OR. It was her first day back at Seattle Grace, the day she was scared, hopeful and excited, all at the same time. She was desperately hiding from Derek the existence of his daughter. So much changed since then… yet they could still count the passed time in weeks, Jen's short hair was the obvious evidence.

Meredith's eyes roamed over their suite. The name exclusive really depicted the realities. They had two bedrooms at their disposal, a living room and a luxurious bathroom that was giving her dirty thoughts. And apparently her husband too, wait… her future husband. She got used to calling Derek her husband incredibly fast during the flight when they didn't bother to correct Derek's neighbor.

Derek moved their bags against the wall and stood beside the window, taking in the view and Meredith trotted to join him. Immediately below, people were bustling with preparations for tomorrow's wedding, then there were building belonging the winery, acres of wine fields and the edge of the ocean, a dark stormy line, barely visible in the distance.

"Wow, it's breathtaking here," murmured Meredith, her eyes widening at the sight. She might not be very enthusiastic with the type of wedding Jen was having but she understood. The scenery was magnificent. It was a perfect place to get married, if there existed one. "You know what?" she said softly standing behind Derek and encircling his waist with her arms. "We should get married on your land, on the cliff."

"It would be perfect," admitted Derek. "But not in the middle of the winter and with our house building in the background."

"Oh, right," she frowned remembering the harsh climate of the Rain City.

"And I'm pretty sure Izzie would go after our heads with as much as a suggestion of getting married somewhere else than in a church," he chuckled. "We'll think about it later. Let's unpack and try to tuck out princess into bed."

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With all the pre-wedding excitement coming to a peak in the form of rehearsal dinner, it was late into the night when guests slowly retreated to their rooms to take advantage of the last hours of rest before the big day. Meredith couldn't fall asleep long after Derek drifted off into the arms of Morpheus. She lied at her side tracing with her eyes the contours of his body; his hair spread around his head on the pillow, the tiny scar on his forehead, his crooked nose, the kissable lips, all basked in the pale moonlight. She felt completely at ease with herself and the world around her. She was at her precious lover's side. Their daughter was sleeping soundly in the other room.

She stirred her hand and her ring glinted in the ray of the pearly light. She was this girl now, this girl who wanted forever with a boy. She wanted that more and more every day. She almost envied a little Jen who was getting her forever the next day.

She and Derek would have to wait if they went on with the ceremony on the cliff. It was way too cold and windy now, even if the snow was exceptionally scarce so far. Apart from the weather, they would also have to wait for their house to be finished… and fight many battles with Izzie. Meredith closed her eyes with a sigh. Weddings were exhaustive… even thinking about them was. She just wanted to be married to Derek.

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Meredith smoothed over her dress for the last time and graciously made her way down the aisle to the simple altar where Luke was nervously awaiting in the company of Derek, a reverend and two bridesmaids. Meredith felt a bit self-conscious. Momentarily, the attention of the crowd was focused on her before all the eyes turned again to the back, anticipating the bride. Derek's never did, they kept devouring her, studying her form clad in the light lavender dress, as though she was the bride. She gave him a bright smile taking her place opposite him at the altar.

Seconds later they shared another smile as Bessie followed merrily her mother's way up. And then Jenny was led by her father to meet her future husband to the sounds of soft violin music.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love and to add our best wishes to the words that shall unite…" were the last words that Derek and Meredith were able to register clearly. Since they got back together, every day was a little celebration of their love yet the concept of marriage brought them closer on a whole completely new level. They stared at each other unabashedly. Just as Meredith thought when she was first asked by Jen, they sucked at being the attentive maid of honour and the best man, though for completely different reasons than she had expected. They just wanted to push Jen and Luke from the little altar, well, maybe the curious audience as well, and take their places. Meredith woke up from her daydream just in time to give Derek a discreet sign to hand Luke the rings.

She felt a strange surge of emotions as she watched her friends exchange the bands and then kiss for the first time as a married couple. She cheered and clapped with everyone else looking back at Derek; he was watching her all the time. She picked Bessie up, placing her on her hip and took his arm, following Jen and Luke for the reception. Jen turned back abruptly and thrust her bouquet at Meredith.

"Catch!" she winked at her and resumed her place at Luke's side.

Meredith blinked at the flowers and looked up at Derek's amused face.

"I don't wanna spend another day not being married to you," she whispered softly.

"Okay," he smiled and buried his face in the crook of her neck sandwiching Bessie between them in the process.

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Meredith entered the enormous white tent for the second time that day frantically scanning the crowd in search of Jen and Luke. In the corner of her eye, she saw Derek and Bessie approaching the reverend with an apologetic smile.

She hoped no one took any notice of their short absence following the end of the speeches. Jen and Luke surely didn't; Meredith doubted they paid any attention to anything that wasn't them that day. Finally her eyes rested on whom she was looking for. The bride was sitting on her husband's knees feeding him with cake.

"Hey," Meredith stood before them nervously. "D'you think you could spare half an hour of your newlywed bliss and help me and Derek with something?"

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"You two are more crazy than me and my husband of four hours," laughed Jenny fifteen minutes later as she made a circle around Meredith making sure the new bride looked ready for her wedding. "But I've always known that!"

"Mommy getting married! Mommy getting married!" squealed Bessie running up to them and tugging gently at Meredith's lavender dress. "Daddy says hurry up!"

"Daddy's impatient," Meredith shook her head with a laugh. "I am too," she sighed, "I feel like I waited forever for this."

"Maybe you did," said Jen standing in front of her. "Are you sure you want to go on with that?" she readjusted the strap of Meredith's dress. "We could find something more bride-like for you."

"You mean white?" Meredith scrunched her nose. "Lavender's my colour. Besides, I don't think I qualify as a white bride," she grinned running a hand through Bessie's hair.

"You've got all the necessary stuff?" asked Jen. "The license and all that?"

"Yeah," grinned Meredith. "We had to bribe a few people in the line to the clerk's office but we got it just before the closing hours."

"The rings! What about the rings?" Jen remembered suddenly.

"Uhm, that's taken care of too," Meredith bit her lip mischievously. They had a beautiful set of white golden bands they chose together… a plane flight away from here. They didn't have neither the time nor the will to buy new ones; they contented themselves with… cheaper substitutes.

"Are you ready?"

Meredith took a deep breath and nodded determinately, "Yeah. Go on."

Jen lifted the hem of her snow white gown, "Just don't run away," she teased and disappeared around the fence separating the bumpy road from the wine field. Meredith lowered herself to level of Bessie's eyes, "We're done with running away, no more running," she whispered trying to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. She was turning into a complete sap. "Care to give mommy a hug?"

She tightly squeezed Bessie to her chest when she put her little arms around her neck, "I would never get to this place without you, you know princess?" she inhaled deeply in Bessie's shoulder. "We were there for each other. But from now on… forever… Daddy will be there too." She laughed freely at herself and stood up taking her daughter's hand.

"Let's go, Daddy's waiting. I think you're promoted to a bridesmaid."

Bessie nodded solemnly, apparently feeling the magnitude of the moment. They slowly walked to the wooden gate and Meredith couldn't imagine the more perfect setting. They stepped on to the small lawn that constituted an entrance to the wine fields. At the end of the green square grew a dwarf tree in the shadow of which stood the reverend and Derek. Jen and Luke with matching grins on their faces, flanked the sides. The audience was limited to the minimum, there wasn't the whole hospital breathing down their necks, no panicking over who should give her away.

She approached them slowly with Bessie. There was no altar this time. Just bare nature, simplicity. They were on a hill overlooking wide fields and the coast wrestling with the rough waters of the ocean. For the second time, she took the place facing Derek but now, she was right where she should be.

"We are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses to join Meredith and Derek in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; therefore, is not by any, to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly and solemnly. "

Derek locked his regard with Meredith's, meeting nothing else than what he was feeling himself, love, faith and tenderness.

"Meredith and Derek, life is given to each of us as individuals, and yet we must learn to live together. Love is given to us by our family or by our friends. We learn to love by being loved. Learning to love and being together is one of the greatest challenges of life and is the shared goal of a married life."

Truer words were never spoken about her relationship with Derek. She learned to love, to truly love unconditionally, thanks to Derek's unrelenting love for her. And wasn't her life with him a challenge…

"It is now the time for your vows."

Derek gave her the familiar McDreamy smile he wore so many times when looking at her. It was his second wedding, his second marriage, but what he felt now was incomparable to anything he went through with Addison. When he faced Addie at the rich altar in an old cathedral, he was scared and overwhelmed with the whirlwind of wedding preparations and the ceremony itself. He didn't even think about the feelings for his bride. With Meredith everything felt different, simple, exhilarating, exciting.

"Katie Bryce, 16-year-old female, subarachnoid aneurysm from a fall during rhythmic gymnastics. It was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together. Our first save."

Meredith's eyes became glassy at the reminiscence of her very first day of her internship, her humiliation and horror at the discovery that her drunk one night stand turned out to be her boss, her unsuccessful attempts at staying away from him…

Derek went on with the milestones of their professional/personal relationship, they were always mingled together.

"The patient with a cerebral cyst. Though save but we did it. I kissed you in the stairwell… after the surgery. And the one when Dr. Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us," he smirked wickedly, "in your driveway in my car."

She could feel her cheeks reddening. Thank God, there were only Jen, Luke and the reverend and Bessie didn't understand what Derek was getting at.

"And there was the 7-hour craniotomy," sighed Derek, "and you held the clamp the entire time, never flinched. That's when I knew you were gonna be an incredible surgeon."

"And then," Derek's voice took a serious note, "There were many surgeries, the whole two years' worth of them, away from Seattle Grace, from me. That's when I knew I needed you."

"Then you came back to me," he continued, "with our miracle of a daughter and made me move forward. If there's a crisis, you don't freeze; you move forward because you've seen worse, you've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too. You say you're all… dark and twisty," smiled Derek, his eyes becoming bright blue, "but that's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are, the love of my life," he finished gently.

Meredith blinked away the dampness gathering in her eyes and let out the breath she was holding. Derek had no trouble finding beautiful corny words whereas she racked her brains desperately since she told him she wanted to get married right away. In a few short sentences, she wanted to convey all that she was feeling for him and it seemed simply impossible.

"I was thinking and thinking what to tell you in the vow," she admitted," because people generally remember the important moments of their lives, and even I agree that a wedding is kind of important," she rambled making Derek grin widely. "Uhm, I want to make sure that you know, that you remember, in every moment of your life. I want you to remember me saying I love you. I don't ever wanna live without you. You changed my life. Our love, it's our plan, our goal. But now it's time to look around and drink it in."

She glanced at the reverend, letting him now that she finished. She heard sobbing behind her and turned to see Jen in tears.

"Sorry, sorry," she wiped her nose with one hand, the other balancing to stay straight as she filmed the ceremony with her mobile. "It's just… so beautiful."

Meredith looked back at Derek, whose eyes were burning her skin with the force of the desert sun.

"Wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward spiritual grace and the unbroken circle of love, signifying to all the union of this man and this woman in marriage."

Luke stepped up and took out their rings and Meredith almost burst out laughing at the reverend's staring fixedly at the pair of rings… The rings that would have to do until they got back to Seattle and replaced them with the real ones. The rings that cost 50 cents each… one ruby red, the other stormy blue, two plastic rings they obtained from the toy vending machines standing in the inn's lobby. They spent good fifteen minutes opening capsules until they got two rings. It almost brought a temper tantrum in Bessie as they had to throw all the gadgets to the bin. They were too small for Bessie to play with yet.

The reverend cleared his throat, "Repeat after me…"

"I Derek, take thee, Meredith, to be my wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore." He took her hand gently and slipped the red ring on her finger until it met the delicate engagement ring with a soft click.

Meredith took the remaining ring and pronounced, "I Meredith, take thee, Derek, to be my husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore."

She tried to put the blue ring on his ring finger following his example but… it turned too small, not even able to pass it over the fingernail. She stifled her laughter and brought it onto his pinkie, fortunately, this time it fit.

The reverend sighed but made no comment. He must have seen stranger couples in his noble career. "Meredith and Derek, as the two of you come into this marriage uniting you as husband and wife, and as you this day affirm your faith and love for one another, I would ask that you always remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals, that you respect the thoughts, ideas and suggestions of one another. Be able to forgive, do not hold grudges, and live each day that you may share it together, as from this day forward, you shall be each other's home, comfort and refuge, your marriage strengthened by your love and respect."

"By the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Nothing could make Derek happier this very moment than those last few words. Their hands still clasped tightly together, they leaned towards each other until their impatient lips brushed gently. Soon Derek tilted her neck with his fingers and intensified the kiss. Their ears registered distant clapping and happy yells of their daughter but their tongues couldn't let go of each other. They parted only when Meredith felt her dress being pulled by Bessie. "Mommy, Daddy! Behave!"

They all giggled and the reverend announced with a smile, "I present you to the newly married couple, Meredith and Derek."

Derek picked Bessie up from the ground and the three of them drowned in one big hug, smiling and laughing, Meredith brushing imperceptibly a lone tear that escaped down her cheek.

Derek leaned to her ear and whispered, "Just don't give Bess your bouquet, okay?"

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A/N I'm simply dying here to know your thoughts about this chapter, begging to get to know your opinions!

In the meantime, the next update follows with the wedding night and we learn what Meredith decided about her name…

Yours,

Em :)

P.S. I got some requests after the last chapter to deliver the dancing naked Derek. I was too far in writing the next chapter but I can include that somewhere in the sequel… :)))) Yay or nay?


	40. Chapter 40: Dr Shepherd

A/N Thank you for all your comments after the last chapter! I'm happy you liked my vision of the wedding. In this chapter, a dose of MerDer hotness and a little freak-out on Meredith's part. Enjoy!

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With peaceful smiles on their faces, they slowly reached the door of their suite, Bessie nestled on Meredith's hip, her sleeping head resting on her mommy's shoulder. Derek passed the magnetic card to open the lock but before he let his family in he turned abruptly and lifted Meredith along with Bessie up into his arms.

"Derek! What are you doing? Put me down!" giggled Meredith.

"Nope, we have to do the justice to the tradition," he grinned. "And be quiet or you'll wake our princess."

"You wouldn't want that, huh?" she teased him, blowing into his ear as he carried them over the threshold gingerly.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind tucking her in all night… just not tonight," he added with a feral glint in his eye and put Meredith to her feet.

"I'll tuck our Cherry-pie to bed," she smiled up at him.

He planted a kiss on the top of the tiny blond head and said, "Be quick."

"Why? You have some plans for tonight, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked coyly moving to the room occupied by Bessie.

"You know I do, Dr…" he trailed off uncertainly, realizing he didn't know what she decided in regard to her surname. She signed the marriage certificate after him and with all the excitement of getting married to her; he completely forgot to ask her.

She smiled at him and answered softly, "Dr. Shepherd."

"You…?" She took his breath away once again.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I kept the Grey part too, because it's a part of my dark and twisty-ness," she shrugged. "But I like Shepherd. And Bessie will be a Shepherd any day. We're a family; I see no reason why I should stand out."

He shook his head in wonder as his male pride roared inside him. Meredith carried Bessie to her room and he searched the room for some alcohol and glasses. They had wine, whisky and scotch. The occasion called for champagne but he didn't want to be disturbed; he wanted his wife on his own. He carried the flutes to their bedroom and impatient for Meredith to join him, strode to the other room.

He found his wife crouching beside Bessie's bed, smoothing her covers. He kneeled beside her and passed a hand over her back. She shivered under his touch and let him lead her out, carefully closing the door. They entered the dimly lit room and Derek handed her her glass.

"To…" he paused seeking the right words.

"The Shepherds," she finished with a smile.

"To the Shepherds," he nodded gently knocking her glass with his. They barely tasted the ruby content of their glasses when he deposited them on the nightstand, only to get back to his new wife, take her in his arms and kiss her slowly, lazily, self-assuredly. His fingers found the discreet zipper of the dress and pulled it down. He stepped away from her for an instant letting the light material slide down her slender body and pool at her feet. His eyes drank greedily her flesh, naked but for the matching lavender panties. She stepped out of her heels and pressed into him, sneaking her arms around his neck, raining sweet little kisses on his lips, his jaw to his neck. He hooked his thumbs over the band of her panties and dragged them over her hips from where they fell to the floor with ease. He grew in his pants at the feel of her bare curves stretched along his fully clothed body.

He held her in his arms and lied gently on their king-sized bed. Before he could crawl on top of her, she lifted her leg and stopped him, placing her foot on his abdomen. He inhaled sharply as her movement gave him a delicious view over her glistening core and he strained painfully. Meredith's foot still blocked his access so he hastily shed his jacket and fumbled with the knot of his tie, his fingers seemingly having lost their surgical agility. Finally freed from the offending garment, he sent his shirt and the rest of his wardrobe to the floor. Only then Meredith hooked her leg around his hip and pulled him onto her, bringing his hard length at her opening with a wanton moan.

His head stopped at the level of her heaving breasts and he took one of the enticing nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking. She whimpered and grabbed fistfuls of his hair to keep his skilful mouth on her hardened peak. He bit lightly and turned its attention to its twin. After his careful ministrations left her nothing else than a moaning and writhing mess, he entered her in one torturously slow move evoking another series of moans coming deep from her throat. He panted as they built a slow steady rhythm, in and out, in and out, every stroke pushing her a little bit further towards her release but every time not enough.

He gathered on speed and force, afraid he wouldn't be able to last long. He slipped a hand between them and massaged her swollen bundle of nerves meticulously, bringing her over the edge. Yet he continued to pound into her with abandon, putting his own orgasm on hold until her walls started to clench around him for the second time. She screamed her pleasure into the night and he let go, spilling his hot seed deep within her. They lay entangled with each other, sweaty and out of breath.

"You… were right," breathed out Meredith. "Married sex… amazing…" she said with amazement in her voice. They had all kinds of sex until their wedding night but surprisingly, never this slow and tender yet full of their unrestrained passion. "Now, let's get dressed."

"What?" his eyes flew wide open; he surely misunderstood.

"Our pajamas are in the top drawer," yawned Meredith.

"You've got to be kidding!" he cupped her face and coaxed her mouth open slipping his tongue into her moist cavern.

"Not kidding," she moaned turning her head away from him.

"It's our wedding night and you're already denying me sex?" he pouted.

Meredith giggled teasing his chest with her nipples in the process, "We're exhausted with today's events. And as much as I desire the second round… we'll fall asleep naked if we go with it."

"What's wrong with sleeping naked?" he chased her escaping lips. "I'm all for sleeping naked."

"Bessie," she reminded. "We're sleeping in an unfamiliar place. She might get scared and come looking for us later."

"I guess," he sighed burying his head into the pillow and muttered, "Cockblocked on my own honeymoon…"

"Hey, I've just given you sex," she said indignantly. "You must learn to deal with your nymphomania, I did."

She slid from the bed and dove into the drawer. Seconds later his boxers landed on the back of his head. He took them and put them on grumbling. Meredith turned off the lights, slipped under the covers already in her nightie and let Derek spoon her from behind. They tried to settle comfortably but…

"You smell like sex," muttered Derek nuzzling his face into her neck.

Meredith bit her lip but broke into light giggles. She grabbed his hand and brought it between her legs where he discovered her complete lack of underwear.

"Tease," he growled into her ear, flipping her onto her stomach and insinuating himself between her thighs. He groaned with pleasure as he freed himself from the confines of his boxers and speared her forcefully pulling her ass upwards.

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They were terrible. They were horny most of the time before anyway but it seemed that the status of newlyweds somehow sanctioned having sex in every possible time and place. If it wasn't for Bessie, they probably wouldn't even bother to dismount each other. In spite of their tiredness the previous evening, they followed with yet another round of lovemaking, then one of morning sex, shower sex and table sex when it turned out Bess was still fast asleep. They barely made it in time to hastily pack their bags before the arrival of the cab, Bessie's favourite stuffed sea otter getting lost twice in the commotion.

They said their last goodbyes to Jen and Luke's family and friends. Jen and Luke themselves left for their two-week honeymoon early in the morning. Meredith and Derek, though newlyweds as well, had to obediently go back home. The chances of them both getting time off work again were slim, to say the least.

With Bessie already safely inside the car, Meredith leaned against the open door and for the last time took in the surroundings.

"What's in your head?" whispered Derek into her ear, taking notice of her suddenly pensive mood.

"The last few days, it was like taken from someone else's life," she murmured. "It was so simple, clear…"

"And now we're going home," nodded Derek.

"Yeah," she looked at him shrewdly. "I don't want this to go away."

"It won't," he kissed her softly and pulled away reluctantly before the things heated up again. "Besides, you realize we're stuck together now, don't you?" he grinned lifting her hand with her red ring sparkling in the sun.

"So, what happens in Sonoma doesn't stay in Sonoma?" smirked Meredith.

"Exactly, Dr. Shepherd," he looked at her dreamily. "It's going to get a little confusing at the hospital."

"Oh, right," muttered Meredith getting into the cab and pulling Bess onto her knees, drawing her close.

She didn't know why it hit her right now, what made her heart flutter in panic. She had been aware of everything that assuming Derek's name entailed. That was why she also kept her maiden name, not simply because it was an inherent part of her like she told Derek. She kept it as a safety belt in case being a happy Mrs. Shepherd became too overwhelming. She knew herself too well. She knew that moment would come, the moment of fear, of doubt, of overanalyzing everything. She was genuinely happy yesterday to transform into Meredith Shepherd, she was. That happiness still wandered somewhere in the back of her heart. And that ecstatic expression on Derek's face when she told him. She didn't want to ruin his bliss for anything.

She fixed her jaws into a soft smile and prayed Derek took her quietness for fatigue and unwillingness to leave the wine country. The impassive expression was still plastered onto her face several hours later when they entered their house.

"I'm beginning to get worried that she's getting a high after a flight," smiled Derek as Bessie ran into the house, to the dining room and back to the hall.

"You're worried she might become a flight attendant?" Meredith tried to play along lightly, though she craved to throw herself into the bed and think no more. Unfortunately, that was rather impossible. It was the first day of their marriage, they just got back to Seattle as newlyweds.

"A flight attendant?" repeated Derek with disgust apparent in his voice, as he tried to push out of his mind a surreal image of his adult daughter dressed in a skimpy uniform, ogled by horny male passengers.

"She's smart enough to be a pilot but I still believe she's going to achieve greatness in medicine."

He threw the keys onto the table in the hall and pushed a button on the phone to listen to the received voice messages. There was a melodic sound and Izzie's perky tones echoed through the house. _"Mer, Derek? Call me when you're back! Are you going to be back on Monday? Because I'd like to order food samples. Oh, Mer! I've found some wonderful dresses for you to try on! Anyway, call me later! Bye!"_

Meredith groaned and banged the wall with the back of her head. They had to go back to work the next day and announce they… well, had practically eloped. Furthermore, they had to face Izzie and her wrath…

Derek studied her face knowingly, "Don't take your coat off, wait for me."

He ran upstairs only to be back in the hall a few seconds later. He clasped Bessie's hand and ushered his girls outside into the car.

"Derek, I'm really tired," said Meredith. "Where are we going?"

He didn't answer, just smiled mysteriously but she knew soon enough.

"We're going to your land, aren't we?" she sighed, rubbing her temples. "What for?"

"Our land," he corrected her. "And you'll see."

He pulled up, took Bessie tightly into his arms so she couldn't run off and hurt herself, and led Meredith to the place where she had built the house of candles.

He faced her and said, "I know you're freaking out, Meredith."

She looked at him terrified and opened her mouth but couldn't lie.

"I know you're freaking out," he gave her a gentle smile. "This is big, this is scary and murky. But we're in this together, don't push me away, please."

"I won't," she promised solemnly and admitted, "I am… freaking out… just a bit."

He maneuvered his free hand in his pocket and drew out a little box. He managed to get out the smaller ring.

"Give me your hand."

She lifted her slightly shaking hand and he took her surrogate red ring off, replacing it with the delicate golden band. "Meredith, with this ring, I thee wed."

She blinked at him. They were getting married, again, on his… no, on their land. He remembered.

She took the blue ring from his pinkie with a giggle, took the bigger band from the box and slipped it on his ring finger.

"Derek, with this ring, I thee wed."

"You're husband and wife!" squeaked Bessie with a look on her face that could only say "Mommy and Daddy are crazy".

They laughed wholeheartedly and Derek caressed her cheek whispering, "Now I get to kiss the bride…"

"You're not going to complain anymore, I think," she smirked when they pulled away, "getting the second wedding night in a row."

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When they got back at Meredith's old house, they put off unpacking their bags, deciding to prolong their celebration time. They were a bit cold from their trip to the woods so Derek lit up the fire in the living room and they shared a warm meal in front of the fireplace. After the last piece of mac and cheese disappeared from their plates, Derek sat on the floor with his back propped on the couch, Meredith sat propped against his chest and Bessie curled into her lap, encircling her middle with her tiny arms.

As they watched the dying embers, Cherry-pie finally drifted off to sleep; the plane flight, the first visit on their land and the first sip of wine they exceptionally allowed her, took their toll on the little girl.

"She didn't like it much, thank God," sighed Meredith putting away her glass.

"A lot of children don't," said Derek with a small smile. "I'm not even kidding myself that it will stay like that forever. I just hope she inherited your strong head."

Meredith shivered involuntarily and played with her rings nervously, "I don't want her to be anything like me, ever!" she stated firmly.

"Meredith-" he began gently.

"I hope she took after you in every respect," she said bitterly.

"Well, I don't," he countered. "You're a wonderful woman."

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "A drunken whore with trust issues."

"Meredith," he caressed the blond tresses on her head with reverence and said refusing to accept any counterargument. "You're a wonderful woman, strong, compassionate, loving-"

"Getting around," continued Meredith. "Don't deny it, Derek, you said it yourself once."

"I did," he admitted heavily. "One of the most shameful moments of my life…" he cupped her chin lightly and turned her face, careful not to stir Bessie awake. "Everyone has darkness inside, what's important is what we do not to let it overcome us. And you did beautifully, and I love you for it, amongst many other things."

"You do?" she asked with a small voice.

"Meredith, yes," he threw a dreamy smile at her, shaking his head in wonder. "I don't ever want you to think or speak this way about yourself. You need to accept yourself and your past. Because it made you the amazing woman you are."

"Okay," she inhaled deeply and leaned for a desperate kiss before she settled back comfortably against his body while he pressed her to him the closest he could and hooked an arm around her.

"You know," started Derek casually, "not that we have to do this right now… but we should probably call Ma…"

"You, Derek Shepherd," she said smugly, "are afraid your mother's gonna ream you for getting married in secret!"

"No!" he frowned. "Yes."

"Well, sorry, I guess it's my fault," sighed Meredith. "You can blame me for taking advantage of you."

"Glad we've finally settled that old argument," he chuckled. "But, please, don't apologize for marrying me. It was the most beautiful day of my life."

"And probably the most corny."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Me neither," she smoothed Bessie's hair affectionately. They should finally find time to file for changing her name to Shepherd and then… maybe they could try for another mini-Shepherd. She was more than ready and Derek would certainly be game for that. And well, they weren't very conscientious with condoms now anyway.

"We could…" she began but suggested instead, "call your Mom now."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm, I think I'm a bit afraid of her too."

Derek reached gingerly for his cell, the phone in the hall was way out of reach now. He felt so good supporting the weight of his girls that he would never leave this place if he could help it. Well, okay, he guessed he wouldn't say no to a round of sex with his wife.

He held the receiver between their heads and turned up the volume so they both could hear Carolyn's voice.

"Hi, Mom," said Derek merrily.

"Sounds guilty," mouthed Meredith. "Hi, Mom, how are you?"

"Meredith, Derek!" exclaimed Carolyn. "That's a surprise! I thought you wouldn't call so fast, we spoke only last Thursday."

"We can always hang up, Ma," joked Derek.

"Don't be a daft, son," Carolyn told him off. "You know I'm always thrilled to hear from you."

"Ask her if she's alone!" whispered Meredith.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, did you say something?" asked the older woman.

Derek cleared his throat, "Are you alone, Ma?"

"What kind of a question is that?" she laughed. "One could think you were trying to get away with yet another event in your life that you excluded your family from, like getting married for example."

Derek and Meredith exchanged stupefied glances. Did she have a sixth sense or something?

"Meredith, Derbear?" her voice sounded sweetly dangerous. "I don't like that silence."

"Silence is gold, Ma," he jested hopelessly.

"Are you trying to be smart with me, boy?"

Meredith giggled; she could easily imagine Carolyn pulling Derek's ear.

"Of course not, Ma," he gulped audibly.

"You better not," she growled. "Meredith, did you really make my son an honest man?"

Meredith burst out laughing bringing a hand over her mouth minding her sleeping princess. "I believe I did, Mom."

Carolyn sighed, "What am I going to do with you two?"

"Congratulate?" offered Derek. "I'm sorry you weren't' there, Ma. We did it kind of on the spur of the moment. It was a quiet intimate ceremony, just the two of us, Bessie, the reverend and two of our friends who stepped for witnesses."

"Did you take any pictures at least?" she inquired hopefully.

"Yeah, well, our friend recorded everything with her cell phone," winced Derek.

"With her cell phone? Are you five-year-old? Playing husband and wife and exchanging plastic rings?"

Meredith slapped her forehead in humiliation.

"Why do I hear this awful silence again? You are a pair of ungrateful, ungrateful kids!" Carolyn paused to draw some air. "I'm so happy for you, dears, so happy."

"Thanks Ma," Derek rolled his eyes.

"I wish all the happiness in the world for the three of you," she said gently. "You deserve it."

"Thank you for being so understanding, Ma," sighed Derek with obvious relief.

"Oh, no problem, dear," she assured him sweetly. "I'm calling your sisters now."

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A/N As usual, I'm waiting for your comments; they make my day!

I finished writing down the last chapters of this story and I'll post them at regular intervals when I get them proofread. It proves really hard to part with this fic; the proof – the epilogue itself, which I've just started working on, will take two or three updates.

Yours,

Em :)


	41. Chapter 41: Congratulations

A/N Warning: Izzie and the Shepherd sisters in this chapter :) Thank you very much for every single comment! I'm not entirely satisfied but I'm posting it.

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Meredith took Bessie's plate and deposited it into the sink.

"Yes, mhm," Derek's voice was coming from the hall where he was talking on the phone with their architect. They decided to put the past behind them and get new house plans that included the ideas of both of them. "That's right."

"Yes, thank you."

"No…" he trailed off pensively. "Not this week, I'm afraid. We have quite a busy schedule…"

"Of course, we can't wait to see them… Yes, that will be great," said Derek enthusiastically. "If the messenger can't find me, they can ask for my wife, Dr. Meredith Shepherd."

Meredith rolled her eyes at the proud note in Derek's voice and kneeled beside Bessie to wipe the remnants of blueberry jam from her mouth. If someone came to Grace asking for a Meredith Shepherd, they would be met with lots of raised eyebrows and even bigger amount of gossip.

"Yes, thank you," smiled Derek to the receiver. "Two days ago, thank you."

Meredith got lost in thought. They had to tell everyone, their friends and coworkers, that they'd got married…

Derek hung up and announced upon entering, "The blueprints are ready. We should get the first look today. Meredith!" he chuckled. "I think you're supposed to remove it, not spread it all around."

"What?" frowned Meredith. She paused her hand with horror noticing that there were now dark blue smudges on Bessie's face from ear to ear. "Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie!"

She grabbed a fresh wipe and gently cleaned her daughter's face, to the latter's great content. "I don't know what I was thinking about," sighed Meredith.

"I do," said Derek filling his travelling mug with coffee. "You're subtly freaked out about telling everyone we're married."

"How should we do it?" she asked nervously twirling the dirty wipe in her hands.

"Like an injection," he joked leaning back against the counter. "Quickly and painlessly."

"I guess," she sighed stopping in front of him, "and with a lot of people around… to drag Izzie from me!"

He laughed and squinted his eyes at her curiously as she started to tweak his shirt and jacket as well as his hair.

"What?" she shrugged. "That's what wifey wives do, right? Make sure their husbands look presentable."

"I always look presentable," he quipped. "As well as hot, incredible, amazing, sexy and… enormous, to name just the few adjectives you used last night."

Thump! Bessie sent her mug flying to the floor to catch her parents' attention.

"We're going, sweetie," murmured Meredith and lifted her up from her chair. "Or mommy and daddy will get late to work."

"On the beginning of their honeymoon," grumbled Derek.

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They dropped Bessie at the daycare center and waited for the elevator to arrive when they were joined by a slightly harassed looking Cristina.

"You've got a perfect occasion," Derek mouthed to Meredith before her person grabbed her arm and pulled her into the lift.

"I was freaking going crazy without you in this madhouse," she blurted out.

"What… what happened?" asked Meredith frowning at Derek.

Cristina threw him a reluctant glance but acquiesced before the fact he was not going to disappear.

"Owen," she spitted out.

"Owen what? Did… did something happen since you two got back together?"

"Yes."

Meredith's eyes went wide apprehensively.

"No! Not… that!" Cristina shook her head. "He's coping, we're coping. He's much better now. He just… he asked me to come with him to see his mother. His mother he hasn't seen since he left for Iraq."

"Mhm," nodded Meredith waiting for Cristina's next words and scowling at Derek who was looking as though he was searching for an emergency exit. The freak out episodes of his wife, he would deal with. But another hormonal female was too much.

"Mhm what?" spat Cristina. "What does he expect? That I'll go to see his mommy and… and…"

"And?"

"You know what it usually leads to, don't you?"

"What exactly?" inquired Meredith.

Cristina rolled her eyes impatiently. "One minute you're meeting the mama and the next you're getting married."

"Oh," frowned Meredith nervously and Derek gave out an audible chuckle.

"Something's funny, McDreamy?" glared Cristina.

"No," he replied innocently. "Everything is just… accurate." His eyes bored meaningfully into Meredith's, a fact that didn't escape Cristina's attention.

"Oh, crap!" she blurted out and quickly grasped Meredith's hands bringing them up. "You've got married!"

"Yeah, we have," Meredith gave a crooked smile, stepping from foot to foot.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" asked gently Cristina, a soft smile playing o n her lips.

"I was… being a good friend, I guess…"

"You dork!" laughed Cristina. "Oh, I'm gonna hug you now." She drew Meredith into her arms and held her tightly until the ringing sound announced they reached their floor and Meredith's pager beeped loudly and she raced out giving her husband and her person a warm smile.

Cristina made the door close and blocked the elevator.

They stood in silence for a brief moment, arm to arm.

"I love her," he stated out of the blue.

"I know," she turned to face him. "I'm not asking you not to hurt her because life always gets better of us but I-"

"I'll do everything in my power not to ever hurt," he promised seriously.

"Good," she smiled leniently. "Whatever you do, always try to use your bigger head, okay? That will save us all unnecessary drama."

"I'll bear that in mind," he cleared his throat.

"Good."

"Good."

"Uhm, I'm not gonna hug you," she warned him stretching her hand instead. He shook it with relief. Peace at last.

"Oh, and I'm offering to McBabysit if you want to enjoy your honeymoon in an empty house," she said hurriedly, averting his eyes, "every night this week if it's necessary."

He frowned at her suspiciously, "Does that have something to do with Owen and his mother?"

"Okay, listen, McDreamy. We shared a tender moment but don't expect me to listen to your love advice," she resumed her usual harsh manner. "My offer stands for the next five seconds. Take it or leave it."

"I'm taking it," he said hurriedly. "Just tonight, though."

"Okay," Cristina released the elevator and jogged to the residents' locker room.

"Okay," muttered Derek and directed himself towards his office.

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Meredith made her way to the patient's room. Judging by the scans, it was going to be a simple textbook procedure, an excellent way to start her morning and to exercise before she resumed her trial the following day.

She came into the room just as George was finishing checking a young woman's vitals.

"Good morning," she smiled at them.

"Karen," George addressed their patient. "This is Dr. Meredith Grey and she's a real genius."

"Don't exaggerate, Dr. O'Malley," she brushed off her slight uneasiness at being called Dr. Grey. She almost couldn't understand herself. Yesterday, she freaked out at being called Shepherd. Today, she was freaking out hearing her maiden name. Her old lab coat seemed to weigh like lead. She gently shook her patient's hand and asked with concern, "How do you feel today, Ms. Jordan?"

"It's Karen," said the young woman with a wince and sighed, "And how do I feel? Scared, frightened, terrified that I may need a brain surgery. That doesn't even begin to cover it."

Meredith took out her lightning pen and examined Karen's eyes. "Look straight ahead, please."

"What's wrong with me? Do you know?" demanded Karen.

"Yes," nodded Meredith. "Is someone from your family-"

"I don't have family," Karen cut her off. "Please, don't stall. Just tell me."

"I'm not stalling," assured her Meredith feeling for her patient. "We're found the cause for your inexplicable hypertension and headaches."

She presented to her an angiography, "You see this … over here? It's an aneurysm, a dilation in your cerebral aorta."

"So it means surgery?"

"It does," nodded Meredith. "Fortunately though, we picked it up fairly early. It's easily localized, it one can describe an aneurysm that way."

"But there are risks?" inquired Karen.

"It's a brain surgery, yes. There's a risk of a stroke and even death, but I said I foresee no complications. It's a standard procedure. And without it-"

"I'll die?"

"You might. An aneurysm is a like a miniature bomb ticking in your head that might explode."

"So I should have this surgery?"

The suddenly indifferent tone of her patient's voice startled Meredith. "As your doctor, yes, I strongly recommend that." Her case wasn't overly complicated but her attitude could prove decisive. It wasn't that rare when a patient's lack of will to live or of faith in their survival, undermined the efforts of their surgeon.

"Ok," Karen sighed dejectedly. "I'll have the surgery."

"Dr. O'Malley, please book an OR," she ordered hoping to get Karen more open after his departure.

"Are you sure there's absolutely no one you'd like to inform about your condition?" she probed.

"Absolutely no one," Karen shook her head and Meredith intercepted a small nervous gesture that seemed all too familiar. Her patient stared at the opposite wall and rubbed the skin around her finger, her ring finger, as though playing with inexistent rings that should be there. But the woman seemed so young and…

"Is there anything else you'd like to ask me or you have doubts about?"

Karen sighed, "Am I going to die?"

"There's always a risk with a surgery but I really don't think so," answered Meredith sincerely. "Is this what paralyzes you so much?"

"No," came Karen's surprising answer. "Don't get me wrong, I'm scared of dying. Death is a scary concept," she said stoically. "But so is living alone. So I'm not enthusiastic about either outcome."

Meredith looked at her with sad understanding. Karen was now in a place where she had been a couple of years ago, abandoning the fight for her life in the cold depths of Seattle bay…

"I'm sorry I'm wasting your time, Dr. Grey… Dr. Grey?"

"No, I'm sorry," Meredith waved her hand collecting herself. "I'm not really Dr. Grey."

Karen's eyebrows rose dangerously high.

"I mean, I am," rambled Meredith. "But I'm Dr. Shepherd now really, got married two days ago and the hospital doesn't know yet so… yeah…" Meredith cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"Oh," smiled Karen warmly. "Congratulations, why aren't you on honeymoon?"

"Well, my husband is a doctor too and the hospital owns us both."

"That clearly sucks. I went to my honeymoon to Europe for three whole weeks and it was fabulous-" she cut off suddenly.

"You're married?" asked Meredith feeling she was getting closer.

"Not for long, "shrugged Karen. "And I'm truly sorry that it won't sound too chirpy, especially now that you're a newlywed and all. I got married to my high school sweetheart, soon after the graduation. We were over the moon, head over heels and everything you can imagine. And now, I moved across the country because I couldn't stand our daily arguments, the hatred in his eyes… We're… we're getting divorced if I survive this surgery. If not, I guess it'll spare me a lot of tears."

"I've been married for two days only but I know a good deal about running. We could call-"

"There'll be no calling, Dr. Grey… Shepherd, I mean."

"Dr. Grey," George reappeared in the doorway. "The OR 2 is free, we can go in any time."

"Now?" asked Karen hopefully.

"Now," agreed Meredith. "George, prep."

They left the room together when Meredith was halted by Derek, who was just hurrying across the corridor. Karen heaved herself up on her elbows to get a better look. Hell, she could be a dying divorcee so the least she could get was a good look at some hot piece of ass, even if it wasn't her husband's.

"Hey," he pulled Meredith a little aside and planted a quick kiss on her cheek, saying out of breath, "I've got the call from the messenger; he'll be here at lunch time but I'm going in for at least five hours so he'll be looking for you.

"Oh, okay," nodded Meredith. "I have an aneurysm clipping myself but everything should run smoothly, I guess."

"You're okay?" he asked with concern.

She brought her hand to his chest, brushing an invisible speck from above his heart. "You know, when I drowned myself," she said quietly. "I stopped fighting, I just let myself being pulled by the current… because every way seemed too painful… and scary. But…" she looked deep into his azure eyes who now expressed confusion and fear under his heavy frown, "I cared… I cared all the time… about you, I worried about you…"

"Okay," he nodded gently caressing her arms. "What has brought this?"

"My patient," Meredith pouted her lips. "She… she doesn't want to fight."

"Oh," Derek pushed strand hair behind her ear.

"I'm gonna ask you a question," she told him sharply. "I'm gonna ask Dr. Shepherd the doctor, not Derek the husband."

"Ok," a shadow of smile passed over his features. "Does that mean you'll never going to call me Dr. Shepherd in the bedroom?"

She rolled her eyes impatiently, "Be serious! What is the most important is the benefit of the patient, right?"

"Right," he nodded.

"And a doctor should always see it as a priority, right?" Meredith looked up at him innocently. "Even when the patient isn't exactly cooperative…"

Derek crossed his arms over his chest, frowning at her with a head-of-neurosurgery look, "What does that mean? "Isn't exactly cooperative?""

"She agreed to the surgery," Meredith assured him quickly. "I'm not fishing for a lawsuit. It's… more personal."

"Personal…" sighed Derek. Meredith always felt very strongly for her patients, often identifying herself with them, and that didn't change even when she became an attending. "Dr. Gr- Dr. Shepherd," he corrected himself immediately, "I don't know exactly what you're asking me about and I'm not sure I want to know. However, I know your primary concern is your patient's wellbeing so I'm going to trust your judgment."

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd," she breathed out smiling. "Good luck with your surgery."

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd," he smiled dreamily and checked the time. "Oh, shit!" He broke into a run under Meredith's grin.

"What are waiting for?" asked Meredith returning to George and Karen. "You should be on the way to the OR a long time ago."

"Sorry, that was your…?" Karen looked at her questionably. "I really pity you, having to cut into my brain instead of keeping him prisoner in your bed."

"Okaaaay," George pushed the gurney looking at the ceiling. "We're going."

Meredith stared at them for a moment and then brushed herself off with a shake of her head. She had a few phone calls to make or she'd be late for her own surgery.

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"I thought you wouldn't make it," commented Mark from the sink as Derek entered the scrub room at the top speed.

"Sorry," mumbled Derek tying the mask over his face. "My wife held me up."

Mark turned to face him slowly completely forgetting about the running water.

"Your what?"

Derek stilled before reaching for the tap. "Oh, sorry. I forgot we haven't told almost anyone, just Ma, the Warrens and Cristina."

"You got hitched?" asked Mark loudly. "You and Big Grey got hitched?"

Derek smiled widely under his mask putting his hands on his hips. "Two days ago. On a wine field."

"You sly dog," chuckled Mark and enveloped Derek into a hug, patting him across the back with his wet hand. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, man!"

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Sloan," Rose stood in the open sliding doors to the OR, "Everyone's waiting."

They glanced at the operating room where all their team was glancing at them and giggling.

"Sorry," smiled Derek. "We're going."

She watched Derek reluctantly slide a ring from his finger and hide it safely in his breast pocket. A ring… she understood.

"Congratulations, Dr. Shepherd," she said softly.

"Thank you," he grinned and not even looking at her took to clean his hands before the procedure.

Rose sighed deeply. Derek got what he always wanted. The hospital rumor had it that he was having a house built on his cliff in the wilderness. He had a child he adored; he married Meredith Grey, the woman who was his love and obsession. Rose hadn't believed it would ever happen but, she guessed, every now and then true love won.

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It was getting close to lunchtime and Meredith strolled to the nurses' station to deposit the chart of her patient. All morning, she actively avoided Izzie like the plague but she completely forgot about it under the high of her two subsequent successful surgeries.

It was very reassuring and flattering that Derek trusted her also on the professional level. He gave her the green light to follow her instincts, which she did. After no less than ten phone calls she traced a certain Mr. Jordan in Connecticut, her patient's husband. At first he belittled the reason of the call, then he moved to disbelief… dead silence… and then fear. He was devastated there was no way he'd make it to Seattle before the beginning of the possibly life-threatening surgery (and she did little to calm his qualms). Meredith felt just a tiny bit uneasy she had magnified Karen's condition but it was all worth it in the end as her husband was coming to the Rain City. Karen's hopeful smile at the news made all the reservations go.

Right now, she noticed Alex, Izzie and Cristina leaning against the counter, their heads moving from side to side like during a tennis match. That indicated one thing, there was something interesting and worth watching going on.

"Hey, what's up?" she asked perkily putting away her chart.

"We're watching O'Malley getting his ass kicked by Callie's father," answered Cristina with a smile.

Meredith quickly turned to see George sliding against the wall gurgling and rubbing his neck as Mr. Torres released him.

"Way to go, George," snorted Alex, swatting him on the shoulder.

"And we're watching the Chief and Bailey letting it all out," went on Cristina turning her head.

Meredith looked in the pointed direction to see Richard and Bailey making their way towards them, retorting angrily.

"You're not even looking at me! Sir?" yelled Bailey.

"Mer! I almost forgot!" Izzie diverted her attention from the ongoing drama realizing that the person she had wanted to speak to all weekend was standing next to her. "How was the wine country? You should have called me when you got back. You know, they can deliver the dresses here so you don't have to transport your lazy ungrateful ass to the salon."

"I…" she stammered looking helplessly around. Cristina was shaking violently beside, trying to stifle her laughter. Where the hell was her husband who promised to take care of her in sickness and in health, for better and for worse? Big fat liar… Okay, maybe not fat but definitely big. Crap, why she was thinking about her useless husband's penis when she was angry at him and she was facing being strangled by Izzie?

"Iz-"

"Excuse me?" a man in uniform with a tall tube in his hands appeared out of nowhere. "I'm looking for Dr. Derek Shepherd?"

Crap, crap, crap! That must be the messenger with the house plans! Shit!

"He's… he's in surgery," she said quickly.

"And a…" the messenger checked his documents. "Dr. Meredith Shepherd?"

The lobby became so silent Meredith was sure she could hear a spider crawling up the wall.

"Uhm, she's… she's here," she cleared her throat. "I mean… I'm her… uhm, it's me…"

"You're Dr. Meredith Shepherd?" asked the man loudly, hoping to procure a unambiguous answer.

"Did you hear that?" one of the nurses whispered dramatically to her colleague.

"Yes, uhm, yes, I am," Meredith felt her skin heat up under the force of numerous pairs of eyes.

"I have a package for you." He lied the receipt on the counter. "Could you pass your signature here, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes, of course." She took an offered pen. Her hand stilled above the paper as she noticed shadows of heads leaning over her shoulder. She twirled the pen with a sigh but dipped her hand to write her name, her new name.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," the messenger handed her the tube. "Have a good day."

Meredith studied the package reverently; these were their house plans…

"You're married?!" shrieked Izzie with shock. "Mer! Are you… married?"

Meredith turned to face her and scrunched her face, "I… kinda am."

"Oh, God, Meredith!" squealed Izzie and lunged herself at her friend squeezing her tightly. "Can't believe you're married, Meredith Grey! I mean, Meredith Shepherd!"

"Meredith! Outstanding!" exclaimed the Chief, all the traces of his row with Bailey gone from his manner.

"Congratulations, Mer!" smiled George though his throat was still painful from Mr. Torres's iron grip.

"You've got married, Grey?" Bailey scrutinized her sharply.

"Yes!" answered quickly Meredith, her body straightening up before the Nazi out of a habit.

"You took the perfect-hair man's name?"

"Yes," frowned Meredith.

"What's up with women today?" Bailey rolled her eyes. "Congratulations… Shepherd."

"Dude, you're-"

"Alex, you'd rather not finish saying whatever you want to say," Meredith hissed at him.

"Meredith!" Izzie swatted her shoulder. "You're married!"

"I think we've established that already, Izzie," smirked Cristina.

"You're… you're married… I was to plan your wedding!" ranted Izzie. "I called caterers, wedding salons! I was at the church!"

"I'm… I'm so sorry, Iz," Meredith wore a pleading look.

"I guess that what's the most important is that you're really married," sighed Izzie.

"What did I miss?" Derek joined them at the nurses' station, taking off his lucky ferryboat scrub cap.

Meredith watched with a smirk as the crowd of well wishers turned their attention at him instead, and it made him nothing short of exhilarated. He gave her a radiant smile over the heads of their friends. She loved her freak of a husband.

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"We'll finally be able to see our house," said Derek excitedly when they hit home that evening. Even though they were in possession of the blueprints since midday, they didn't have an occasion to have a look at them; at lunchtime everyone demanded the details of their wedding ceremony and later they were pulled to surgery.

"You want to see what our new home is going to look, princess?" he asked Bessie, unbuttoning her coat.

"New home?" asked Bessie.

"Yes, sweetie. We're going to have a new home," he smiled and took off her shoes to put her slippers on. "We're going to build a house on our land."

"Is pretty!"

"Yes, our land is beautiful, sweetheart."

Meredith put the blueprints on the table in the hall and pressed the button to replay the voice massages.

"We have six messages," frowned Meredith putting a hand on her hip.

"Aren't we popular," grinned Derek. "Play them."

"_Derek? Meredith? Hi, we talked on the phone once when you called Ma. It's Ana here, Derbear's favourite sister. We've just learnt about the wedding! __Congratulations, guys! And guess what, we'll be able to congratulate you in person!"_

Meredith looked at Derek with misgivings. He shrugged and stared at the phone.

"_We had a little __conference of the Shepherd girls."_ That was when Derek started to be afraid.

"_And __we all thought it would be great to have a little escape out of New York this Christmas! Don't you think it's great? Oops, I gotta go now, ……and…. are fighting again! I'll call you later to talk over the details of the trip! Bye!"_

There was a soft signal announcing the second message, this time from Kathleen, the psychologist.

"_Hello, Derek and you Meredith, if you're there,"_ said a dead-serious voice. _"It's Kathleen here. I don't know if anyone bothered to call you yet but we're all coming to Seattle for Christmas to meet our brother's new family. I can't wait to have a long talk with you. By the way, we're testing out a new analysis technique, excellent for discussing rushed decisions and irrational behavior. Will talk to you later, bye!"_

"She's joking," assured Derek at Meredith's alarmed look and muttered under his breath, "I think…"

"_Hi, there, it's Nancy here__. Mom called us with the happy news," she said sweetly. "So now we're coming to Seattle. Thank you for giving me an excuse not to go to Andy's parents this year, by the way. Meredith, I can't wait for the pleasure of seeing you again, and meeting your lovely daughter, of course. We'll see each other in a month!"_

Meredith cringed. "The pleasure" of meeting her? Yeah, right, sister McBitchy…

"_Hi, it's __Dot speaking! Derbear, long time no see! Meredith? I'm Dorothy, Derbear's favourite sister and don't you let anyone convince you differently! We're dying here to meet you and little Bessie! She looks adorable in all the pictures Mom brought. I guess we'll see each other very soon. Lots of love from me, Jim and the kids!"_

"_Good afternoon, Seattle,"_ Carolyn's amused voice sounded in the hall._ "I guess all my girls have called you by now. No, it's not a joke. We'll all be very happy to visit you in Seattle over Christmas. We, meaning me, all the girls, their husbands and my sixteen grandchildren. I expect you to call me by the end of the week."_

"Sixteen?" whimpered Meredith blanching. "You said fourteen!"

"Mer, that was a couple of years ago," sighed Derek tiredly. Since then, both Tess and Ana had girls…"

"How is it that… that… that they are all coming! Here! To Seattle!" Meredith felt herself going over the board. This seriously wasn't happening, right? Right?

"I think they-"

"Don't you even dare to finish that sentence, Derek Christopher Shepherd! Or you're ending up on the coach!"

"Mer, seriously-" he was cut off by the last message.

"_What the fuck, Shep!"_ Mark's voice boomed from the speaker. _"Can you guess who called me? Nancypants, of all the people! And guess what she said? "Markie, we're coming to Seattle to meet your fiancée!" What the hell! What fiancée? You're dead if your ugly sisters say something to Lexie! D'you hear me? Dead!"_

"Mommy, Daddy! Whas fuck?"

Derek groaned; if he was going to survive it, he would dance naked for Meredith every evening.

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A/N As always, waiting for your opinions about the update. There's only one regular update after this one before the epilogue.

Em


	42. Chapter 42: The Herd

A/N Thank you for your awesome comments after the last chapter! Sorry for the delay in posting this one, my internet was down after the storms. Enjoy!

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Meredith stared disconcertedly at the list in her hands. She was stupid to assume she could it. She was a wifey wife for a whole week now but she couldn't do it. It was beyond her capabilities. She couldn't do the shopping alone. Fine, she wasn't alone. Bessie was right beside her, sitting in the shopping cart, her legs dangling through the holes.

Meredith offered to do the shopping since Derek had an early shift and unfortunately they completely ran out of food. At the time, shopping didn't seem like a complicated thing. Mind you, she had done shopping countless times in her more than thirty-year-old life. However… she had usually bought frozen food, edible after 5 minutes in the microwave. She didn't have to worry about her meals during the time in the program and the limited cooking skills she gained under Stacy's watchful eye weren't of much use now. When she prepared mac and cheese or baked a carrot cake, she had all the ingredients at ready, waiting neatly in cups or plates. All that combined, she had now no idea what to choose from the sea of products in the supermarket.

"Mommy!" Bessie wailed impatiently from the cart and tugged at Meredith's sleeve. "Mommy!"

"We're going, Cherry-pie, we're going," Meredith murmured soothingly and her hand moved automatically to Bessie's blond locks. "Mommy has to do the rest of the shopping or we'll starve." The rest, meaning well, everything. She only managed to choose the toilet paper.

Meredith frowned at the mysterious entry Derek scribbled on the post-it note "12 eggs".

"Daddy could've been more specific," she groaned facing rows of cartons. Her head spun as she read the labels… Organic… Vegetarian… Omega-3 enhanced… Vitamin enhanced… Free range… Some were white, others brown-shelled… Hell, and there were even duck eggs and ostrich eggs…

"Daddy won't believe the store has run out of eggs, will he?" asked Meredith.

Bessie shook her head seriously and stuck out her arms towards the shelf pointing at a carton with yellow chickens running in the grass. "This!"

Meredith squinted her eyes and picked up the box, "You think?"

Bessie nodded her head and Meredith didn't wait for further encouragement. Checking the expire date beforehand, she took two boxes. "In any case, I'm blaming my two-year- old for telling me to buy that!"

The next item on the list brought about another dilemma – "flour".

"As if people couldn't do with one type of flour only," grumbled Meredith. "It's not like we eat that powder directly from the bag!"

A young and very cuddly couple passed them and Meredith couldn't help overhearing.

"I think we should by the other one, baby," said the woman pensively.

"Whatever you wish, snookadook," replied the man kissing her cheek.

Meredith felt as if she was going to gag. "Gross," she mouthed to Bessie.

"Ewww," the little girl scrunched her cute face.

Meredith grabbed the first packet of flour at hand and wheeled away. Two hours later, having made several tours around the store, the cart was visibly filled up with different products while Meredith felt more exhausted than after a twelve-hour surgery. They slowly directed themselves towards the check-out passing the section with fish.

"Maybe we should by some trout for Daddy?" Meredith came up with initiative.

"Trout?" frowned Bessie.

"It's a kind of fish Daddy's a bit obsessive about," explained Meredith. "Daddy loves going fishing." And it was a long time since he occupied himself with his favorite hobby fir the last time. He seemed like he utterly forgot about it, caught up with the daddy drama, working on their relationship, moving in with her and Bessie, their wedding… She managed to select so many things from the store so buying trout couldn't be that hard, could it?

She pushed the cart until they found themselves beside a huge tank filled with water. They both blinked at the fish swirling left and right.

"They're… alive…" said Meredith in shock. How she was going to transport a live fish home? She looked at another customer carrying a fish entangled in a plastic bag, desperately trying to catch air into its gills. Bessie wailed loudly, her teary eyes squeezing shut. Meredith quickly picked her up rocking her and rubbing her back soothingly.

"The fiiiishyy!" yelled Bessie.

"Sweetheart," she sighed, kissing her heartbroken daughter's wet face. "The fishy's going to a happy place… uhm, a heaven for fishies!"

"A heaven?" sobbed Bessie.

"Mhm, the fishy's going to be very happy, swimming in heaven with other fishies."

Meredith sighed and with one hand maneuvered the cart away from the tank. Buying a live fish was out of the question, Bessie would cry all the way and besides that, how would she kill it? She wasn't a fish killer. She figured she could ask the shop assistant to perform the execution but God help her, not with Bessie watching everything.

She took another look around and spotted… Thank God for the filets!

"Trout, please," she breathed out, seating Bessie back into the cart.

The man in the white apron stared at her fixedly.

"The filets, I mean," she hurried.

"Golden? Bull? Lake? Rainbow?" he shot.

"Rainbow," nodded Meredith, for the first time sure of her choice.

"How much?"

Silence. How the hell should she know the weight of a trout filet?

Ten minutes later she left the food section blowing a strand of hair from her face.

"We're going home, Sweetie," she assured Bess tiredly. "Can't take no more…"

They passed a stall with condoms and Meredith decided against taking any. She should have a talk with Derek…

They reached the check-out and waited for an elderly couple to pay for their shopping.

"Don't heave up that bags all by yourself, sugarplum," said the husband. "I'll just collect the change."

Meredith frowned. What was with people and sickeningly sweet terms of endearment? She and Derek never used any. Towards each other, they didn't . Bessie was always a Sweetie, Sweetheart, Cherry-pie or Princess. It came as natural as breathing. Bessie was the most beautiful being in the world, warm, cuddly and cute. They never used sweet names for each other, ever; not when they first got together, not when they reunited after Addison, never. They usually called each other just Meredith and Derek, or Mer and Der, or Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey, well now Dr. Shepherd.

But maybe that was the thing? Maybe they should? If it was such a normal couply thing to do… Especially in the face of Derek's sisters' arrival… they would surely be looking at her hands…

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"Do you have a minute, Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith knocked on the door of Derek's office and peeked her head inside.

"For you, Dr. Shepherd , always," came his cheeky answer. "How was your morning?" he asked putting away the files he was reviewing.

"Busy," she winced at the memory of her shopping adventure leaning back against his desk. "Yours?"

"Quite lazy, actually," he swiveled to face her. "Just one household accident with a fallen ladder."

"That's too bad…" she bit her lip, "stud muffin."

His forehead creased in a frown and he looked at her quirkily, "Did you burn the stove?"

"No," she answered quickly.

"Bumped the jeep?"

"No!" she exclaimed indignantly.

"Okay," he said disbelievingly and reached for her hand. "You exceeded the limit on the credit card?"

"Seriously," she got irritated swatting his fingers away. "Why do you think I did something?"

"Because you're talking weird."

"Weird? It's you who is weird here. I'm just a normal person and a normal wife who wanted to call her husband with a term of endearment!"

"Ah," he smiled at her and stood up trying to take her into his arms.

"But my husband turns out to be an insensitive jerk! And a sexist!" she pulled away from him, circling around his desk.

"Sorry," he grinned following her like a predator. "Let me make it up to you… Hmm, should I come with a name for you too, babe? Uhm, sexy thing."

"You see, this is going somewhere weird," she stated keeping at a distance from him. "I'm trying to be a cute wife and you're bringing everything to sex!"

"Because we're more sexy than cute," he said, finally pinning her to his desk standing between her legs.

"I barely did the shopping today," she sighed clawing her fingers onto the front of his scrubs. "Wouldn't have managed without Bessie. I'm a useless wife."

"I'm sensing another freak out," he murmured burying his face into her neck. "So it's time for a little pick me up." He scooped her up onto the desk and his fingers crawled under the hem of her top.

"Oh, yes," she inhaled, hooking her legs around her waist and propping herself on her hands.

His palms travelled upwards and upwards squeezing her breasts through the delicate material of her bra while his mouth attacked hers.

She moaned deeply, grabbed his head firmly and lied back flat on the desk, feeling him grow in his pants. "I guess I'm not that bad of a wife after all…" She reached between them and tugged at the tie on his scrubs.

"I don't have a condom here," he warned.

"You know… we should resign from condoms completely," she sighed.

"Pill?" he asked untying his pants anyway.

"No… I meant… maybe… maybe…" she stammered and he cupped her face to meet her gaze.

"Maybe?" he kissed her nose.

"Maybe, uhm, we could… I mean if you want to… because I do…"

"Want what?"

"A… a little sister or a little brother for Bessie…"

His eyes bored into hers in wonder, his lips lit with a smile. "You want to have another baby?"

"If you do," she nodded, mirroring his smile.

"Yeah," he whispered reverently.

"Yeah?" her breath hitched in her throat.

"Oh, yes," he said warmly. "Starting now?"

"Definitely…"

"Oi!" they sprung from each other hearing Alex's disgusted yelp. "Dude, you should have a neon sign above your door telling not to come in while you have your pants down!"

Derek groaned in annoyance mixed with embarrassment and quickly pulled up his trousers and Meredith slid from the desk, fixing her hair.

"What do you want, Karev?" asked Derek rudely. Damn Alex, not only did he effectively prevent the sex with his gorgeous wife but probably siring his next child as well.

"Dr. Shepherd… and Dr. Shepherd," smirked Alex, "we need you for a consult."

"Both of us?" asked Meredith in surprise.

"It's a hopeless case," shrugged Alex and they followed him passing Meredith's office, which since the previous day, proudly bore the name MD. Meredith Grey-Shepherd.

"Everyone's waiting in the conference room," drawled Alex and opened the door for them.

They walked in and… "CONGRATULATIONS!"

They halted watching in astonishment a crowd of people gathered in the room, clapping at them tumultuously and throwing rice in the air. All their closest friends were here, Lexie holding Bessie on her hip, as well as a lot of their colleagues, doctors and nurses.

"Guess what they were doing when I found them!" Alex's voice boomed above the noise causing a gale of laughter wave through the room.

"Spare us the details, Karev," snorted Ned. "No sane person wants to know."

"What is this all about?" laughed Meredith, shaking the rice from Derek's hair. He looked… cute… and sexy.

"It's your reception, of course!" piped Izzie hugging her. "You didn't think you could wriggle out that easily, did you?"

"I… I don't know what to say," stammered out Meredith, her eyes moistening.

"Thanks, Richard," said Derek shaking hands with the Chief.

"You two, lovebirds," beckoned them Bailey. "Come over here!"

Having their hands shook and their backs patted, they moved towards the table hosting a huge wedding cake with "Mr. and Mrs. McDreamy" written across. Sugar scalpels and clamps were decorating the edges.

"Wow," let out Meredith.

"Here, cut," Cristina handed her a scalpel.

"Hey, I'm the husband here," grinned Derek. "Plus, I'm the head-"

"Yeah, yeah," Miranda rolled her eyes. "We're waiting for the cake!"

Meredith cut out an ample piece and grabbed a teaspoon.

"Open wide," she smiled mischievously while the others laughed. They laughed even harder when Meredith smeared the white cake all over his jaw instead feeding him.

"That's my person," cheered Cristina.

Meredith leaned and kissed the sweetness of his face.

"And that's my person after taking an overdose of McDreamy."

"Stop it there, you two!" said Mark. "Or we'll all die of sugar shock!"

"Time for presents!" announced George ceremoniously.

"You really shouldn't have!" Meredith shook her head wiping of the remnants of the cake from her lips. "It's too much!"

"Don't worry," smirked Cristina. "We didn't spend much on you."

She, Izzie, Alex and George lined up and the boys hauled a wooden plate up.

"It's from the four of us. It cost pretty cheap but we figured you both earn much more than we do," said Alex.

Meredith and Derek read the golden writing on the plate "Welcome to the Herd!"

"What's the Herd?" Meredith furrowed her brows.

"You are," grinned Cristina. "McDreamy here, he's the shepherd. Sorry, Mer, we live in a patriarchal society. You are the mama sheep and that's," she pointed down at Bessie, "that's the little sheep, a lamb doesn't sound that good. So, a herd."

Derek laughed openly and Meredith couldn't hide her grin either.

"It's awesome, isn't it?" Izzie patted the plate. "You can hang it in your new house when it's built."

"By the way," cut in Alex, "we're expecting an invitation to the housewarming party."

"Thank you ," said Derek. "We'll put it up at the front door."

"Derek!" swatted him Meredith.

He brought her arms around her waist and leaned towards her ear. "We just need to work on a another little sheep before that. Three is a bit too small for a herd, don't you think?"

Without waiting for her answer, he plundered her mouth with his tongue, disregarding the audience.

"I agree…" she moaned into his lips as they broke the kiss.

"Come here, Little Sheep," Derek scooped up his daughter and started tickling her mercilessly.

"Mommy!" she giggled throwing her hands at Meredith for rescue. Meredith hugged her and looked into the eyes of her husband above her head. As they stood holding their daughter together, there wasn't a hint of doubt in her mind whatsoever. They were going to be extraordinary together.

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A/N I hope you liked the update, I loved writing it. The next two or three updates will be the epilogue, after that, the sequel.

Please comment! You make my day with every single review!

Yours,

Em


	43. Chapter 43: Epilogue Part I

A/N Hi! Sorry for the lack of updates, I was away without my laptop and Internet access. The epilogue consists of present time action and flashbacks, I hope you don't get confused. Enjoy!

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The house was peacefully silent, a rare thing these days. Meredith trotted past the grand windows admiring the breathtaking panorama of Seattle. Derek was right, the view was much better from here. The Shepherds moved into their dream house on the cliff just a couple of days ago. Derek and Mark transported all their belongings from Meredith's mother's house while she was recovering in hospital.

She sat down crossing her legs, in the middle of the spacious living room, with stacks of photos and her laptop. She and Derek decided to go on with Bessie's scrapbook as well as starting a family one, and now the newest addition to the family couldn't be deprived of one. It felt like a good time to take care of that as it looked like they were going to make it through the whole afternoon nap for the first time. Meredith guessed she could use the quietness to have a good rest from the crying, wailing and changing diapers but she wasn't very tired. Her and her children sleep times didn't overlap very often, unfortunately.

"Can't believe it, they're sleeping like angels," said Derek striding into the living room. He sat behind his wife bringing her between his legs. He put two baby monitors on the floor and brought his arms around her waist as usual during her pregnancy. She could tell he was already missing her protruding belly, even if didn't yet fully shrink. He murmured into her neck, "What are you doing, sexy thing?"

Meredith rolled her eyes; he stubbornly kept calling her lame pet names since she initiated it all those months ago, the day of their reception at the hospital.

"I figured it's time to tidy it all up," Meredith pointed at the photos and pulled closer an album with light-green covers, "and start this. It took me almost two weeks to complete the scrapbook about Bessie."

"It'll go smoother this time," assured her Derek going through the printed pictures. "I'm here…"

"You are," she sighed happily lying back her head on his shoulder.

"Look, that should go first I think." He lifted up an image of her, the first they took since they knew there was another Shepherd on the way.

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**FLASHBACK**

Meredith got out of her car tiredly. It was well past nine p.m., long after Bessie's bedtime. She hated those evenings when she got pulled up in surgery and missed on telling her daughter a story or just a simple goodnight.

However, despite the overwhelming fatigue, she felt excited hearing Derek bustling around the kitchen, probably waiting up for her with dinner. She was tired already when she woke up this morning, which surprisingly enough was one of the reasons that made her excited… as well as her missed period.

"Hey," she heard his voice behind as she was hanging her coat.

"Hey," she smiled and walked up to him, planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Long day?" he muttered deepening the kiss, trapping her against the doorframe.

"Mhm," she nodded and rained his jaw with kisses. "I'm dead tired."

"Don't look like it," he murmured rubbing her sides. "I'll get you something to eat."

"Maybe later," she grinned and took his hand to lead him upstairs. "We've got to take care of something first."

He looked at her quizzically as she pushed him on the bed in their bedroom and smiled up, "I'll be right back."

"Meredith?" he asked when she reappeared carrying something in her hands. She sat beside him and he was able to see . She bought the test on her way back home to take it together with Derek. She wanted to give him everything, to include him in everything this time.

"Mer…" his heart beat out of his chest. "It's…"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Are you…?"

"That's what we want to check, right?" she chuckled leaning to him. "But… I think so, I feel it."

He gulped audibly, "How… how long do we have to wait?" he pointed at the test with his head.

"Uhm, three more minutes."

He put an arm around her and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, breathing deeply.

"Derek?" she asked with a frown. "Are… are you okay?"

He pulled his head away to face her and she saw his eyes were glistening. "Never better. You really think we're… you're…?"

"Well," she breathed out. "I'm late, about six days late. And I'm constantly tired, and I have this feeling about me, like there's a light inside me."

He kissed her cheek and smirked, "That would be... quick."

She giggled, "You know we're good at this."

He laughed at her words.

"Time's up," she whispered.

"Time… time's up," he repeated. They broke their gaze looked at the screen which showed a blue line.

"That means… ?" asked Derek out of breath.

All her face lit up with a wide smile, "Positive."

"Positive… positive…" he stammered cupping her face.

"Positive means we're having a baby, Derek," she smirked at Derek's incoherence.

He grabbed her into his arms and they fell back on the bed laughing. "Thank you… thank you," he whispered emotionally, "God, We're having a baby, Mer."

He kissed her soundly and sat up lifting her shirt up. Her stomach was smooth but for a silvery stretch mark on the right. But he knew that his growing baby was inside, another wonderful baby in the making that Meredith was giving him. He kissed her stomach reverently.

"Hey, baby," his warm breath tickled her skin. "It's your Daddy's here."

"Derek?" she giggled sitting up on her elbows. "What are you doing?"

"Introducing myself to our daughter or our son," he mumbled.

"What do you want them to be?" she managed to ask, her eyes staring into space. Derek was talking to their baby inside her belly, the father of her child was talking to her belly. That was what it felt like… Warm and safe…

"I'll be ecstatic with either one," he propped himself on one elbow while his fingertips grazed around her belly button.

"You're ready to be outnumbered three to one?"

He chuckled, "But I'm the Shepherd around here, Mama Sheep, remember?"

"Derek, do you ever want to have another child?" she asked tersely.

"Uhm…"

"If you do, you might want to keep your balls."

"Okay, I got that," he assured hurriedly. "I guess I have to keep my tongue when your hormones are kicking in."

"You guess right," she smiled approvingly.

"You heard that baby?" he leaned to Meredith's stomach once again. "Mommy's already mean to Daddy."

"Mommy?" they heard a tiny insecure voice of their daughter. Bessie was standing barefoot at the door, squeezing her favorite stuffed otter.

"Sweetie, why aren't you sleeping?" asked Meredith quickly sitting up.

Bessie didn't answer, standing rigidly with her back pressed against the doorframe.

"Sweetie, come here," said Meredith reaching her arms towards her daughter.

Bessie shook her head violently and hid her face behind her otter friend.

"Bessie, love?" Meredith felt her heart break seeing her sad eyes. She probably heard them talking about another son or daughter and didn't understand much. Derek scooped his reluctant daughter in his arms and brought her on the bed between him and Meredith who quickly hugged her and rocked her tightly.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," she chanted raining kiss all over her head.

"Baby?" Bessie looked up at Meredith skeptically.

"You're our baby, you'll always be our baby," Meredith caressed he cheek. "But we'll have another baby too."

"You'll have a little brother or sister," said Derek into her ear. "You'll be an older sister. That position comes with a lot of power," he chuckled.

Bessie crawled curiously to Meredith and lifted up her shirt just like Derek did. She frowned at the perfectly flat belly and peeked her head under Meredith's arm to her back.

"Nothin'! Where's baby?"

Derek took her palm and passed their fingers over Meredith's stomach. "The baby's in here, in Mommy's belly."

Bessie frowned up at Derek. "Baby too big!"

"The baby's really small now," explained Derek. "You were this small too."

"I were here?" asked Bessie studying Meredith's stomach. "How?"

"Uhm," Derek looked at his wife quickly.

"Well, go on, genius," she eyed him smugly.

"Er, you grew in Mommy's belly because Daddy loves Mommy very very much," he clarified.

"Hmmm," Bessie got lost in thought, a bit disbelieving.

"Lame," Meredith mouthed to Derek, grinning.

"Explain better, I'm all ears," he quipped indignantly. "I'm not going to give my two-year-old a gynecology lesson."

"Hi, baby," Bessie's tiny voice stopped their bickering. Meredith felt her eyes moisten as her little lips kissed her stomach delicately.

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"Mommy, you feel good?"

"Thank you, sweetie," Meredith opened her eyes to meet her little daughter's concerned eyes. "I'm good." She sat down for a minute hoping to calm down her queasy stomach, which momentarily caught Bessie's attention. It was Derek who trained her this way, her overprotective bonehead of a husband. He was hovering ever since the stick turned blue and the first appointment with Arizona only encouraged his attitude. Meredith thought to herself that he would spoon-feed her everyday if she asked him too. She couldn't really blame him. He was excited beyond belief to be involved. She would never forget the expression on his face when they heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

And although she sometimes called him overbearing she was grateful, for he was doing everything in his power to relieve the not so pleasant symptoms of her pregnancy, like the raging nausea. It was never that hard with Bess. For the last two days she was constantly sick, not able to retain much food inside.

She only hoped she would stand on her feet when Derek was back from the airport with his mom and sisters. She wanted to go with him but it was impossible for her to leave the house. She even took a few days off work. So Derek insisted that Bessie stayed as well, keeping an eye on her, and their Cherry-pie was doing magnificently.

"Little baby's good?" Bessie asked another question with a face of a doctor, standing on her tiptoes and placing her tiny palm on Meredith's stomach.

"Baby's good too," she smiled and caressed her blond locks. "You'll be an amazing older sister."

They heard a car pull up. "It must be Daddy with Grandma Carolyn and your Aunties." Meredith slipped from the barstool but she immediately regretted her sudden move. She gripped the edge of the counter feeling a little dizzy.

"Mommy, sit! Mommy, sit!" told her Bessie tugging at her sweater in the direction of the barstool.

"I'm fine, love. I'm fine. Don't worry," she inhaled deeply. Not now! Please, baby, don't let Mommy embarrass herself in front of Daddy's ugly sisters! She wasn't freaking out very much though. If they pushed her buttons, she could always play the pregnancy card. Hormones on the loose rocked, and they made you get away with everything.

The hall bustled with people and soon enough Carolyn entered the kitchen, followed by four younger women, one of whom Meredith recognized as Nancy while another had her arm around Derek.

"Meredith!" Carolyn took her in a hug. "It's so good to see you again, dear!"

"Thank you," Meredith said weakly. "We all missed you around here."

Carolyn cupped her face in her hands and squinted at her, "You look very pale, sweetheart. Derek said you weren't feeling well and there you have our little invasion…"

"I'm okay," Meredith waved her hand dismissively taking a quick glance at Derek who was observing her with concern. Apparently, he didn't divulge the happy news yet just as they decided.

Carolyn shot a knowing look but didn't press her daughter-in-law, greeting Bessie instead.

"Hi, I'm Ana," the sister who was hanging with Derek came forward and hugged her. "Derek's favourite sister-"

"So not true!" shouted a voice behind Ana. "I'm Derek's favorite!"

"That's Tess, don't mind her," Ana shook her head. "She's raving. Anyway, I'm happy to finally meet you. We've heard so much about you both from Ma and now from Derbear in the car. I feel like I already know you. Plus, you're married to my brother," said Ana with fake awe in her voice, "and you let him impregnate you, you're already a hero in my eyes!"

Meredith merely smiled. She'd love to reply with a witty comment but she didn't trust herself to open her mouth. Her nostrils suddenly caught whiff of a smell her stomach definitely didn't approve.

"There wasn't much of actual letting, wasn't there?" Nancy pushed Ana out of the way. "From what we heard it was rather an accidental knock-up. Long time no see, Meredith," she smiled sweetly and hugged her as well, though the contact was rather stiff, not natural like with Ana.

Then it her, doubly. Once, Nancy downgraded her daughter. Second, that horrible odor seemed to be her perfumes… or maybe her venom. Either way, her stomach wasn't going to support that. She look desperately towards the door. Crap, she'd never make it to the bathroom. She whirled on her heal and dived for the trash can under the sink, just in time for the contents of her stomach not to land on the floor.

"Sorry." Derek pushed his way through the kitchen and kept her hair back rubbing her middle.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Bessie yelled trying to wriggle out of Carolyn's grasp.

"I'm… sorry," coughed Meredith. "It's… the perfumes..."

"That's what I call a healthy reaction to Nancy," smirked Ana.

"I told you that odor stinks like a dead skunk, Nancypants," jeered Tess.

"Girls!" silenced them Carolyn and turned to Meredith and Derek, "When can I expect my next grandchild?"

"The due date's August the 20th," replied Derek absent-mindedly helping Meredith to stand up. "Maybe you should lie down, Mer."

"Nice to see you too, Nancy," said Meredith wiping her mouth with a towel as Derek led her out of the kitchen. "Just don't you ever call my child an accidental knock-up."

"Nancy, I'm taking you to your hotel when I'm back downstairs," said Derek firmly. "When you meet my family the next time, I want you to treat them with respect. And if you can't share my happiness, shut your mouth up."

A few minutes after Derek left her in their bedroom, Meredith heard a light knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hi, I'm Kathleen. We haven't had time to be properly introduced yet," smiled the woman.

"Oh, my God," moaned Meredith. "The psychiatrist, right? Does everyone thinks now that I need a psychiatrist? Having thrown up in front of the whole family… Or do you want to test that new analysis technique?"

"That wasn't the whole family; trust me," smiled Kathleen. "And you know I was joking on the phone, right?"

"I've brought you some ginger ale for your nausea," she put the can on the nightstand and sat down on the chair close to bed.

"Thanks," sighed Meredith gratefully. "How is Bessie? I hate to leave her this scared."

"We've managed to divert her attention, we brought some presents for our unknown niece. Though, she remains a bit suspicious towards Nancy."

"Good," muttered Meredith vindictively. "Uhm, sorry…"

"Don't worry," calmed her Kathleen. "Nancy's spite is the rite of passage. She's the oldest of us so she feels entitled to exert influence on our life. Every one of our boyfriends or husbands had to go through that. Even Derbear was more laid back."

"Great," groaned Meredith.

"You have nothing to worry about," reassured her Kathleen. "You stood up to her, she won't bite anymore."

"Are you sure you're a psychiatrist?" asked Meredith reaching for her ginger ale. "Because you talk normal."

"Thanks," laughed Derek's sister.

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Though Kathleen said Nancy wasn't going to bite anymore, Meredith felt she had to make sure of it personally, so when the next day the oldest Shepherd sister went to kitchen to carry off empty glasses, she decided it was the best moment to tackle her. She wasn't going to take her venomous comments attacking her family, her precious children, lying down.

"So, listen, Nancy," started Meredith making the sister McBitchy turn to her with a curious expression. "I love my family, more than anything. I love Derek, I love my children. That's why I'm telling you this. Not because I'm a mean person that always pays back when she's treated like crap but because I'm not going to let you ruin my family. So don't you dare make snide remarks about my children or compare me to Addison… or give Derek any advice because the last time you did he went camping to find some freaking space," Meredith paused briefly to draw some air.

"I'm not going to do any of these," Nancy smiled gently.

Meredith looked at her warily.

"I'm not," repeated Nancy, folding her arms against her chest. "In fact, I was going to apologize to you."

"Apologize to me?" Meredith squinted her eyes.

"I also love Derek; I want the best for him, even if you don't exactly believe it," admitted Nancy. "He didn't have it easy. He was very close to Dad, closer than any of us, girls. His death also hit him harder than any of us. I thought he was going to build a real home he always wanted with Addison. I thought she was perfect for him but… I guess I was wrong. I was also wrong about you and your commitment to my brother. I thought you were a middle-age crisis. I was wrong. He's more happy with you on an ordinary day than he was with Addison on his wedding."

"Nice of you to say so," Meredith's voice softened. "But I don't wish to be compared to Addison in any way, even if it's to my advantage."

"You won't be," promised Nancy. "There won't be any more attacks on my part. We're family now and I always protect family." She gave her a small smile and went back to the impossibly crowded living room.

Meredith soon followed in her tracks even though their house seemed to transform into an inferno. It was hard to believe how the building contained as much as forty noisy running people without a fatal accident. She stopped at the door just as Mark shouted over the heads of the guests, "Who wants to hear the whole and uncensored story of our hosts' first meeting?"

Derek gave her a hopeless pleading look across the room. Meredith burst out laughing but her giggle drowned in the general hilarity. She passed a hand over her belly; she wanted to be nowhere else.

**********************************************************************************

A/N That was only the first part of the epilogue. I don't know if there will be one or two more as I'm still working on it.

Humbly asking you for comments,

Em :)


	44. Chapter 44: Epilogue Part II

A/N Hi, I'd like to thank everyone who ever read and commented this fic throughout all nine months I've been posting it! It was my first fic and you were a real source of encouragement and motivation. I hope you'll enjoy this final update!

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Meredith straightened her legs on the carpet and used Derek as a human armchair.

"Definitely this one," she said choosing a picture from the stack.

Derek chuckled into her neck and steered her hand to have a better look at the image. He remembered the moment it was taken as vividly as it was yesterday evening.

**********************************************************************************

"Mhm," Meredith licked her lips sleepily trying to ignore the annoying noise that was effectively preventing her from getting her well-earned rest.

"Meredith, Mer!" the feverish voice of her husband reached her fuzzy brain.

Ah, no surprise here, that was the source of the noise.

"Wha…shuttup…" she groaned irritably and hit blindly his dark head she knew was hovering somewhere around her middle. Derek seemed to talk more to her abdomen than to her lately.

"Meredith!"

She felt his hot breath on her neck this time as he moved up and delicately pulled her sleep tousled strands from her cheek.

"Lemee sleep," she pouted and slapped his head away again.

"Later," he whispered. "Mer, it's here!"

"Whas'ere?" she yawned. "Youravin'…"

"Mer, wake up," he kissed her nose and cheeks. "You have a bump!"

"Whatcha talkin' 'bout?" Her drowsiness was now being replaced with excitement. She opened her eyes to see Derek's grinning face.

"Our baby starts to make himself or herself known to the world," he said emotionally.

She quickly sat up and inspected her exposed belly in the grayish colors of the starting dawn… and it was really here! It was rounded and swollen like it wasn't when she was going to bed hours before.

"It's… it's really early," breathed Meredith tracing circles over her stomach with her fingertips. "I wasn't showing for weeks with Bessie."

"It goes earlier with every other pregnancy," he said, prying his hand between Meredith's.

"Which means I'm going to transform into a beached whale pretty fast," she sighed.

"I can't wait," he muttered reverently.

"Excuse me?" she yelled, crossing her arms over her swollen breasts. "You want me so huge that I'll be hardly able to move, I won't see my own feet. My legs and back will hurt as hell and you say you can't wait?"

"Uhm, yes," he chuckled with amusement but his grin faded as soon as he looked at her furious face.

The next thing he saw was the pillow that smacked him across the face and Meredith's vindictive hiss, "So maybe we should cut down on sex so I can gather my forces to tow my huge belly!"

"Honey," he started meekly berating himself for once again forgetting about the golden rule not to mess with pregnant women.

"Honey?" growled Meredith. "Since when have you called me honey, huh?"

"Uhm," Derek gulped audibly thinking desperately. "Shouldn't we take a picture for the baby's album?"

Meredith's hands returned to her stomach and said, "You're right!"

Derek breathed out with visible relief and grabbed the camera. "You're beautiful," he whispered and Meredith smiled radiantly up at him. She pulled up her hair behind, threw off her tee and relaxed on the pillows.

"Time for adult pictures," she grinned.

**********************************************************************************

Derek made his way from the car to the house at a run to avoid getting soaked in one of the Seattle spring downpours. At the door, he almost crashed into Cristina.

"Oh, hey," she greeted, tying the belt of her jacket. "Good you're here. I gotta go and she's in a kinda… weepy mood."

"Thanks, bye," he nodded his head.

Derek entered a period in his life when he was really grateful for Cristina Yang. The two of them made an informal pact of support as they were both primary victims of Meredith's mood swings. Though he probably would be more suspicious than grateful had he noticed her mischievous smirk.

He entered the kitchen to Meredith's gale of laughter, she seemed to be in the best of spirits as she watched some old romance in black and white. A few weeks ago she insisted to have a mini TV installed in the kitchen as it was closer to the fridge.

Derek was always in awe with Meredith's nutritional abilities but now they exceeded all expectations. He didn't question anything these days though. He simple embraced the moment. He wouldn't trade a single minute for anything.

"Good evening to my two favorite girls," he smiled at them.

Meredith didn't answer, engrossed with the movie, but cocked her head to let him kiss her.

"Hi, Daddy!" exclaimed Bessie lifting her eyes for a second from her picture.

"Hi, Sweetie," Derek stood behind and passed a hand through her fair curls.

"We've made a decent dinner with Cris," Meredith zoned out from her silver screen frenzy.

"Yeah?" Derek glanced around the kitchen.

The last time he had an occasion to eat something was a poor salad for lunch.

"But we ate it," she caressed her swollen stomach. "We were hungry."

"Right," he sighed not noticing his wife's twinkling eyes with hilarity, and halted behind his daughter. "What are you drawing, Bessie?"

He recognized his own grossly exaggerated hair and there were a dozen of people in blue outfits, probably his colleague surgeons.

"You!" she giggled.

"And that?"

"Your simmers!"

"My what?" he frowned.

"Auntie Cristina told you have simmers!"

He cringed decoding his daughter's mispronunciation.

"Meredith!" he moaned covering Bessie's ears. "Can you explain me why my daughter is talking about my swimmers since I know I don't own a swimming team?"

She blinked at him and giggled. Poor Derek, she thought to herself. He was dead scared of upsetting her. She really shouldn't make fun of him but she loved watching him squirm. He did that very often as Bessie was still eager to discover the miracle of life and Meredith always sent her to Daddy for answers.

Right now, the troubled Daddy dreaded what else Bessie could have retained from her conversation with Cristina. He lifted his princess holding her under the armpits. "It's time for bed. And Daddy has now simmers, so don't even try to draw them."

Meredith smirked, "But you do! Here are two quite noticeable proofs!"

Derek decided to ignore the comment and lowered Bessie, "Kiss Mommy goodnight. You're going to sleep, princess."

When he reentered the kitchen half an hour later, his wife was no longer laughing. Quite the contrary, she was in tears.

"Mer, love, what's wrong?" he turned off the TV, kneeled in front of the chair and took her hands in his.

"Switch… switch it on," she sobbed. "I want to know what happened to him!"

"To whom?" Derek's mind was blank.

"That boy who weighed 555 pounds and was taken away from his parents!"

"Uhm," a frown creased his forehead. Meredith clearly overreacted. Bessie inherited her mother's metabolism and he could already tell she was going to be slim, if not skinny.

"I'm fat!" Meredith's pained self-criticism broke him from his musings. She was worried about herself.

He kissed her cheek so as not to laugh. She was just too cute.

"You're not fat," he said soothingly. "Just beautifully pregnant."

"I AM FAT!" she wailed.

"Show me," he smiled up at her, his hands shooting to her stomach hid by a sweater.

"No!" Derek melted at her cute pout, identical one to Bessie's.

"Uhm, you'd like me to get you something?" Derek changed his tactics. "Maybe a milkshake?"

"You want to further fatten me up?" she yelled shrilly.

"No?"

"So you do think I'm fat!"

"Mer I-" he stammered.

"Shut up and make me that shake!" ordered Meredith folding her arms over her belly.

Derek sighed and silently went up to the fridge to obey her request when he noticed she had her face in her hands and her shoulders were shaking.

"Mer?" he asked cautiously.

She couldn't hold her laughter any longer.

"You should've… seen your face!" she managed to utter coming up for air. "It was… priceless!"

"You've been winding me up all the time!" he said indignantly. "You little…"

He crouched back in front of her and tickled her delicately over her flanks. She laughed even harder. "You're so brainless, Der! I'm pregnant, you know, not brain damaged!"

He silenced her by engaging her in a sound kiss. She broke away giggling and rolled up her sweater and shirt. "Someone's been missing you," she whispered.

He smiled and lay his palm on her roundness and felt… a tiny pressure on his hand. He looked up at his smiling wife, "Mer, did she…?"

"Or he," Meredith reminded, "yeah, kicked. I thought you'd be able to feel that. Our Muffin has been moving around like crazy all day."

"Wow, it's…" his throat constricted. He was waiting forever to feel his child, especially since Meredith could feel the flutters in her belly. It was more wonderful than he imagined. For the first time he was able to visualize this tiny being having a character of their own. He really could see holding his child by the hand, next to Bessie.

"We really need to choose the name," he said.

"But we're still waiting with knowing the sex, right?"

They decided on getting a surprise when the time came but they had to pick names both for a girl and a boy.

"It took me ages with Bess."

"But you did well."

"I want something traditional," muttered Meredith pensively.

"Mary?"

"Too traditional," she grimaced.

"Katherine?" Derek proposed another name.

"I don't know… sounds cold."

"You're hard to please," he chuckled.

She cradled his head in her arms and brought their foreheads together. "I'm sorry, I must drive you crazy sometimes."

"I'm enjoying every second," he grinned.

"You're enjoying my moods, my cravings…"

"Yes," he craned his neck to kiss her.

"You think you can stay sane till the end of this pregnancy and not faint in the delivery room?" she squinted at him.

He huffed indignantly, "I'll be calm and poised and surviving your deadly grip on my hand, and all the names you'll be throwing at me."

She shook her head at him laughing.

"You make me happy, Meredith," he looked at her with shining eyes.

"Derek?" she started seriously. "Does it… does it all make you…" Meredith sighed heavily. "Does it still make you angry that you weren't there to witness everything with Bessie?"

"Love." She trembled under his piercing look but it wasn't a shiver of cold. "I'll always wish I had been around since the moment she was conceived but I accept our story. I'm happy for what we have 'cause it's a lot. I told you I forgave you a long time ago. I have no regrets."

His lips claimed hers clearing away all worries, while their Muffin continued to make cartwheels inside her.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith tapped her foot impatiently. Derek and Bessie, yes, both Derek and Bessie, closed the door to the kitchen right into her face and told her to wait until everything was ready. Only what? She already went through one celebration a couple of days ago on her last day at work. Her friends under the bouncy leadership of none other than Izzie threw her a baby shower in Derek's office.

Maybe he wanted to make her feel better on her maternity leave? He probably thought she was bored out of her wits sitting at home. She wasn't. Apart from taking care of Bessie, she had lots of time to make some research. She had continued her trial, successfully bringing the viral cocktail to perfection and minimizing the risks of the procedure. Surgeons from other hospitals in the country were able to repeat the method which now proudly bore the name of The Shepherd Method. It was time to put new ideas to test.

Meredith was just about to press the door handle when she stilled. Maybe she forgot about some family occasion? It wasn't Bessie's birthday nor Derek's. Certainly not hers. Wedding anniversary? Too early for that. Anniversary of their first date? She snorted. What would qualify as their first date?

She was spared further musings as the door opened and grinning Bessie slipped out and took her hand, pulling her insistently into the kitchen. Meredith walked in and her mouth opened in shock… When did Derek have the time to do this? He must have woken up hours ago. Her eyes slowly took in the surroundings, flower after flower, petal after petal. The kitchen was flooded with red roses and there was… a huge teddy bear on the corner.

"You hate this?" asked Derek appearing at her side with an insecure frown. "It's cliché. I'm cliché…"

Meredith giggled at him, "Clichés are clichés for a reason… because they worked."

She tilted her head and Derek leaned in with a relieved smile on his lips.

"Mommy, you like it! Mommy, you like it!" Bessie danced around her. She stuck her little hand upward and patted Meredith's swollen belly. "Muffin like it?"

Meredith smiled, "Yes, Muffin likes it, Sweetie but… what's the occasion?" she looked from her daughter to her husband.

It was Derek's turn to laugh, "Meredith, it's tenth of May. The second Sunday in May."

"And?" Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

Derek cocked his head. "You don't know what today is?"

"Uhm, is that a tricky question?"

"Meredith," Derek smiled softly. "It's Mother's Day."

"What… it's…" she stammered and her hand wandered automatically to her stomach, the other held Bessie tightly. She felt hot tears coming to her eyes and she couldn't block them.

"Meredith."

"Mommy don't cry!"

Both Bessie and Derek pressed into her which made her cry even harder.

"Happy Mother's Day, love," Derek whispered into her ear.

"I… I don't deserve it. I never prepared anything for my mother," she sobbed so that only Derek could hear her. "Not since I was too old for school to make me."

"You do deserve it," assured her Derek firmly. "You are a wonderful mother and that's all that counts. Right, Cherry-pie?" she picked their sunshine up. "Isn't Mommy the best Mom in the world?"

Bessie giggled, "Yes! Mommy, happy day!"

"Thank you, sweetie." Meredith sniffed loudly and grumbled, "Damn hormones, I can't stop crying."

"Don't worry, your present won't rust," chuckled Derek.

"You got me a present?" she asked wiping her eyes.

"Of course, we picked it last week during your shift."

He produced a tiny box wrapped in paper and a ribbon on top.

"I know you're not exactly a jewelry fun but… I, we, wanted to give you something special."

She opened the neat package and took out a very delicate, a very discreet golden bracelet with a single charm. She inspected it holding it in her fingers.

"You didn't!" The subtle charm had the form of a tray with a cake. "Cherry-pie."

"I have another one at the ready," Derek kissed her cheek, "to add up when our Muffin decides to arrive. Does that make me a king of cheesiness?"

"Yes," she giggled. "But I love you anyway."

**********************************************************************************

"Shep, what are you doing here?" chuckled Mark joining everyone at the counter in the lobby. "Who's taking the watch over your huge wife?"

"Watch your mouth!" Lexie swatted him on the back of his head. "You're talking about my sister!"

"I was asked for a consult, actually," explained Derek, gulping coffee. "And Meredith almost threw me out of her room. I think she wanted to have a moment for herself."

"You think?" snorted Cristina. "You've been guarding her like a dog."

Derek only shrugged, he was absolutely entitled to take care of his wife, especially on his paternity leave annoyed Richard sent him onto three days ago when Meredith's due time came and went without nothing spectacular going on.

Meredith suspected all through her pregnancy that her second baby wouldn't waste any time to arrive into this world, like their older sister. Well, it was clearly not the case. She carried their child safely to the 20th of August when they got her comfortably installed in the hospital and waited. But their Muffin was taking her or his time. So the Shepherds were practically living at Grace. Thankfully, Carolyn arrived at Seattle two weeks ago for the occasion of the birth of her latest grandchild and was now giving Bessie the appearances of normality.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

He turned to face a slightly embarrassed-looking nurse.

"Nurse Lucy?"

"I'm sorry to bother you… again," the blond said quietly, "but you see, your wife disappeared."

"Again," he sighed while his friends chuckled. "Thank you for telling me. I'll find her."

"I'll better move on," he informed the others and directed his steps towards the elevator. He suspected where his wife could be. After the success of her first trial, she was already planning a new one. Plus, she hated being stuck in a patient's room as a… patient.

He halted in the open door to her office listlessly with a smile and a shake of his head. He watched his wife trot around her desk arranging stacks of papers. Mark was right, she was huge. Huge and radiant, she never looked more beautiful.

"Meredith," he said gently.

She jumped up and documents slipped from his hands.

"I was just…" she trailed off searching for an excuse.

"You were just what?" he chuckled folding his arms over his chest skeptically. "What's your excuse this time?"

"I don't need an excuse!" she huffed putting her palms on her back. "I'm not confined to that godamn room!"

"Meredith," he sighed walking in. "You know well enough you're past your due date. You can go in labor any second."

She snorted, "Yeah, right. Is that why this morning we talked about inducement with Arizona?"

"We're still- Meredith?" he asked worryingly as let out a hiss and grabbed her pregnant belly.

He was beside her in a second, snaking a securing arm around her waist afraid she might fall.

"Oh, crap," panted Meredith.

"What? What's going on?" he kept asking feverishly. "Are you in pain? You need to sit down… I'll call-"

"I need… you," she grumbled taking a deep breath.

"Yes, love?"

"To shut up…"

He was momentarily speechless.

"It's humiliating…" she ranted.

"What is, Mer?" he sighed.

"My waters broke again… when I'm not in the delivery room…" she groaned.

Derek bit his tongue before "I told you" could roll from his tongue. "I'll take you to your room."

"No!" she snapped feeling the liquid slowly soaking her maternity pants. "You'll take me to my room when I'm not looking like I'm peeing myself! I need to sit down… "

He helped her sit in her chair and kneeled beside her, "Are you in pain?"

"No," she shook her head and glanced around. "Can you… get me a lab coat from the closet?"

"What for?" he frowned.

"I'm wet all over genius!"

"Right," he muttered and obeyed her request. She grabbed the cloth from his hands and sat on it when the pain hit her.

"Meredith," he rubbed her back gently. "Will you let me take you to your room now?"

"Just a minute, Der-" she gasped as another contraction shot through her abdomen.

"Okay," he clasped her hand.

"I'm sorry," she breathed out.

"Mer, for what?"

"All this," she threw her hand impatiently. "I was stubborn…"

"You wouldn't be yourself if you weren't," chuckled Derek. "Your contractions are close apart," he commented looking at his watch.

"It seems now that Muffin decided to come out nothing can stop him," answered Mer.

"Or her," said Derek reverently.

"Derek…" she said gritting her teeth under the force of another contraction. "You're not gonna leave me?"

"Meredith never," he promised and moved to gently pick her in her arms. "It's time to go."

She nodded trying to breath regularly.

The next few hours were the most beautiful and scary in his life. He carried his wife who nuzzled her face into his neck in embarrassment, helped her get changed into hospital gown and waited with her hour after hour until she was completely dilated.

Right now, he was just seconds away from welcoming his child into this world.

"You've been doing great, Meredith," started Arizona.

"Cut that crap," hissed Meredith impatiently through deep breaths. "I don't need… you telling me, I kinda know… I've been doing great…"

Derek chuckled and pulled the hair that plastered to her sweaty face.

"Okay," smiled Arizona. "On 3, you need to concentrate and do the last one push. Are you ready? Okay, 1… 2… 3!"

Meredith took the deepest breath she could and started to push, though every cell in her body screamed exhaustion. She closed her eyes and clenched her jaw. Her hand gripped tightly Derek's fingers. Derek, she was so grateful to him. His presence and soothing words made everything calmer and safer. She had been dead scared with Bessie. Ned was at her side at the time, but it was incomparable to Derek's loving eyes and caress. She wanted to be strong for him. She wanted him to be proud of her.

The room was filled with a loud wail and Meredith relaxed on the bed breathing hard, a soft smile tugging on her lips.

"Congratulations, it's a healthy…" trailed off Arizona. "Would you like to cut the cord, dad?"

"Go on," whispered Meredith.

"Okay," he quickly planted a kiss on her wet forehead and excitedly moved to the end of the bed.

"Mer, we have a boy! We have a son!"

Meredith's heart fluttered at his voice. He sounded like five-year-old in a candy store. Soon he came over to her holding the tiny bundle that was their Muffin currently emitting tiny whimpers..

"Thank you, love," he said with a cracking voice overcome with emotion. "He's perfect."

She propped herself tiredly, greedy to look at the child she carried under her heart for the past nine months.

She choked backed her own tears and giggled, "He… he looks like you… he's… beautiful."

"Michael?" Derek looked at her questioningly bringing up the name that recurred most often in their conversations, the name of his father.

"Michael Derek," she answered softly. Aka little McDreamy, she added with amusement in her thought. He was a spitting image of Derek.

"You… you want to name him after me?" he stared at her in wonder.

She caressed her son's black tufts of hair and giggled at the barely visible bump on her son's nose. "Mhm."

**********************************************************************************

Meredith took her eyes up from her son's face and watched the room fill with people. She glanced at Derek who was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding Bessie on his lap who was on her turn leaning over and studying the little curious creature that was her brother.

It was getting really crowded and Derek stood up entrusting Bessie into his mother's arms and said loudly over the heads of newcomers.

"Sorry, my wife went through a childbirth today. She's tired-"

"She looks better than you!" Mark shouted from the door.

"My point is that you'll all have time to see her tomorrow!" insisted Derek and looked back at his wife.. She and Mike were already cleaned up and she did look glowing

"Chill out, we're leaving," silenced him Miranda, "after we learn who won the bet."

"What bet?" frowned Derek.

"You see, dude, half the hospital bet on a girl, the other on a boy," explained Alex making others laugh.

"What did you bet on?" asked Derek stifling his grin.

"Pink dress," smirked Alex.

"Then you lost, dude," smiled Derek with satisfaction and gently extracted the newest addition to their family, carrying him over to show off to their friends. "It is my honor to introduce you to-"

The door to the room that barely closed seconds ago opened impetuously and Cristina rushed in followed by Owen who frowned at the traffic rate and mumbled that he'd come later.

"Don't be stupid," threw at him his girlfriend. "Sorry, we were pulled to an emergency. That's the midget?"

She walked up to Derek and reached for the bundle in his arms, raising protests from Derek, Mark and Izzie.

"Derek," Meredith berated him from her bed and he acquiesced reluctantly. He didn't feel like sharing his son with anyone yet.

"Hey! She's not the godmother!" huffed Izzie. "I am!"

"Damn right!" backed her Mark, her counterpart.

"I'm the mother's person," muttered Cristina carefully studying the baby's features.

"I'm the father's person," argued Mark.

"We'll talk again when the father manages to push a live human being from between his legs."

Every man in the room cringed and Mark put forward no more complaints.

Cristina cocked her head to a side to look at the baby from another angle and squinted her eyes.

"As I said" Derek cleared his throat. "I'd like you to meet Mich-"

"Wait a minute!" said Cristina suddenly carefully untangling the bundle. "Mer," she addressed her friend in alarm with her voice. "Your midget has a penis!"

"Congratulations, Yang!" snorted Alex. "Years of medical training and penis in a man still comes as a surprise!"

She ignored him and went on, "Seriously? The kid has McDreamy hair, McDreamy nose!" she said scandalized, "and a penis!"

"Is that a deal breaker?" smiled Meredith trying to get herself comfortable on the bed.

Cristina looked up at her and then back at the little boy she was holding just in the moment when he opened his eyes, brightly green eyes. She smiled gently and said, "No."

Derek half hoped for his son to start screaming at his wife's best friend but apparently he'd had to remain alone on that front. Michael seemed to like Cristina, he'd have to come to terms with that.

"Wait," said Izzie. "Did she say he has McDreamy nose?"

Everyone elbowed their way around Cristina pushing Derek away.

"She's right!"

"Poor kid!"

"I always thought he broke it!"

"Genes are ruthless!"

Derek turned to his mother for help in this obvious abuse of him but she just shrugged amusedly. "Your father had to go through the same the day you were born," she said making Meredith giggle.

Suddenly Mike started to cry loudly and Derek wrestled his way to him.

"Now we've all made sure he has everything he needs you can all go out. He had an exciting day, he was born. Mer needs to rest too."

"We'll come tomorrow, Shep," Mark patted him on the shoulder. "And congratulation on getting a boy! I've lost my money though."

"Me too," sighed Miranda.

"Don't even tell me about it," grumbled Ned.

Derek narrowed his eyes at them taking his son, "What, no one bet I could father a son? Where's that half of the hospital?"

They looked at each other innocently.

"I did," grinned Carolyn.

"Now don't I feel manly," he groaned as everyone started to clear off.

"Don't worry, your son's cute," assured Izzie from the door. "Even with the nose thing."

"You obviously need to rest," said Carolyn getting to her feet from the chair at Meredith's side. "I'll take Bessie home."

"No!" shouted Bessie, close to tears.

"Come to me, Cherry-pie," Meredith reached her hands towards her daughter and hugged her tightly while she pressed herself to her Mom unwilling to leave her. She really missed her little girl today and was worried about her. She wasn't used to that long periods of separation. They certainly had to learn to share time between their children. "Mommy is very proud of you know? Daddy too. You've been a very good girl to your Nanny."

"I missed you Mommy," Bessie snuggled into her even tighter.

"I missed you too Sweetie," Meredith caressed her locks and glanced at Derek who was trying to delicately rock Mike to calm. "Now, Nanny Carolyn will take you home again but tomorrow morning Daddy will take you to see me and Mikey, okay?"

Bessie scrunched her face but sighed a muffled okay. "Bye Mommy," she climbed to kiss her cheek.

"Bye Daddy, Bye Mikey!"

"He can't stop crying," said Derek worryingly placing Mike back in Meredith waiting arms.

"Get used to it," she chuckled at him and opened her hospital gown. "He's probably very hungry, aren't you, Muffin?"

She brought him closer to her nipple and he latched momentarily starting to drink, pressing his little fist to her breast.

"I love you," whispered Derek with admiration.

"Me or him?" Meredith crooked a smile at him.

"Both," he grinned, "but I was talking to you. I love you so much."

"I love you too," she replied and turned her attention to Mike.

Derek continued to gaze into her eyes. It was unbelievable that a little over a year ago he was an empty shell living on a memory of a spoiled chance for happiness. Then Meredith came back into his life like again with the force of a whirlwind and gave him everything he ever dreamed of.

**********************************************************************************

Meredith put the photos back to the ground when they heard a small noise coming from upstairs though the monitors were silent.

"Elizabeth Shepherd!" said Meredith loudly. "Are you trying to open the gate again?"

The clicking stopped and they heard their daughter's tiny innocent voice, "No, Mommy!"

Derek chuckled and got to his feet, "I'll take her downstairs. I guess it's the end of the naptime."

Just as he finished his sentence, Mike started to cry in his room. "And I'll take our Muffin too."

Meredith played with her bracelet as she got used to recently. The golden chain now bore two charms. She felt a bit silly but it always made her feel close to her husband and children. She smiled as Derek came back into the living room hugging Mike protectively to his chest with one arm while leading Bessie with the other hand. She was dark and twisty Meredith Grey-Shepherd, but she was whole and healthy and she had a family that was taking her breath away every day.

**********************************************************************************

A/N So that's it for this fic. I'd really love to hear from you after this last update!

About the sequel, I have the title, the plot line and I even started to write the first chapter. I'm really excited for it but I want to bank some updates first so as to be able to update regularly, sometime in September. The sequel will be set two years after the epilogue.

In the meantime, if you like my writing I have two ongoing MerDer fics – "A force to be reckoned with" and "Between black and white".

Hoping to see you back for the sequel,

Em :)


	45. Chapter 45: I Am The Ocean

Hey! No, it's not another chapter to this story; sorry if I misled you but… I promised to one of the readers to let her know about posting the sequel via this story. So, here it is.

If you're interested to read the next part to this, you can reach it through my profile page. It's called "I Am The Ocean", it's set two years after the epilogue of "AEO" and it's just been posted.

I'd like to thank you all once more for reading and reviewing "At The Edge Of The Ocean". It's my first baby fic and holds a special place to me.

I hope you'll enjoy the sequel.

Yours,

Em :)


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